The Lament of the Videogame Boss With Crappy Minions

[John Funk]

The Lament of the Videogame Boss With Crappy Minions

From Bowser to Dracula to Drs. Wily and Robotnik, the lament of the videogame boss is always the same: It's so hard to get good help these days.

[collegehumor=1930110]

When you think about it, it must be really embarrassing to be a boss character in a videogame. You spend all this time and effort on hiring minions, on placing traps, and on making your Doom Fortress virtually impenetrable.

And then some douchebag goes and makes all of your hard work totally worthless, and your incompetent minions really don't make it any better. As this video from the minds at CollegeHumor shows, the "motivational" speeches that various bosses - from Castlevania, Donkey Kong Country, and more - give their minions can all kind of ... blend together.

It's rather horrifying to imagine a world without hidden powerups, though. Where will we get our spread-fire then?!

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[j0z]

A good point, and one that is specifically lampshaded in Half Life 2:

This brings me to the one note of disappointment I must echo from our Benefactors. Obviously I am not on the ground to closely command or second-guess the dedicated forces of the Overwatch, but this does not mean I can shirk responsibility for recent lapses and even outright failures on their part. I have been severely questioned about these shortcomings, and now must put the question to you:

How could one man have slipped through your force's fingers time and time again? How is it possible? This is not some agent provocateur or highly trained assassin we are discussing. Gordon Freeman is a theoretical physicist who had hardly earned the distinction of his Ph.D. at the time of the Black Mesa Incident. I have good reason to believe that in the intervening years, he was in a state that precluded further development of covert skills. The man you have consistently failed to slow, let alone capture, is by all standards simply that--an ordinary man. How can you have failed to apprehend him?

 

[axle 19]

Hilarious and true. Honestly think about it, one guy killing thousands of minions in a trap-ridden fortress to kill the big boss whose only weakness is in his fortress.

 

[PopcornAvenger]

What made Dungeon Keeper so innovative and incredible fun. The boss gets to build his Fortress of Doom (or dungeon, whatever), AND annihilate the goody-goody's coming to raid it.

God I miss that game.

 

[Kingsman]

"Stop hiding the power-ups. I KNOW you've hidden them, but it doesn't matter, because he will FIND THEM!"

I loved this, tbh. So true, so many times, in so many ways.

 

[fishman279]

I think this is quite appropriate

 

[stonethered]

Which leads to question number two. Why do badguys make their fortresses fall apart when they die?

Since they know they'll come back wouldn't you want to be able to see how they circumvented your traps and got to you? And having guards survive might make them more experienced and harder to beat.

Not to mention the cost.

 

[Jared]

Hilarious and true. Honestly think about it, one guy killing thousands of minions in a trap-ridden fortress to kill the big boss whose only weakness is in his fortress.

Yeah...Poeple need to lead the Evil Overlord list before they try to be an evil overlord lol

 

[Doug]

What made Dungeon Keeper so innovative and incredible fun. The boss gets to build his Fortress of Doom (or dungeon, whatever), AND annihilate the goody-goody's coming to raid it.

God I miss that game.

Indeedie. DK 2 was good too, but DK 3 ...was cancelled *cries*

 

[Galad]

Heh, game designers simply can't afford to make a game where a couple of lowly evil peons can stand up to a hero lol. Few people would want to play that kind of game for long

 

[Eric the Orange]

Heh, game designers simply can't afford to make a game where a couple of lowly evil peons can stand up to a hero lol. Few people would want to play that kind of game for long

Methinks your taking this to seriously...

 

[Distorted Stu]

I lol'd all the way through. So many games, so much nostaliga!

 

[Cuddly Knife]

I have a question for the bosses. Why do they always end up hiring minions who can't do anything right? Goombas? They have no arms! All they can do is walk towards you in one direction, hit a wall, then reverse. He shoulda just filled his castle with a bunch of hammer bros, problem solved.

 

[MrMisfit]

Not bad. Not bad at all.

 

[Galad]

Heh, game designers simply can't afford to make a game where a couple of lowly evil peons can stand up to a hero lol. Few people would want to play that kind of game for long

Methinks your taking this to seriously...

I am, sadly. I'll go take my funny pill

 

[The Great JT]

Loved the Punch-Out guys at the end.

 

[wooty]

Haha, like that vid, although I'm now terrified, those medusa heads from Castlevania bring back some chilling and unwelcome memories

 

[Gh0st1y_H]

My favorite part was the "Epic Face Baby" at the end.

It never gets old.

 

[CommyGingerbreadMan]

Come to think of it. How the hell do you tie a building, let alone WHY, to someone getting beaten? How? Why such a [url = http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LoadBearingBoss]Load Bearing Boss[/url]

 

[moretimethansense]

Heh, game designers simply can't afford to make a game where a couple of lowly evil peons can stand up to a hero lol. Few people would want to play that kind of game for long

You've obviously never heard of I Wanna Be The Guy have you?