192: The MMOG Connection

BlueInkAlchemist

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Jun 4, 2008
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The MMOG Connection

Massively multiplayer online games don't just provide a space for people to play together - they provide a place to form friendships with people from all over the world. Joshua Loomis recounts how his experience in World of Warcraft helped him meet his current girlfriend.

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PieMaker

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Oct 7, 2008
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I completely agree with this post. It is not a substitute with real life, but it not meant to be. In my opinion, massively multiplayer games, particularly roleplaying games are excelent vessels to study psychological and sociological issues in controled groups, since it's easy to find different and sometimes clashing personalities within a group, party, guild or alliance.

Online games are not the best place to find true love, but it's not impossible. I would know that.
 

Momala

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Mar 10, 2009
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I'm Josh's mom. For a long time, I thought that his love of online role-playing games was a gigantic waste of his time and talent. But the people he has met through gaming have become real friends to him and have pulled him through some really tough times in his life, and so I am very grateful to them.
 

Nivag the Owl

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Oct 29, 2008
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Well I was going to say I bet Ama is a dude. Damn you for meeting her in real life and preventing me from making generic MMO jokes!

But seriously, good read. I personally have never gotten close with MMO mates as its too much hassle when I have enough real friends already. I see them more as co-workers.
 

MorkFromOrk

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Though I know many have made friends across the globe and even found love via online gaming, for the most part what you encounter shortly after logging in are examples of the most vile human behavior. I'm sure for ever two people brought together via the internet and online gaming hundreds if not thousands are driven further apart. It's sad really. It seems there is a whole generation of people who are without social skills or civility. Maybe it's the fact that most online games are highly combative thus creating an atmosphere of hate and anger.
 

Daye.04

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Feb 9, 2009
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Momala said:
I'm Josh's mom. For a long time, I thought that his love of online role-playing games was a gigantic waste of his time and talent. But the people he has met through gaming have become real friends to him and have pulled him through some really tough times in his life, and so I am very grateful to them.
Ha ha ha ha =P

But now. I have to agree a bit with MorkFromOrk. The online games are indeed damaging this generations social skills. Luckily, though. I don't think there is enough people playing these games for it to have a very huge impact. But there will be enough people very soon. And that thought is rather troubling to me.

Then again, these games are kind of a relief for those who doesn't have very impressive social skills to begin with. Now they are at least able to meet each other. And very likely meet those who do have these skills too. My thoughts are, though, that they will get along better with their similar minded.

Finally. Yes. It is possible to find love. Honestly I'd say the chances are bigger at a match-making service (And I really doubt the chances in a match-making service) than in a MMOG. And additionaly the chances of it lasting is even less for both.
 

Krakyn

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I actually met my current girlfriend on a text based MMORPG called Dark Grimoire. We live together in New York currently.

The only problem I see with the relationship going on is the around 12 year age difference...unless she plans on attending graduate school in the US or something. Someone born in 1978 with someone who's just planning to go to college? Uh-oh.
 

Meta Like That

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Especially if you're going it alone, the chances of meeting a good group of people that you will befriend in life are near-astronomical, unless you're just a gregarious mofo or lucky. As said earlier, most players in-game lack social grace.
 

Sion_Barzahd

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I don't see where the claim that games and computers etc are ruining social interactions comes from.
I mean i used to be socially inept and nearly incapable of holding extended conversations with others.
but through things like WoW and forums such as this one, i've learned confidence and earned friendships where i never expected them.
Now i'm happy to say i can socialise with most circles of people with little or no effort.
 

Traxitus

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Nov 26, 2007
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hmm.. very touching but been there man, was in a relationship for couple of years with a swedish girl, i live in ireland, we were really good used to be with eachother every few weeks and it was crazy and awesome and wonderful i even planned on moving over and was seeking a job over there.... but it doesnt last and when you actually come to your senses from the retardation of love you realize that you had been living in a virtual world for so long so i wouldnt go putting all your praises into WoW i still play but i thought i was happy when i played that much but when you snap out of it you realise just how little you acomplished and inevitably end up lost and heartbroken jus dont put your whole life into it. good luck man.
 

lamewalletchain

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Mar 11, 2009
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I am confused at how this story isn't the same as me leaving my wife at the house while I meet other women at a local club/bar?

There is the video game aspect which adds a layer of novelty - but at its core - both protagonists in this story pursued outside relationships at the detriment of their current relationships.

This piece wants to validate MMOGs as a social medium capable of creating positive relationships outside of the game. It succeeds but also reminds us that MMOGs have the capacity to affect relationships negatively.

Maybe an alt-title could be The MMOG (dis)Connection?
 

Solipsis

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Sep 24, 2008
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sylphmortem said:
I completely agree with this post. It is not a substitute with real life, but it not meant to be.
I'll counter that. I hate drawing a distinction between "in game" and "real life". I watch TV in real life, I read books in real life, I go to movies in real life, heck, I even play D&D in real life...

The way I see it, MMOGs are part of my real life. My online friendships are real friends, and my online accomplishments are real accomplishments--no different than the accomplishment an athlete gets from reaching a goal, or an artist for completing a project. Why should I have to draw an arbitrary line between my hobby (not real life) and someone else's (real life)?
 

