50 Reviews :: Portal :: and blasphemy

Stranger of Sorts

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Aug 23, 2009
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[HEADING=1]50 Reviews :: Portal :: and blasphemy[/HEADING]
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At first, I didn't plan to review Portal despite my frequent promises of cake. I haven't played the game in years and I doubted that it would work on the laptop that I am typing these words on now. So guess what my reaction was when Portal was being given away for free on Steam, I downloaded it and it actually worked! Even though my laptop uses a graphics card that Steam has never encountered before and is known to overheat if I have more than 3 windows open. So I set the laptop on my desk, stole my dad's usb mouse and we're off!


There are many complications to note when reviewing a game such as Portal: everyone seems to be obsessed with the game and the variety of memes that it has spouted so any positive review will be just another few pages on the mountain of similar reviews. But then a review suggesting that this game is bad will be dismissed as simply "wrong" with phrases like "you just don't get it" and "you have no soul!" So where do I go with this? Well I could opt for BlueInkAlchemist's[footnote]here's his review [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.191446-Portal-The-Blue-Ink-Alchemy-Review-The-Orange-Box-5-5#6000382][/footnote] idea of reviewing the game in the perspective of Glados[footnote]I'm assuming you've all played the game or at least know all the trivia from it so I'm not going to bother with giving Portal an extended introduction[/footnote], but that is simply plagiarism. No, what I'm going to is argue a point; and that point is:

Portal is not nearly as good as everyone tells me it is.

Now before you all go and grab pitchforks and torches while screaming that this is blasphemy, here me out. I'm not saying that Portal is a bad game, I'm just saying that it isn't fantastic. As you all know by now, Portal is a small puzzle game with elements of humour which was part of The Orange Box and has recently risen from its classification as simply an add-on to something that, in many eyes, topped Half-Life 2 as the best game in the collection. You play as a test subject that has to navigate through several test chambers by using a hand-held portal device in order to earn your freedom.

I would liken the puzzles in this game to the ever-hated Farmville. While Farmville may not contain any puzzles the reason you complete the puzzles in Portal is for the same reason you plant crops. The puzzles in Portal are neither that challenging or, indeed, fun. You simply complete them in order to have a go at the next. Of course, the creators tried to get round this problem with the promise of cake after you complete 19 of these levels. But then again, I never did like that particular meme.
Sure, I am a great fan of the portal device and all the things it allows you to do. It's just that I think they could have done so much more with it: redirection of electrical spheres and the use of momentum were really the only things that were incorporated. These two ideas were simply repeated over the 10-odd levels where you actually had control of both portals which lead me to be increasingly bored and only playing for the part where you escape you fate[footnote]oh yeh.. spoilers by the way[/footnote].

[img height= 250]http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/gamelife/images/2008/07/14/portal.jpg[/img]
Mind = blown
But then again, I suppose the reason why Portal is hyped into the heavens is that people enjoy the humour that accompanies it and I would have to agree with the masses on this one. I too enjoyed the first time I saw "The cake is a lie!" written on the wall, or even the emotionally tearing Companion Cube level. But where the humour goes wrong is that it simply feels tacked on, like an afterthought when the developers realised that the puzzles could not stand by themselves. This is shown best if you take out the humour and see that the Companion Cube level is simple a prettied up "prop" level where you use an object to your advantage.
There is also a broader problem with humour in that the game will not stay funny forever; especially since what jokes there are have been killed outright by overuse as a lame attempt to join in. Humour also, does not mean a game doesn't need to bother with any other aspects like story, character development or gameplay. Furthermore, there have been plenty funnier jokes: for example I have Anchorman saved on my hard drive and I can switch to Dave whenever the TV is on and be laughing within the minute.

However, one cannot fail to admire the whole simplicity of Portal. It just doesn't bother with realism as far as fall damage and... Portals go. It's a game that says "Why do I need to have a story? People only want to have fun." Which is something all games should aspire for. But I've already gone in depth with that topic before[footnote]here [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.194992-Serious-Sam-Next-Encounter-and-why-games-should-be-less-realistic][/footnote] so I won't bore you with it again.

I think the main reason that Portal has been so successful is that it was such a surprise. Many bought The Orange Box for Half Life 2 and its episodes and were surprised to find a half decent game that could stand up on its own and was actually slightly funny. But to break the tone of this review completely I'm going to post the video of Still Alive in a half baked attempt to tie the review into what I'm going to talk about next.


__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

For those who are still reading hello! This spot is going to be used for the purpose of declaring that yes, I am still here. I've managed to amass a total of 50 reviews in a little under 3 months, may I be the first to ask how the fuck I managed that? Well from what I've gathered it's because of a mix of my frequent attempts at music reviewing and the fact that I actually enjoy doing this.

My efforts have rewarded me with a small following of people who regularly read my reviews (over at the music thread people have been asking why I haven't done one for a while, I have to say that was pleasantly surprising), a trickle of recognition from other reviewers even though most of it is negative and a self-awarded title. This isn't that much but it's a lot more than I was expecting when I first started doing this.

My writing has also improved, I hope anyway. I'm now a lot more in tune with "the flow" and have learned to stop insulting my readers... that often. Most of the improvement is down to how terrible I was when I first started along with (apparently) how I viscously attacked anyone who commented on my reviews. In my defence I though I was only being playful, but it turns out not everyone on the internet is British and used to such abuse from friends and family alike.

Oh well, I hope people have actually enjoyed the things I post on this forum. It would be good to know that I wasn't just declaring my opinions to a brick wall. If I wanted to do that I'd spent more time in the Religion and Politics section[footnote]Yay for jokes[/footnote].

Anyway, be sure to leave a comment concerning anything I've been talking about. This is also the last time you will be able to see "the wonder box" with all the links to my other reviews as I'm switching to a "next review/ previous review" format.

Thanks for reading.

Oh and... here you go.


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rokkolpo

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Aug 29, 2009
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I too recently played thanks to steam giving it away.

and i must say i agree it's not THAT great a game, although it was alot of fun.
i'm probably the only person satisfied withthe length of portal. but this length actually worked any longer and it would become boring very fast.

nice review!
 

BlueInkAlchemist

Ridiculously Awesome
Jun 4, 2008
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The way Portal is set up, going any longer than it did would have undercut the novelty of it. It was pitched, paced and framed perfectly, and that contributes to its huge success.

Doug Lombardi has said "Portal was a test bed. Portal 2 is the game."

I, for one, can't wait.

Nicely done on the review, Stranger.
 

Sassafrass

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Aug 24, 2009
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Very nice review.
I've played only a few levels through demo discs from OXM and the levels included in that just didn't interest me. Fun for a 30 minute blast but it just doesn't appeal to me in the long run.

And congrats on the 50 reviews.
You insane reviewing person, you.
 

Stranger of Sorts

Individual #472
Aug 23, 2009
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BlueInkAlchemist said:
The way Portal is set up, going any longer than it did would have undercut the novelty of it. It was pitched, paced and framed perfectly, and that contributes to its huge success.

Doug Lombardi has said "Portal was a test bed. Portal 2 is the game."

I, for one, can't wait.

Nicely done on the review, Stranger.
Hopefully I'll have something that can run it properly by the time it comes out. And you're just saying that because I linked your review :p
 

Rauten

Capitalism ho!
Apr 4, 2010
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Stranger of Sorts said:
the creators tried to get round this problem with the promise of cake after you complete 19 of these levels.
Congratulations, in a single line, you sent your entire review to the deepest pits of hell.
If you really thought you're doing the whole Portal thing for FREAKING CAKE, then, my dear sir, you and I have been playing completely different games. Because in my game, the cake was little more than a comical device, to make GladOS sillier, and the big, real reward was meant to be your freedom.

As for how it wasn't as good as people claim, it's mostly because by now, Portal has been so overexposed because of internet memes and whatnot, that as you say, it's no longer a surprise, almost everything you'll find in the game is already expected. Unfortunately, in this case, the internet has killed the game for those that have yet to play it.
 

Lullabye

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Oct 23, 2008
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Portal, however memed and worshiped it's become, is still a game. Because it is a game, it should be judged as such, not by how popular it's become on the internet. I'm glad you took the time to take it apart and review it as a game to be played, nothing more.
I never enjoyed Portal personally, but hey, I've always hated those FPS puzzle type games.
Good job on the review.
to quote a song: "I'm making a note here, huge success."
 

Stranger of Sorts

Individual #472
Aug 23, 2009
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Rauten said:
Stranger of Sorts said:
the creators tried to get round this problem with the promise of cake after you complete 19 of these levels.
Congratulations, in a single line, you sent your entire review to the deepest pits of hell.
If you really thought you're doing the whole Portal thing for FREAKING CAKE, then, my dear sir, you and I have been playing completely different games. Because in my game, the cake was little more than a comical device, to make GladOS sillier, and the big, real reward was meant to be your freedom.
Originally there was an extra paragraph explaining this but I removed it because it didn't really piece together properly. What it boiled down to is that there is little drive in this game as far as motivating the player is concerned and the cake thing was put there to give the players a little push.
 

2xDouble

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Mar 15, 2010
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*hands you a flame suit*
I wonder what else you think you should have been able to do with a Portal gun that wasn't at least possible, though unnecessary, in the game? Sever enemy heads with a portal to nowhere (a la Stargate)? Perform a bizarre magic trick by bursting out of an enemy stomach? Use the Portal to remove sections of wall or ceiling to which something heavy is attached (like a certain copyrighted bird-chasing wolf cartoon)?

You do offer an interesting perspective, however, and I agree that Portal is overhyped to a degree. Surely you know how things tend to get carried too far when one is excited.

side note: about the humor... you liked Anchorman. I think that explains it. (To fight "blasphemy" with "blasphemy") Will Ferrel is a hack.
*puts on matching flame suit*
 

Stranger of Sorts

Individual #472
Aug 23, 2009
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2xDouble said:
*hands you a flame suit*
I wonder what else you think you should have been able to do with a Portal gun that wasn't at least possible, though unnecessary, in the game? Sever enemy heads with a portal to nowhere (a la Stargate)? Perform a bizarre magic trick by bursting out of an enemy stomach? Use the Portal to remove sections of wall or ceiling to which something heavy is attached (like a certain copyrighted bird-chasing wolf cartoon)?

You do offer an interesting perspective, however, and I agree that Portal is overhyped to a degree. Surely you know how things tend to get carried too far when one is excited.

side note: about the humor... you liked Anchorman. I think that explains it. (To fight "blasphemy" with "blasphemy") Will Ferrel is a hack.
*puts on matching flame suit*
Why thank you *puts on flame suit*... hey there's holes everywhere!

One thing they could have done is let you put portals on moving objects, it could have lead to some really cool and frantic puzzles.

While, yes, I would agree that Ferrel is a bit of a tool I do find Anchorman really funny, the amount of good quotes to be taken from that film is hilarious.
 

SextusMaximus

Nightingale Assassin
May 20, 2009
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The novelty of Portal has been worn out over the years, so I would agree that if you've had the huge build up of hype everyone else had without playing the game, the humour would seem a little... boring.

I also think Portal 2 will be a huge failure due to hype... but as far as Portal, I personally loved it.
 

reg42

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Mar 18, 2009
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The puzzles in Portal are neither that challenging or, indeed, fun.
Couldn't disagree with you more. Did you try the challenge levels after you beat the game? They weren't easy.
the creators tried to get round this problem with the promise of cake after you complete 19 of these levels.
Wait... What? You mean the cake motivated you to finish the game? ... Wow.
But where the humour goes wrong is that it simply feels tacked on, like an afterthought when the developers realised that the puzzles could not stand by themselves.
This depends on your sense of humour. I didn't find that at all, I thought of glados and her jokes as a kind of companion. It was very well done IMO
This is shown best if you take out the humour and see that the Companion Cube level is simple a prettied up "prop" level where you use an object to your advantage.
You can say that about any game. It's not really a valid point. And either way, it's not trying to disguise itself as anything else. If someone didn't know it was a prop level when they played it they'd have to be stupid.
Furthermore, there have been plenty funnier jokes: for example I have Anchorman saved on my hard drive and I can switch to Dave whenever the TV is on and be laughing within the minute.
I know this is ironic, but I really don't think you get it. Portal's humour is dark or black humour, the type found in absurdism. It's not meant to be laugh out loud funny. It's completely different to Anchorman. You really can't compare the two.
 

Mcupobob

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Jun 29, 2009
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Well after finally getting to play portal on my own computer and getting to enjoy the content without feeling like I was hogging my cosine's computer, I prombtly started the game and beat it twice(the other time was to hear the commentary) and the advance maps in two days I gotta say you're right portal is not a great game but if you reasearch who was involed and how it was made you would be impressed on those merits only. Portal 1 was just a small set up in exploring a completly orginal game idea and portal 2 is sure to be the great game that portal 1 had the potintal to be.
 

Silva

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Apr 13, 2009
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You took an awfully long time to simply say that Portal is not actually that great. Most of what you said didn't prove your point, either.

Despite this, you're absolutely right. Seventy awards, as the game received, is just too much for what it really provides. It was just too short, the gameplay was quite low on new features for each new puzzle. Each of the new features that did appear were not even used in the most inventive fashion, except in the overly-frustrating Advanced puzzles.

I mean, if you were to pop a review score on it during its "free to register and keep" period, it would score much higher, but just on its merits, it's probably worthy of an 8 or 8.5 out of ten. It's good, but excellent? If it is, it's only by building on the engine of Half Life 2.

Sure, to someone completely new who hasn't played HL2, it is a crazy cool game. But if, like many people, you opened your Orange Box and left Portal sitting around unplayed for a long time, conquering the other games in there first, then Portal would just feel like an expansion pack that has no action and allows you to use just the one new gun. Not very appetising.

Still, gamers ride the hype and it even extends the experience for those who remain high on it. Perhaps that's the real value in the game. If you could call that "real".

