The Non-Gamers' Guide To Buying Games For Kids

[Andy Chalk]

The Non-Gamers' Guide To Buying Games For Kids

Buying a game for your kids this Christmas? Crispy Gamer [http://www.crispygamer.com/features/2008-12-03/10-nobullshit-rules-nongaming-parents-should-follow-when-buying-videogames-for-their-kids.aspx] has come up with Ten Rules Non-Gaming Parents Should Follow When Buying Games For Their Kids, a simple guide that will help you avoid crushing letdowns on the big day.

The guidelines may seem like common sense to those of us familiar with the workings of the game industry, but we have to bear in mind that many folks don't have the benefit of our experience. Kids are generally too young to know better, and parents are all-too-often entirely indifferent to the matter until they're standing in the local GameStop [http://www.gamestop.com], staring blankly at the walls. The inevitable result: Crappy games are purchased, hopes and dreams are shattered and nobody gets away unscarred.

Fortunately, the Ten Rules Non-Gaming Parents Should Follow When Buying Games For Their Kids is designed to make things easier. First entry on the list? "Little Johnny can't distinguish between the crap and the cream when it comes to videogames." A lot of parents rely on their children's judgment when it comes to buying games, assuming that kids these days know all about that computer game stuff. But, the guide says, "The truth is, kids want the games that they've seen advertised on TV or in magazines. So they'll give you misinformation and bad advice, and fill their wish-lists up with total tripe, because they just don't know any better. They'll tell you that they want Hannah Montana: Music Jam (Disney) or Dora the Explorer: Dora Saves the Mermaids (2K), or Crash Bandicoot Xtreme. You have to be smarter than they are."

Other rules for buying games for your kids include avoiding games with the word "family" printed on the box ("The general rule is this: The more prominent the word "family" is on the box, the more terrible the game is."), staying away from games that pluralize their titles with a "z" instead of an "s" ("There seems to be a direct correlation between this spelling tic and poor quality. Avoid at all costs.") and the Fine-Print Rule ("Should you see the following four words anywhere in the fine print section -- Atari, Majesco, Midway or Gamecock -- you do not want whatever is inside the box in your home and/or near your family.")

The Ten Rules Non-Gaming Parents Should Follow When Buying Games For Their Kids is available in full here [http://www.crispygamer.com/features/2008-12-03/10-nobullshit-rules-nongaming-parents-should-follow-when-buying-videogames-for-their-kids.aspx]. It's a fun read, and actually a little bit helpful too. The only problem: How many non-gaming parents are actually going to read it? Do your civic duty and pass it on to any non-savvy parents you know. You may just save someone's Christmas.


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[PedroSteckecilo]

Amusing...

Personally I've found that "What They Play" is a pretty good site for parents trying to understand videogames, it gives good, quick breakdowns of games and discusses everything from the context in which violence occurs (COD:WAW is Historical, War Violence, not meaningless violence, Halo is basically harmless greenblood alien killing etc.) to general public perceptions of the game.

 

[ThaBenMan]

I think an important distinction that needs to be made is platform. You need to make it clear what platform you want the game for, and explain that
Green case = Xbox
Clear case = PS3
White case = Wii

I work as a cashier at a big warehouse store that sells some games. When I see parents coming through with games I like to talk to them a bit about it (assuming I know about the particular game). Awhile ago some parents bought the Collector's Edition of Fallout 3, and I praised them for getting such an awesome game. Another guy bought the Force Unleashed, and I told him it was pretty fun and whoever was getting it would probably like it (especially since it was a gift). And then a lady wanted to buy Jericho, and I wanted to scream out "NOOO, IT'S TERRIBLE, YOU'LL RUIN CHRISTMAS!" But luckily, it was a lock-up game - all she had was a little thin plastic facsimile, and when my supervisor went to get it, she couldn't find it. Crisis averted

 

[Rezfon]

ah too true, these rules should be printed on the front of every store that sells games

they should also have this rule:

When shopping for games, make it look like you know all about games. Mention such words as R.P.G. when asked what sort of games the recipient likes. If you act like you know what you're doing then employees are less likely to talk crap.

 

[nimrandir]

Er, did Majesco not publish Psychonauts? While I in no way condone anything else they have published (to be honest, I cannot name another one), I fail to see why that game needs to be kept away from my house and/or family.

