When a Woman Loves a Woman, It?s Really Not About Your Penis
A man can only take so much Voyager.
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A man can only take so much Voyager.
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When a Woman Loves a Woman, It?s Really Not About Your Penis
- Thread starter Lara Crigger
- Start date
"You aren't somehow better or more mature as a person if you can stomach a conversation with someone whose thighs were once wrapped around your head."
Amen.
Amen.
I feel a bit sorry for that "Dumped for FemShep" fellow. It sounds like he was used by someone who was probably a sociopath on some level, who did not realize how their actions affect others.
Gee... I wonder if I know both of the people involved in that...
*smirks*
Gee... I wonder if I know both of the people involved in that...
*smirks*
YCTTSFM,
stop trying so hard. Not disagreeing on things is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship, and little disagreements becoming a focal point of a relationship definitely is not. You sound young and you sound frustrated, finding one thing to latch on to. If it's important to you that you watch other shows as a couple, then break up with her. She's made it clear that she is not interested in those shows and you need to know that you will not change her mind. You can't "fix" people, as you should know if you're a fan of Firefly.
If that thought of, two years from now, watching the same episode of Voyager for the 100th time isn't something you can put up with, end it for both your sakes. There are better matches out there for you and there are guy obsessed with Voyager for her and then everyone is happy.
stop trying so hard. Not disagreeing on things is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship, and little disagreements becoming a focal point of a relationship definitely is not. You sound young and you sound frustrated, finding one thing to latch on to. If it's important to you that you watch other shows as a couple, then break up with her. She's made it clear that she is not interested in those shows and you need to know that you will not change her mind. You can't "fix" people, as you should know if you're a fan of Firefly.
If that thought of, two years from now, watching the same episode of Voyager for the 100th time isn't something you can put up with, end it for both your sakes. There are better matches out there for you and there are guy obsessed with Voyager for her and then everyone is happy.
Thanks! Although on occasion someone writes in with a particularly awesome pseudonym, usually I just come up with them myself. It's my favorite part of writing the column.Gralian said:
Mm. Just a bit.Yureina said:What? Did I say something that piques your curiosity?
You sound like a woman scorned... or someone being facetious who speaks from experience. Either way, i'm intrigued, to say the least.
*Twirls his fake moustache like a villain*
Perhaps a bit of both. Either way, i'm just having a bit of fun inspired by what I read in this article.Gralian said:Mm. Just a bit.Yureina said:What? Did I say something that piques your curiosity?
You sound like a woman scorned... or someone being facetious who speaks from experience. Either way, i'm intrigued, to say the least.
*Twirls his fake moustache like a villain*
As for the article itself, twas a good read as usual, even if it always is sorta depressing to learn about the troubles of others. :s
"In the meantime, both of you can and probably should see other people - you just got to college, after all. So go out. Meet more girls. And don't put all your eggs in one basket until you're positive the chicken only wants to lay for you - and that you like the taste of eggs in the first place."
Really liked that advice
Really liked that advice
Dumped for FemShep, go listen to the song Pink Triangle by Weezer. I think it'll make you feel better.
"But don't assume *any* of that makes you her boyfriend. You two aren't in an exclusive relationship until you explicitly have a conversation establishing that you are. You're not in high school anymore, and among adults, one date doesn't a couple make."
that rings so true right now, Lara you always give the most spot on advice, I love your column!!
that rings so true right now, Lara you always give the most spot on advice, I love your column!!
I'd be willing to bet that this guy follows what I've discovered is very often Standard Guy Procedure for figuring out what to watch or do with the GF: he asks her, first, "what do you want to watch?", then when she picks something he doesn't particularly want to watch, he volunteers a few options that she's said no to before, then when she rejects them AGAIN, he goes into a sullen pout and lets her do whatever she wants while he resents her for it.bojac6 said:
The idea of this kind of exploratory questioning is not to be the "winner" and get to do what YOU want to do. It's to reach a consensus solution that everybody can be happy with even if it wasn't their first choice. So you have to not give up and withdraw from the conversation after the first exchange. Not every disagreement is an incipient argument.
Secondly, it is perfectly okay to sometimes (sometimes meaning "up to 50% of the time, or even more depending on how tolerant your partner is" it does not mean "once in a blue friggin moon") insist on having your turn at choosing. But you don't get to do this if you open every discussion with "what do YOU want to do?" because the subtext of asking the other person what THEY want is that YOU want to do what THEY want to do WHATEVER IT IS. If you then proceed to follow up their selection with whining that contradicts your initial offer of letting them pick, you are being a jerk. Worse, you have *set them up to be wrong* by essentially demanding that they read your mind and pick something YOU want when you were theoretically asking them what THEY wanted. Bad form.
Can't think of other ways to approach the issue? Here's some freebie statements to get you started off:
"Hey, my favorite episode of X is on TV in a few minutes. Want to snuggle and watch it together?"
"I'm kind of tired of watching these re-runs. Let's look through the listings and see what else is on?"
"I would like to have a turn deciding what we watch on TV."
In my experience, nine times out of ten when a guy is willing to actually express a desire to do something specific, the gal will go along with it. As long as it doesn't involve her doing any work, anyway--my housemate has a tendency of suggesting that "we" do things that mean "I'm going to sit here at my computer while YOU go to the store, shop, come home, unload, cook, and do the dishes--and I'll eat it." I don't take kindly to suggestions of this kind when I'm already tired and hungry.
Thumbs up for the Seinfeld reference.Shark Wrangler said:
I love this column. Lara always gives such good, entertaining advice. She should team up with BonsaiK and nobody would ever be lonely or in a bad relationship again.
My captcha was in Russian. I don't speak Russian, you big silly.
Always classy, Lara. Gotta love it. Oh, and doubting? Just go for it. If she says wait, then ask her on a date in a week. She'll know your intentions, and you'll end up getting closer anyway. Go for it. A week is plenty of time to know if you want to ask someone out--you're not committing to living together for life, you're merely saying you'd like to see how things would work out between you. Good luck!
Sociopathy is defined as "...a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood" so certainly one couldn't draw any conclusions from this description alone. Sometimes a confused person is just a confused person with too much emotional turmoil to consider the feelings of someone else.Yureina said:
You CAN Take The Sky From Me has a real non-issue though. Say what you want. If she doesn't agree go do something else. Problem solved. Also, this has to be the funniest sentence I've read all week:
...wut? Ignoring the somewhat bemusing way this reads, most people are worried about making a "big issue" out of disagreements because they might create a rift in the relationship, while this guy is worried that he'll just be ignored. Apparently it's better not to say anything at all than to be ignored. I suppose the latter does spell out the nature of the relationship in a harsher manner, though.
To the college topic, just have fun. I had plenty of fun during my first year of uni and then nearing the end of the year after numerous one night stands and many chances to start something with various different types of girls i got a girlfriend and well, thats when the fun stopped. I'm not saying that having a girlfriend is a bad thing, just don't go for one that has the sex drive of a nympho just out of prison but the personality of a moss covered rock. I would say save the relationship for your second year after you have truly appreciated the fruits your campus has to offer.
Last response (about the college guy) is very true. Relationships in college are very different from high school ones, although I can understand where you're coming from since you *just* started. The transition shouldn't be difficult though.
The world just opens up, that's all. I say ask her out.
The world just opens up, that's all. I say ask her out.