#2

Mark J Kline

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#2

Dr. Mark answers questions about learning how to socialize and convincing folks that online friends count, too.

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Playbahnosh

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That was really interesting. I really like tips and how you handle these questions, Doc.

"YOU ARE A GREAT DOCTER!" ~Heavy Weapons Guy

While I think that both problems are different, they both stem from the same social isolation and miscommunication phenomenon around gaming and the internet, and both can be treated by a little less computers and a little more real life. That's about true for any psychological problem associated with our obviously socially damaged gamer/internet generation, and that's what most psychologist would tell us.

I really like this column, this is something different from the everyday gamer culture things that are around here on the Escapist, and I would definitely would like to see more, but how will this column, while certainly interesting, avoid the obvious trap of having the same "game less, live more" theme in every issue?
 

Aedes

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Sep 11, 2009
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This was a marvelous read, really.

Thank God my parents are almost just as connected as I am so I have no problems with the "internet friends are not real friends" issue.
 

_Janny_

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Vodka Dude said:
A person that is afraid to interact with people?? I fear for the future.
What's so baffling about it? It's just social anxiety, and it's pretty common from what I know. I wouldn't say that we're "scared to talk to people" but just tense that something we say might come out wrong or sound embarrassing.

Thanks for an awesome read, Doc. Looking forward to many more.
 

Susan Arendt

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Jan 9, 2007
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Vodka Dude said:
_Janny_ said:
Vodka Dude said:
A person that is afraid to interact with people?? I fear for the future.
What's so baffling about it? It's just social anxiety, and it's pretty common from what I know. I wouldn't say that we're "scared to talk to people" but just tense that something we say might come out wrong or sound embarrassing.

Thanks for an awesome read, Doc. Looking forward to many more.
Yeah, it is good read I guess, but it really is sad when people say things like :

'I'd like to "get out there", make friends, and all that good stuff, but it feels like my ship has sailed'

If people really feel this way, I am afraid for the future. Their future. Others' future.

I always thought interacting with people was an early learned process. In hind sight I can see how my words may be seen/heard as rude, but seriously....

Is being afraid of people a huge occurrence?

This reminds me of the kids who used to take LSD a lot, they were always paranoid of what everyone thought about themselves all the time. It really isn't a big deal, unless they are so easily swayed by others opinions.

Know what I mean?
As people become more and more used to interacting online, it becomes more difficult for them to feel comfortable interacting in real life. Socializing is generally learned early, yes, but when much of your socializing comes via text message, email, or chat, you don't quite get the same feel for dealing with people face to face that you might. The result is that you get people who are fully-realized, comfortable, confident personalities online, but feel awkward and out of place chatting with people at a party. At least that's been what I've seen.
 

Susan Arendt

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Jan 9, 2007
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Vodka Dude said:
Susan Arendt said:
Vodka Dude said:
_Janny_ said:
Vodka Dude said:
A person that is afraid to interact with people?? I fear for the future.
What's so baffling about it? It's just social anxiety, and it's pretty common from what I know. I wouldn't say that we're "scared to talk to people" but just tense that something we say might come out wrong or sound embarrassing.

Thanks for an awesome read, Doc. Looking forward to many more.
Yeah, it is good read I guess, but it really is sad when people say things like :

'I'd like to "get out there", make friends, and all that good stuff, but it feels like my ship has sailed'

If people really feel this way, I am afraid for the future. Their future. Others' future.

I always thought interacting with people was an early learned process. In hind sight I can see how my words may be seen/heard as rude, but seriously....

Is being afraid of people a huge occurrence?

This reminds me of the kids who used to take LSD a lot, they were always paranoid of what everyone thought about themselves all the time. It really isn't a big deal, unless they are so easily swayed by others opinions.

Know what I mean?
As people become more and more used to interacting online, it becomes more difficult for them to feel comfortable interacting in real life. Socializing is generally learned early, yes, but when much of your socializing comes via text message, email, or chat, you don't quite get the same feel for dealing with people face to face that you might. The result is that you get people who are fully-realized, comfortable, confident personalities online, but feel awkward and out of place chatting with people at a party. At least that's been what I've seen.
It would seem like you might be implying that kids shouldn't be given access to digital communities until they mature more.

I cringe when I see teens texting while walking with friends, at a dinner with friends, and driving with friends. It's almost like they don't realize they have friends in front of them. Maybe hey are addicted to the internet.

It is sad that people get so caught up in electronics. But I guess this is the wrong place to say such things.
Not at all. I'm simply saying that too much of one thing tends to result in a lack of another. As with so many aspects of life, it's all about balance. But, like you, I've been out with friends and watched as they obsessively checked their phones for IMs and such, apparently unable to simply not be online at all times.
 

