131: A Day in the Life of the Social Loner
- Thread starter Tomohiko Endo
- Start date
God this is all so damn familiar, it's not funny. I'm 20, almost 21 now. I've got a job, I've switched my studies twice so I've been in college for some time now. Although I've always felt old for some reason, games have always sparkled my interest. But slowly I feel I'm to old now to admit I like to play games. They're a waste of time, I should be out studying and working. But every winter in the middle of my yearly winterdepression I'd rather spend my day playing battlefield or civilisation then go out to socialise. There is one person in my life that is still even remotely interested in gaming and I play alot of civ4 with him lately. But my former gaming buddies have all grown up and aren't interested anymore.
It sucks to feel ashamed sometimes to actually still play games and like it. They are accepted more these days, but most people still see it as a mediocre hobby. Thanks for writing the article, I'm glad I'm not the only social loner out there
It sucks to feel ashamed sometimes to actually still play games and like it. They are accepted more these days, but most people still see it as a mediocre hobby. Thanks for writing the article, I'm glad I'm not the only social loner out there
You and Mark Patience should go out drinking sometime, Endo. I think you would have a lot to talk about. Your articles are almost identical at points.
No offense meant (really), but I'm guessing you're (a) well under 30 and (b) have probably never tried this argument on adult peers. This may be the approach you'd want to work, but my personal experience is that it doesn't. Moreover, this approach usually fails in an awkwardly spectacular fashion.intplee said:
Using the explanation you posted above usually sounds (again, my experience) like window dressing to non-gamers. No amount of diatribe on escapism or imagination works if your audience perceives the topic matter as childish to begin with.
Further, talking with the goal of making the other feel stupid for not participating in your preferred activity (and/or comparing it with established activities that are perceived as more appropriate for adults) just makes you look like an ass. Or at the very least, a hater (again, from personal experience).
Very good article, though it sometimes hits a little close to home.
Balancing a 40 hour work week, a social life, a girlfriend and gaming is hard enough without having to worry about bills, rent, your career and the way your relationship is developing.
Pay the rent? Or get that next-gen console you've been wanting to buy? Grind a few levels? Or spend some quality time with your better half? Laugh politely if the boss mentions his teenage kid got a Wii for his birthday? Or have a "deep" discussion about how a Xbox 360 / PS3 would be much better suited for a teenager?
I hate to say it, but in the bigger scheme of things, gaming just isn't that important. You can stick with your guns, but it gets very hard if your peers start buying consoles... For their kids.
Balancing a 40 hour work week, a social life, a girlfriend and gaming is hard enough without having to worry about bills, rent, your career and the way your relationship is developing.
Pay the rent? Or get that next-gen console you've been wanting to buy? Grind a few levels? Or spend some quality time with your better half? Laugh politely if the boss mentions his teenage kid got a Wii for his birthday? Or have a "deep" discussion about how a Xbox 360 / PS3 would be much better suited for a teenager?
I hate to say it, but in the bigger scheme of things, gaming just isn't that important. You can stick with your guns, but it gets very hard if your peers start buying consoles... For their kids.
I don't have time for grindtastic games, but I don't miss it at all. I never was a fanatical completionist (not a word, dont' care) but I did beat final fantasy 4 like 6 times and FF6 around 4-5. That brought me fun in my younger years where lack of friends couldn't provide. I don't regret it a bit, I hated most of the people in Jr. high, high school. I hate most people nowadays, I don't think I'm alone in this. Being in my position I find that msot people are incredibly shallow and really not worth wasting time with. That's why Brittney Spears can dominate headlines, people are futarded. Either way not wasted time, and I got out of it without a teen pregnancy (I'm male, but eh) being alcoholic, addicted to drugs...whatever...
