British Engineers Design Anti-Pirate Laser

Scott Bullock

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British Engineers Design Anti-Pirate Laser

In an attempt to stave off piratical attacks, engineers in the UK have designed ships with fricken laser beams attached to their heads.

It may sound like something from a Disney movie, but pirates are a genuine modern day problem. They go out in little skiffs with AK-47s and RPGs (no, not that kind, as amusing as it would be to see someone try to hijack a ship with a copy of Dragon Age), board trade ships, and don't even have the common courtesy to be Johnny Depp or Keira Knightley. Well, the engineers at BAE Systems in Farnborough, UK decided they had had enough of these lazy bums carousing on the high seas without a single parrot, peg-leg, or self-satisfied "ARRRR!" between them.

So they built a laser.

Sure, a non-lethal laser pretty much designed to annoy the pirates away, but a laser all the same. Essentially, the ship-board laser emits a powerful green beam that would be shot at the oncoming pirate skiff from a kilometer and a half away, and would appear to them as if they were looking into a green sun. It's not powerful enough to cause permanent retinal damage, but it's enough to annoy the pirates to the point where it's easier to just find another, easier target.

Of course, the beam could easily be overcome by simply wearing the right color of safety goggles, but I can't imagine those are easy to find in Somalia.

Source: New Scientist [http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn19930-new-laser-to-dazzle-pirates-on-the-high-seas.html]

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Monshroud

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Up the wattage a bit and let them cut the boats in half. That would discourage the pirates pretty well too...
 

i am not god

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Just goes to show that you can never have enough lasers, may they continue to be wildly misused.
 

gibboss28

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Scott Bullock said:
Of course, the beam could easily be overcome by simply wearing the right color of safety goggles, but I can't imagine those are easy to find in Somalia.
I wouldn't be too sure, they seem to be able to arm themselves pretty easily.
 

manythings

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I'm sure it would be easier just to put a big mirror on the boat and stand behind it. Big science defeated with small solutions.
 

Worgen

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Whatever, just wash your hands.
and this is why pirates are better then ninjas, do you see anyone making an anti ninja laser?
 

Sgt Doom

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dsmops2003 said:
Why aren't shipping companies just using javelins? $75,000 is peanuts to them.
Actually, that would be quite a dent in the profits generated by each ship, plus the cost of the launching system, training for it, maintenance etc. Plus, it might have trouble locking onto a little boat, then there's the moral issues of going around Javelining suspicious little boats with people on them, even if they're pirates.
 

Loonerinoes

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Unfortunately I believe they neglected a fatal aspect when they were designing this most intriguing method of combatting piracy.

The inclusion of Shoop da whoop...


Then maybe the pirates would actually think twice.
 

fix-the-spade

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I bet the whole 'non-lethal' bit is for insuance purposes. No doubt the instruction manual will have a bit in it about how you should bever ever use the laser system on a setting above 6 (of 10) because above that the laser could cause permanent blindness and make people burst into flames, so don't use setting 10, not even on those pirate in their flammable plastic boat fully of RPGs...
 

Asehujiko

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Monshroud said:
Up the wattage a bit and let them cut the boats in half. That would discourage the pirates pretty well too...
dsmops2003 said:
Why aren't shipping companies just using javelins? $75,000 is peanuts to them.
Because firing lethal ordinance at specs on the horizon is a great idea in a intensively used fishing zone with some busy trade lanes between them!

The reason the pirates get withing boarding range so often is because there's no way to differentiate between somebody selling fresh fish because foreign ships generally have no warlords on them to take your catch and murder you for not giving it freely and somebody after your random until they either point a trout* or a gun in your face.

*example because I don't know what they actually catch off the Horn of Africa.
 

Monshroud

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Asehujiko said:
Monshroud said:
Up the wattage a bit and let them cut the boats in half. That would discourage the pirates pretty well too...
dsmops2003 said:
Why aren't shipping companies just using javelins? $75,000 is peanuts to them.
Because firing lethal ordinance at specs on the horizon is a great idea in a intensively used fishing zone with some busy trade lanes between them!

The reason the pirates get withing boarding range so often is because there's no way to differentiate between somebody selling fresh fish because foreign ships generally have no warlords on them to take your catch and murder you for not giving it freely and somebody after your random until they either point a trout* or a gun in your face.

*example because I don't know what they actually catch off the Horn of Africa.
Hey, once the other boat starts opening fire or throwing grappling hooks, then they can cut the boat in half.. That way they don't accidently hurt any innocents...
 

TheAmazingHobo

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Oct 26, 2010
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So the brits have designed a laser with which they intend to fight pirates, by projecting the image of a green sun right into their eyes.....

Okay, seriously, when did we stop living in reality and passed over to a weird SciFi-Swashbuckling mash-up ?
Mind you, I do not complain, I just would like to know.
 

HentMas

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Asehujiko said:
until they either point a trout* or a gun in your face.
"THIS IS A STICK UP!" *points with the trout*
"wa!?"
"i mean!, here! buy some fish!!!"

hehehehe, loved that idea

"Comming on NEXT!!, Pirates raise mirror shields and blind the crew of a ship with its own laser! more at 10"
 

Serioli

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Mar 26, 2010
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*Sets up goggle shop in Somalia to make an unethical buck*

*Gets shot by Somali pirate and has his goggles stolen*

Dammit, there's always a flaw in my get rich quick schemes....