The Hoff Is In Pain

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
45,698
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The Hoff Is In Pain


There's no good, or rational, or even coherent way to put this, so I'm just going to lay it out for you: David Hasselhoff is coming to Pain [http://pain.us.playstation.com/].

The Hoff Culture Club [http://blog.us.playstation.com/2008/10/22/a-very-special-message-from-david-hasselhoff/#comment-122949] hit "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" which he recorded to mark his arrival in the quirky PSN game.

"Hello everyone, it's your friendly neighborhood David Hasselhoff here. I know you're probably wondering 'What in the Baywatch [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KITT] superstar wrote in the official announcement.

"What am I doing in Pain you ask? It's the Movie Studio! What's a movie studio without The Hoff? You can now put The Hoff into a launcher and fling me into harm's way - exploding crates, cars, people - everything is fair game. And best of all, you'll never even put a scratch on this mug of mine!" he continued. "When I was first approached about Pain, I really didn't know what to think. I mean, it's great to think that someone would want to put me in a game, but THIS game is all about flinging people into walls, smashing them into cars, and spanking monkeys. While I wholeheartedly approve of the monkey spanking, I wasn't too sure about the rest of the game. When I finally got my hands on Pain though, everything changed, and I 'got it.' If anybody can understand silly fun, it's me."

In Pain, a downloadable title available from the Havok [http://store.playstation.com/]-powered game includes a range of characters and game modes and features both single and multiplayer action.

"I am a man of many emotions so when you throw me around the Movie Studio, I need to express myself. What better way than in song! So to commemorate my invasion onto the PS3 [http://www.playstation.com], I made a cover song of Culture Club's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" exclusively for Pain," Hasselhoff said, describing the track as "like nothing I've done before."

"So, after a lot of hard work by a bunch of talented people, Hoff Day is coming on Nov. 6! I've got the keys to the Movie Studio... who wants in? After all, do you REALLY want to hurt me?" he continued. "Wait... don't answer that. Just go download The Hoff and play PAIN!"

A video of Hasselhoff's explosive introduction to Pain, including a preview of his Culture Club cover - which I have to admit is like nothing I've ever heard before - can be seen at People Magazine [http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20235089,00.html].


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PedroSteckecilo

Mexican Fugitive
Feb 7, 2008
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I have no reaction aside from stunned disbelief, this is just so damned STRANGE that I have no sensible response to this news

...

That said the man sure takes the idea of people flinging him into walls and such well.
 

Virgil

#virgil { display:none; }
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Jun 13, 2002
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Uh, PS3 wins? I have no idea what to think about this.

It's just so.... bizarre.
 

Turkishchocolate

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Oct 17, 2008
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Yes! You can't see me right now, but I'm giggling. It was always my dearest wish to have Hasselhoff as a playable character in any game.
 

Hookman

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Jul 2, 2008
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Oh dear god...I just orgasmed! Not only is the hoff-man in a video game but you can also bring harm to him. I feel a heart attack coming on.
 

Anton P. Nym

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Sep 18, 2007
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Dammit, id, you know that our superego will NOT let us buy a PS3 just to spend hours and hours slamming The Hoff into brick walls and sharp objects, so just let it rest would ya?

-- Steve

edited to add: Good on Hasselhoff for being so good natured about it, though.
 

Anton P. Nym

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Sep 18, 2007
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HalfShadow post=7.74842.848519 said:
Oh great. Now everyone is going to feel slightly dirty about playing the game.

Okay, you get to hurt David Hasselhoff, but you're in a game with David Hasselhoff.
And, apparently, listen to him cover Culture Club, f-gawdsake. ("Do You Really Want To Hurt Me"... I hated the song when it first came out, but it does have a certain irony in this case, doesn't it?)

-- Steve
 

Ronmarru

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Aug 17, 2008
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He's really hit rock bottom hasn't he? Also, did anyone else think that Hoff was completely scripted or that he never actually said that? "I am a man of many emotions." said the Hoff.
 

Conqueror Kenny

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Jan 14, 2008
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The Hoff, in a video game! Now we just need "Jump in my Car" on that game and it will be perfect. I love the Hoff, the man is a legend!
 

Spartan Bannana

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Apr 27, 2008
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When I saw the title of this thread, I thought it said: The Hoff is in Palin
That gave me an odd mental picture
 

cleverlymadeup

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Mar 7, 2008
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that's so awesome, pain is a darn fun game, i'm going to be doing the nutcracker on the hoff over and over

now they only need a shia lebeouf model and i'll have the best way to vent frustrations after a long day

it's great he's taking as a big joke and not getting offended by it too
 

Corven

Forever Gonzo
Sep 10, 2008
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cleverlymadeup post=7.74842.849472 said:
that's so awesome, pain is a darn fun game, i'm going to be doing the nutcracker on the hoff over and over

now they only need a shia lebeouf model and i'll have the best way to vent frustrations after a long day

it's great he's taking as a big joke and not getting offended by it too
most definitely seconded, and it is pretty cool that he didn't get into a huff(or hoff?) about being in this particular game.
 

bkd69

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Nov 23, 2007
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Does anybody have any idea of what the economic impact of all of Germany calling in sick on Hoff day will be?
 

mr mcshiznit

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Apr 10, 2008
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The more i think about this the cooler i think it is. He just kinda was like hey play me in this game...and IDK why but it makes me want to.
 

TOGSolid

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Jul 15, 2008
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David Hasslehoff is one of those guys who just busts out of nowhere with random badassery and coolness and then slinks back into the shadows. Always good to see guys like him who don't take themselves all seriously.
 

Fire Daemon

Quoth the Daemon
Dec 18, 2007
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David Hasslehoff in my Videogames?

This is great though. Glad that he wants people to have fun throwing him around. Not many celebrities are that cool.