 

[rougeknife]

Er, did Majesco not publish Psychonauts? While I in no way condone anything else they have published (to be honest, I cannot name another one), I fail to see why that game needs to be kept away from my house and/or family.

Its the only exception to the rule.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION.

 

[Terazeal]

Rule #1 is extremely ageist. I mean, why would this author assume kids don't know about video games? Also, I take exception to rule #7; from what I can understand, the people who whine about Sonic the Hedgehog games want the series to stay the same forever. I personally liked the recent sonic games (except for the RPG, Bioware seriously screwed up that one). And why doesn't this take into account personal opinion? I know that my family all want Wii Fit, and some people I know like mini-game collections.

 

[SilentHunter7]

Er, did Majesco not publish Psychonauts? While I in no way condone anything else they have published (to be honest, I cannot name another one), I fail to see why that game needs to be kept away from my house and/or family.

There's a reason you can't name another Majesco title. They just got lucky with Double Fine. For every other instance, they ruin anything they touch [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/issues/issue_150/4921-Cyberpunked-the-Fall-of-Black9].

*remembers Advent Rising, and sheds a tear for the lost potential*

 

[Syndef]

Hmm. That's strange. I always thought kids wanted their parents to buy games they had already tried out at a friend's house and really wanted. At least that's what I did.

 

[Woe Is You]

About time. Now, can they start producing some more good games for the younger generation, things like Super Mario Galaxy, that I can enjoy too?

Wario: Shake It? De Blob? Boom Blox?

Klonoa, Line Attacker, Another Code Wii and Taiko no Tatsujin sound like pretty solid titles for next year. We'll probably be seeing a lot more games like that in the future now that the companies have noticed how good Wii games == money.

 

[Dramus]

This list is a little amusing for gamers, but it's full of poor advice for the audience it claims to target.

Rule 1: No, Little Johny often doesn't pick games that adults would like, but that doesn't matter so long as he likes it. As a kid I was a huge fan of the Crash Bandicoot games. If I asked for one and my mom got me a Mario game instead, I'd be a bit disappointed. Kids can't tell good games from bad (which is the very point this rule is making) and so they won't really care if it's a worse game from a technical standpoint.

Rule 2: I don't think some guy you've never met would have the best idea of whether or not your kid would like a certain game, and I would personally take offense at his comments implying that I did such a poor job of raising my child that they'd flip out over something as trivial as a Christmas gift.

Rule 3: As has already been established, games that review poorly are not necessarily going to be reviewed poorly by kids. This rule holds up even less when you consider games like Mario Party (wildly popular with kids) and Wario Ware (reviewed well by critics).

Rule 4: Actually a pretty decent rule of thumb, though again keep in mind that kids might have lower standards, and if they specifically ask for it than it's probably best to get it.

Rule 5: Again, a good rule of thumb, but if we're assuming the reader knows nothing about the current industry, they might include games like Lego Batman under this heading, which review well with critics and especially young kids.

Rule 6: Again, this is a rule that can only be properly used by a gamer. As has already been brought up, Majesco published Psychonauts. Atari has also had recent hits (the Dragon Ball games come to mind, which have been reviewing respectably, and again would have higher appeal with kids), and Gamecock's Mushroom Men has received at least one good review. I was unable to find a recent Midway game that was any good, but we must again take into account the lower standards of kids (from now on, if I need to bring that up I'll simply say 'KLS')

Rule 7: This is not even a rule that I would follow. Sonic Chronicles has received very good reviews and is one of my favorites of the year. Unleashed has been doing respectably, and with the KLS factor could be a fine game. And depending on how closely you follow this rule, you might even have to avoid games like Super Smash Bros. Brawl, a game that everyone who's not Yahtzee loved.

Rule 8: This is a rule that just boggles me. I guess it's point is that the Nintendo Seal does not necessarily mean that a game will be good, but the way it says it makes it seem like it's saying that all Nintendo games that aren't first party are guaranteed to be crap, which is not true. It also minces gaming history. The seal of quality was not intended to denote quality even in the NES era. It rather showed that a game had been officially licensed by Nintendo. It was introduced to stop the market from being flooded, and more importantly to give Nintendo a way to profit off of third party games. The games were checked for content until the establishment of the ESRB, but never for quality.

Rule 9: Okay, this one stands, so long as the game in question was not specifically asked for. Though I'm only giving it a pass since I can't think up of any games that were good with z's instead of s's. Left 4 Dead comes closest, with a similar pretentious spelling, which is in essence the same. So on second thought, put this in the same category as the 'family' rule.

Rule 10: Probably the most solid on this list, although given the quality of rules 1-9, I would not trust you either.

Sorry for the wall of text but I had a lot to say.

 

[GammaChris]

This is why I don't like being the only 'gamer' in the family, and showing my parents a list like this just seems really rude and out of place when all they want to do is buy a good game. I usually just sneak a recent Nintendo Power (or something like that) with a bookmark at the game reviews section. That usually gets the hint across.

 

[Vivaldi]

I am pretty confident when I say I am the only gamer in my family and when my dad decided to go buy a new game for the 360, I thought he would go get Fallout 3 or maybe Farcry 2, you know, good games.

But no, he returned with this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conan_(2007_video_game)

Dear god.

Never again am I trusting my parents, or anyone I am not 100% confident in to buy games ever again.

I am asking for money this year.

This article is pretty clear and I do agree that Sonic has been getting worse, but saying that kids dont know what good games are is a little insulting. I think I know a terrible game when I see it. I mean Conan? Really?

 

[cainx10a]

I am pretty confident when I say I am the only gamer in my family and when my dad decided to go buy a new game for the 360, I thought he would go get Fallout 3 or maybe Farcry 2, you know, good games.

But no, he returned with this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conan_(2007_video_game)

Dear god.

Never again am I trusting my parents, or anyone I am not 100% confident in to buy games ever again.

I am asking for money this year.

This article is pretty clear and I do agree that Sonic has been getting worse, but saying that kids dont know what good games are is a little insulting. I think I know a terrible game when I see it. I mean Conan? Really?

The game may have been sub par. But Conan is awesome as a character anyway

 

[Vivaldi]

I am pretty confident when I say I am the only gamer in my family and when my dad decided to go buy a new game for the 360, I thought he would go get Fallout 3 or maybe Farcry 2, you know, good games.

But no, he returned with this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conan_(2007_video_game)

Dear god.

Never again am I trusting my parents, or anyone I am not 100% confident in to buy games ever again.

I am asking for money this year.

This article is pretty clear and I do agree that Sonic has been getting worse, but saying that kids dont know what good games are is a little insulting. I think I know a terrible game when I see it. I mean Conan? Really?

The game may have been sub par. But Conan is awesome as a character anyway

They did reflect the goryness of the character and his sheer stupidity and might. Also, the copious amounts of nude women were on the insulting side of things.

Other than that, I truly felt that the game deserved its punishment for having the worst gameplay ever.

 

[Xanadu84]

I would like to point out that Sonic Rush for the DS was Genius. Classic 2D Sonic action made prettier, faster, more streamlined, amazing soundtrack, and boss battles that were quasi-3D, but actually benefited from not being strictly 2D. The Sonic franchise is starting to turn itself around.

Its depressing how the pretentious spelling rule works so often. Left 4 Dead gets a break though, because Valve actually thought it out, and made the name fit several play on words at the same time. Most other situations though it works. Pretentious naming conventions can favor gamers though, in certain situations. In Guild Wars, I learned that my groups would have a massively better success rate if I refused to party with anyone with an X at the beginning and end of there name, or anyone playing an assassin whose name is a misspelled Naruto character.

 

[LewsTherin]

The list didn't actually help anything. All it did was say what to avoid without going into great detail.
Also, I can't see non-gamer parents really going out of their way to actually find this list of advice.
Also: Many of the games listed to stay away from my sister and her friends loved to death. It doesn't seem to take into account that some casual gamers and children actually like some of these. Like my sisters, they hate long winded games that you have to "beat". They love mini game collections because guess what, they are games. The term "mini game game" is a little, subjective. Sometimes people just want to play a game without caring about graphics, story, or quality. You know, for entertainment value. You know what I'm talking about, that little thing that makes us have fun.

Piff....didn't you get the memo? Fun is waaaay last year. We play for phat lewt and achievements now.

This was LewsTherin, letting you all know Blizzard is now accepting resumes. Why make it a second job?