154: Captain Peevish

[Russ Pitts]

Captain Peevish

"In 1987, a freak accident as a child left me with the strange ability to predict thunderstorms. Scientifically speaking, I have a crack in my skull the length of a dollar bill. Changes in barometric pressure give me headaches. Spidey-sense? Perhaps. 'Fascinating,' you may say, 'but what good is this superpower?' What good, indeed. See: the Flash, and sit back down, pipsqueak. I can do something you can't. I'm a superhero."

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[Lvl 64 Klutz]

Ok, that was mighty silly, and I do love reading your work. But let's face facts: being able to predict the weather because of an injury is nothing special or "super". Plenty of people can do that, hell I can do that. Then again, I don't have much of a sense in justice, so I guess you won't need to worry about any competition from me.

 

[sammyfreak]

Righteous Indignation Man sounded way beter then Captain Peevish. But the article was hysterical so kudos to you mr vigilanty dog-poo fighter.

I often dream of being a superhero myself, well not a real superhero but a person who devotes most of their life to a good cause. Serving other is something that brings me great joy. Unfortunately my talents are limited to storytelling, theology and selflessness so I might just take upon myself the title of "nice guy".

Totaly and utterly commiting yourself to a cause isn't always the best way to serve it. It might be in the short term but in the long run you also need to take care of yourself. Somehow the idea of living my life for others is extremely apealing and hopefully I will get down do doing just that one day.

 

[Spinwhiz]

Loved it. I have an innate ability of feeling shifts in pressure systems. I start to feel lightheaded and my stomach turns. Do we have the same super power then? One born with it, one created by accident. Now that is a story!

 

[Archon]

Is Captain Peevish's arch-foe Dr Dogpoop?

 

[Spit_Nolan]

*wipes a single tear from his eye*
you need a comic artist to write a bloody series on that.
that was effing brilliant

 

[Evales]

Yeh, but Iron Man, he's cool, a prick and freaking awesome.

Thats me, thats me as a superhero

 

[John Funk]

Ha!

Aquaman sucks!

 

[Drong]

Bravo a entertaining and funny little read.

 

[Ian Dorsch]

Classic.

 

[Kovash86]

This is what super speed can allow you to do

Oh, yeah and that guy he is punching took out the entire Justice League by himself, except the Flash, of course.

 

[Girlysprite]

what is super speed good for?

Considering the strength of impact scales along with speed, it gets you pretty far

 

[Kovash86]

Super speed is an awesome power, and the Flash is the fastest creature in the universe, even god's are inferior to him. Well depending on who is writing him. Under normal circumstances The Flash is considered one of the most powerful creatures in existence despite not being bullet-proof, he can run faster than them so it shouldn't be a problem really, depending on which version he is fast enough to wait for you to pull the trigger, then go check his mail grab a drink, a burger, eat it all, and then go back to his house and brush his teeth, all before your bullet makes it to where he was standing, before he decided to go have lunch.

 

[ErinHoffman]

This reminds me a bit of the magnetic implant body mod [http://www.wired.com/gadgets/mods/news/2006/06/71087] that lets you sense magnetic fields. I admit to being morbidly curious, though I'm waiting for v.2.0 on it (they can't get them to stay in currently).

Captain Peevish's arch-nemesis, is, of course Dog Poop Girl [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_poop_girl]. In Korea he has a very real future as a superhero.

 

[sharp_as_a_cork]

Excellent article, Russ.

what is super speed good for?

Considering the strength of impact scales along with speed, it gets you pretty far

and considering Newton's second (?) law of motion, anything he hits that fast will probably splat him (see bird meets plane).

 

[oldmanscene24]

Excellent article, Russ. It got quite a chuckle round these parts.

 

[Capo Taco]

Fantastic!

It reminds me of a fantastic radio sketch (which was in dutch I'm afraid), where someone wants to discover whether he's a superhero or not. His research showed that superpowers manifest only in moments of intense stress. So he jumps from a building and while he's falling he is pleased to find out that he does too have superpowers. Apparently he can see through buildings.

 

[Karisse]

I have never heard a better "screw Batman" rant. Priceless.

The end part about responsibility and whether or not the world needs super heroes really drove the article home for me. It was great all the way through, but that part made it golden. I always think it'd be awesome to have super powers, but whenever I'm given great power in video games and get bored, I take it out on the innocent bystanders who were foolish enough to enter my line of sight. Bottom line is I'm not responsible enough to be a super hero.

But whether or not my presence as a super hero is needed brings up so many other things to mind, specifically (and don't laugh) an episode of Futurama where Bender meets God, and God explains to Bender that doing too much for others ultimately makes those you're helping complacent and helpless, while the second you try to let people stand on their own feet they cry out that they've been forsaken, and if you try to be subtle, people might think you did nothing at all. And, like Bender in his little attempt at playing God, who wants that kind of job?

Entertaining and thought provoking. Awesome article.

 

[ryai458]

super speed would be horrible if you punch someone going that fast your fist would be turned to jelly not to mention the rest of your body

 

[k-ossuburb]

Like Aquaman, I'm just about the most useless superhero imaginable. Actually, I suppose he has me beat. The earth is two-thirds water. If you're on a cruise ship and drop your car keys in the ocean, Aquaman can fetch them for you. I'll be up on deck watching for storms.

In the words of Lex Luthor "WRONG!"



Under the T.V. Tropes article "Heart Is An Awesome Power" [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HeartIsAnAwesomePower] Aquaman is actually seriously bad-ass.

And under the Aquaman article.

"He can summon sea life. ALL sea life. Do you know how many living things exist within a cubic mile of ocean? That's not even taking into account the strength, durability and sheer force of will he possesses.

He commands all sea life, furthermore he's one of the most powerful telepaths in the entire DCU due to the fact that all life of earth (and several other planets) evolved from the sea and he can use his powers to tap into that part of the brain to control whatever the hell he wants.

And that doesn't account for his Required Secondary Powers. He can swim really fast and get into fistfights under 500+ atmospheres of pressure. Yet he doesn't explode when he comes up to sea level. Anyone who knows the physics behind this will realize that this makes him every bit as strong and Nigh Invulnerable as Superman."

Not to mention: