Assassin's Creed - &%##@$* #%!#3$$^$#$%

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Assassin's Creed - &%##@$* #%!#3$$^$#$%

Assassin's Creed is another bad video game movie. Shocker.

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[Silentpony_v1legacy]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future. No one, and I mean no one, plays Ass Creed for the bullshit Anamus bits. Its all about being a Pirate on the high seas, singing shanties as you close in on that British destroyer and its cargo vessels full of spiced rum and salted meats.

 

[Igor-Rowan]

snip

My theory is that they decided to infodump everything right here in hopes of getting a [movie] franchise out of this, with all of the Animus stuff out of the way, this is basically Assassin's Creed 1, and considering all of the people out there (my brother-in-law included) that never get sick of Assassin's Creed, there is definitely an audience for it.

But I might be wrong and this is another case of pretentious director/producer/writer/etc mistaken as talented.

 

[P-89 Scorpion]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future. No one, and I mean no one, plays Ass Creed for the bullshit Anamus bits. Its all about being a Pirate on the high seas, singing shanties as you close in on that British destroyer and its cargo vessels full of spiced rum and salted meats.

The film is funded by Ubisoft itself they wanted to expand into a gereral media company and this is what they think people liked about the Assassin Creed games.

 

[Imre Csete]

You can binge the Altair-Ezio ones in a few days, but I guess that was too much research to ask from the director/screenwriters.

 

[fix-the-spade]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future

It's funded by Ubisoft, that provides the answer to every possible 'why would they do that?' question.

I find the timing of this movie rather hilarious. Announced in 2011, between Brotherhood and Revelations when the series was riding high, in the time since public interest in the series has more or less died off and the film finally comes out.

Oh Ubisoft...

 

[Xan Krieger]

"Recommendation: Skip it. Play the games. Well, a couple of the games. Like, maybe the second one and, I dunno, the one with the pirate ships, probably."

Get Assassin's Creed 3 free on Uplay, even if it's not quite up to AC:4's level of quality (though to be fair it's hard to compete with pirates) it's free and it's good. Sure there's that modern day stuff but it's not bad. As for the movie I have friends who have seen it and told me it was bad and they're fans of the games. Shame they take a series about assassinating people and then make the bit that its in the title the tiny minority of the movie.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I knew this would be bad and your review title confirmed it Marter.

 

[RJ 17]

Assassin's Creed is an apathetic movie. It doesn't seem to care about much that's going on, and it doesn't seem to care if we do, either. It's got a confusing plot, muddled or non-existent characters, choppy action...

Soooo it's basically just like the games? One could argue that this is indeed a fantastic adaptation, then. Hey-ooooohhhhhhh!

 

[Samtemdo8_v1legacy]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future. No one, and I mean no one, plays Ass Creed for the bullshit Anamus bits. Its all about being a Pirate on the high seas, singing shanties as you close in on that British destroyer and its cargo vessels full of spiced rum and salted meats.

Or actually being a Badass Subtle Assassin:

 

[09philj]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future. No one, and I mean no one, plays Ass Creed for the bullshit Anamus bits. Its all about being a Pirate on the high seas, singing shanties as you close in on that British destroyer and its cargo vessels full of spiced rum and salted meats.

Or actually being a Badass Subtle Assassin:

I would assume anyone who actually wanted that would be playing Batman: Arkham Asylum since the AC games are flamboyantly over the top swashbuckling throwbacks.

 

[Kajin]

Sure I liked Suicide Squad and found it entertaining but the movie was still crap. It only got a pass because of the likable characters but if we looked at it through a critic's eyes, the movie had more flaws then the amount of stains you'd find in a Walmart's bathroom.ss

My local Wal-Mart's bathrooms are a far superior experience to the live action Suicide Squad.

 

[Overquoted]

Kind of sad about this. I've been a fan of Michael Fassbender since his turn as Azazeal in Hex. I was going to watch this since I figured he wouldn't be in something completely dumb. Now I have to consider if he's worth sitting through a standard crappy video game flick.

 

[vallorn]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future

It's funded by Ubisoft, that provides the answer to every possible 'why would they do that?' question.

I can see the Ubisoft board meeting now.
Exec #239-B:
"Assasin's Creed 2, in this movie, the audience has to climb towers that we put in the theater and scan QR codes on the backs of random chairs with their phones in order to unlock the whole movie! That will ensure people like it!"

CEO:

 

[Dalisclock]

snip

My theory is that they decided to infodump everything right here in hopes of getting a [movie] franchise out of this, with all of the Animus stuff out of the way, this is basically Assassin's Creed 1, and considering all of the people out there (my brother-in-law included) that never get sick of Assassin's Creed, there is definitely an audience for it.

But I might be wrong and this is another case of pretentious director/producer/writer/etc mistaken as talented.

I'm just going to throw in that while I've had more patience with the series then a lot of people here(which is why I'm ambivalent about new games), my feeling when hearing about a film was: So is it going to be good bad or just terrible?

And it looks and sounds like it's just terrible. I'd say I'm disappointed but that requires me to have the expectation of it being good in the first place.

Admittedly, this is the first time I can remember seeing a movie review where the title is basically self-censored swearing. Bravo.

 

[Dalisclock]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future

It's funded by Ubisoft, that provides the answer to every possible 'why would they do that?' question.

I can see the Ubisoft board meeting now.
Exec #239-B:
"Assasin's Creed 2, in this movie, the audience has to climb towers that we put in the theater and scan QR codes on the backs of random chairs with their phones in order to unlock the whole movie! That will ensure people like it!"

CEO:

Or having to log onto Uplay in order to watch it.

I'd worry that I'm giving them ideas, but I'm fairly certain at this point there's nothing Ubisoft wouldn't do to try to get people to use their shitty frontend. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it turned out Ubisoft Employees are required to log in everyday to keep their jobs.

 

[Samtemdo8_v1legacy]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future. No one, and I mean no one, plays Ass Creed for the bullshit Anamus bits. Its all about being a Pirate on the high seas, singing shanties as you close in on that British destroyer and its cargo vessels full of spiced rum and salted meats.

Or actually being a Badass Subtle Assassin:

I would assume anyone who actually wanted that would be playing Batman: Arkham Asylum since the AC games are flamboyantly over the top swashbuckling throwbacks.

You do know Assassin's Creed was a thing before the Arkham games even came out.

I swear all of you forgotten how popular Assassin's Creed was back in the day, you are so blinded by the games current state of mediocrity.

This was a great franchise.

 

[maninahat]

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future. No one, and I mean no one, plays Ass Creed for the bullshit Anamus bits. Its all about being a Pirate on the high seas, singing shanties as you close in on that British destroyer and its cargo vessels full of spiced rum and salted meats.

Money men, dear boy!

It costs a fraction of the amount to film a movie in a "futuristic" room that's really a concrete warehouse, than rent out sections of a historic city in Europe for shooting rights. No producer in their right mind would consider shooting what is said to be a sci-fi movie in a period drama location.

 

[Imp_Emissary]

Here's what I don't get.

So, they probably knew about the issue of the past events losing tension because we know the ancestor will live long enough to at least have kids.

So why don't they just set the movie in the past? No Anamus link up, just show the events of the Assassin's in this or that time period.

Then, if they REALLY want to, in a sequel, or at the end of the film, they can reveal all the stuff we saw was memories being explored in an Anamus. Maybe put in a few "glitches" in the movie to hint at it too.

This really could have been good. I'm sad that I never expected it to be though.

 

[MrCalavera_v1legacy]

Thanks for "spoiling" early that bit about movie being set mostly in the present, Marter. I like Fassbender, and was wondering about watching this, but now i'm sure i'll skip it.

I'll never understand why someone would greenlight an Assassin's Creed movie and have the vast majority taking place in the present/not-too-distant-future. No one, and I mean no one, plays Ass Creed for the bullshit Anamus bits. Its all about being a Pirate on the high seas, singing shanties as you close in on that British destroyer and its cargo vessels full of spiced rum and salted meats.

Or actually being a Badass Subtle Assassin

Nah, you have Hitman for that.