191: Those Left Behind

[Logan Westbrook]

Those Left Behind

For every story of an MMORPG bringing a couple together, there's another where a game has pulled them apart. Logan Westbrook recounts how his wife's World of Warcraft habit has put some strain on their marriage.

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[Galletea]

It's certainly true that any obsession can have serious effects on a relationship, and WoW just seems to be one of the worst things to be obsessed with, because in order to keep raiding and whatever, you have to be there at a certain time, and there's little flexibility.

Playing together can be awesome, but it can also be extremely painful. I don't tend to play with my boyfriend on anything other than co-op fps, so it doesn't lead to us not speaking to each other.

 

[1ronJ4m]

Man, maybe I'm just childish and don't get it and stuff, but seriously, this doesn't seem like such a big thing. I mean, I'm quite the droid type- u know play a lot of games all the time- but come on, it sounds pretty embarassing to realise that a mere kind of entertainment f**** up your relationship with someone. Though, if that's the case, I'm really sorry for you.

 

[Brotherofwill]

If this would be any game we're talking about then it wouldn't be as serious as your problem with WoW. I love RPGs and WoW is exactly the kind of game for me but I skipped it knowing the possible time consumption.

I think you should be a little more straightforward to your wife. This is your relationship after all, if you don't act now and improve it will only get worse. Take some control and set things straight with your wife to get some more time with her. I guess the problem is that you can't really play WoW on a non-permanent basis, maybe cold-turkey is best for you and her.

 

[Doug]

A good piece, and one that does remind me of when I was somewhat hooked on a MUD (don't laugh ... or at least, not too hard). Anyway, this is the problem with virtual world leisure times - they take you away too much from the troubles of this one, so much so that your real life can suffer badly. I got off lightly, and I didn't have a wife to worry about leaving me, but I can easily see how such activities can led to wrecked lives.

Reading your piece, I have to wonder if, when I eventually find myself with a girlfriend or wife, if I should give up or reduce gaming (although I'm not on any MMO), or if I should go the opposite way and try and draw them into it.

 

[TomNook]

One of us....one of us....

 

[Solipsis]

Yours is an interesting perspective, and honestly one I've never seen before. The "WoW-widows" I know tend to be the nongamer type. The only truly hardcore player I know well is married to a very old friend of mine, and as she's the product of a family of rabid female gamers, she seems to take it pretty much in stride.

I'd guess a little more balance on both sides is probably due, but as someone who's trying to get her own inner WoW-fanatic in balance, it's hard to say. Best of luck to you.

 

[Charli]

One of us....one of us....

Jooooin usssses.

No actually, I dont have an addictive personality, I let my guild members know that despite how much they groan and gripe, my real world activities will always be my top priority, and thats how it goes. In return they'll recieve a nice, mild mannered, fair player at all other times. It can be anything from babysitting my little brother an evening to popping outside for some air and a chat with a friend down the road.

I see that as a fair exchange. I hate how some players pressure other people into obsession by making them feel bad about 'not doing this raid, or this instance' at their designated time. Thats how it gets to you. And I'm not gonna let it, I laid down the rule for my participation from day one.

I don't know how to appeal to your wife, try little things, like going out together normally. Something outside of games might shatter both of your perspectives into rethinking daily activities.

~Charli is a female WoW-er with a New BF who gets roll-eyed about it now, so I almost see where it's coming from. I like WoW, I don't like people who dismiss it just based on articles and social retards, it's a good game, and if you're smart, you can play it without the community 'getting to you'. And hell maybe enjoy it while you're at it.

 

[J.B]

This article really made me think about how I've been neglecting my parents lately.

I really need to do something about that..

 

[chickenlord]

not to be insensitive but "It's a strange thing being married to a hardcore WoW player, a hearty blend of frustration, irritation, worry, resentment, loneliness and, as I mentioned, no small amount of irony. WoW represents a breakdown in our marriage, not in the sense that we don't love each other anymore - nothing could be further from the truth - but in the sense that I feel like am in some way competing for her attention. Imagine starting a conversation with someone only to discover that they're on the phone. Now imagine that the person with whom you want to speak constantly has the headset to their ear, whether they're on a call or not, and you can never tell whether they're listening to you or to some disembodied voice on the other end of the line." lmao its like hes the girl and shes the dude! she won't listen to me, i want attention!

