10 Ways to Get Out of the Friend-Zone!

[SonicWaffle]

Don't just listen to Taco, take it from me. These totally work!

Just a few months ago I was friendzoning men left, right and centre but they took these tips on-board and now I turned my feelings for them on like a tap!

Thank God they pointed out how much of a douche my old boyfriend was after speaking to him for four seconds. I wouldn't have realised otherwise, being a stupid woman and all.

Now it's out with the old treating me wonderfully with candle-lit meals and back-rubs and in with the new lack of affection and watching them play games all day.

Life is really great!

This is why you listen to the almighty penis people. EeveeElectro knows what's up! If you catch my dri- sweet, bungee jumping Erebus... The friendzone thing still going on huh? Thanks for the info. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going back to my bunker. Non assholes feel free to join, drinks, popcorn and cheesy movies will be available. Please leave all memes at the door, Thank you.

By the way, What in the name of Nyx's taint hairs is Euphoria?

OK, I am going to Nerd The Fuck Up right now. Be warned.

I'm guessing that since you referred to Erebos up there, all-powerful god of the mono-black devotion deck who is second only to Nylea in being wickedcool, the Nyx you're referring to is that of MtG. As in the awesome Nykthos, shrine to Nyx, which rocks out with its cock out in my green devotion deck.

AFAIK, within the lore, Nyx is actually the place where the gods live, a la Olympus. Hence the next set being "Journey into Nyx". As such, it doesn't really have a taint, and thus no taint hairs. HTH, HAND.

OT: I don't really have anything on-topic to say. I'm just a Magic geek and a pedant

I don't actually know anything about Magic the Gathering. I was talking about Erebus and Nyx two of the original four or five gods who were birthed from Chaos (the great void which preceded the universe) in ancient Greek mythology. They're basically the grand parents/uncle/aunt to Zeus and all of them in Olympus. Originally I was originally going to use Jeebus, but I thought Erebus sounded better.

Way to take all of the nerd-winds out of the sails on my ship of geekery :-(

 

[Muspelheim]

Oh, dear. All the fedoras seems to have caused several blood vessels in my brain to suddenly rupture.

I was never very euphoric, really. It seems I'm paying the price for it n

 

[Trillovinum]

I did all these but I somehow ended up with my dick inside a salmon. Can you tell me where I went wrong?

You didn't do anything wrong.

You have done a greater task than any of us. Gods-speed, noble euphoric warrior

The correct answer to that is obviously "A". You get the woman top half and....well....there's gotta be a hole somewhere for the eggs to come out right?

Good thinking sir, very good thinking! Thou art a genius!

Also, when i'm alone on an uninhabited island I'd like somebody to talk to... gets pretty damn lonely and I don't want to end up befriending a volleyball...

 

[Robert Marrs]

Resentment, shaming people for their weight, and critical levels of smugness?

Before someone tries to turn this thread serious:

1. This thread is for fun. Smile and joke, if someone turns this into a real thread I'm going to have to bomb Canada. You don't want me to kill the mooses, do you?

2. This thread is literal smugness that overloads and is reaching supernova. Bask in it's euphoria.

3. Shaming people for their weight? If someone ate their way to that weight, then I could care less. If someone shames someone for being overweight and they have a genuine disability/sickness that makes them literally incapable of becoming fit, then that person is a dick. If you complain about shame from eating your way into unhealthiness and sickness - No. Hush Puppy, you ate this upon yourself.

4. Wear this fedora. And tip dat sheit.

5. Don't Worry, It's A Silly Thread!

Yes but most people here only feel that way because its not offensive to them. It would not be a joke if it was directed at a group you were sympathetic towards or had some sort of personal stake in. Nobody would be laughing if it was making fun of homosexuals or feminists.

I personally think this thread is kind of ignorant and demeaning but at the same time I don't care because its just a thread and some of it is pretty damn funny. I just get the feeling there are a lot of hypocrites in here having a good old time at somebody else's expense when they would be crying a river if it was directed at them or something they care about. Just before you dismiss someone else's grievances maybe think about how you would react if the tables were turned.

 

[Vegosiux]

I'M SO EUPHORIC RIGHT NOW!

But where is your hat? The hat is all there is to the act! Neckbeard optional.

Yes but most people here only feel that way because its not offensive to them. It would not be a joke if it was directed at a group you were sympathetic towards or had some sort of personal stake in. Nobody would be laughing if it was making fun of homosexuals or feminist.

Valid point here, however.

But I still like the lightheartedness of the thread.

 

[lacktheknack]

Yes but most people here only feel that way because its not offensive to them. It would not be a joke if it was directed at a group you were sympathetic towards or had some sort of personal stake in. Nobody would be laughing if it was making fun of homosexuals or feminists.