Aylaine said:
Good review, though I'm not sure I totally agree about the ''funny forever'' part. I feel that anyone who has has the jokes/humor spoiled for them won't find the initial first play through as amazing as someone who started fresh when the game came out
You are, very sadly, correct on this count.

I played Portal for the first time this week, and thanks to the meme being everywhere, "cake is a lie" had a very vague effect on me. It was like having one of the other nerds who quoted it endlessly sitting next to me, interjecting over GLaDOS' dialogue with an annoying, overused line.

Seeing it on the wall was also ruined for me. Thankfully, the fact that you can trail the other test subjects throughout the game made things more interesting. While the value of the humour is lost for the best part, the sadness or the serious side of what's going on isn't.
 

Stranger of Sorts

Individual #472
Aug 23, 2009
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reg42 said:
Couldn't disagree with you more. Did you try the challenge levels after you beat the game?
I was reviewing the "story mode"(/campaign/single-player... whatever they're calling it this time), not the add-ons.
Wait... What? You mean the cake motivated you to finish the game? ... Wow.
No, I said that to highlight the fact that I was not motivated by anything.
This depends on your sense of humour. I didn't find that at all, I thought of glados and her jokes as a kind of companion. It was very well done IMO
Well done it may be, but to me it's stale.
I know this is ironic, but I really don't think you get it. Portal's humour is dark or black humour, the type found in absurdism. It's not meant to be laugh out loud funny. It's completely different to Anchorman. You really can't compare the two.
I am a great fan of dark humour, I could replace Anchorman with Frankie Boyle or anything really. While I see your point with that comparison, the point still stands that the humour isn't fantastic, just pleasing.
 

BlueInkAlchemist

Ridiculously Awesome
Jun 4, 2008
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Stranger of Sorts said:
And you're just saying that because I linked your review :p
Well, as flattered as I am that you're prompting others to read my work, if you think that's the only reason I'm paying yours a compliment I'll have to ask you to step outside.
 

SavingPrincess

Bringin' Text-y Back
Feb 17, 2010
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Stranger of Sorts said:
Humour also, does not mean a game doesn't need to bother with any other aspects like story, character development or gameplay.
I was sort of with you to a point up to this... I am so glad Portal didn't have a lot of story; or at the very least didn't try to bog us down with annoying exposition (that was the major complaint I had with Mirror's Edge).

It's one thing to love First-Person Shooters and not like Halo or Modern Warfare 2; you can love RPG's and not like Final Fantasy or Elder Scrolls... but Portal really does stand in a class entirely on its own. The First-Person Puzzle game is (to my knowledge) completely new. I just think you don't like the genre, that is to say, the genre that consists entirely of one game... that game being Portal. Asking for more story in Portal is like asking for more story in a Half-Life themed version of Tetris. What they did was take a game concept and inject the Half-Life universe into it; I am actually sad that the next Portal game won't be just more test chambers and they're deciding to take it in a story direction. I don't think it needs it. Lumines doesn't need story; even games like Puzzle Quest don't really need story... it's just kind of... there.

I think you just ran into a genre you really don't care for. For instance, I wouldn't review a Real-Time Strategy like StarCraft or Command & Conquer because I know I don't like the genre, therefore all my opinions would be irrelevant, as I would be reviewing what I don't like about the genre and not about that particular game. So if you are looking at the genre (again, that being the genre consisting of entirely one game) and saying, "I don't like this about the genre" that's totally fair, but I believe the game did (successfully) exactly what it set out to do.
 

reg42

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Mar 18, 2009
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Stranger of Sorts said:
I was reviewing the "story mode"(/campaign/single-player... whatever they're calling it this time), not the add-ons.
I'm just saying, they are there. You say they aren't challenging and then ignore it when the game gives you something more challenging. You could've mentioned it is all I'm saying
Well done it may be, but to me it's stale.
Oh okay, I didn't realise you were bringing opinion into it. That's also the trouble of reviewing a game that's 3 years old.
I am a great fan of dark humour, I could replace Anchorman with Frankie Boyle or anything really. While I see your point with that comparison, the point still stands that the humour isn't fantastic, just pleasing.
Oh okay, well again, that's your opinion.
 

Stranger of Sorts

Individual #472
Aug 23, 2009
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Aylaine said:
Good review, though I'm not sure I totally agree about the ''funny forever'' part. I feel that anyone who has has the jokes/humor spoiled for them won't find the initial first play through as amazing as someone who started fresh when the game came out
Isn't that basically what I said? Or am I missing something?

Silva said:
You took an awfully long time to simply say that Portal is not actually that great.
I'm not sure that people would be happy if I just wrote one line since it's a pretty short review as it is. Anyway, it was not so much of a review as so many have been done before, but expanding on a point which I thought was backed up well though people are telling me otherwise... oh well.