Nola nodded at Neria as she left, before turning to the rest of the group. "Alright folks, you heard the lady. We're leaving at dawn tomorrow, do what you need to. Sleep, drink, train, find someone to keep you warm tonight, whatever. As long it doesn't affect your ability to do your job, I don't care. Meet me at the front gate about a half hour after sunrise and we'll get moving." She said before standing up. "I'm going to get to work on that case. Even if it doesn't really do anything, It'll give me peace of mind." She said before looking to Ash. "But first Ash, you and me need to talk. Follow me." She told the Qunari, leading him up to the third floor of the Tavern. The strange young human, Cole she thought his name was, was thankfully absent. "Alright Ash." She said, crossing her arms over her chest. "What was that down there?" She asked, her voice calm.
Ash followed Nola, somewhat hesitantly. He knew what was waiting, and he'd meant what he said about wanting to go lie down. Even so, he had helped make her the leader, and it could be worse.
It could be Kari.
Walking upstairs, he wondered just exactly she would say, though her crossing her arms were always a bad sign.
"Which of it?" Ash asked, crossing his arms as well, taking a defensive position.
"Don't try that with me Ash, you know which part I mean." She said, furrowing her brow. She looked up at the taller man fixing him with a stern stare. "I know you've been through some hard shit. But that wasn't right Ash, and you know it. What I saw down there wasn't the same friend I've gotten to know over the past few months. That was a spoiled child throwing a fit because he was told he needed to take a bath. Do you really think so badly of us to think that we wouldn't help you if you did hear the singing? That we wouldn't do anything to help a friend?" She asked, letting a little hurt creep into her voice.
Ash frowned, both feeling a little guilty, but also a little slighted. "Madness isn't a bath," he started. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he doubted they'd help, not unless he found the right way to say it. Instead, he looked at her, directly this time.
"And I'll answer that if you can answer why you couldn't just have gotten another mage to do it. There's mages available, skilled mages who aren't as sensitive to the fade as me. Most of them aren't as sensitive to the fade as me. Why me? If you're willing to do anything to help a friend, why not honour my request and let me skip this mission, have another mage to take my place, and then I'll do a different mission? Someone else certainly were allowed to do so. And no; "we're friends" thing, I get that, I like you too, but I'm not the right person for the mission, so why not switch? Why do you guys always decide what's best for me?"
Nola frowned at that. They were all good points, but he still wasn't getting it. "Because we don't want anyone else Ash. We want you, We trust you. Despite EVERYTHING you've been through, whatever you had to do to survive on your own, whatever anyone might say when they're mad, we trust you. Getting another mage isn't the same as having you. We've been working together for months. We know how you fight, we know what you're capable off and what you're not. You're as much as part of the team as I am." She explained uncrossing her arms. "We're not trying to decide what's best for you Ash. We just don't want you to leave. Despite what you may think, we can't do this with out you."
"That's not true," Ash protested. "You could just ask the mage what they can do. And you don't know what I'm capable off, you just treat me like a child. I'm not stupid, why don't people ask me about stuff? Why did I have to have my opinion ignored down there, while Berund managed to talk everyone into taking the Red Lyrium? No one thought it was important before he said it was. And you say that you'll throw it off the ship, but when the time comes, it'll just be; "Sorry Ash, can't you just deal with it for a couple of days? I promise that if it gets bad we'll throw it off" and "It can't be that bad, you seem fine", and it'll continue until it's been delivered to the Inquisitor personally." He rubbed his arm.
"Just ignore that. It doesn't matter either way. My point isn't that you don't care, or that you're horrible people, you're not. But I'm... I'm not very good at telling people when something feels bad, I've tried to do it more often, but somehow I always word it wrongly, and people'll just say I'm complaining too much, or acting like a child. And then I get frustrated, and I get louder, and then... It's not easy, I don't know what you expect from me. But I don't want to feel like I'm just expected to throw out spells and follow orders."
Nola sighed. This certainly wasn't going as she thought, but she wass starting to understand why Ash acted the way he did down there. "I'm not going to just ignore it Ash. You elected me as team leader and I'm not just going to ignore when one of my team mates, one of my friends, is having trouble with something." She rubbed her temple, trying to put her own words in order. "We jumped on Berund's side cause we realized he was right. None of us want to, but if we don't try to do it, someone else will. And someone else may screw it up." She shook her head. There was no way to make it sound better than that. "As for what I expect...I expect you to have my back. Just like I'll have yours. I WANT you to trust me to know what I'm talking about. If I ask you to throw out a spell, I want you to know that there's a reason for it. That's not just something we can ask another mage." She sighed again, rubbing the back of her head.. "I'll say this at least, regardless of what happens. If there's something wrong, come and talk to me. I'll listen until you find the words."