 

[chickenlord]

also, i really think you are being really hypocritical i one sentence you said "but when you've cooked dinner for someone in pans that you had to clean yourself the night before, only to have them let the meal go cold while they grind their fishing skill" If she wasn't playing wow, wouldnt it be her feeling that way with you playing another video game. I think before you get up set about "losing" your spouse from a videogame you yourself should quit playing videogames, cause in all honesty if she didnt play wow then she'd be the one feeling these feelings.

 

[Logan Westbrook]

also, i really think you are being really hypocritical i one sentence you said "but when you've cooked dinner for someone in pans that you had to clean yourself the night before, only to have them let the meal go cold while they grind their fishing skill" If she wasn't playing wow, wouldnt it be her feeling that way with you playing another video game. I think before you get up set about "losing" your spouse from a videogame you yourself should quit playing videogames, cause in all honesty if she didnt play wow then she'd be the one feeling these feelings.

Your general rudeness and sexist attitudes aside, did you actually read the article all the way through? I ask, because you seem to have missed the part where I answer the question you asked.

 

[dochmbi]

I used to play WoW hardcore, but I don't do it in Wotlk anymore since there's no reason to, because epics are so easy to come by. I just log in 2-3 times a week and raid and that's it. Back in TBC, there were still viable grinds available you could do, so I put on a audiobook in my media player and did a 6 hour session grinding honor or rep or cash.

 

[NewClassic_v1legacy]

Gaming itself can be a simultaneous bonding activity and point of division. Altogether, though, it's just proof that human nature strikes us where we least expect it. Sometimes that escapism really is just a good break from reality. Granted, it's a break that can also come with lounging on the couch with a movie in the DVD. The draw of MMOs is they're always there. 24/7, there's someone out there that you can hop on and run off with.

The key to mingling with a fanatic is finding a homeostasis. If the wife is playing too much WoW for your comfort, then ask how you could ask her how she can be encouraged to spend more time with you. If you feel you're shorting her of her own time, then adjust plans so that she can enjoy herself in that way. Without finding the middle-ground, though, someone is going to be miserable.

Sometimes, the MMO just appears in lieu of other plans. When you compare the chore of doing dishes with WoW, then the latter will win-out without fail. If you plan an outing to the park for a picnic, it doesn't strike me as too likely that the level 80 instance that was about to be run would win out over quality time. Though if it seems to bother you as much as the article suggests, then the gap's going to grow without some input.

Marriage is a fanaticism of its own, and needs just as much input as any MMO. If not more-so.

 

[Goldbling]

I also used to play WoW, fortunatly I had better things to do than waste my life, social skills, athletic prowess, ect...

 

[chickenlord]

also, i really think you are being really hypocritical i one sentence you said "but when you've cooked dinner for someone in pans that you had to clean yourself the night before, only to have them let the meal go cold while they grind their fishing skill" If she wasn't playing wow, wouldnt it be her feeling that way with you playing another video game. I think before you get up set about "losing" your spouse from a videogame you yourself should quit playing videogames, cause in all honesty if she didnt play wow then she'd be the one feeling these feelings.

Your general rudeness and sexist attitudes aside, did you actually read the article all the way through? I ask, because you seem to have missed the part where I answer the question you asked.

I'm sorry if i offended you by any means but i was just stating what i thought about the circumstance. From what i saw in that post i wasn't being deliberately sexist in any way if i was I'm deeply sorry! Edit: Oh,and my post before that one...was really sexist...sorry about that...i would take it off if i could

ps: i did read the article, and i think that videogame addiction is serious business, that we all on this website are currently in but if the problem isn't at an extreme i don't see the problem with a little Wow crazy.

 

[Threesan]

Well, it's a little thing, but I'd suggest a switch from headset to speakers (dealing with feedback left as an exercise for the author). I've never WOW-fished, but perhaps it's possible to fish, eat and chat? Maybe even going so far as to change the location of the computer, or the table it's sitting on. But this is all ramps-for-the-wheelchairs.

Otherwise, you could get her a bot: kill two birds with one cup!

 

[LoopyDood]

Hell I even got this from playing the game "hardcore" - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilonidal_cyst

Please give us a warning next time you link to that.