Star Trek Fan Removes Porn from Parody, Tells Story with Action Figures

[Logan Westbrook]

Star Trek Fan Removes Porn from Parody, Tells Story with Action Figures

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Tasha Yar is back from the dead, leaving the crew of the Enterprise to puzzle out what's going on.

Star Trek: The Next Generation: A XXX Parody has garnered quite a bit of attention for its story, which is not only surprisingly well written, but also fits neatly into the existing TNG canon. German Star Trek fan Norman Szczepanski has taken it upon himself to share this story with the world, cutting out the sex, and swapping the actors for action figures.

In the episode - for want of a better term - the crew of the Enterprise investigates some strange energy readings near the Romulan Neutral Zone, only to discover Tasha Yar, their supposedly long-dead crewmate, in stasis. Naturally, things are not what they seem, and the crew soon finds itself in danger. The episode is set sometime after the fourth season of The Next Generation, after Tasha Yar's death, and after the Enterprise has had multiple run-ins with her half-Romulan daughter Sela.

The story is actually pretty good, and it's not too much of a stretch to imagine it actually being part of the show. Szczepanski's version is the very definition of low budget - he does all the voices himself, including the women - but it's oddly charming as well, probably because it's so cheap. There's obviously a lot of love behind it though, as Szczepanski went to the trouble of adding CGI effects and space scenes, and even made titles sequences in the style of the show. You can watch part one above, and part two below.


Source: Bleeding Cool [http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/05/22/star-trek-the-next-generation-xxx-a-porn-parody-with-action-figures-sfw]


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[Realitycrash]

Hahahaha, oh, I love Star Trek, and this is even better <3
Still, the fact that he has a very accented voice does provide some comedic effect.

 

[Uber Waddles]

Id laugh my ass off if this made its way into canon. But yeah, that dude is dedicated if he trys to make a porno plot actually fit. The voices are hilarious, and fit in with the rest of the video.

Having never seen the original (and having no plan to) he probably acts it out a lot better. You know what they say about porn star acting, D quality at best.

Damn you escapist for making me want to watch Trek again.

 

[standokan]

Sigh, god I hate rule 34

 

[SomeBritishDude]

So you don't like sex in your Star Trek? Fine.

Now came someone point me in the direction of the one I can jack off to please?

 

[MajorDolphin]

The "official" trailer for the X version is almost as funny as the parody of the parody! Great stuff.

 

[Brainst0rm]

"You were asleep for a WERY long time..."

For those who haven't watched it: his accent is thick, and amazing.

 

[Timm Istnichthier]

Cool!

That guy really seems to love Star Trek... !

 

[Satosuke]

Wait, that's the actual title of the porno spoof? Just Star Trek: A XXX Parody? What kind of dull, uninspired name is that!? What happened to the funny ones, like Saving Ryan's Privates or Backside to the Future? You'd think the marketers didn't even care about being funny and just wanted to release junk from which people get their rocks off.

Oh wait. Nevermind.

 

[Jezthesiren]

I watched the original XXX parody for a laugh, but I was genuinely surprised how good the script and storytelling was. I mean, the acting is porn-quality acting, so it's in no way a brilliant film. But I was strangely impressed in a way I didn't think I would be.

 

[Formica Archonis]

Wait, that's the actual title of the porno spoof? Just Star Trek: A XXX Parody? What kind of dull, uninspired name is that!?

I know! There's two common ones (presumably from the same two companies) now, "(Title): A XXX Parody" and "This Ain't (Title)". No originality. But I think I know why.

What happened to the funny ones, like Saving Ryan's Privates or Backside to the Future? You'd think the marketers didn't even care about being funny and just wanted to release junk from which people get their rocks off.

Oh wait. Nevermind.

One of the joys of my misspent youth was reading through the porno listings at the back of Satellite magazine (C-Band satellite TV listings) and laughing at the parody titles. I still remember laughing long and, er, hard at the title The Joi Fuck Club.

However, I think I understand the change. I think they're making the titles more obvious now to prevent... accidents.

STORY TIME!

A friend of mine also had a C-Band satellite dish, and his mother (who, unlike any self-respecting teenage boy, didn't know where all the porno networks were) wanted to watch a movie. Well, apparently the porn title was a bit too subtle for her.

Now, let me explain something about a C-Band dish. It's one of those large ones, 8-14 feet across. The dish is pointed at one of a number of geostationary satellites in an arc across the sky, and an actuator behind the dish moves it through the arc, for when you want to see something on another satellite. The common networks (Disney, CNN, Discovery, etc.) occupied a handful of satellites along one point in the arc. Wild feeds* and more specialty programming (most cable affiliates, PPV, the NASA feed, Nickelodeon when it was first starting out, etc.) started showing up further up the arc where fewer people ventured and transponder time was cheaper. Porn networks had a few transponders on the fringe of this arc, even on C-Band fairly distant from everything else. It takes time for the actuator to move the dish, up to about 30 seconds when going from the more common satellites to the more uncommon, or vice versa.