He looked at her. He knew what she meant, he didn't want to just go with another team either, but sometimes that happened, besides...
She doesn't want to hear about that, Ash.
However, she'd said she would listen. Ash bit his lip. "Okay, just... wait a little. I need to think of what to say." He went quiet, it had to have been several minutes by the time he spoke again.
"I think... perhaps... I'm not very good at trusting, because I never really knew a lot of people, and... and I've never been in a situation like that. Like this. Besides, no matter what happens, at some point the inquisition will be over, whether it's defeat or success, and then... well, I'm a Vashoth Blood Mage. I'm going to have to disappear again, and I'll be all alone, just like before, just like with my friend. And I don't want that, but everyone's going to leave. I think..."
He trailed off a little more, swallowing, though his throat didn't stop feeling like something was stuck there. His voice was vulnerable and hurt, making him sound a lot smaller than he was.
"It's probably stupid to say, but I think I'm still a little lonely. No, probably not just a little lonely, probably very lonely, because there's no one like me, because the demon kept telling me you guys would all leave, and with the way Von acted, and now, with no one listening to me... it feels like that, everyone's going to just leave me when it suits them. It feels like no one's really listening and seeing what I'm talking about when I say it's difficult, and I get that, you wouldn't know, but that makes me feel very alone. And that hurts.
And then everyone wants me to consider how they feel, with why they'd want me to go or want me to vote, and it's already difficult enough just knowing what I want, because everything's different now. It's so much brighter, and more vivid, and I don't want to let go of that, because even if everyone in the world left me, I'd still have that. I won't go insane anymore. And I don't know why I act so childish and why I threw a fit, I just... I just felt so ignored, even if I know you care. It's just difficult to feel it, and to see it, because I'm so... afraid. I think. I mean..."
She'll probably feel like I'm a burden now.
Ash certainly didn't want that. He swallowed again, wiping his eyes. With a sudden smile, he shook his head.
"No, no, just ignore that too." He chuckled, forcefully. "It's not like that, I'm just in a bad mood. Wrong foot and all that."
Nola frowned at that. "Again, No. I'm not just going to ignore when someone I care about is in trouble. Ash, I an't promise we'll never leave. Our lives may take us all to opposite ends of Thedas. That's just how things work. But I can promise that while we're working together, people are going to try and understand what you're talking about. But only if you stop this "ignore me when I'm trying to be serious." crap you've done three times now." She said pointing at him. "If you see we're not getting something, make us get it. You're huge, the only one of us you're not gonna be able to hold down at this point is Berund and Kari, and that's because they're both to damn stubborn to let you hold them down." She let her hand fall, her own smile forming. "Now, no more of that, We're a team, and we're gonna stick together as long as possible. Hell if Berund an get over me killing his childhood friend, you can get over this little slump. C'mon, I'll buy you a drink before we split to get ready." She said gesturing down the stairs.
He looked at her, ready to decline, tell her it was all fine and that he wanted to be alone. But Nola wasn't going to let him leave, was she? Besides, wasn't that part of the issue, his issue? Ash nodded, though he didn't walk down just yet, only looked at her. Then he leaned down and embraced her, giving her a big hug. He made sure to get low enough to not have to lift her.
"Thanks."
He wasn't going to stop being worried about it, but at least he had someone he could talk to now, who wouldn't be disappointed with him if he tried to talk.
Nola was a little surprised when Ash knelt down to hug her. She certainly hand't been expecting that. "Heh, no problem big guy." She said returning the hug. As he stood up she led him back down stairs, happily paying for whatever drink he wanted. She didn't get herself anything, she had plans first that he wanted to be sober for. After a short time just making small talk, she excused herself. "Alright Ash, I gotta go. If ya need me I'll be in my forge, makin that case for the sample. And remember, at the gate by dawn." She said with a smile. She proceeded outside and back to her forge. Over the next few hours, she made a reinforced container, she was even able to find a made to assist her in carving a few mind protecting runes onto the surface. Would it protect her team from the effects of the Red Lyirum? She wasn't sure, but it was better than carrying it in their pockets.
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When Morning came, she was first to reach the front gate, waking even earlier than the rest. Thankfully she didn't have to wait long, everyone showed up roughly on time. They set out quickly, just as planned. The trip was fairly boring, but boring in such dangerous times wasn't a bad thing.