Games are just fun, they're probably closest to books as entertainment mediums go, both are similarly misunderstood. You can read a book and be normal, you can play a video game and be normal, as long as you don't read TOO much or play games other than Wii Sports and Madden 2K-whatever. Either way I treat it the same way, I play the games I want, I don't worry about the social implications or if x game is more popular that I'll have more people to play with. I usually
Games are just fun, they're probably closest to books as entertainment mediums go, both are similarly misunderstood. You can read a book and be normal, you can play a video game and be normal, as long as you don't read TOO much or play games other than Wii Sports and Madden 2K-whatever. Either way I treat it the same way, I play the games I want, I don't worry about the social implications or if x game is more popular that I'll have more people to play with. I usually
So let me guess -- your roommates don't wake up until noon, and watch TV in the afternoon in a stupor, and you feel bad about playing games?
I definitely agree that the problem here isn't your gaming behavior, but your level of self-actualization. I was very surprised when you mentioned you were out of college, because your guilt and hesitance about something you're interested in, and your desire for like-minded folk with which to discuss it, seems very young. There are plenty of friends you can meet to play games with, and while your pal might not be interested in hearing about custom cables or the complete selection of virtual console titles, I think it's too extreme to feel you have to hide your gaming behavior. Gaming is plenty mainstream these days, and zoning out in front of games is understandable by other people just the way zoning out in front of TV shows is, even if they don't share your enthusiasm.
It is sad that you feel you have to hide one of your biggest interests from the people in your live and don't feel permitted to act on it. You shouldn't feel the need to apologize about who you are.
I definitely agree that the problem here isn't your gaming behavior, but your level of self-actualization. I was very surprised when you mentioned you were out of college, because your guilt and hesitance about something you're interested in, and your desire for like-minded folk with which to discuss it, seems very young. There are plenty of friends you can meet to play games with, and while your pal might not be interested in hearing about custom cables or the complete selection of virtual console titles, I think it's too extreme to feel you have to hide your gaming behavior. Gaming is plenty mainstream these days, and zoning out in front of games is understandable by other people just the way zoning out in front of TV shows is, even if they don't share your enthusiasm.
It is sad that you feel you have to hide one of your biggest interests from the people in your live and don't feel permitted to act on it. You shouldn't feel the need to apologize about who you are.
I agree with many of the comments that the author is creating his own hell in some ways.
Still, some of it feels true in others. For those of you who saw the movie "Juno", this is the kind of stuff the husband was going through. It was clear his wife didn't approve of his lifestyle or share his interests at all. His solution was to dump the wife. He realized he needed someone who liked him for him or rather shared his interests as Juno appeared to.
Still, some of it feels true in others. For those of you who saw the movie "Juno", this is the kind of stuff the husband was going through. It was clear his wife didn't approve of his lifestyle or share his interests at all. His solution was to dump the wife. He realized he needed someone who liked him for him or rather shared his interests as Juno appeared to.
A hip and mature adult life and gaming are not mutually exclusive. WHY do you feel the need to hide your gaming habits like you're some sort of crack-fiend? Has your girlfriend or your roomate or anyone around you given you any reason to feel that you'll be abused and belittled if you dare play a game in front of them? Reading the article, I feel a sense of... painful desperation, of a little voice murmuring "don't hurt me, don't hurt me" all the while through.
Your interests are your interests, and they are just as valid as anyone else's. There is no shame in a few hours of solo gameplay on your own time. Your life sounds fine, all things considered. Productive, full of good things, and fun activities, and nice people... and it would be entirely unimpacted if you looked up from your Halo 3, went "Good morning, honey" when your girlfriend walked in, and tooled around for a few more minutes before getting up to get brunch. It is important to be honest with your yourself, and to accept yourself, and all the little parts that you contain.
As others have said, too, I can see a little of myself in here. I'll confess to letting my nerd flag fly its highest when no one is around, even if I don't pack it all up when others come along. I'll chitchat with my co-workers when they mention that they're getting Guitar Hero for their son, or a Wii for their daughter. What's the harm in saying "Oh! A Wii! I think I'm jealous. She'll like that." or "They've got that one on sale at X store, go buy it there"? The admission of one's hobby is not the same thing as a frothing at the mouth, carried away by the spirit of the obsession nerd-gasm.
Let go of your fear. Unburden your heart.