I would be.

Obvious jokes are obvious jokes.

 

[JaceArveduin]

Holy shit this list by itself made me wet

Guys. This guide will turn the gay girls straight...

Captcha: Your refund is on the way

That's right, captcha knows what's up.

Instructions unclear. Married an eggplant.

i'm sitting in class with a serious film about the sixth amendment and I couldn't stop from choking on my laughter...

Spoiler

Now, where did I put that fedora and Sonic shirt...

Spoiler

Next time, please educate us on how to stop being a beta, as well as how to manipulate tiny female brains (with techniques such as negging and feigning disinterest) in such a way that they cannot resist our overwhelming masculinity and end up clinging to the end of our penises like horny barnacles.

Euphoria is the only way out of the freind zone. Just keep insulting women until they like you. And remember, you're better than them anyway. I deserve your vagina, after all I'm such a nice guy. I might not be very nice, be very attractive, smell very good, have any personal hygiene, always wear the same trench coat and i might regard women as a series of trophies and orifices but I'm really just so much nicer than all those horrible people you date.

Spoiler: It's all in Euphoria Monthly

I've read that over and over again but it just doesn't seem to help me! I even took the advice printed inside and started wearing a hat all the time in order to look euphoric but I think I may have hatted wrong.

Spoiler

I'm so bad at this....

*Starts building house in the friend zone*

Oh, hey, I think I know that guy! Wait, wait, no, that's just half the guys in my college. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[A Weakgeek]

I knew exactly well what to expect when clicking the link, but I was expecting a bit more effort in regards to the humor. This is literally 4chan cringe thread level of satire. Usually you don't see this level of stuff on the escapist, but I'm going to assume the whole euphoric joke landed here just recently.

 

[Vegosiux]

Spoiler: Of course the White guy defense force wouldn't see it that way

It's a sham! A sham, I say! I don't see any evidence those guys are white at all! Hell, there's no evidence they're even human! It's a false flag, that's what it is, I tell you!

 

[Tsukuyomi]

so as I look at the coat-rack on my wall, I have an old fedora that I never wear anymore.

I am not particularly religious, but I don't begrudge people who have one.

As I had some credits free this semester of college I'm currently enrolled in French 1.

should I be killing myself now or something? I mean...I really don't wanna be a jerk. I actually like having female friends compared to the male ones I have.

...yeah, kinda feel like I shouldn't exist right now.

 

[Vegosiux]

I went into the card shop the other day and almost everyone in there was literally that guy, apart from the person who thought he was the world's most sweaty David Tennant era Dr.Who. That's the same look BTW, still in a sex offender trench coat but without the fedora and with 20% more self delusion.

Did he at least wear the "most sweaty" tag as a badge of honor? Because just acting like he's proud of it is just so pretentious.

 

[Muspelheim]

so as I look at the coat-rack on my wall, I have an old fedora that I never wear anymore.

I am not particularly religious, but I don't begrudge people who have one.

As I had some credits free this semester of college I'm currently enrolled in French 1.

should I be killing myself now or something? I mean...I really don't wanna be a jerk. I actually like having female friends compared to the male ones I have.

...yeah, kinda feel like I shouldn't exist right now.

All rubbish jokes aside, don't worry.

It's not really about the atheism, or the fedoras. It's about taking the piss out of people acting aloof and condescending, albeit rather petty in itself.
The reason fedora wearers are being made fun of is that it's part of the stereotype; unlikable sod wearing a fedora with nothing else matching it up but jeans and sonic T-shirt. Atheism is part of the mocking jamboree because it's the philosophy of choice in the euphoric crowd. That is, the rude and stupid kind of atheism.

I rather doubt you act like a wanker or wear stupid, styleless clothes while hoping the hat alone will make you look classy nonetheless. I'm quite sure you don't, and I'd say you can relax. You're not at all the intended target.

Just keep being and keep avoiding being a jerk, I say. No need to feel particularly targeted by these little flashes of Euphoria-mocking.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

euphoric massage

I like you.

This made my neckbeard tingle with euphoria, I'm going to tip the shit out of some titties tonight with my fedora.

OT: gawd this thread is hilarious, I'm so glad I opened it, it's recharging my euphoric powers.

 

[axlryder]

Incredibly juvenile post. It's not the objects of ridicule I have a problem with (though it is getting kind of old at this point), it's the recycled jokes and ham-fisted delivery. I hope the rest of the community doesn't stoop so low as to engage with this kind of humor.

You seem to be laboring under the impression that people are "above" a certain kind of humor. Which, in itself, is quite humorous actually.

