Terminator 2 Gets Shakespearean Rewrite

Logan Westbrook

Transform, Roll Out, Etc
Feb 21, 2008
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Terminator 2 Gets Shakespearean Rewrite

[flowplayer=http://s3.amazonaws.com/ksr/projects/28124/video-30974-h264_high.mp4]​

Is this an Uzi 9mm which I see before me, the handle toward my hand?

Killer cyborgs from the future, like those you might find in James Cameron's classic 1991 action movie Terminator 2, aren't something you'd normally associate with the works of William Shakespeare. That hasn't stopped Nashville-based theater company Husky Jackal from fusing the two together however, and in doing so, creating the positively regal sounding "Terminator the Second."

The project got its genesis when Husky Jackal was looking for a way to insert some theater into the Nashville independent music scene. The idea of converting the popular movie came to Husky Jackal in a late-night flash of inspiration, and using only material taken from Shakespeare's plays - and only those from folios printed before or on 1685 - they pieced together a new version of T2's script, line by line. They were very strict on authenticity, and only changed names and proper nouns, pronouns, and the occasional verb ending to make the lines fit together. The end result works surprisingly well, as you can see below:

Terminator: It is the T-1000 that threatens thee. He is indeed, sir, the most skillful, bloody, and fatal opposite you could possibly have found.
John: How should he be made then?
Terminator: There are a sort of men whose visages do cream and mantle like a standing pond. This outward-sainted deputy is yet a devil.
Husky Jackal said that the reason it works so well is that underneath all the crazy action sequences and sci-fi trappings, is a movie about characters. What's more, parallels to the themes in the movie - themes like dire prophecies, madness, and a mother's love for her son - can be found throughout Shakespeare's work. Having finished the script - which is no mean feat by itself - Husky Jackal is hoping to raise enough money to actually put on a production of the show. They figure they need at least $3,000 to put on a bare bones version, but hope to raise more and do an even better production. You can donate to the fund on Husky Jackal's Kickstarter [http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/huskyjackaltheater/terminator-the-second] page, as well as read a little more of the script.

Source: Blastr [http://blastr.com/2011/04/what-if-shakespeare-wrote.php]


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Scorched_Cascade

Innocence proves nothing
Sep 26, 2008
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A whole new spin on the line "Disdaining fortune, with his brandished steel, Which smoked with bloody execution"

I now envision a smoking gun rather than a metaphorically smoking sword.
 

NezumiiroKitsune

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Mar 29, 2008
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Erm guys...

The original post for this video made my display drivers crash, then upon reloading the page (because the video had gone block green) it caused a system failure and blue screened me. After the PC rebooted, I tried to get back to the news post (on the front page) and it endlessly cycled and I had to abort the window.

Anyone else? Anyone?
 

Scorched_Cascade

Innocence proves nothing
Sep 26, 2008
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NezumiiroKitsune said:
Erm guys...

The original post for this video made my display drivers crash, then upon reloading the page (because the video had gone block green) it caused a system failure and blue screened me. After the PC rebooted, I tried to get back to the news post (on the front page) and it endlessly cycled and I had to abort the window.

Anyone else? Anyone?
Works fine for me, it autoplays which is a bit annoying though. Also inb4yougetSKYNETjokes
 

Quaxar

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Sep 21, 2009
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Cometh with me, young and innocent boy, if thou wantst thy life to be spared from icy hands that are the death's!
 

Cursed Frogurt

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Aug 17, 2010
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My favorite movie of all time rewritten and performed ala Shakespeare? My day has been made.

"Fellow soldier, be you injured?"

"I feel brighter than the sun......
I do say, your vehicle is pleasing to mine eyes."

"To be back, or not to be back, that is not in my mission parameters."
 

Shellsh0cker

Defender of the English Language
Oct 22, 2008
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This is awesome. That is all.

<---Wishes he could be classy and quote Shakespeare like everyone else.
 

funguy2121

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Oct 20, 2009
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I wonder if Cameron sold all of the rights to the Terminator franchise when he allowed Johnathan Mostow and McG to make their crappy sequels. If so, here's hoping the studio steps in and stops this.

Nothing that I've read in the OP presents anything lyrical and poetic in the true nature of Shakespeare, even if such a retelling were advisable (which it is not).

A passive voice dependent clause? I believe that's basic fourth-grade English, not Shakespeare.

Further, the idea of people acting like robots that speak more eloquently than the average person completely runs counter to the idea of the T800 having to learn to be, or act, more human. The Terminator is a franchise that I would rather see left alone.
 

