The "World's Most Retarded Gaming Consoles"

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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The "World's Most Retarded Gaming Consoles"


Ever heard of the Fairchild Channel F? How about the Epoch Cassette Vision? No? Maybe that's because they're two of the "Six Most Retarded Gaming Consoles Ever Released."

The list, assembled by Cracked.com [http://www.cracked.com], features some consoles you may have heard of, and at least a few you almost certainly haven't. The Vectrex, for instance, should be familiar to all gamers of a certain age, as will the reason for its abject failure to catch on: Two-color vector graphics that turned every game into white lines drawn on a black background. The solution? Small sheets of colored plastic that could be laid onto the screen to change the white lines to colors like red or blue. Genius!

Less familiar, at least to me, is the SuperGrafx, a 1989 successor to the TurboGrafx 16. While something of an also-ran in North America, the Japanese version of the TG16, known as the PC Engine, dominated the Japanese market, and thus NEC decided to improve the system's graphics capabilities and offer a CD-ROM add-on.

All well and good, but for one fatal flaw: It was expensive as hell. The base system was $300 without the CD-ROM and SuperGrafx-specific games retailed for about $110 each; fortunately for budget-conscious yet weak-willed owners, only five SuperGrafx-specific games were ever actually made. The unit was backwards compatible with original PC Engine titles, but for people who already owned one of those systems the motivation for an upgrade was very slim.

Other entries on the list include the Atari 2600 predecessor Fairchild Channel F and the handheld train wreck from Sega, the Nomad. But are these really as bad as it gets? Most of these systems seem more like victims of their era than actual bad designs; it's easy to hold certain assumptions about consoles now, but 30 years ago this was all brand-new territory. Criticism of the durability of the Channel F, for instance, described as "brittle as uncooked spaghetti," seems particularly ironic in light of Microsoft's Red Ring of Death fiasco. But hey, it's not my list.

What do you think? Do these consoles really go "full retard," or are they just home entertainment Rain Men who got a bad rap? Check out Cracked.com's list of the "Six Most Retarded Gaming Consoles Ever Released" here [http://www.cracked.com/article_16824_6-most-retarded-gaming-consoles-ever-released.html], then let us know!



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Nov 28, 2007
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I...disagree whole-heartedly. At least half of the systems he mentioned just failed by existing at the wrong time, or having just one design flaw.
 

ThaBenMan

Mandalorian Buddha
Mar 6, 2008
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Hmmm, I'm kind of surprised that the Virtual Boy didn't make the list. Pretty entertaining read.
 

qbert4ever

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Dec 14, 2007
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"Now with two different ways to play Pong!"

I mean, really. If these things are not shining examples of "full retard", I don't know what is.
 

Dr Pussymagnet

a real piece of shit
Dec 20, 2007
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I was too busy looking at this [http://www.cracked.com/article_16797_15-more-images-you-wont-believe-arent-photoshopped.html].
 

peel15

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Nov 3, 2008
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the wii is more retarded than any of those. at least when u throw sumthing on there a peice of crap system throw a wii remote u just broke your 50" plasma. the term that pops up beside your head is... "Now what?"
 

Milkman Dan

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Sep 11, 2008
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Oh man. The Sega Nomad. I'd totally forgotten about that piece of crap. And Vectrex too. God, even when I was just a little punk kid, I still thought the Vectrex was ass just from reading about it in a magazine.
 

shatnershaman

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May 8, 2008
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Indigo_Dingo said:
Since when did the Escapist parade updates on third rate online humour websites when they run an article thats sure to tread on a few toes? Whats next, are we gonna be getting constant updates on Old Wizard and their "GAEMZ R STOOPID NOA, ONLI OLD GAEMZ R GUD!"(that actually hurt to write)?
Well Tropic Thunder did just come out on DVD, and there is always room to quote Robert Downey Jr.
 

shatnershaman

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May 8, 2008
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Indigo_Dingo said:
shatnershaman said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
Since when did the Escapist parade updates on third rate online humour websites when they run an article thats sure to tread on a few toes? Whats next, are we gonna be getting constant updates on Old Wizard and their "GAEMZ R STOOPID NOA, ONLI OLD GAEMZ R GUD!"(that actually hurt to write)?
Well Tropic Thunder did just come out on DVD, and there is always room to quote Robert Downey Jr.
Huh? Remember when we talked about not posting while drunk?
Did you see Tropic Thunder?
Malygris said:
Do these consoles really go "full retard,"
"full retard" is from Robert Downey Jr's character from Tropic Thunder.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8kxKToXN1Q
 

Radelaide

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May 15, 2008
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Indigo_Dingo said:
Radelaide said:
Lord_Ascendant said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
Slow news day, huh?
my sentiments exactly
You guys have no sense of humor. Read it for what it was made for. TO ENTERTAIN.
Since when did the Escapist parade updates on third rate online humour websites when they run an article thats sure to tread on a few toes? Whats next, are we gonna be getting constant updates on Old Wizard and their "GAEMZ R STOOPID NOA, ONLI OLD GAEMZ R GUD!"(that actually hurt to write)?
Were you born without a sense of humor? It's making fun of the games industry for a couple of mistakes. It's another perspective. LAUGH not flame.