Besides, what's wrong with sarcasm and satire? It's generally considered to be a much more "intellectual" form of "humor" than puns or jokes, and most anecdotes struggle to be relayed properly across the form of text. Not that sarcasm doesn't suffer the same, but when it's this subtle it's not hard to pick up on.

If you don't like this form of humor, all right. But it's no more "juvenile" than making puns out of something and there's no arbitrary "[Thing] has to be this sophisticated for me to find it amusing" measurement behind silliness. People are going to find humor in things you don't like, every day of every week.

Let me clear up your misunderstanding: People as a whole are not above anything. I'd just hoped that most members of this community would, in general, strive for greater things. Also, you act like there exists a single tier of humor within each category.

"You look nice today...NOT!" <--sarcasm
"I didn't evolve from no monkey!!" <---satire

I think you get my meaning there. This is a silly thread, yes. It's also kind of equivocal to kids in a school yard walking around and making fun of the weird kid in class by wearing his clothes and pretending to talk like him. I'm not trying to admonish people here for being mean, btw. I'm sure someone has already kicked that particular hornets nest by now. Anyway, I've said my bit.

 

[Vegosiux]

I think you get my meaning there. This is a silly thread, yes. It's also kind of equivocal to kids in a school yard walking around and making fun of the weird kid in class by wearing his clothes and pretending to talk like him. I'm not trying to admonish people, mind. Anyway, I've already said my bit.

Yesterday at work, it was a long, intense day with a lot of stuff happening. Then we had a lunch break, and after that, we ended up in a snowball fight outside for 20 minutes. Like kids on the schoolyard. And we're all adult guys and gals, 25 and up.

And you know what? It lifted the spirits, it made the workday less stressful, it was a good thing. Everyone agreed on it. Sometimes some carefree, light-hearted silliness that's all it takes.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I think you get my meaning there. This is a silly thread, yes. It's also kind of equivocal to kids in a school yard walking around and making fun of the weird kid in class by wearing his clothes and pretending to talk like him. I'm not trying to admonish people, mind. Anyway, I've already said my bit.

Yesterday at work, it was a long, intense day with a lot of stuff happening. Then we had a lunch break, and after that, we ended up in a snowball fight outside for 20 minutes. Like kids on the schoolyard. And we're all adult guys and gals, 25 and up.

And you know what? It lifted the spirits, it made the workday less stressful, it was a good thing. Everyone agreed on it. Sometimes some carefree, light-hearted silliness that's all it takes.

I'm coming to work with you guys! My work won't even let me outside with my clothes on D:

Also, relevant to the thread:

Spoiler

 

[shrekfan246]

Let me clear up your misunderstanding: People as a whole are not above anything. I'd just hoped that most members of this community would, in general, strive for greater things.

You mean like endless threads about feminism, sexism, and how the ending to [Game] was the worst thing to ever happen in the history of ever? Or more cynical whinging about how [Game we know nothing about] is obviously going to be terrible because of three screenshots? Or even more cynical whinging about how the next generation of consoles is going to be the worst one yet?

Also, you act like there exists a single tier of humor within each category.

"You look nice today...NOT!" <--sarcasm
"I didn't evolve from no monkey!!" <---satire

Your simplification of humor is even more amusing than the attempt to prove I was trying to simplify it. While your example of sarcasm surely passes for it, there are many more complex and subtle ways to actually use sarcasm, quite a few of which intersect directly with satire as the two often enjoy being bedmates.

I think you get my meaning there. This is a silly thread, yes. It's also kind of equivocal to kids in a school yard walking around and making fun of the weird kid in class by wearing his clothes and pretending to talk like him. I'm not trying to admonish people here for being mean, btw. I'm sure someone has already kicked that particular hornets nest by now. Anyway, I've said my bit.

I'm just going to quote Vegosiux here:

Yesterday at work, it was a long, intense day with a lot of stuff happening. Then we had a lunch break, and after that, we ended up in a snowball fight outside for 20 minutes. Like kids on the schoolyard. And we're all adult guys and gals, 25 and up.

And you know what? It lifted the spirits, it made the workday less stressful, it was a good thing. Everyone agreed on it. Sometimes some carefree, light-hearted silliness that's all it takes.

I never find myself in a middle ground between agreeing or disagreeing with his posts, and on this I agree with him completely.

I can understand balking at the subtext of mockery present within this thread, especially since it's such an easy target. But if you've seen the forums in the two-and-a-half years you've been here, you shouldn't be kidding yourself by thinking that The Escapist forums are above anything when it comes down to it, and every now and then people just need an outlet to vent steam. While certainly still being potentially insulting, a thread like this is far better to my mind than another thread ceaselessly bitching about this-or-that-objectively-terrible-thing-which-is-actually-subjective-but-logic-can-go-to-hell.