Your interests are your interests, and they are just as valid as anyone else's. There is no shame in a few hours of solo gameplay on your own time. Your life sounds fine, all things considered. Productive, full of good things, and fun activities, and nice people... and it would be entirely unimpacted if you looked up from your Halo 3, went "Good morning, honey" when your girlfriend walked in, and tooled around for a few more minutes before getting up to get brunch. It is important to be honest with your yourself, and to accept yourself, and all the little parts that you contain.
As others have said, too, I can see a little of myself in here. I'll confess to letting my nerd flag fly its highest when no one is around, even if I don't pack it all up when others come along. I'll chitchat with my co-workers when they mention that they're getting Guitar Hero for their son, or a Wii for their daughter. What's the harm in saying "Oh! A Wii! I think I'm jealous. She'll like that." or "They've got that one on sale at X store, go buy it there"? The admission of one's hobby is not the same thing as a frothing at the mouth, carried away by the spirit of the obsession nerd-gasm.
Let go of your fear. Unburden your heart.
THANK YOU! I've lived this life for some time. Started in college when school impeded my game time, to now, where all my social activities seem to be with people who don't play games.
For about two years I lived with my now ex-girlfriend and essentially lived this life. I listened (and still do) to gaming podcasts and read gaming blogs ALL the time. I love reading about them...but can only play soooo little.
At this point I'm single, working, and realizing I don't even want to play games anymore...I love them, but the last time I logged into wow or fired up TF2 I just felt a sadness for the fact that I won't come back for a long time and achieve anything within the game.
I very much appreciate this article. It speaks to me, the confused gamer trying to manage adult life and see where it all fits together. I haven't seen any articles or voices I feel represent this segment of gamers...we just can't be hardcore, were never into social gaming, and at some point logged 70+ hours in one Final Fantasy game or another...
THANKS TOMOHIKO!
For about two years I lived with my now ex-girlfriend and essentially lived this life. I listened (and still do) to gaming podcasts and read gaming blogs ALL the time. I love reading about them...but can only play soooo little.
At this point I'm single, working, and realizing I don't even want to play games anymore...I love them, but the last time I logged into wow or fired up TF2 I just felt a sadness for the fact that I won't come back for a long time and achieve anything within the game.
I very much appreciate this article. It speaks to me, the confused gamer trying to manage adult life and see where it all fits together. I haven't seen any articles or voices I feel represent this segment of gamers...we just can't be hardcore, were never into social gaming, and at some point logged 70+ hours in one Final Fantasy game or another...
THANKS TOMOHIKO!
Tomohiko, you may need to find a better girlfriend - we do exist. My other half is just like you - his first console was his megadrive, and just before Christmas we finally added a 360 to the collection. But they're not behind the TV, they're all proudly displayed in the living room. I love watching him play -I'm not good enough to finish a game myself, but I love to help - and I know at least one other wife who has become a dedicated "star-bit collector" in Mario Galaxy! (remember most girls are quite fond of things that are cute and/or sparkly - mario galaxy has both in spades)
I'm also the proud owner of a pink nintendo DS that lives in my handbag. Sure, sometimes it's hard to explain to other people why it's worth getting the gold medal in Cooking Mama!
It's really no different from any other hobby, like collecting stamps or comics or baseball cards, or playing an unusual sport like dragonboat racing or ultimate frisbee. Some people you talk to will be interested, most probably won't - but you can't let that stop you from doing the things you love, and besides - sometimes you discover new friends with your interest when you least expect it!!
Embrace your hobby Tomohiko, and share your passions with others - invite your girlfriend to pick up that 2nd controller and start scooping sparkly things!
I'm also the proud owner of a pink nintendo DS that lives in my handbag. Sure, sometimes it's hard to explain to other people why it's worth getting the gold medal in Cooking Mama!
It's really no different from any other hobby, like collecting stamps or comics or baseball cards, or playing an unusual sport like dragonboat racing or ultimate frisbee. Some people you talk to will be interested, most probably won't - but you can't let that stop you from doing the things you love, and besides - sometimes you discover new friends with your interest when you least expect it!!
Embrace your hobby Tomohiko, and share your passions with others - invite your girlfriend to pick up that 2nd controller and start scooping sparkly things!