So this boy's mom was moving the dish to a porn channel, not realizing it was one. He knew but he didn't want to say anything (Of course!) so he did nothing but nonchalantly walk to another room and wait that excruciating 30 seconds for his mom to see the unpleasant surprise, apparently of just how large an erect penis looks on a big screen TV.



*Wild feeds: Broadcasts of TV shows and video footage meant for networks. Fun times include:
Automute: The commercials haven't been put in, so the commercial blocks are usually just one national ad then black screen. For shows shot in realtime like game shows you sometimes got studio audio during this time, which could be interesting as hell.

Getting a weekly marathon of five episodes of a show - the five that broadcast in the week.

Watching Jeopardy! two days early and letting a friend know so he could nail the final every single day for a month and shock his family.

Watching raw news video, including bored newscasters (I've seen those guys on location stand around doing nothing for 20+ minutes waiting for their cue from the station). A memorable incident was when where a perfectly respectable-looking newscaster mimed picking her nose and then started gossiping with someone off-camera about what coworker was sleeping with what coworker. She seemed to be talking with someone who was off-site, watching the same video signal. And she didn't realize someone else could be watching.

Shooting beaver. Bored cameramen will sometimes take the camera off the bored newscaster waiting for his cue and use the zoom features of the camera to ogle distant women.

 

[maddog015]

Wonder if they had Star Trek nerds write the script. I mean, it actually could be a conceivable storyline for the show.

 

[Dr. wonderful]

This guy does it better.

 

[camazotz]

Sigh, god I hate rule 34

Whew. I was hoping I wasn't alone.

 

[Satosuke]

Wait, that's the actual title of the porno spoof? Just Star Trek: A XXX Parody? What kind of dull, uninspired name is that!?

I know! There's two common ones (presumably from the same two companies) now, "(Title): A XXX Parody" and "This Ain't (Title)". No originality. But I think I know why.

What happened to the funny ones, like Saving Ryan's Privates or Backside to the Future? You'd think the marketers didn't even care about being funny and just wanted to release junk from which people get their rocks off.

Oh wait. Nevermind.

One of the joys of my misspent youth was reading through the porno listings at the back of Satellite magazine (C-Band satellite TV listings) and laughing at the parody titles. I still remember laughing long and, er, hard at the title The Joi Fuck Club.

However, I think I understand the change. I think they're making the titles more obvious now to prevent... accidents.

That story kinda sounds like the shenanigans I hear on Radiodrome, one of my favorite radio shows on the internet. Not to sound like some dumb shill, but here's the link [http://www.nightwatchuniverse.com/jackalope105/jack-archives.html] if you're interested; it's all about old movies, B-Movies, and the VHS era. They even do talk about this recent dearth of porn spoof title creativity.

 

[TwikTwok]

I feel like such an ST:TNG geek here but.
Its been done guys, as an actual episode minus the porn parody part. I only wish I could remember the name of it. Tasha Yarr's 'corpse' was floating through space after she died. It was 'reanimated' by some aliens and they attempted to wipe Tasha's memory so that they could 'adopt' her as a daughter in the care of some other alien parents.
They altered her appearance to be some type of odd skintype with speckles, like Dax from STS9.
But the problem is Tasha Yarr remembered everything, who she was, and so on. The memory wipe didn't work completely and Tasha managed to 'escape' and steal one of their alien shuttles to track down the Enterprise.
Of course the crew were greatly unsettled by this (really like meeting a ghost) and even Data was unsettled, as odd as that sounds.
Eventually the aliens came back to retrieve her and Tasha Yarr realized she wasn't getting the warm welcome back she thought she would get after coming back from the dead, so she returned with the aliens, for good this time.

The major points of the episode involved 2 things.
-If fans are upset by someone dying, we did our job right as writers to make you care about the character and removing them when you care about them most is better than having them wither into old age.
-Sometimes you don't want to just have anyone be 'resurrectable', be it in a TV show or certain video games like FF7.

And an addendum:
-Nobody missed 'Kess' from ST:V because we got Jeri Ryan in that hot skintight outfit instead. All hail the Borg *****-Queen

Erm? I hate to be 'that guy' but the episode you described is actually from Voyager didn't involve Tasha at all.

http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/Ashes_to_Ashes_(episode)

Good god I'm a fucking nerd.

 

[Mysterykate]

I loved the action scenes, they were surprisingly good considering the actors were plastic figurines and the sound effects were reminiscent of those cheesy old action movies, great work!