Jared

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Jul 14, 2009
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I always thought, and always advocated people online were just as muh a friend as anyone you might meet in person. The key is, its really the same. You just have different mediums between you
 
Apr 28, 2008
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Vodka Dude said:
Susan Arendt said:
Vodka Dude said:
_Janny_ said:
Vodka Dude said:
A person that is afraid to interact with people?? I fear for the future.
What's so baffling about it? It's just social anxiety, and it's pretty common from what I know. I wouldn't say that we're "scared to talk to people" but just tense that something we say might come out wrong or sound embarrassing.

Thanks for an awesome read, Doc. Looking forward to many more.
Yeah, it is good read I guess, but it really is sad when people say things like :

'I'd like to "get out there", make friends, and all that good stuff, but it feels like my ship has sailed'

If people really feel this way, I am afraid for the future. Their future. Others' future.

I always thought interacting with people was an early learned process. In hind sight I can see how my words may be seen/heard as rude, but seriously....

Is being afraid of people a huge occurrence?

This reminds me of the kids who used to take LSD a lot, they were always paranoid of what everyone thought about themselves all the time. It really isn't a big deal, unless they are so easily swayed by others opinions.

Know what I mean?
As people become more and more used to interacting online, it becomes more difficult for them to feel comfortable interacting in real life. Socializing is generally learned early, yes, but when much of your socializing comes via text message, email, or chat, you don't quite get the same feel for dealing with people face to face that you might. The result is that you get people who are fully-realized, comfortable, confident personalities online, but feel awkward and out of place chatting with people at a party. At least that's been what I've seen.
It would seem like you might be implying that kids shouldn't be given access to digital communities until they mature more.

I cringe when I see teens texting while walking with friends, at a dinner with friends, and driving with friends. It's almost like they don't realize they have friends in front of them. Maybe hey are addicted to the internet.

It is sad that people get so caught up in electronics. But I guess this is the wrong place to say such things.
Texting is a special case, at least in my eyes.


And I agree, it is sad people get so caught up in electronics, but electronics aren't the only cause for social anxiety. Take me for example, you could say I'm caught up in electronics, since I have few friends and rarely go out. But this isn't because of electronics, its because I don't connect with a lot of people. Especially during High School. Most people in my school were people I would never want to be around. Plus most of my high school experiences were bad. I know I'm not the only one who had that experience.

Games aren't the root cause of the problem, but they certainly exacerbate the problem.
 

khaimera

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Jun 23, 2009
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I enjoyed this read much more than the last one. I'm glad to see Dr. Mark take on topics other than addiction in these articles. He offers sound advice, support, and reassurance that the only way to get over fear, is to go right through it.
 

Cody211282

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Apr 25, 2009
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Susan Arendt said:
Vodka Dude said:
_Janny_ said:
Vodka Dude said:
A person that is afraid to interact with people?? I fear for the future.
What's so baffling about it? It's just social anxiety, and it's pretty common from what I know. I wouldn't say that we're "scared to talk to people" but just tense that something we say might come out wrong or sound embarrassing.

Thanks for an awesome read, Doc. Looking forward to many more.
Yeah, it is good read I guess, but it really is sad when people say things like :

'I'd like to "get out there", make friends, and all that good stuff, but it feels like my ship has sailed'

If people really feel this way, I am afraid for the future. Their future. Others' future.

I always thought interacting with people was an early learned process. In hind sight I can see how my words may be seen/heard as rude, but seriously....

Is being afraid of people a huge occurrence?

This reminds me of the kids who used to take LSD a lot, they were always paranoid of what everyone thought about themselves all the time. It really isn't a big deal, unless they are so easily swayed by others opinions.

Know what I mean?
As people become more and more used to interacting online, it becomes more difficult for them to feel comfortable interacting in real life. Socializing is generally learned early, yes, but when much of your socializing comes via text message, email, or chat, you don't quite get the same feel for dealing with people face to face that you might. The result is that you get people who are fully-realized, comfortable, confident personalities online, but feel awkward and out of place chatting with people at a party. At least that's been what I've seen.
The reason they have a hard time talking with people in real life is because around 80% of communication is not just words, it's how the words are said, body language, posturing and what not. I have a friend who is exactly like this, shes fine as long as there is a computer buffering her from the person but she is extremely awkward if it's face to face, to the point were she would rather date someone over IMs and texting then someone she lives close to. It's also a bit sad because if she ever does leave her place and goes out to a party or something she doesn't pick up on almost any of the social cues ether.
 

flirl21187

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Jun 28, 2010
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I got lots of grief from my family when I first started playing WoW. Even though I was still going out constantly with "irl" friends, they continued to tell me it was a waste of time. As I've been able to show them that I actually can have both friends online and in the real world, and that I'm not spending every single minute on the computer, they began to understand and accept the idea.