...pft. I dislike that girl already.
Granted, I'm someone who can gush wildly over Planescape: Torment and such.
You really shouldn't keep it all in like that. It's... well hell, it shouldn't be expected of anyone. It's a horrid feeling. (I know. I had to hide playing D&D due to ZOMG IT'S EVIL parents.)
It's kinda like trying to act like a different person around your roommate, girlfriend, and her brother. You're hiding something that, whether they like it or not, is a part of yourself. Besides, gaming isn't anything to be ashamed of. If anything, it's a wildly under-appreciated form of interactive art. Any game worth playing has beauty in a combination of the visuals, mechanics, and story, or all of the above, in some cases. I don't see why people aren't allowed to think of games like that.
Maybe it's the word "games" that throws them off.
Granted, I'm someone who can gush wildly over Planescape: Torment and such.
You really shouldn't keep it all in like that. It's... well hell, it shouldn't be expected of anyone. It's a horrid feeling. (I know. I had to hide playing D&D due to ZOMG IT'S EVIL parents.)
It's kinda like trying to act like a different person around your roommate, girlfriend, and her brother. You're hiding something that, whether they like it or not, is a part of yourself. Besides, gaming isn't anything to be ashamed of. If anything, it's a wildly under-appreciated form of interactive art. Any game worth playing has beauty in a combination of the visuals, mechanics, and story, or all of the above, in some cases. I don't see why people aren't allowed to think of games like that.
Maybe it's the word "games" that throws them off.
Holy shit man, you too?! I keep my wii hidden in a compartment underneath my DVD player. Hell, the DVD player gets more action than the wii. I can't find time to myself to play it anymore. I even stayed out for 20 hours in the cold on opening night, first in line (no lie), for the damn thing. Now it collects dust. It seems the only novelty I get from it are my friends begging me to bring it over for some fun and games.
Working full-time just killed it completely, and I haven't even touched Paper Mario, let along Mario galaxy. It'd still be in the shrink wrap if my brother didn't get to it first. Odd thing is people buy it, and even buy the damn chip for the thing, as some novelty game for parties with people. Critics even insult the system as a party console, and nothing more. I don't know about you but I had fun playing Zelda and RE4 by myself. I can't wait to get my hands on galaxy. Of course if I had some time to do play it...
Working full-time just killed it completely, and I haven't even touched Paper Mario, let along Mario galaxy. It'd still be in the shrink wrap if my brother didn't get to it first. Odd thing is people buy it, and even buy the damn chip for the thing, as some novelty game for parties with people. Critics even insult the system as a party console, and nothing more. I don't know about you but I had fun playing Zelda and RE4 by myself. I can't wait to get my hands on galaxy. Of course if I had some time to do play it...
Coming out of a Sociolog class, I can only remember a comment about disorders. Specifically, something is only a psycological disorder if it causes problems in one's social, work, or personal life.
You have 3 identities? No problem, unless it's having an unwelcome effect in one of those three areas. Several religions look for things that could be classified disorders in thier religious prophits: hallucinations come to mind.
Similarly, gaming is not a psycological disorder in many people, but the person described in the author seems to quaify: it's something that causes issues in this person's social (and possibly personal) life. Addiction comes to mind: in a similar line of thought, some people can take a few beers once in a while, and some people are alchoholic. The subject of this article appears, to my mind, to be gameaholic, and might want to talk to a psychologist.
If you have to hide something, for fear of someone finding out, it's probably better for you to get it out. I konw from experience (very current experience: I'm dealing with something in my own life right now), it's usually better in the long run to get it out.
You have 3 identities? No problem, unless it's having an unwelcome effect in one of those three areas. Several religions look for things that could be classified disorders in thier religious prophits: hallucinations come to mind.
Similarly, gaming is not a psycological disorder in many people, but the person described in the author seems to quaify: it's something that causes issues in this person's social (and possibly personal) life. Addiction comes to mind: in a similar line of thought, some people can take a few beers once in a while, and some people are alchoholic. The subject of this article appears, to my mind, to be gameaholic, and might want to talk to a psychologist.
