________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
[HEADING=1]50 Reviews :: Portal :: and blasphemy[/HEADING]
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
At first, I didn't plan to review Portal despite my frequent promises of cake. I haven't played the game in years and I doubted that it would work on the laptop that I am typing these words on now. So guess what my reaction was when Portal was being given away for free on Steam, I downloaded it and it actually worked! Even though my laptop uses a graphics card that Steam has never encountered before and is known to overheat if I have more than 3 windows open. So I set the laptop on my desk, stole my dad's usb mouse and we're off!
There are many complications to note when reviewing a game such as Portal: everyone seems to be obsessed with the game and the variety of memes that it has spouted so any positive review will be just another few pages on the mountain of similar reviews. But then a review suggesting that this game is bad will be dismissed as simply "wrong" with phrases like "you just don't get it" and "you have no soul!" So where do I go with this? Well I could opt for BlueInkAlchemist's[footnote]here's his review [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.191446-Portal-The-Blue-Ink-Alchemy-Review-The-Orange-Box-5-5#6000382][/footnote] idea of reviewing the game in the perspective of Glados[footnote]I'm assuming you've all played the game or at least know all the trivia from it so I'm not going to bother with giving Portal an extended introduction[/footnote], but that is simply plagiarism. No, what I'm going to is argue a point; and that point is:
Portal is not nearly as good as everyone tells me it is.
Now before you all go and grab pitchforks and torches while screaming that this is blasphemy, here me out. I'm not saying that Portal is a bad game, I'm just saying that it isn't fantastic. As you all know by now, Portal is a small puzzle game with elements of humour which was part of The Orange Box and has recently risen from its classification as simply an add-on to something that, in many eyes, topped Half-Life 2 as the best game in the collection. You play as a test subject that has to navigate through several test chambers by using a hand-held portal device in order to earn your freedom.
I would liken the puzzles in this game to the ever-hated Farmville. While Farmville may not contain any puzzles the reason you complete the puzzles in Portal is for the same reason you plant crops. The puzzles in Portal are neither that challenging or, indeed, fun. You simply complete them in order to have a go at the next. Of course, the creators tried to get round this problem with the promise of cake after you complete 19 of these levels. But then again, I never did like that particular meme.
Sure, I am a great fan of the portal device and all the things it allows you to do. It's just that I think they could have done so much more with it: redirection of electrical spheres and the use of momentum were really the only things that were incorporated. These two ideas were simply repeated over the 10-odd levels where you actually had control of both portals which lead me to be increasingly bored and only playing for the part where you escape you fate[footnote]oh yeh.. spoilers by the way[/footnote].
But then again, I suppose the reason why Portal is hyped into the heavens is that people enjoy the humour that accompanies it and I would have to agree with the masses on this one. I too enjoyed the first time I saw "The cake is a lie!" written on the wall, or even the emotionally tearing Companion Cube level. But where the humour goes wrong is that it simply feels tacked on, like an afterthought when the developers realised that the puzzles could not stand by themselves. This is shown best if you take out the humour and see that the Companion Cube level is simple a prettied up "prop" level where you use an object to your advantage.
There is also a broader problem with humour in that the game will not stay funny forever; especially since what jokes there are have been killed outright by overuse as a lame attempt to join in. Humour also, does not mean a game doesn't need to bother with any other aspects like story, character development or gameplay. Furthermore, there have been plenty funnier jokes: for example I have Anchorman saved on my hard drive and I can switch to Dave whenever the TV is on and be laughing within the minute.
However, one cannot fail to admire the whole simplicity of Portal. It just doesn't bother with realism as far as fall damage and... Portals go. It's a game that says "Why do I need to have a story? People only want to have fun." Which is something all games should aspire for. But I've already gone in depth with that topic before[footnote]here [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.194992-Serious-Sam-Next-Encounter-and-why-games-should-be-less-realistic][/footnote] so I won't bore you with it again.