Scorched_Cascade

Innocence proves nothing
Sep 26, 2008
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Liquid Terminator:"I bear a charmed life, which must not yield, To one of woman born"
Terminator: "I was not born of woman"
*grenade*
*end of scene*
 

Scarim Coral

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Oct 29, 2010
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I suppose this is the only form of Shakespeare that I can actually get into for once.
 

GonzoGamer

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Scarim Coral said:
I suppose this is the only form of Shakespeare that I can actually get into for once.
This one looks pretty cool but nowhere nearly as funny as Two Gentlemen of Lebowski.
 

The Rogue Wolf

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"Hath thou beheld a boy of youth, named by his mother as John of the Connors?"
"Nay, good constable, I have not."

This could go places. I'm tempted to pony up twenty-five bucks just to get a poster.
 

Formica Archonis

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Nov 13, 2009
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Oddly, I've always preferred the reverse: Something Shakespearean modernized in an odd way.


ACT I
SCENE I


The Battlements of Elsinore Castle.

(Enter HAMLET, followed by GHOST.)

GHOST: Oi! Mush!

HAMLET: Yer?

GHOST: I was fucked!

(Exit GHOST.)

HAMLET: O Fuck.


(Exit HAMLET.)



SCENE II


The Throneroom.


(Enter KING CLAUDIUS, GERTRUDE, HAMLET and COURT.)

CLAUDIUS: Oi! You, Hamlet, give over!

HAMLET: Fuck off, won't you?

(Exit CLAUDIUS, GERTRUDE, COURT.)


HAMLET: (Alone) They could have fucking waited.

(Enter HORATIO.)

HORATIO: Oi! Watcha cock!

HAMLET: Weeeeey!

(Exeunt.)


SCENE III

Ophelia's Bedroom.


(Enter OPHELIA and LAERTES.)

LAERTES: I'm fucking off now. Watch Hamlet doesn't slip you one
while I'm gone.

OPHELIA: I'll be fucked if he does.

(Exeunt.)



SCENE IV

The Battlements.


(Enter HORATIO, HAMLET and GHOST.)


GHOST: Oi! Mush, get on with it!

HAMLET: Who did it then?

GHOST: That wanker Claudius. He poured fucking poison in my
fucking ear!

HAMLET: Fuck me!

(Exeunt.)


ACT II


SCENE I

A corridor in the castle.


(Enter HAMLET reading. Enter POLONIUS.)

POLONIUS: Oi! You!

HAMLET: Fuck off, grandad!

(Exit POLONIUS. Enter ROSENCRANZ and GUILDENSTERN.)

ROS & GUILD: Oi! Oi! Mucca!

HAMLET: Fuck off, the pair of you!


(Exit ROS & GUILD.)

HAMLET: (Alone) To fuck or be fucked.

(Enter OPHELIA.)

OPHELIA: My Lord!

HAMLET: Fuck off to a nunnery!

(They exit in different directions.)



ACT III
SCENE I

The Throne Room.

(Enter PLAYERS and all COURT.)

I PLAYER: Full thirty times hath Phoebus cart...

CLAUDIUS: I'll be fucked if I watch any more of this crap.

(Exeunt.)



SCENE II



Gertrude's Bedchamber.


(Enter GERTRUDE and POLONIUS, who hides behind an arras.)

(Enter HAMLET.)

HAMLET: Oi! Slag!

GERTRUDE: Watch your fucking mouth, kid!

POLONIUS: (From behind the curtain) Too right.

HAMLET: Who the fuck was that?

(He stabs POLONIUS through the arras.)

POLONIUS: Fuck!


(POLONIUS dies.)

HAMLET: Fuck! I thought it was that other wanker.

(Exeunt.)



ACT IV


SCENE I



A Court Room.

(Enter HAMLET, CLAUDIUS.)

CLAUDIUS: Fuck off to England then!

HAMLET: Delighted, mush.



SCENE II


The Throne Room.


(Enter OPHELIA, GERTRUDE and CLAUDIUS.)


OPHELIA: Here, cop a whack of this.

(She hands GERTRUDE some rosemary and exits.)

CLAUDIUS: She's fucking round the twist, isn't she?

GERTRUDE: (Looking out the window.) There is a willow grows aslant the
brook.

CLAUDIUS: Get on with it, slag.

GERTRUDE: Ophelia's gone and fucking drowned!