She wasn't expecting to find a smuggler with such a.....noticeable ship. But what better way to hide then in plain sight? "And greetings to you as well, Captain." She said with a smile. "You may call me Nola, this is Ash, Berund, Jarrett, and Kari. As you guessed all under the employ of the Inquisition. A pleasure to meet you."
Ash followed Nola, somewhat hesitantly. He knew what was waiting, and he'd meant what he said about wanting to go lie down. Even so, he had helped make her the leader, and it could be worse.
It could be Kari.
Walking upstairs, he wondered just exactly she would say, though her crossing her arms were always a bad sign.
"Which of it?" Ash asked, crossing his arms as well, taking a defensive position.
"Don't try that with me Ash, you know which part I mean." She said, furrowing her brow. She looked up at the taller man fixing him with a stern stare. "I know you've been through some hard shit. But that wasn't right Ash, and you know it. What I saw down there wasn't the same friend I've gotten to know over the past few months. That was a spoiled child throwing a fit because he was told he needed to take a bath. Do you really think so badly of us to think that we wouldn't help you if you did hear the singing? That we wouldn't do anything to help a friend?" She asked, letting a little hurt creep into her voice.
Ash frowned, both feeling a little guilty, but also a little slighted. "Madness isn't a bath," he started. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he doubted they'd help, not unless he found the right way to say it. Instead, he looked at her, directly this time.
"And I'll answer that if you can answer why you couldn't just have gotten another mage to do it. There's mages available, skilled mages who aren't as sensitive to the fade as me. Most of them aren't as sensitive to the fade as me. Why me? If you're willing to do anything to help a friend, why not honour my request and let me skip this mission, have another mage to take my place, and then I'll do a different mission? Someone else certainly were allowed to do so. And no; "we're friends" thing, I get that, I like you too, but I'm not the right person for the mission, so why not switch? Why do you guys always decide what's best for me?"
Nola frowned at that. They were all good points, but he still wasn't getting it. "Because we don't want anyone else Ash. We want you, We trust you. Despite EVERYTHING you've been through, whatever you had to do to survive on your own, whatever anyone might say when they're mad, we trust you. Getting another mage isn't the same as having you. We've been working together for months. We know how you fight, we know what you're capable off and what you're not. You're as much as part of the team as I am." She explained uncrossing her arms. "We're not trying to decide what's best for you Ash. We just don't want you to leave. Despite what you may think, we can't do this with out you."
"That's not true," Ash protested. "You could just ask the mage what they can do. And you don't know what I'm capable off, you just treat me like a child. I'm not stupid, why don't people ask me about stuff? Why did I have to have my opinion ignored down there, while Berund managed to talk everyone into taking the Red Lyrium? No one thought it was important before he said it was. And you say that you'll throw it off the ship, but when the time comes, it'll just be; "Sorry Ash, can't you just deal with it for a couple of days? I promise that if it gets bad we'll throw it off" and "It can't be that bad, you seem fine", and it'll continue until it's been delivered to the Inquisitor personally." He rubbed his arm.
"Just ignore that. It doesn't matter either way. My point isn't that you don't care, or that you're horrible people, you're not. But I'm... I'm not very good at telling people when something feels bad, I've tried to do it more often, but somehow I always word it wrongly, and people'll just say I'm complaining too much, or acting like a child. And then I get frustrated, and I get louder, and then... It's not easy, I don't know what you expect from me. But I don't want to feel like I'm just expected to throw out spells and follow orders."
Nola sighed. This certainly wasn't going as she thought, but she wass starting to understand why Ash acted the way he did down there. "I'm not going to just ignore it Ash. You elected me as team leader and I'm not just going to ignore when one of my team mates, one of my friends, is having trouble with something." She rubbed her temple, trying to put her own words in order. "We jumped on Berund's side cause we realized he was right. None of us want to, but if we don't try to do it, someone else will. And someone else may screw it up." She shook her head. There was no way to make it sound better than that. "As for what I expect...I expect you to have my back. Just like I'll have yours. I WANT you to trust me to know what I'm talking about. If I ask you to throw out a spell, I want you to know that there's a reason for it. That's not just something we can ask another mage." She sighed again, rubbing the back of her head.. "I'll say this at least, regardless of what happens. If there's something wrong, come and talk to me. I'll listen until you find the words."
He looked at her. He knew what she meant, he didn't want to just go with another team either, but sometimes that happened, besides...
She doesn't want to hear about that, Ash.