I think the main reason that Portal has been so successful is that it was such a surprise. Many bought The Orange Box for Half Life 2 and its episodes and were surprised to find a half decent game that could stand up on its own and was actually slightly funny. But to break the tone of this review completely I'm going to post the video of Still Alive in a half baked attempt to tie the review into what I'm going to talk about next.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
For those who are still reading hello! This spot is going to be used for the purpose of declaring that yes, I am still here. I've managed to amass a total of 50 reviews in a little under 3 months, may I be the first to ask how the fuck I managed that? Well from what I've gathered it's because of a mix of my frequent attempts at music reviewing and the fact that I actually enjoy doing this.
My efforts have rewarded me with a small following of people who regularly read my reviews (over at the music thread people have been asking why I haven't done one for a while, I have to say that was pleasantly surprising), a trickle of recognition from other reviewers even though most of it is negative and a self-awarded title. This isn't that much but it's a lot more than I was expecting when I first started doing this.
My writing has also improved, I hope anyway. I'm now a lot more in tune with "the flow" and have learned to stop insulting my readers... that often. Most of the improvement is down to how terrible I was when I first started along with (apparently) how I viscously attacked anyone who commented on my reviews. In my defence I though I was only being playful, but it turns out not everyone on the internet is British and used to such abuse from friends and family alike.
Oh well, I hope people have actually enjoyed the things I post on this forum. It would be good to know that I wasn't just declaring my opinions to a brick wall. If I wanted to do that I'd spent more time in the Religion and Politics section[footnote]Yay for jokes[/footnote].
Anyway, be sure to leave a comment concerning anything I've been talking about. This is also the last time you will be able to see "the wonder box" with all the links to my other reviews as I'm switching to a "next review/ previous review" format.
Thanks for reading.
Oh and... here you go.
Previous Article: Infamous and superhero games in general [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.195331-Infamous-and-superhero-games-in-general]
Next Article: Borderlands :: It's About Time! has stopped? [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.197205-Borderlands-Its-About-Time-has-stopped]
[HEADING=1]50 Reviews :: Portal :: and blasphemy[/HEADING]
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
At first, I didn't plan to review Portal despite my frequent promises of cake. I haven't played the game in years and I doubted that it would work on the laptop that I am typing these words on now. So guess what my reaction was when Portal was being given away for free on Steam, I downloaded it and it actually worked! Even though my laptop uses a graphics card that Steam has never encountered before and is known to overheat if I have more than 3 windows open. So I set the laptop on my desk, stole my dad's usb mouse and we're off!
There are many complications to note when reviewing a game such as Portal: everyone seems to be obsessed with the game and the variety of memes that it has spouted so any positive review will be just another few pages on the mountain of similar reviews. But then a review suggesting that this game is bad will be dismissed as simply "wrong" with phrases like "you just don't get it" and "you have no soul!" So where do I go with this? Well I could opt for BlueInkAlchemist's[footnote]here's his review [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.191446-Portal-The-Blue-Ink-Alchemy-Review-The-Orange-Box-5-5#6000382][/footnote] idea of reviewing the game in the perspective of Glados[footnote]I'm assuming you've all played the game or at least know all the trivia from it so I'm not going to bother with giving Portal an extended introduction[/footnote], but that is simply plagiarism. No, what I'm going to is argue a point; and that point is:
Portal is not nearly as good as everyone tells me it is.
Now before you all go and grab pitchforks and torches while screaming that this is blasphemy, here me out. I'm not saying that Portal is a bad game, I'm just saying that it isn't fantastic. As you all know by now, Portal is a small puzzle game with elements of humour which was part of The Orange Box and has recently risen from its classification as simply an add-on to something that, in many eyes, topped Half-Life 2 as the best game in the collection. You play as a test subject that has to navigate through several test chambers by using a hand-held portal device in order to earn your freedom.
