Superman and Spider-Man Becoming Porn Stars

[Tom Goldman]

Superman and Spider-Man Becoming Porn Stars

All of your favorite superheroes will be boning each other in the near future courtesy of Vivid Superhero.

Porn director Axel Braun's specialty is remaking popular television shows and movies into productions where people bone, most recently taking on the 1960s Adam West Batman television show with Batman XXX [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/100426-Batman-XXX-A-Surprisingly-Faithful-Porn-Parody]. Due to its wild popularity, Braun is now the head of an entire porn division called Vivid Superhero, with Superman and Spider-Man next on his list.

Bleeding Cool [http://www.bleedingcool.com/2010/05/12/axel-braun-of-batman-xxx-talks-to-bleeding-cool] recently interviewed Braun about the intricacies of superhero porn and what we can expect from Superman XXX and Spider-Man XXX. He spared no expense in the production of Batman XXX, and isn't planning to nap on future films either.

"I've cast a sky diving instructor in the role of Superman. Which means we are going to have shots where he's flying for real. He'll jump off a plane, have his arms extended in front of him ... we will have genuine shots of Superman flying." These will presumably be in addition to genuine shots of Superman boning. Superman XXX is going to be based off of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies.

Braun's goal with Vivid Superhero is to remain as faithful as possible to the source material, and to treat it respectfully despite all the boning. Of Spider-Man XXX, Braun said: "I have had a perfect replica of the movie costume made. I'm basing the look and feel on the Spider-man movies, but just like Hollywood, I will be rebooting the franchise. I will have an origin story, but the main villain will be Elektro, someone not seen in the films. I will also have a love triangle between Mary Jane Watson, Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker." I don't think Mary Jane Watson and Gwen Stacy ever enjoyed each other's company in the comics, but I gather it'll happen in Spider-Man XXX.

Vivid Superhero would even like to bone films like Kick-Ass someday: "I'd love to do Kick-Ass! I loved it, I was at the premiere, all the way through I was thinking we could do this, we could do that. It even has 'ass' in the title." You know, I think he's right, it does have "ass" in the title. Perfect! Keep an eye on Vivid Superhero in the future for more porn starring childhood idols.

Source: Bleeding Cool [http://www.bleedingcool.com/2010/05/12/axel-braun-of-batman-xxx-talks-to-bleeding-cool]


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[Danpascooch]

Wait, so the shots of him flying......he'd have to have some sort of backpack (parachute) on right? I know porn films are ethically questionable but.......he'll need a parachute, lol.

Also, Kickass has child superheroes, trying to make a porn film out of that..........would break a LOT of laws.

 

[twaddle]

well... there goes my childhood. i wonder how long will i have power rangers(i lived in the us for a while when i was little) before vivid goes and bollocks that up too....

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

As silly as the ideas are they're not as bad as the pornographic adaptation of Beavis and Butthead.

 

[Mr. Grey]

Wouldn't Superman rip asunder the woman he's having sex with? I could have sworn there was a scientist fictional writer who was bored and did the math came up with a plausible theory which it turned out that Superman would accidentally rip Lois Lane's insides apart, be it through his ejaculation or thrusting.

I need to google for that article, it's driving me insane on whether or not it exists. Have been quoted and have since found it.

 

[Johnnyallstar]

IS NOTHING SACRED!? Of course not.

Think of this, when haven't superheros been sex jokes with spidy popping sticky white substance out of his wrists, and superman's shotgun blasts? Batman's escapades with the boy wonder? Wonder Woman is a fetish all to herself, since her only weakness is being chained up by a man...

There are so many it's ridiculous.

 

[ENKC]

Re Superman:

Is he faster than a speeding bullet?

Re Spiderman:

Will he be firing sticky webs from his hands on people?

 

[Sprogus]

well... there goes my childhood. i wonder how long will i have power rangers(i lived in the us for a while when i was little) before vivid goes and bollocks that up too....

The original red power ranger is already doing porn, gay porn at that.

 

[RN7]

Also, Kickass has child superheroes, trying to make a porn film out of that..........would break a LOT of laws. [/quote]

Not in Japan
Ah, silly Jap-Japs and your pedophilic tendencies.

As long as they avoid the green latern and the flash they'll be fine. Maybe. No I doubt it this is going to a bad, bad, bad place.

 

[BrionJames]

How the hell did they get the rights to the superheroes?

 

[Mr.PlanetEater]

well... there goes my childhood. i wonder how long will i have power rangers(i lived in the us for a while when i was little) before vivid goes and bollocks that up too....

It's funny 'cause they're a porn company and you.. sorry :<
Seriously, why are they making super hero porn. It just seems really really fetishized..

 

[Windu23]

I guess using Shocker as a villain in Spiderman would have been too easy.

 

[AmayaOnnaOtaku]

I bet if they attempt to touch marvel in any way shape and form Stan Lee will send the X-Men after them

 

[CoverYourHead]

I have a whole internet full of rule 34 that says he's late to the party.

Also, as others have said, Kick-Ass stars a very underage girl. So... think things through next time, 'kay Mr. Porno?

 

[Dr. wonderful]

*Slams head into keyboard*

vbgfcccccccgtyfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffgvf cgvfcvf cgvf

yhutgut cdvf kmnhj mnhbj

*Look up and see it's really, real. Back to keyboard bashing*

gvgvffvgvfhdfcxcvghnhgf

 

[JaredXE]

I'll admit it, I've seen most of their other parody porn vids. I'd probably check out these super-hero ones too.

But Kick Ass......ahhhhhh....well.....Hit Girl......I have both a hard time and an easy time seeing the character in porn.

I guess Lexi Belle could play the role, she's young(ish) looking. But she certainly ain't going to be an 11 year-old.

 

[RatRace123]

Yay? ???

I honestly don't know, how to react to this.

 

[SachielOne]

Marvel and DC are probably about to bury this company in lawsuits. This should be entertaining.

 

[The Random One]

Spoiler: I've found your true identity, Tom. You made it easy. Not many people manage to repeatedly refer to sex as boning with a metaphorically straight face.

OT, so the porn parody gets a guy actually flying and the movie gets some lame CGI. The state we're in.

Wouldn't Superman rip asunder the woman he's having sex with? I could have sworn there was a scientist who was bored and did the math which it turned out that Superman would accidentally rip Lois Lane's insides apart, be it through his ejaculation or thrusting.

I need to google for that article, it's driving me insane on whether or not it exists.

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.

Not a joke, that's the title of the article you're thinking of.

 

[Low Key]

How the hell did they get the rights to the superheroes?

You can thank Larry Flynt for that. He won a case back in the late 80s pretty much making anything in the public eye available for parody, which the category of porn superheros happens to fit.