Chinese Officials Prevent Suicide With Butter

Earnest Cavalli

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Jun 19, 2008
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Chinese Officials Prevent Suicide With Butter



In a bid to prevent suicidal dives from a 1,000 foot bridge in southeast China, officials have had the entire span slathered in butter.

The idea is that by covering the bridge's various substructures in such a slick, fatty substance, it would be nearly impossible for potential corpses to ascend to a dangerous height.

Though this seems like the set up for a jingoistic jab at just how backwards a foreign power is, reports from bridge workers and locals give the impression that the butter plan is a huge success.

"The butter makes the bars and frames slippery and hard to climb on to, and we can easily catch them," said bridge guard Wong Man.

"Each time somebody threatens to commit suicide to get media attention or sympathy over personal problems we end up with several hours of tailbacks and there were lots of complaints. Since we put up the butter there have been no problems with these attention seekers."

I don't know whether to marvel at the resourcefulness of the Chinese people or at Man's incredibly callous statement.

It should be noted that though the Chinese government issued the story [http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/life/2009-09/01/content_8642819.htm], it offered no concrete figures on how often this particular bridge was used as a means to end one's life, either before or after its buttery makeover.

(Image [http://www.flickr.com/photos/booleansplit/3060838705/])

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SilverHammerMan

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Jul 26, 2009
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Bunch of damn lunatics.
Also: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AAAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA! CRAZY COMMIES!
 

ElephantGuts

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Jul 9, 2008
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What happens when the butter gets washed off by rain and whatnot? Surely they aren't going to continually re-apply butter to the bridge? That would cost tons of money. Sort of a waste of butter too. Surely they could use some other non-edible lubricant?
 

warbaloon

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Aug 11, 2009
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love me some funeral humor

and asians

"and we put up special fences and notices asking people not to commit suicide here"-from the source article
 

El Poncho

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May 21, 2009
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China may not be as cool as they used to be but it sometimes just pops out and goes hai thar, every now and then.
 
Apr 28, 2008
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ElephantGuts said:
What happens when the butter gets washed off by rain and whatnot? Surely they aren't going to continually re-apply butter to the bridge? That would cost tons of money. Sort of a waste of butter too. Surely they could use some other non-edible lubricant?
Maybe K-Y?
 

Megacherv

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Sep 24, 2008
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ElephantGuts said:
What happens when the butter gets washed off by rain and whatnot? Surely they aren't going to continually re-apply butter to the bridge? That would cost tons of money. Sort of a waste of butter too. Surely they could use some other non-edible lubricant?
Water and fat don't mix, the rain will just roll off.

Beware when they come armed with toast to use as grips.
 

Disaster Button

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Feb 18, 2009
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Lol they actually called suicidal people "attention seekers" I'm surprised that went down well. Or at all.

But my god that plan is hilarious.
 

Supreme Unleaded

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Aug 3, 2009
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Wouldnt maintnence crews slip on this butter as they try to fix the bridge, talk about sidesteping a pot whole only to fall off a bridge. (Major Yahtzee quote, but it was so punny)
 

ElephantGuts

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Megacherv said:
ElephantGuts said:
What happens when the butter gets washed off by rain and whatnot? Surely they aren't going to continually re-apply butter to the bridge? That would cost tons of money. Sort of a waste of butter too. Surely they could use some other non-edible lubricant?
Water and fat don't mix, the rain will just roll off.

Beware when they come armed with toast to use as grips.
I did not know that.

Well something has to happen to the butter eventually, right? It can't stay there forever.
 

Mardy

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Apr 7, 2009
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I'm afraid their ideas get cleverer by the day, next think you know they smear their buildings with butter.
 

ScorpionPrince

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Sep 15, 2009
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Megacherv said:
ElephantGuts said:
What happens when the butter gets washed off by rain and whatnot? Surely they aren't going to continually re-apply butter to the bridge? That would cost tons of money. Sort of a waste of butter too. Surely they could use some other non-edible lubricant?
Water and fat don't mix, the rain will just roll off.

Beware when they come armed with toast to use as grips.
Hahaha the way you said "they" made me have a mental image in my head that they come in waves :)

But it's kinda sad though
 

Somethingfake

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Oct 22, 2008
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I liked that. I also liked the story of an old ex army man, went right up to a man who was saying he'd jump off a bridge and pushed him off anyway, simply because he was fed up of people holding up the traffic.
 

nerdsamwich

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Feb 25, 2009
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I'd use machine grease, myself, but this is a great idea.
Disaster Button said:
Lol they actually called suicidal people "attention seekers" I'm surprised that went down well. Or at all.

But my god that plan is hilarious.
The thing here is, most people who try to kill themselves are attention seekers. Especially the ones who do it in public. If all they wanted was to die, they'd do it at home, by a method that is sure to work, like taking rat poison while hanging yourself after cutting your wrists.
 

Gerazzi

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Feb 18, 2009
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Oh, this was hilarious. Just really top-notch stuff here.
Too bad I don't want to be around when it goes bad.
 

userwhoquitthesite

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Supreme Unleaded said:
Wouldnt maintnence crews slip on this butter as they try to fix the bridge, talk about sidesteping a pot whole only to fall off a bridge. (Major Yahtzee quote, but it was so punny)
your words give me a stomach ache.



i saw rebuild the bridge out of butter and take no chances
 

Disaster Button

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Feb 18, 2009
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nerdsamwich said:
I'd use machine grease, myself, but this is a great idea.
Disaster Button said:
Lol they actually called suicidal people "attention seekers" I'm surprised that went down well. Or at all.

But my god that plan is hilarious.
The thing here is, most people who try to kill themselves are attention seekers. Especially the ones who do it in public. If all they wanted was to die, they'd do it at home, by a method that is sure to work, like taking rat poison while hanging yourself after cutting your wrists.
Yeah I guess thats true I guess, still funny though. The butter thing, not the suicide thing.. Although, I'm imagining some gameshow style scene with people trying to run up to the ledge and jump but sliding down before they get there.... Yeah, I'm kinda sleep deprived >.>