The Assassins and Templars are Idiots

[Yahtzee Croshaw]

The Assassins and Templars are Idiots

Yahtzee doesn't think that the two warring factions of the Assassin's Creed series have really thought out their master plans all that well.

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[AmrasCalmacil]

Good column, it's a sentiment I've had for a while, especially the one about American History being boring.

The US Civil War could have been a decent setting, thinking about it, isn't slaving a good way for the Templars to get their whole domination over man thing going? If you ignore the history of a lot of religious southern Americans thinking that slavery is cruel, but not bothering to do anything about it because God would sort it all out eventually.

Mind you, if anyone ever wants a good laugh, read the Assassin's Creed background on World War 2. Ubisoft could really do with making the whole story of the franchise a little less ridiculous.

 

[Redem]

Heh while I agree the "secret war" in assassin creed is really poorly written especially when it tries to tell us stuff off screen(for exemple how they pretty much have templar motivation change in every game) this article seem to boil down to trying to tell us "The american revolutionnary war sucks as a setting" .

 

[Eternal_Lament]

Although it would probably seem weird to introduce another secret society into the mix at this point, I don't see any reason why these societies wouldn't exist. They sort of had something going on with the Sons of Romulus, until it turned out the Templars controlled them. It would be interesting to if, at some point, the society died out completely and now there isn't anything to set a balance should things tip in a group's favor.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

I like this idea. Focussing on a possible third ancient order who's job it is to keep the scales balanced between the two extremes of the Assassins and The Templars. They'd be be a lot better than the convoluted (and ultimately pointless) 'Ones Who Came Before'.

Also, now the series is done with Desmond's arc, there's nothing to stop them going backward in History again, so we may still see the French Revolution yet. Personally, I hope they go all the way back to a pre-AC1 date. Ancient Egypt perhaps?

 

[Char-Nobyl]

I remember really feeling this vibe during AC: Brotherhood when Desmond was describing his upbringing. It's like his family/the Assassins were making absolutely no effort at all not to look like some sort of mad cult. It was always 'Live in the woods, learn weapons, constant exercise,' and with a healthy dose of 'Don't tell Desmond why we do this.'

It sort of cast a nasty light on everything else, too. The Assassin's basically gallivant around decapitating governments and organizations and fully expecting it to accomplish their goals. I mean, Ezio concludes AC2 by beating the shit out of the Pope. I don't care if he was evil or not: the predominantly-Catholic Europe isn't going to be pleased that you swooped down during a public mass and beat the daylights out of God's representative on Earth.

It certainly doesn't help how many guards Ezio/Altair/Connor murder along the way. It doesn't help your image as bomb-throwing anarchists when you're lobbing nail bombs and poison gas grenades at the honest, hardworking sentries of oppressive authority figures. And I'm sure it won't endear yourself to their friends and family when they die writhing on the ground as their lungs melt.

 

[KDR_11k]

Would that third group be the A.·.A.·.?

The Illuminatus!, the big tome of conspiracy nonsense, pegs the Assassins as the predecessors of the Illuminati and they're obsessed with Order even where it's destructive, prompting the counterreaction of the Discordians who try to add the Chaos that's missing from the balance because in addition to Chaos and Order there's Creation and Destruction and the overarching goal is to reject Destruction and accept Creation, whether by Chaos or Order. And that was a lie.

The historical assassins were suicide attackers, they acted as plants and spies in all kinds of power structures and, when contacted, performed the one attack their life was aimed at. They'd kill their target and then allow themselves to be caught and executed so they could go to heaven where their 72 virgins await. Yep, they're the ancestors of modern suicide bombers and terrorists of the kind we are actually fighting against.

 

[Sheo_Dagana]

Ya know, I'm glad that Yahtzee mentions the French Revolution. I really think THAT would have been a far more appropriate setting for AC3. Colonial America is piss-boring to look at and the American Revolution is as boring as this article says. Maybe it's because I'm American and this is all stuff I know. I get the appeal of learning what 'really happened' and not seeing things through rose-colored glasses, but it's still boring.

The appeal for Assassin's Creed, to me anyway, has always been exploring new civilizations, learning about their history, and taking a virtual guided tour of a country I'm not likely to ever see. Sure, there are tons of inaccuracies in the AssCreed series, but that's part of what makes it fun. The Animus Database does a good job of restoring said accuracy, and I always open the file as soon as I find a new landmark or person of interest.

I suppose the 'Magic School Bus' comparison is fair, but it interests me at the same time.

 

[CaspianRoach]

So the Assassins are Democrats and Templars are Republicans? Gotcha.

 

[Redem]

I remember really feeling this vibe during AC: Brotherhood when Desmond was describing his upbringing. It's like his family/the Assassins were making absolutely no effort at all not to look like some sort of mad cult. It was always 'Live in the woods, learn weapons, constant exercise,' and with a healthy dose of 'Don't tell Desmond why we do this.'

It sort of cast a nasty light on everything else, too. The Assassin's basically gallivant around decapitating governments and organizations and fully expecting it to accomplish their goals. I mean, Ezio concludes AC2 by beating the shit out of the Pope. I don't care if he was evil or not: the predominantly-Catholic Europe isn't going to be pleased that you swooped down during a public mass and beat the daylights out of God's representative on Earth.

