Nice Guys Suck
- Thread starter Lara Crigger
- Start date
I've never actually read one of these before, but having a substantial dating past, I will now give my two cents to be flamed later on:
Nice Guys? are dastardly bastards who are only hiding their insecurites. Nice guys are people who wear their insecurities on their sleeve.
The answer is, be genuinely respectful to members of the opposite sex. But don't think you can be a Nice Guy? or nice guy and be an insecure little wretch. Confidence is all that matters. What about you makes you in some way better than everyone else in the room? Keep that in mind, but don't tell your date about why you rock and others suck.
If a girl you have recently met is sitting there and telling you her feelings, she already only sees you as a friend. Sometimes dating, sex and a good relationships comes from that, but the majority of the time it does not.
The difference between how a romantic relationship and a friendship starts are completely different. The former starts out with some level of interest that is probably only based on attraction. The best way to attract a girl is to be confident in who you are and the things you say and do. With a truly confident person, a mistake comes off as a cute little error. With a neurotic mess who is not confident, it seems like an earth shattering error that there is not coming back from. It's displayed in verbal and body language.
In the latter starts out with no attraction. Nice guys are often willing to listen and even put the other person before themselves, but the initially reason for contact is not based on attraction, but a need to fill an emotional void.
This is important, when a girl is attracted to you, the void doesn't exist till you are not there, if a girl is not attracted to you, the void exists and you are the first person to come along and fill it.
That is my two cents. Flame away.
Nice Guys? are dastardly bastards who are only hiding their insecurites. Nice guys are people who wear their insecurities on their sleeve.
The answer is, be genuinely respectful to members of the opposite sex. But don't think you can be a Nice Guy? or nice guy and be an insecure little wretch. Confidence is all that matters. What about you makes you in some way better than everyone else in the room? Keep that in mind, but don't tell your date about why you rock and others suck.
If a girl you have recently met is sitting there and telling you her feelings, she already only sees you as a friend. Sometimes dating, sex and a good relationships comes from that, but the majority of the time it does not.
The difference between how a romantic relationship and a friendship starts are completely different. The former starts out with some level of interest that is probably only based on attraction. The best way to attract a girl is to be confident in who you are and the things you say and do. With a truly confident person, a mistake comes off as a cute little error. With a neurotic mess who is not confident, it seems like an earth shattering error that there is not coming back from. It's displayed in verbal and body language.
In the latter starts out with no attraction. Nice guys are often willing to listen and even put the other person before themselves, but the initially reason for contact is not based on attraction, but a need to fill an emotional void.
This is important, when a girl is attracted to you, the void doesn't exist till you are not there, if a girl is not attracted to you, the void exists and you are the first person to come along and fill it.
That is my two cents. Flame away.
Good article, as i was one of the readers who found the disdainful remarks about Nice Guys a bit offensive, i'm glad of the clarification and can say with personal confidence that i'm a nice guy and not a Nice Guy (TM).
Last paragraph was also interesting, should we be moaning about being introverted guys then instead? However, what happens when this goes too far and we make another distinction between introverted guys and Introverted Guys (TM)?
Another issue is that being a "supernova" can contradict another common piece of dating advise- "Be yourself"- what if your the kind of guy who doesn't get behind the mike and wear a silly hat? Do you be yourself or sacrifice who you are for the sake of finding someone?
Last paragraph was also interesting, should we be moaning about being introverted guys then instead? However, what happens when this goes too far and we make another distinction between introverted guys and Introverted Guys (TM)?
Another issue is that being a "supernova" can contradict another common piece of dating advise- "Be yourself"- what if your the kind of guy who doesn't get behind the mike and wear a silly hat? Do you be yourself or sacrifice who you are for the sake of finding someone?
Well, it didn't really bother me to be honest, I know I'm not either version of a "nice guy"
I usually don't hide the fact I'm a sarcastic bastard who sometimes likes to fuck with people. That and for some reason people don't seem to want to talk with me *shrug* oh well, back to blowin shit up I go!
I usually don't hide the fact I'm a sarcastic bastard who sometimes likes to fuck with people. That and for some reason people don't seem to want to talk with me *shrug* oh well, back to blowin shit up I go!