However, she'd said she would listen. Ash bit his lip. "Okay, just... wait a little. I need to think of what to say." He went quiet, it had to have been several minutes by the time he spoke again.
"I think... perhaps... I'm not very good at trusting, because I never really knew a lot of people, and... and I've never been in a situation like that. Like this. Besides, no matter what happens, at some point the inquisition will be over, whether it's defeat or success, and then... well, I'm a Vashoth Blood Mage. I'm going to have to disappear again, and I'll be all alone, just like before, just like with my friend. And I don't want that, but everyone's going to leave. I think..."
He trailed off a little more, swallowing, though his throat didn't stop feeling like something was stuck there. His voice was vulnerable and hurt, making him sound a lot smaller than he was.
"It's probably stupid to say, but I think I'm still a little lonely. No, probably not just a little lonely, probably very lonely, because there's no one like me, because the demon kept telling me you guys would all leave, and with the way Von acted, and now, with no one listening to me... it feels like that, everyone's going to just leave me when it suits them. It feels like no one's really listening and seeing what I'm talking about when I say it's difficult, and I get that, you wouldn't know, but that makes me feel very alone. And that hurts.
And then everyone wants me to consider how they feel, with why they'd want me to go or want me to vote, and it's already difficult enough just knowing what I want, because everything's different now. It's so much brighter, and more vivid, and I don't want to let go of that, because even if everyone in the world left me, I'd still have that. I won't go insane anymore. And I don't know why I act so childish and why I threw a fit, I just... I just felt so ignored, even if I know you care. It's just difficult to feel it, and to see it, because I'm so... afraid. I think. I mean..."
She'll probably feel like I'm a burden now.
Ash certainly didn't want that. He swallowed again, wiping his eyes. With a sudden smile, he shook his head.
"No, no, just ignore that too." He chuckled, forcefully. "It's not like that, I'm just in a bad mood. Wrong foot and all that."
Nola frowned at that. "Again, No. I'm not just going to ignore when someone I care about is in trouble. Ash, I an't promise we'll never leave. Our lives may take us all to opposite ends of Thedas. That's just how things work. But I can promise that while we're working together, people are going to try and understand what you're talking about. But only if you stop this "ignore me when I'm trying to be serious." crap you've done three times now." She said pointing at him. "If you see we're not getting something, make us get it. You're huge, the only one of us you're not gonna be able to hold down at this point is Berund and Kari, and that's because they're both to damn stubborn to let you hold them down." She let her hand fall, her own smile forming. "Now, no more of that, We're a team, and we're gonna stick together as long as possible. Hell if Berund an get over me killing his childhood friend, you can get over this little slump. C'mon, I'll buy you a drink before we split to get ready." She said gesturing down the stairs.
He looked at her, ready to decline, tell her it was all fine and that he wanted to be alone. But Nola wasn't going to let him leave, was she? Besides, wasn't that part of the issue, his issue? Ash nodded, though he didn't walk down just yet, only looked at her. Then he leaned down and embraced her, giving her a big hug. He made sure to get low enough to not have to lift her.
"Thanks."
He wasn't going to stop being worried about it, but at least he had someone he could talk to now, who wouldn't be disappointed with him if he tried to talk.
Nola was a little surprised when Ash knelt down to hug her. She certainly hand't been expecting that. "Heh, no problem big guy." She said returning the hug. As he stood up she led him back down stairs, happily paying for whatever drink he wanted. She didn't get herself anything, she had plans first that he wanted to be sober for. After a short time just making small talk, she excused herself. "Alright Ash, I gotta go. If ya need me I'll be in my forge, makin that case for the sample. And remember, at the gate by dawn." She said with a smile. She proceeded outside and back to her forge. Over the next few hours, she made a reinforced container, she was even able to find a made to assist her in carving a few mind protecting runes onto the surface. Would it protect her team from the effects of the Red Lyirum? She wasn't sure, but it was better than carrying it in their pockets.
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When Morning came, she was first to reach the front gate, waking even earlier than the rest. Thankfully she didn't have to wait long, everyone showed up roughly on time. They set out quickly, just as planned. The trip was fairly boring, but boring in such dangerous times wasn't a bad thing.
She wasn't expecting to find a smuggler with such a.....noticeable ship. But what better way to hide then in plain sight? "And greetings to you as well, Captain." She said with a smile. "You may call me Nola, this is Ash, Berund, Jarrett, and Kari. As you guessed all under the employ of the Inquisition. A pleasure to meet you."