It certainly doesn't help how many guards Ezio/Altair/Connor murder along the way. It doesn't help your image as bomb-throwing anarchists when you're lobbing nail bombs and poison gas grenades at the honest, hardworking sentries of oppressive authority figures. And I'm sure it won't endear yourself to their friends and family when they die writhing on the ground as their lungs melt.

Well in the renaissance era, the papacy was a rather different thing than now, it was closer to being the ruler of rome and put you around the same rank as most other crowned head and they would of course compete for influence.

The fact Ezio couldn't go all the way with killing Rodrigo Borgia (and the little justification given to it) kinda pissed me off, because Ezio been killing load of peoples who probably did less horrible than him and keeping him alive probably help the templar a whole lot even if he goes into hiding.

 

[JEBWrench]

I think Yahtzee neglected to mention the obvious plot twist that he was barreling towards at the start of his article to go off on the secret war tangent.

The next of future Desmond's descendants will be Forrest Gump.

 

[Callate]

I feel as an international company, Ubisoft should have realized that no-one besides Americans cares about American history (pre-WW1, maybe), because it's boring. Alright, perhaps that's unfair. People were killed and I'm sure it was all jolly exciting for the people directly involved in it, but was it really the most interesting thing going on at this point in time?

Dammit, Yahtzee, we've had this quasi-mythologized national history drilled into our heads throughout twelve years of public schooling, and by God, you will feel our pain!

So the Assassins are Democrats and Templars are Republicans? Gotcha.

...Not saying I disagree, but, you do recognize the Republicans are going to feel exactly the opposite is true, right?

Pardon me while I step aside; flames approacheth.

 

[Baldr]

Ya know, I'm glad that Yahtzee mentions the French Revolution. I really think THAT would have been a far more appropriate setting for AC3. Colonial America is piss-boring to look at and the American Revolution is as boring as this article says. Maybe it's because I'm American and this is all stuff I know. I get the appeal of learning what 'really happened' and not seeing things through rose-colored glasses, but it's still boring.

The appeal for Assassin's Creed, to me anyway, has always been exploring new civilizations, learning about their history, and taking a virtual guided tour of a country I'm not likely to ever see. Sure, there are tons of inaccuracies in the AssCreed series, but that's part of what makes it fun. The Animus Database does a good job of restoring said accuracy, and I always open the file as soon as I find a new landmark or person of interest.

I suppose the 'Magic School Bus' comparison is fair, but it interests me at the same time.

Same, as an American, I know American History almost like the back of my hand, and AC2, Brotherhood, and Revelations were cool to learn somethings about history I didn't know, but I still thing the American revolution is the better choice.

The conflict was diverse, people representing many nationalities and backgrounds, and was the direct catalyst for the French Revolution. Which you all may get your wish and play in future AC3 titles.

It also explains why Desmond is an American and how his lineage got there.

 

[Kopikatsu]

I'm wondering why we don't get a game with a Templar protagonist. There are any number of ways to explain it away, and it would give perspective to the whole conflict. Personally, I'd rather have the Templars be in power than the Assassins. At least in AC1, the Templars were shown to be trying to work towards the good of everyone, but the Assassin's felt they were misguided so obviously the thing to do was stab them in the throat.

Then in AC2 and beyond, the Templars are cartoonishly evil, sitting atop their castles while twirling their mustaches as they exploit the unwashed masses for power and profit, which is...boring.

 

[Oirish_Martin]

US history is boring pre-WW1? MADNESS, I tell you. Seeing how the US came to be in the form it is today - very interesting indeed.

 

[Kargathia]

So the Assassins are Democrats and Templars are Republicans? Gotcha.

Just saying, but Democrats would be considered a right wing fringe group by pretty much anyone but Americans. Assassins are a few miles to the left and bottom on the spectrum.

OT: I couldn't agree more on the French Revolution being much more suitable for an AC game - if only because politically it was a clusterfuck, ideologically it was musical chairs, and its historical relevance decidedly outstrips a colony declaring independence - regardless of whether said colony gets more important later on.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Yatzee, I swear to mod, if I ever end up running a game studio while also being the main writer, I am hiring you as a freaking consultant.

You always have the simplest, and yet most witty ideas. *thumbs up*

 

[hpriamson]

A third, even more secret faction that keeps balance between the others? I swear I've seen that before - are you a thief, yahtzee?

 

[Steve the Pocket]

The aforementioned third group could easily be the Freemasons. Everyone seems to think they're this powerful entity that secretly controls things, but no one actually has a clue what, specifically, they do. Having them be the one behind the scenes working very hard to prevent interesting things from happening seems like a perfect fit. As an added bonus, a lot of historical figures from the American Revolution either were or are suspected to have been associated with them, so this game would have been a perfect opportunity to introduce them ... and introducing them would have been a decent excuse to set the game during the American Revolution.

I mean, really, National Treasure was a cheap attempt to cash in on The Da Vinci Code's popularity, and even it had a better excuse to be about the Founding Fathers because of the connection to a real secret society that was around back then. (Hell, there was probably more historical fact in that movie than The Da Vinci Code itself, not that that's saying much.) The Knights Templar got a mention in the movie, but unless I'm mistaken, they were assumed to have been long gone by that point.