Despite your clarification, I can't help but feel like you still have an aversion to "nice guys" in terms of people who are just generally good people. My question is, what is wrong with wanting someone who is just generally good as a base "ideal person" to look for in a relationship. We should all want to be with people who will treat us with respect and kindness and to accept anything less just seems rather stupid.
Also, I move we switch calling "Nice Guys tm" to something less confusing because that's all it really will lead to anyway. Why not call them manipulators? "Masterminds"? Riddlers, so to speak. Those all seem to fit much better from where I'm sitting.
Also, I move we switch calling "Nice Guys tm" to something less confusing because that's all it really will lead to anyway. Why not call them manipulators? "Masterminds"? Riddlers, so to speak. Those all seem to fit much better from where I'm sitting.
oddly the clarification doesn't feel any less insulting and still amounts to : girls don't want nice guys, you're better off being a jerk than being yourself.
What if you're just a nice guy naturally? I'm still a guy, I do guy things. I just happen to be a little more compassionate than 40% of my hometown's male population.
Yup, I noticed the mixed message as well. It nearly felt like us introverted guys, who don't have to be Nice Guys, are now, by Lara at least, condemned to loneliness.Nickolai77 said:
I think people are missing the point here. The author isn't saying that you shouldn't be nice. They're saying that you shouldn't be friends with someone and be nice while expecting that they'll return your feelings and condemn them when they don't.
I'll try to add a good example here: "She should love me! I deserve her because I listened to her problems, gave her gifts, and treated her with respect. I am entitled to have her because I was nice, whether she likes me or not."
That's completely different than: "I am nice and polite to women. If they don't like me then I will continue to be nice to them, and try to find someone else."
I'll try to add a good example here: "She should love me! I deserve her because I listened to her problems, gave her gifts, and treated her with respect. I am entitled to have her because I was nice, whether she likes me or not."
That's completely different than: "I am nice and polite to women. If they don't like me then I will continue to be nice to them, and try to find someone else."
When I was younger (15-16), I was Nice Guy... what an asshole/dick I was
So, I think she's right; it's important to make a difference between Nice Guy and nice guy... It makes me think of the xkcd comic:
http://xkcd.com/513/
Just my opinion
So, I think she's right; it's important to make a difference between Nice Guy and nice guy... It makes me think of the xkcd comic:
http://xkcd.com/513/
The problem is, I don't think is I don't think being introvert (or extrovert) should be called a "personality trait". It's more a scaling on which you show the word the guy you know called "me".Nickolai77 said:
Just my opinion
Fuck being a nice guy. Be a supernova instead. is my new goddamn tag line. This made the article awesome
Oh, yeah, there was other stuff. Yeah pretty much agree, you seen nice guys (TM) all over, it kinda pisses me off. Is it that hard to just be who you are?
Oh, yeah, there was other stuff. Yeah pretty much agree, you seen nice guys (TM) all over, it kinda pisses me off. Is it that hard to just be who you are?
I can't help but feel a little assaulted by this article. Excuse me for wanting to actually know someone before I pursue a relationship with them. I'm 22 and i've only seriously dated 2 people, and I'm totally fine with that. Both of them were women that i had been friends with prior and we casually flirted a little and eventually started dating. Both of them were very positive relationships that i would not have done any differently. You seem to be saying that since being a nice guy won't get you every woman in the room its a bad personality. And, from where i'm sitting, that is a very sad perspective.
Nice Guys(tm) are annoying and should be derided and hopefully removed from the gene pool. But "nice guys" still risk finishing last, and it is always good to try being a jerk once in awhile to see how well it works with women. One eventually discovers this when they loose interest in someone they are dating so start being an asshole at which point the woman sticks on like glue. One day you realize, even if you aren't trying to get rid of someone, being an asshole has it's uses. So I'm not saying to just be a nice guy or just be a jerk but keep things fresh by mixing it up once in awhile. Now I don't know what attraction women have to being treated like dirt, I don't get it--it seems totally independent of self-esteem issues--but it might be an interesting read from a love advice collumn.
Would be interesting to look into what behaviours women have that foster/reinforce the "Nice Guy TM" behaviour in men.
I think that's one thing that's always annoyed me about the Nice Guy theory, it feels like a cop-out by women.
I think that's one thing that's always annoyed me about the Nice Guy theory, it feels like a cop-out by women.