28 Videogame Movies: Which Ones Will Suck?

[Andy Chalk]

28 Videogame Movies: Which Ones Will Suck?

The Examiner has posted a list of 28 videogame movies that are currently in the works - that's twenty-frikkin'-eight of them - and offers a brief look at each to determine which ones will suck. (Hint: The answer is "yes.")

The videogame movie genre is like the cockroach of the industry: It's indestructible. You could nuke Hollywood into smoldering, black glass and a month later you'd be watching a trailer for the Joust movie. And in case you're curious, yes, there is a Joust movie in the works, "a mix of Midway [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0172495/] is apparently looking to restart the franchise in the wake of the movie's release.

You've almost certainly heard of some films on this list: The Eidos [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1230526/].

A number of properties in the list have been licensed by studios but either haven't entered production or are hanging in development limbo. The Transporter [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0872226/].

On the other hand, the world needs another Christopher Lambert [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0891592/] will once again portray Raiden, the god of thunder, lightning and awful, awful movies.

Have a look at the full list Max Payne [http://www.examiner.com/x-578-Video-Game-Examiner~y2008m12d17-28-video-games-being-made-into-movies-will-they-suck] and all the things that could have been and come on back to join us for a good cry.


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[PedroSteckecilo]

I didn't know Mechner was actually writing Prince of Persia...

Maybe that's a good sign?

EDIT: It is a good sign, Mechner appears to be "The Guy" who made Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time so clever and charming, he's credited as lead story writer and had no involvement with Warrior Within or Two Thrones. He stopped working on the games to write the movie script.

Still, Bioshock still has the best chance to be a really good videogame movie.

 

[sheic99]

Hey an Earthworm Jim movie. I'd watch that.

 

[Dectilon]

"Still, Bioshock still has the best chance to be a really good videogame movie."

I disagree. Bioshock has the biggest potential, but I'd say Halo has the biggest chance of becoming a decent movie. It's simple enough material to work with for the Hollywood monkeys. It might not be the Halo a bunch of people know and love, but it'd probably be a decent movie. The only problem I see is that they'd try to work in a love story somehow. I haven't actually played past Halo 1, but I can't remember hearing anything about Master Chief ever stepping out of his armor

 

[KarmicToast]

Well...Joust certainly wins the coveted WTF award.

 

[rekabdarb]

i'm betting only 5 will be good, unfortunetaly the bad ones are the ones that i'm gonna wanna see

 

[KarmicToast]

"Still, Bioshock still has the best chance to be a really good videogame movie."

It might not be the Halo a bunch of people know and love, but it'd probably be a decent movie. The only problem I see is that they'd try to work in a love story somehow. I haven't actually played past Halo 1, but I can't remember hearing anything about Master Chief ever stepping out of his armor

I have some hope for a halo movie...they have Peter Jackson as Executive Producer. That has to count for something.

 

[PedroSteckecilo]

"Still, Bioshock still has the best chance to be a really good videogame movie."

I disagree. Bioshock has the biggest potential, but I'd say Halo has the biggest chance of becoming a decent movie. It's simple enough material to work with for the Hollywood monkeys. It might not be the Halo a bunch of people know and love, but it'd probably be a decent movie. The only problem I see is that they'd try to work in a love story somehow. I haven't actually played past Halo 1, but I can't remember hearing anything about Master Chief ever stepping out of his armor

Gore Verbinski and John Logan are both awesome at what they do (directing/screenwriting) if they can't make a videogame movie work, nobody can. I also think Prince of Persia has some potential though. Mechner already turned Prince of Persia into a pretty good historical adventure comic.

 

[Baby Tea]

i'm betting only 5 will be good

That many eh?
I didn't know there was an optimist on the forums!

 

[Keane Ng]

Max Payne was great, what the heck are you talking about.

 

[CoverYourHead]

I'm going to bet that none of them will be very good, they'll probably put some kind of female support role for Bioshock and never kill a little sister.

As much as I wish I could be optimistic, I doubt any of these will be very good.

 

[Jamash]

I'm looking forward to Onimusha, if it's anything like the game's CG movies then it should be pretty good, and the good story & cinematic nature of the games make it a good prospect.

Kane & Lynch could be quite good too, since the game is very cinematic to begin with.

I'm expecting the Warcraft films to as good as the 'Dungeons & Dragons' films, hammy Jeremy Irons included.

 

[TsunamiWombat]

Make a poll with 3 choices. And all the choices should be "All of them".

 

[Lucane]

Wow I didn't think I'd see Earthworm Jim on that list.

 

[TsunamiWombat]

Earth Worm Jim's cartoon was awesome. Dunno how you could make that a MOVIE though.

 

[Lt. Sera]

3 will be decent, none of them will be awesome. This is my prediction.

 

[Dectilon]

Theres also an Uncharted movie in the works, although you have to ask yourself why would they bother?

I thought it was a movie already pretty much.