I haven't played The Witcher because I find the sexism in the game too offensive to ignore. But your comments on the hell that is a load screen had me laughing out loud! Good work, Shamus.
Here's my suggestion for a game: Let's have a protagonist that is a middle-aged woman. (Let's make her 41, since that's my age.) She's not ugly, but she's no hot young babe, either. She has a couple of battle scars on her face and dark circles under her eyes.
My middle-aged lady hero would be able to kick monster ass with one hand tied behind her back. And young handsome men would be offering themselves to her at every turn. Whenever she had sex with one of these young gentlemen, she would kick them out of her bed the next morning and later receive an x-rated postcard as a souvenir of her carnal exploits.
Oh yeah... and since she's a woman, she would always politely knock on the door before entering a private residence.
Leslee