Nightfalke

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Sep 10, 2008
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Solipsis said:
sylphmortem said:
I completely agree with this post. It is not a substitute with real life, but it not meant to be.
I'll counter that. I hate drawing a distinction between "in game" and "real life". I watch TV in real life, I read books in real life, I go to movies in real life, heck, I even play D&D in real life...

The way I see it, MMOGs are part of my real life. My online friendships are real friends, and my online accomplishments are real accomplishments--no different than the accomplishment an athlete gets from reaching a goal, or an artist for completing a project. Why should I have to draw an arbitrary line between my hobby (not real life) and someone else's (real life)?
Alright, to take it a step further: Would you consider killing a Red Dragon in a tabletop session of D&D a "real" accomplishment or a "in-game" accomplishment?

While I agree that MMOs are part of one's "real-life", and that the friendships made in these games can be lasting ones, I still think it is wise to draw that line in the sand between "real-life" and "in-game". Fail to do so, and the MMO can suck you in, and you forget that you have a life outside of the MMO.

But then, on the other hand, what is the difference between obsessing over an MMO and constantly playing that, vs those people who train for a triathalon and are obsessed with their training?
 

BlueInkAlchemist

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Jun 4, 2008
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Nightfalke said:
But then, on the other hand, what is the difference between obsessing over an MMO and constantly playing that, vs those people who train for a triathalon and are obsessed with their training?
Triathletes don't have Cheetos stains on their jerseys?
 

Am

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Mar 11, 2009
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I can't believe I made an account just to reply to this. This is Ama, by the way, if you didn't guess. I really thought I could avoid commenting, but no. The urge to respond is too strong...

Krakyn said:
The only problem I see with the relationship going on is the around 12 year age difference...unless she plans on attending graduate school in the US or something. Someone born in 1978 with someone who's just planning to go to college? Uh-oh.
You're off by a bit. I mean, if the gap was 12 years it would have been far from legal (in the States) at first. There is quite a gap but not everyone who goes to college 18. At least in my social circle that "not everyone" would be "almost no one", but I doubt the people I hung out with in high school could be considered normal.

Traxitus... What?

lamewalletchain said:
I am confused at how this story isn't the same as me leaving my wife at the house while I meet other women at a local club/bar?
I'm confused by this comment... When did anyone say they were married? I got out of a bad situation, he wasn't seeing anyone. The ex-wife thing was a long time ago, but the story wasn't about that so he didn't expand on it. No one set out with the intention of hooking up, if we had we'd have met on eHarmony or something. Perhaps I didn't act in what you'd consider the best way, and if that's what you were commenting on, well... Go ahead I suppose. *shrug* Just wanted to clear that up a bit.

Any comments I could give to Josh directly about the article I've already given, so I'll just leave it at that. I'm happy that just about everyone's got what he was trying to say: meeting people online isn't any different from in person, and sometimes better. Sometimes it isn't better, but you can't expect perfection from any relationship with anyone you meet anywhere, romantic or otherwise.
 

lamewalletchain

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Mar 11, 2009
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I would agree with Solipsis. It is a lot smarter to stop framing activities as being in 'real life' or 'not real life'. Perhaps it would be more meaningful to distinguish activies as being leisure or non-leisure.

This is helpful because gamers and non-gamers spend our leisure time doing stuff they enjoy. It can include casual TV watching, scrapbooking or training for a marathon. These leisure activities can be more or less social or physically involved but generally none of them are any worse than the other.

When we place these activities on a level playing field then it just becomes a question of time. Leisure activities are perfectly harmless unless you're doing them at the expense of the non-leisure activities which need to happen for you to live a functional life.

Obviously the definition of a "functional life" is subjective. And it is this subjectivity that makes the video game aspect entirely a non-issue. Gamers and non-gamers alike have ongoing negotiations with friends, spouses and employers about how we're going to use our non-leisure time.
 

lamewalletchain

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Mar 11, 2009
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Am said:
lamewalletchain said:
I am confused at how this story isn't the same as me leaving my wife at the house while I meet other women at a local club/bar?
I'm confused by this comment... When did anyone say they were married? I got out of a bad situation, he wasn't seeing anyone. The ex-wife thing was a long time ago, but the story wasn't about that so he didn't expand on it. No one set out with the intention of hooking up, if we had we'd have met on eHarmony or something. Perhaps I didn't act in what you'd consider the best way, and if that's what you were commenting on, well... Go ahead I suppose. *shrug* Just wanted to clear that up a bit.
Thanks for clarifying the timelines re: the ex-wife! Nevertheless is mentioning the ex-wife's attitude towards MMOGs lends some merit to my point in my second post above.

Also - I can't speak about anyone's "intention of hooking up". But it's always helpful to be aware of the social settings we put ourselves (consciously or unconsciously). I can tell myself (and my wife) all day long I wasn't intending to hook up with anyone at that club and that I was just there to dance! But a decent argument could be made that by being there I was making a choice to open myself up emotionally to a hookup. And ultimately, I chose to enter a charged social setting without her.

That being said - I'm extremely glad that you're out of a bad situation and into what seems to be a good situation! I wish you both the best of luck!

-lwc