Gamer Grub: More Crap You Can Shovel Into Your Face

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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Gamer Grub: More Crap You Can Shovel Into Your Face


Gamer Grub, which is apparently some kind of food in a bottle, has been named the official snack food of the 2008 World Cyber Games USA [http://us.wcg.com/], even though it doesn't seem entirely clear just what exactly the stuff is.

Produced by Biosilo Foods, Gamer Grub is a "great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks" that will debut in the Tournament Area and Player Lounge at the E for All [http://www.eforallexpo.com/] show in Los Angeles, running October 3-5. "We are extremely excited to partner with Gamer Grub in enhancing the World Cyber Games experience," said World Cyber Games USA General Manager Michael Arzt. "We believe that this new performance snack product will be a great asset to gamers worldwide and could be considered a new peripheral category for the gaming market."

The snack stuff comes in four different flavors, including - and I'm not making these up - Action Pizza, Racing Wasabi, Strategy Chocolate and Sports PB&J. More disconcerting still is what's actually inside the bottles: Action Pizza, for instance, contains "Pizza Cashews & Pitas, Tomato Sesame Sticks, Tomato Almonds, Cheese Pitas and Mozzarella Peanuts," while the Sports PB&J is "Peanuts, Peanut Butter Chips, Strawberry Jelly Chips and Bread Cubes." But what the hell happened to "MMOG Pepsi and Doritos?"

Gamer Grub is also being advertised as a healthy snack in very gamer-specific ways. "Gamer Grub is a great tasting snack that boosts your core gaming systems - such as visual input, cognitive processing, signal transmission and muscle reflexes," the company website says. "Scientifically formulated with essential nutrients and vitamins, Gamer Grub provides a healthy, great tasting snack mix that supports fast reaction times for maximum gaming performance. Eat well and prosper."

At first I thought this stuff was some kind of liquid or paste, like old-time astronaut food you could just squeeze and swallow. On closer inspection, however, it actually appears to be more of a trail mix for the digital era, made from ingredients ranging from the weird (mozzarella peanuts) to the weird and potentially dangerous (strawberry jelly chips and bread cubes). Assuming its debut at E for All isn't a complete train wreck, Gamer Grub will go on sale online and at various retail outlets sometime in 2009. Just what the world needs - a performance snack for people who sit on their asses. Yum!



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Anton P. Nym

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Sep 18, 2007
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...

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Alright, I'll make the obligatory reference to the passengers in WALL-E and get that out of the way.

-- Steve
 

dekkarax

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Apr 3, 2008
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Games are not physical sports. They do not need "performance snacks". This is a cash-in for the stupid.

If they are releasing food and drinks to "increase performance" in games, I wonder when professional gamers will start taking steroids, some people are that stupid
 

Susan Arendt

Nerd Queen
Jan 9, 2007
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Dude, we have to get someone to eat this so they can describe it for us.

Don't TELL me you're not dying to find out what "Strategy Chocolate" tastes like.
 

SimuLord

Whom Gods Annoy
Aug 20, 2008
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I'd say "this is the lamest thing I've ever seen in my life" but I'm old enough to remember all that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles merch and still flinch when I hear the word "cowabunga".
 
Nov 6, 2007
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Wow. My once feared demographic is now being pandered to by everyone and their uncle. There ARE many people stupid enough to buy this because it says "Gamer" on the label.
 

Alone Disciple

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Jun 10, 2008
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Only here can you take trail mix and Chex mix, put it in a 'collectible' cylinder, give it a goofy-ass name, and then charge 3x the amount and the masses will buy it.

Well, then again, we are the same people who pay $60 for sub-par crap on a regular basis.
 

Vumsy

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May 28, 2008
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Ok..... This is kinda retarded. Seriously, if anyone says this shit works, I'm gonna hand them a dictionary and tell them to look after the word "placebo". Or tell them to watch a couple of House episodes.
 

Eminate

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Sep 7, 2007
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Gamer grub "performance snacks"? Whats next, gamer condoms for that sexy Halo player? Or even better, gamer pit stick so you can smell fresh when you leave your mom's basement and venture out into the real world.
 

Unholykrumpet

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Nov 1, 2007
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This is awful. Why can't people just eat hard candy like I used to. Jolly ranchers/warheads/sourpunch straws last a long time and are perfect for those times waiting to respawn
 

Blayze

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Dec 19, 2007
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...Wasabi-flavour snacks? I must admit, I read "Action Pizza" first and thought "WASABI PIZZA?!"
 

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
45,698
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You get me some of this and I will eat it. I will eat it all, and describe the experience in riveting detail. With photos.

ps. one of each plz

Susan Arendt post=7.73059.782406 said:
Dude, we have to get someone to eat this so they can describe it for us.

Don't TELL me you're not dying to find out what "Strategy Chocolate" tastes like.
 

Novajam

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Apr 26, 2008
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Malygris post=7.73059.782279 said:
The snack stuff comes in four different flavors, including - and I'm not making these up - Action Pizza, Racing Wasabi, Strategy Chocolate and Sports PB&J. More disconcerting still is what's actually inside the bottles: Action Pizza, for instance, contains "Pizza Cashews & Pitas, Tomato Sesame Sticks, Tomato Almonds, Cheese Pitas and Mozzarella Peanuts," while the Sports PB&J is "Peanuts, Peanut Butter Chips, Strawberry Jelly Chips and Bread Cubes." But what the hell happened to "MMOG Pepsi and Doritos?"
Bread Cubes = Croutons

Some of those things don't even seem chemically possible, like Strawberry Jelly Chips. Jelly melts if you keep it outside for too long. Even more scary is that you're supposed to eat it like you would a chip.

Though I must say, strategy chocolate has peaked my interest.