I would liken the puzzles in this game to the ever-hated Farmville. While Farmville may not contain any puzzles the reason you complete the puzzles in Portal is for the same reason you plant crops. The puzzles in Portal are neither that challenging or, indeed, fun. You simply complete them in order to have a go at the next. Of course, the creators tried to get round this problem with the promise of cake after you complete 19 of these levels. But then again, I never did like that particular meme.
Sure, I am a great fan of the portal device and all the things it allows you to do. It's just that I think they could have done so much more with it: redirection of electrical spheres and the use of momentum were really the only things that were incorporated. These two ideas were simply repeated over the 10-odd levels where you actually had control of both portals which lead me to be increasingly bored and only playing for the part where you escape you fate[footnote]oh yeh.. spoilers by the way[/footnote].
[img height= 250]http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/gamelife/images/2008/07/14/portal.jpg[/img]
Mind = blown
There is also a broader problem with humour in that the game will not stay funny forever; especially since what jokes there are have been killed outright by overuse as a lame attempt to join in. Humour also, does not mean a game doesn't need to bother with any other aspects like story, character development or gameplay. Furthermore, there have been plenty funnier jokes: for example I have Anchorman saved on my hard drive and I can switch to Dave whenever the TV is on and be laughing within the minute.
However, one cannot fail to admire the whole simplicity of Portal. It just doesn't bother with realism as far as fall damage and... Portals go. It's a game that says "Why do I need to have a story? People only want to have fun." Which is something all games should aspire for. But I've already gone in depth with that topic before[footnote]here [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.194992-Serious-Sam-Next-Encounter-and-why-games-should-be-less-realistic][/footnote] so I won't bore you with it again.
I think the main reason that Portal has been so successful is that it was such a surprise. Many bought The Orange Box for Half Life 2 and its episodes and were surprised to find a half decent game that could stand up on its own and was actually slightly funny. But to break the tone of this review completely I'm going to post the video of Still Alive in a half baked attempt to tie the review into what I'm going to talk about next.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
For those who are still reading hello! This spot is going to be used for the purpose of declaring that yes, I am still here. I've managed to amass a total of 50 reviews in a little under 3 months, may I be the first to ask how the fuck I managed that? Well from what I've gathered it's because of a mix of my frequent attempts at music reviewing and the fact that I actually enjoy doing this.
My efforts have rewarded me with a small following of people who regularly read my reviews (over at the music thread people have been asking why I haven't done one for a while, I have to say that was pleasantly surprising), a trickle of recognition from other reviewers even though most of it is negative and a self-awarded title. This isn't that much but it's a lot more than I was expecting when I first started doing this.
My writing has also improved, I hope anyway. I'm now a lot more in tune with "the flow" and have learned to stop insulting my readers... that often. Most of the improvement is down to how terrible I was when I first started along with (apparently) how I viscously attacked anyone who commented on my reviews. In my defence I though I was only being playful, but it turns out not everyone on the internet is British and used to such abuse from friends and family alike.
Oh well, I hope people have actually enjoyed the things I post on this forum. It would be good to know that I wasn't just declaring my opinions to a brick wall. If I wanted to do that I'd spent more time in the Religion and Politics section[footnote]Yay for jokes[/footnote].
Anyway, be sure to leave a comment concerning anything I've been talking about. This is also the last time you will be able to see "the wonder box" with all the links to my other reviews as I'm switching to a "next review/ previous review" format.
Thanks for reading.
Oh and... here you go.
