Grab Bag
- Thread starter Lara Crigger
- Start date
I will know paraphrase my favorite parts:
You can always masturbate
Have sex with her already, damn.
You can always masturbate
Have sex with her already, damn.
Dear Sticking it in the Crazy,
Please refer to the Love FAQ "Don't Stick it in the Crazy"
Sincerly,
A Sane Man
Please refer to the Love FAQ "Don't Stick it in the Crazy"
Sincerly,
A Sane Man
For No Girls Allowed:Lara Crigger said:
I'm going to go with the unpopular advice here. It's not about whether or not you can be friends with the opposite sex--it's entirely possible, as long as both people have matching expectations (or lack thereof). In this case, it's about whether or not your new girlfriend is being 100% honest with you.
Just because we start dating someone doesn't mean we "show our hand" all at once. We keep a few things (especially opinions) to ourselves. Were you friends with these girls before dating her? Sometimes we'll say we're "okay" with things because we don't want to start off a relationship with an unpleasant opinion (or worse, a demand).
Now, if she's not really okay with it, that doesn't mean you have to stop immediately. Forcibly adjusting your personality for the benefit of your partner is exactly the (possible) problem I'm talking about, in fact. It's important that you learn to be honest with each other, including when you're not okay with things.
Don't belabor the point by asking for permission all the time, but do watch for signs. At least for awhile, while you're still learning each other. If she's truly comfortable with it, then the only thing stopping you is potentially yourself. If she's not, that should come out into the open and be discussed.
to Happily Single, I know that growing up introverted makes situations like this difficult--situations in which you have to assert yourself before a handful of more extroverted people. One of the reasons we can be introverted is the uncertain nature of social interactions. We can be nervous about someone reacting negatively to what we say or do, so we avoid the situation altogether.
That won't work here. You want something different from what they want, and they are pursuing what they want. That means, like it or not, you're either standing in their way or going along with them. It's not about confrontation or ultimatum or anything like that, though, don't worry. It's just about stating what you do or don't want, simply and honestly.
If you don't, it's possible you'll find yourself attracting the sort of guy that prefers a passive girl who can eventually be influenced (even controlled) into doing what he wants--that's a recipe for destructive relationships. Sounds like your ex may be in that camp already, if there is any problem with "hands off." You do not want or deserve that from any guy, so you want to make it clear to all involved that your opinion is the one that will decide the outcome here.
Bags, man... It's unfortunately simple: shit or get off the pot. If you're into her, be into her. It's too early in a relationship to start fretting flaws. If it's getting to you that much, it might mean that you're already eyeing the exit. Of course, it might also mean that you're on the verge of learning (by experience) that some of your adolescent hangups aren't nearly as important as you used to think.
It's not an easy thing to learn, and there's risk involved, but if you're willing to completely give up on "fixing" her and instead just be with her, you may find yourself rewarded with a great relationship and a measure of personal growth.
If you're not, it's cool. Just leave now. That's the important part. It's possible that this little emotional spark you've got going feels a whole lot hotter on her end. If that is the case, and you try to "friend" her, it won't take. She'll pretend to go along with it, but she'll secretly carry that torch until one of any number of bad endings.
(Not everyone with a problem like acne wrestles with insecurity, but many do. If it made her middle/high school social life problematic, some of that may have transferred into adult life, and it may be that she's putting even more stock in this because it's new. Situations like this are tricky enough when that isn't the case.)
Bottom line, make your decision and go all the way with it--in whichever direction.
I don't fully understand Any Bags. I mean, I'd probably be a full-time pizza factory, in all kinds of flavours, but I have some good-quality acne cream so I've managed to curb it in my adult years. Do you find the rest of her attractive? If so, I don't think the acne thing is going to be a big problem. It could be a self-confidence issue. I think so long as you don't try to change her and "fix" her, then you'll get along just fine. That's just it, though; that's what I think. Only you know for sure what you feel and what works for you.
Don't try something that isn't working, but I'm going to go against the flow and say give her another chance. Think about her. What parts of the date were the most fun? If there's more than just physical appearance that kept it interesting, than maybe you should try again. However, physical attraction is an important part of a relationship, and if your honest feeling is that you aren't diggin' it, then don't waste her time or yours. Break it off.
It may be too late now, but would she be interested in being friends? I know others have called that a bad idea, but so long as you know where she stands and vice versa, it might work out.
Don't try something that isn't working, but I'm going to go against the flow and say give her another chance. Think about her. What parts of the date were the most fun? If there's more than just physical appearance that kept it interesting, than maybe you should try again. However, physical attraction is an important part of a relationship, and if your honest feeling is that you aren't diggin' it, then don't waste her time or yours. Break it off.
It may be too late now, but would she be interested in being friends? I know others have called that a bad idea, but so long as you know where she stands and vice versa, it might work out.
Dear Sticking It--I hear ya! Going for the crazy keeps things lively. Just be safe, and know what kind of crazy they're packing. Always be safe, and know where the exits are. That means knowing what topics to avoid, which kitchens you can run through, how high windows can be before you risk death by jumping out of them, "How to Defuse the Bomb", and to maintain a level of sexual protection, lest some unholy union results in the two of you being tied together more or less permanently. Learn to spot the danger signs. Have fun and take care, man!
No girls allowed:
Let's keep it real, platonic relationships between a guy and a girl is only possible on TV. If you say your gf don't mind when you're going out with other girls it's another way of saying she doesn't really cared.
My last gf that I lost interests on I didn't care one bit she's going out with other guys, in fact I encouraged it. If the girl or the guy cared about you, no matter how mature they are they will mind if you go out with other people.
Of course they can hide their feelings from you but they will mind all the same. This got nothing to do with maturity, it's psychology.
Dr.Jones:
This is like playing a strategy game where you're only working on your economy, you have to remember you need to balance things out. You can't just gather and build, you need to recruit armies and start conquering the lands.
Happily single:
You're just not used to the attention or swinging, not that you wouldn't like it. So why not try? swing a bit if you really don't like it then break it off. By not giving them a chance you're also denying yourself chances.
Paper bags:
I'm feeling you bro, I once dated a fat girl and it affected my performance. My advice is to break it off, because you do mind. If you really don't mind you wouldn't have wrote that latter.
Sticking it:
Crazy delights have crazy endings.
Let's keep it real, platonic relationships between a guy and a girl is only possible on TV. If you say your gf don't mind when you're going out with other girls it's another way of saying she doesn't really cared.
My last gf that I lost interests on I didn't care one bit she's going out with other guys, in fact I encouraged it. If the girl or the guy cared about you, no matter how mature they are they will mind if you go out with other people.
Of course they can hide their feelings from you but they will mind all the same. This got nothing to do with maturity, it's psychology.
Dr.Jones:
This is like playing a strategy game where you're only working on your economy, you have to remember you need to balance things out. You can't just gather and build, you need to recruit armies and start conquering the lands.
Happily single:
You're just not used to the attention or swinging, not that you wouldn't like it. So why not try? swing a bit if you really don't like it then break it off. By not giving them a chance you're also denying yourself chances.
Paper bags:
I'm feeling you bro, I once dated a fat girl and it affected my performance. My advice is to break it off, because you do mind. If you really don't mind you wouldn't have wrote that latter.
Sticking it:
Crazy delights have crazy endings.
"Sir, did you purchase your condom yourself? Good. Has it been in your possession the entire time?" 