CLAUDIUS: Fuck! Laertes isn't half going to be browned off.

(Exeunt.)



SCENE III

A Corridor.

(Enter LAERTES.)

LAERTES: (Alone) I'm going to fucking do this lot.

(Enter CLAUDIUS.)

CLAUDIUS: I didn't fucking do it, mate. It was that wanker
Hamlet.

LAERTES: Well, fuck him.

(Exeunt.)



ACT V

SCENE I

Hamlet's Bedchamber.


(Enter HAMLET and HORATIO.)

HAMLET: I got this feeling I'm going to cop it, Horatio, and you know, I
couldn't give a flying fuck.

(Exeunt.)



SCENE II



Large Hall.


(Enter HAMLET, LAERTES, COURT, GERTRUDE, CLAUDIUS.)

LAERTES: Oi, wanker: let's get on with it.

HAMLET: Delighted, fuckface.

(They fight and both are poisoned by the poisoned sword.)

LAERTES: Fuck!

HAMLET: Fuck!


(The QUEEN drinks.)

GERTRUDE: Fucking odd wine!

CLAUDIUS: You drunk the wrong fucking cup, you stupid cow!

(GERTRUDE dies.)

HAMLET: (Pouring the poison down CLAUDIUS'S throat) Well, fuck you!

CLAUDIUS: I'm fair and squarely fucked.

(CLAUDIUS dies.)

LAERTES: Oi, mush: no hard feelings, eh?

HAMLET: Yer.


(LAERTES dies.)

HAMLET: Oi! Horatio!

HORATIO: Yer?

HAMLET: I'm fucked. The rest is fucking silence.

(HAMLET dies.)

HORATIO: Fuck: that was no ordinary wanker, you know.

(Enter FORTINBRAS.)

FORTINBRAS: What the fuck's going on here?

HORATIO: A fucking mess, that's for sure.


FORTINBRAS: No kidding. I see Hamlet's fucked.

HORATIO: Yer.

FORTINBRAS: Fucking shame: fucking good bloke.

HORATIO: Too fucking right.

FORTINBRAS: Fuck this for a lark then. Let's piss off.

(Exeunt with alarums.)
 

Batfred

New member
Nov 11, 2009
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I would SO watch this. Although the following line could use some pep I reckon.

[the T-1000 has fallen into a vat of molten steel]
John Connor: Doth it be dead?
The Terminator: Verily.

This works weel though:

[Linda Connor sees Arnie turning the corner in the asylum]
The Terminator [aside]: The lady doth protest too much methinks

EDIT: Auto play is starting to get really annoying now!
 

MrGalactus

Elite Member
Sep 18, 2010
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NezumiiroKitsune said:
Erm guys...

The original post for this video made my display drivers crash, then upon reloading the page (because the video had gone block green) it caused a system failure and blue screened me. After the PC rebooted, I tried to get back to the news post (on the front page) and it endlessly cycled and I had to abort the window.

Anyone else? Anyone?
Skynet, dude. Skynet. You're more important than you know.
 

solidstatemind

Digital Oracle
Nov 9, 2008
1,077
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0
funguy2121 said:
I wonder if Cameron sold all of the rights to the Terminator franchise when he allowed Johnathan Mostow and McG to make their crappy sequels. If so, here's hoping the studio steps in and stops this.

Nothing that I've read in the OP presents anything lyrical and poetic in the true nature of Shakespeare, even if such a retelling were advisable (which it is not).

A passive voice dependent clause? I believe that's basic fourth-grade English, not Shakespeare.

Further, the idea of people acting like robots that speak more eloquently than the average person completely runs counter to the idea of the T800 having to learn to be, or act, more human. The Terminator is a franchise that I would rather see left alone.
I don't know why you are reacting so negatively to this, but you are incorrect about the whole 'passive voice dependent clause' thing. Shakespeare often flouted speech and language conventions in his day. (If you are truly a linguiphile, here's a book you might be interested in: You Are What You Speak [http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-What-Speak-Grouches/dp/0553807870/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1302207142&sr=8-1].)

It's a fantastic read for people who love language, and I'm not just saying that because I'm friends with the author.

You have a point about the cyborgs needing to learn, but I assume that the humans are all going to be speaking in the same mode, so the norm that the cyborgs are striving for would fit the language used.

As for the rights, you might actually have a point, because AFAIK, Carolco owned the rights, and they got bought up when the company went bankrupt, but who know who holds them now, since Columbia/TriStar did T3, and Sony did Terminator: Salvation.