Previous Article: Infamous and superhero games in general [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.195331-Infamous-and-superhero-games-in-general]
Next Article: Borderlands :: It's About Time! has stopped? [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.197205-Borderlands-Its-About-Time-has-stopped]
It's About Time! Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.192296-Poll-Its-About-Time-Elder-Scrolls-IV-Oblivion-a-super-mecha-awesome-review] Resistance 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.190001-Its-About-Time-Resistance-2] Resistance:Fall of Man [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.189272-Its-About-Time-Resistance-Fall-of-Man] Final Fantasy XII [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.188075-Poll-Its-About-Time-Final-Fantasy-XII] Fallout 3 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.186956-Its-About-Time-Fallout-3-version-1-2] Dragon Age: Origins [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.185708-Its-About-Time-Dragon-Age-Origins] Little Big Planet [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.184065-Its-About-Time-Little-Big-Planet]
Games Peekaboo [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.188855-A-Review-of-Sorts-Peekaboo-complete-re-write] Cel Damage Overdrive [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.187437-A-Stranger-reviews-Cel-Damage-Overdrive] The Fall(en) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183414-A-Stranger-reviews-The-Fall-en-updated], Plants Vs Zombies [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183040-Plants-Vs-Zombies-In-a-Nutshell], Borderlands DLC: Secret Armoury [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.179437-A-Stranger-Reviews-Borderlands-Secret-Armoury-Get-you-one],Cod: Modern Warfare 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.181561-A-Stranger-reviews-CoD-Modern-Warfare-2-a-review-to-end-all-others-well-hopefully], B:BC2 demo [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.176510-Review-Battlefield-Bad-Company-2-multiplayer-demo]
Movies Hot Tub Time Machine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.192255-A-Review-of-Sorts-Hot-Tub-Time-Machine] The Butterfly Effect [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.191275-A-Review-of-Sorts-The-Butterfly-Effect] 2001: A Space Odyssey [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.179870-2001-A-Space-Odyssey-A-Strangers-verdict]
Music [url-http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183857-Music-for-Dummies-A-collection-of-music-reviews-7-Technicolour-Health-by-Harlem-Shakes]The Music Thread (20+ individual reviews/rants)[/url] My Dinosaur Life [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.182845-A-Stranger-reviews-music-My-Dinosaur-Life-by-MCS], Cajun Dance Party [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.181141-Cajun-Dance-Party-A-Strangers-Music-Review], Bloc Party [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.178462-A-Music-Review-Bloc-Party]
Random The Escapist forums [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.182355-A-Stranger-reviews-The-Escapist-Forums] Progress Wars [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.185328-Poll-A-Stranger-reviews-Progress-Wars]
Games Peekaboo [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.188855-A-Review-of-Sorts-Peekaboo-complete-re-write] Cel Damage Overdrive [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.187437-A-Stranger-reviews-Cel-Damage-Overdrive] The Fall(en) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183414-A-Stranger-reviews-The-Fall-en-updated], Plants Vs Zombies [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183040-Plants-Vs-Zombies-In-a-Nutshell], Borderlands DLC: Secret Armoury [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.179437-A-Stranger-Reviews-Borderlands-Secret-Armoury-Get-you-one],Cod: Modern Warfare 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.181561-A-Stranger-reviews-CoD-Modern-Warfare-2-a-review-to-end-all-others-well-hopefully], B:BC2 demo [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.176510-Review-Battlefield-Bad-Company-2-multiplayer-demo]
Movies Hot Tub Time Machine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.192255-A-Review-of-Sorts-Hot-Tub-Time-Machine] The Butterfly Effect [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.191275-A-Review-of-Sorts-The-Butterfly-Effect] 2001: A Space Odyssey [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.179870-2001-A-Space-Odyssey-A-Strangers-verdict]
Music [url-http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183857-Music-for-Dummies-A-collection-of-music-reviews-7-Technicolour-Health-by-Harlem-Shakes]The Music Thread (20+ individual reviews/rants)[/url] My Dinosaur Life [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.182845-A-Stranger-reviews-music-My-Dinosaur-Life-by-MCS], Cajun Dance Party [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.181141-Cajun-Dance-Party-A-Strangers-Music-Review], Bloc Party [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.178462-A-Music-Review-Bloc-Party]
Random The Escapist forums [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.182355-A-Stranger-reviews-The-Escapist-Forums] Progress Wars [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.185328-Poll-A-Stranger-reviews-Progress-Wars]