If you have to hide something, for fear of someone finding out, it's probably better for you to get it out. I konw from experience (very current experience: I'm dealing with something in my own life right now), it's usually better in the long run to get it out.
I swear to god...seems like every single contributor to the Escapist needs to find significant others who respect who they are. Who accept EVERYTHING about who they are.
What if your girlfriend REALLY loves reality TV, but you couldn't care less and you think she watches WAY too much. Try turning THAT off in the middle of a show. It's ridiculous that people stand for this kind of abuse.
This can really happen to both sexes. It just baffles me that people stand for this stuff and just stay with a girl or guy just because, even though they want you to be "normal" and not play video games.
No, don't stand for this gamers, this is part of who you are, you shouldn't be made to feel ashamed if it! Seriously a girlfriend forcing you to play while she is a asleep then as soon as she walks in the room, she turns it off?! WTF man! She does not respect you for you. she wants the you she imagines all men should be, it's just not right...
/rant
What if your girlfriend REALLY loves reality TV, but you couldn't care less and you think she watches WAY too much. Try turning THAT off in the middle of a show. It's ridiculous that people stand for this kind of abuse.
This can really happen to both sexes. It just baffles me that people stand for this stuff and just stay with a girl or guy just because, even though they want you to be "normal" and not play video games.
No, don't stand for this gamers, this is part of who you are, you shouldn't be made to feel ashamed if it! Seriously a girlfriend forcing you to play while she is a asleep then as soon as she walks in the room, she turns it off?! WTF man! She does not respect you for you. she wants the you she imagines all men should be, it's just not right...
/rant
But he doesn't play excessively, and it doesn't actually impact his life, he just thinks it will if he lets people know. He thinks they will start whispering behind his back, conspire, shun him for playing games.ZacQuickSilver said:
If he has a mental disorder, it's paranoia, not addiction.
Going as far as to say the author might have a disorder seems a little bit too over the top. Honestly, someone else in the thread said it best - the point was to show how gaming and other hobbies/social behavior may be mutually exclusive. Personally, I think hardcore gaming is what is mutually exclusive, but gaming in general has progressed to the point where a wider audience can take advantage of it.
Gaming used to be a niche hobby - but with things like the author mentions (Guitar Hero III and heck the Wii in general) it is reaching a slightly wider audience. Frankly, I don't think the author needs to ditch his current circle of friends - he just needs to widen it. I have friends in many different circles and I know they probably would be cordial but not mix well in a social setting, just because interests are different. I have friends who are into gaming and friends who are not, just like I have friends who are into music and others who are not.
As a result, I know when to talk about my gaming habit and when to keep it to other topics - not out of embarrassment, but just because interacting with people involves having something both people can relate to. But everyone knows I'm a gamer, and they know I have plenty of other interests that they may not be into. Honestly, I think that people who are basically calling this a LiveJournal entry are perhaps talking a bit generally. The criticism isn't warranted but I don't think the author's rather grey depiction of his daily life is the issue. The issue is not having enough people who share the same interests, who can relate the same kind of feelings and which can help the author feel more comfortable about being more open with their hobbies.
Gaming used to be a niche hobby - but with things like the author mentions (Guitar Hero III and heck the Wii in general) it is reaching a slightly wider audience. Frankly, I don't think the author needs to ditch his current circle of friends - he just needs to widen it. I have friends in many different circles and I know they probably would be cordial but not mix well in a social setting, just because interests are different. I have friends who are into gaming and friends who are not, just like I have friends who are into music and others who are not.
As a result, I know when to talk about my gaming habit and when to keep it to other topics - not out of embarrassment, but just because interacting with people involves having something both people can relate to. But everyone knows I'm a gamer, and they know I have plenty of other interests that they may not be into. Honestly, I think that people who are basically calling this a LiveJournal entry are perhaps talking a bit generally. The criticism isn't warranted but I don't think the author's rather grey depiction of his daily life is the issue. The issue is not having enough people who share the same interests, who can relate the same kind of feelings and which can help the author feel more comfortable about being more open with their hobbies.