This was a nice read for me, because I feel the same as Dr. Mark does about the "online vs. RL friends" issue.
 

Devastadus

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Jul 1, 2010
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I thought this was a great blog. Its nice to have people Dr. Mark helping others with their problems. For the first guy if you read this, I too had very little social interaction with kids in high school except my computer gaming friends. I was picked on beaten up all of it. I felt like a outcast So I had great social anxiety doing just about anything. I started reading books and going out and making friends. Some books such as "how to win friends and influence people" -Dale Carnegie, "The Game" -Neil Strauss and a few others. Also changing your health can give you much more confidence in going out and meeting people. Although a personal trainer can be of great help, if your too anxious to go out try a video work out program like P90X. I changed my life, I can make many friends get dates, make out with girls in the club time to time LoL. You can change man, all you first need to do is feel you NEED to change and it will come. I am living proof of this

~Devastadus
 

Meemaimoh

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Aug 20, 2009
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I love these articles. They're such a good idea.

I can absolutely relate to the first guy. I'm only 22, but I've essentially been a recluse for the last five years thanks to severe social anxiety. I'm starting to work my way out of it, but already I'm starting to get that "ship has sailed" feeling. My university colleagues are all younger than me, my highschool friends have moved on, and I have no social network beyond my family and boyfriend. I know it's ridiculous - I'm only 22, for god's sake - but in my worse moments, I still feel it.

My boyfriend is 30 and is in the same boat as me. The feeling of being left behind haunts him a lot more. I'll link this article to him, I think. It might be helpful.
 

Flankhard

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Mar 28, 2010
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When we live in a society that discourage human intaraction because it's inefficient and gets in the way of productivety and proffit. What can you expect?

I'm only 34, but let me give you some examples...

-I used to go to my local post-office to pay my bills. I'd meet my neighbours and other known faces there and have abit of a chat... now I have to pay my bills over the internet.
-I used to get my groceries at a local shop where i knew all the people that worked there and they knew me aswell so we'd stop and talk and plan... now everything is moved into huge warehouses where there is a new face at the checkout every day and convo is limited to a simple "Hi".
-At work I used to call suppliers for help and tips and we'd end up talking about lots of other stuff aswell... now I have to write e-mails and then wait two days for a reply. I can't call anybody anymore because they'r all too busy answering fecking e-mails.
-I used to visit my friends and family several days a week and we would always have lots to talk about... now everything is logged on fecking facebook and twitter so when we actually do get together there is nothing to talk about.
-It used to be people would have to show up at work to actually work... now many people can stay home and work out of theyr computer. They even prefer it beacause they get more done that way.

Sometimes I get more "social interaction" from logging on to an MMO then I do in a whole day at work.
 

thenamelessloser

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Jan 15, 2010
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They had a very simple technology before even TV for those who were socially anxious and rather do things on their own... The technology was called books. :p I mean, I'm socially anxious probably, but without video games and TV, I would just read more probably. I don't really like doing things in reality... I prefer the virtual over the real rather often, this includes documentaries, books (non fiction and fiction, video games, internet articles, etc rather than doing the same things that are in that format.
 

Susan Arendt

Nerd Queen
Jan 9, 2007
7,222
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Flankhard said:
When we live in a society that discourage human intaraction because it's inefficient and gets in the way of productivety and proffit. What can you expect?

I'm only 34, but let me give you some examples...

-I used to go to my local post-office to pay my bills. I'd meet my neighbours and other known faces there and have abit of a chat... now I have to pay my bills over the internet.
-I used to get my groceries at a local shop where i knew all the people that worked there and they knew me aswell so we'd stop and talk and plan... now everything is moved into huge warehouses where there is a new face at the checkout every day and convo is limited to a simple "Hi".
-At work I used to call suppliers for help and tips and we'd end up talking about lots of other stuff aswell... now I have to write e-mails and then wait two days for a reply. I can't call anybody anymore because they'r all too busy answering fecking e-mails.
-I used to visit my friends and family several days a week and we would always have lots to talk about... now everything is logged on fecking facebook and twitter so when we actually do get together there is nothing to talk about.
-It used to be people would have to show up at work to actually work... now many people can stay home and work out of theyr computer. They even prefer it beacause they get more done that way.

Sometimes I get more "social interaction" from logging on to an MMO then I do in a whole day at work.
Agree completely. Add "banking" to the list. You used to go into the bank and actually deal with a human, now everything is online. In many ways, that's very helpful, but it cuts a lot of human contact out of your life. At my last office job, we consciously made an effort to get up and speak to people when we needed something from them, as opposed to just emailing. If we didn't, it was very easy to go an entire week without speaking to another person.