Advice for guys who don't know how to approach women.
- Thread starter siomasm
- Start date
Well...yeah. Let's just say...siomasm said:
Take it away, XKCD!
You know, there's something a lot simpler you can realize in order to function well in the company of the opposite sex.
Realize that it's simply not a game. "Your crush" isn't some kind of a "fortress" to be "conquered". It's not a "quest" you take up. There aren't any "rules". You are not "victorious" if you get into their pants. Either you find common interests or common grounds or you don't. There's nothing extraordinary, nothing epic about it - at least not in the sense popular culture is trying to make us think.
Aw, man, you started out with so much promise and had to go make it all-
Teasing a girl to make her `humble` is the quickest way to make her fucking hate you and to become an emotionally abusive boyfriend.
For the guys who need advice on this stuff:
Don't listen to this crap.
If you want someone to be interested in you, work on becoming someone who you'd like to be around. Be comfortable in yourself, get to a place where you don't need someone else to validate you.
Treat women like they're people, and for god's sake don't think it's your place to destroy her confidence.
Teasing a girl to make her `humble` is the quickest way to make her fucking hate you and to become an emotionally abusive boyfriend.
For the guys who need advice on this stuff:
Don't listen to this crap.
If you want someone to be interested in you, work on becoming someone who you'd like to be around. Be comfortable in yourself, get to a place where you don't need someone else to validate you.
Treat women like they're people, and for god's sake don't think it's your place to destroy her confidence.
I do have a question: what does "treat women like they're people" even means? There isn't one way to treat people (which is probably the whole point of such a topic). It's like saying "treat you boss like (s)he is people". It means nothing at all. I mean should i treat them like my close friends? (which will involve lots of sarcastic comments and joke insults) Like my professors? Like my family? Like random strangers? Like friends? (and even there i could make a distinction between female and male friends, because believe me, you don't wanna treat em the same way)Phasmal said:
My girlfriend kept inviting me to parties until I eventually got the message that she might POSSIBLY be into me.
(in my defence initially I thought she was seeing someone else and was just being nice)
Apparently she was giving me signals like crazy and all the time I was just thinking 'Oh what a lovely person, what a great girlfriend she would make someone.That other guy is so lucky. Oh well...'
So my advice is...do nothing?
And possibly concentrate on becoming a fairly interesting/decent/well-rounded person for yourself rather than some kind of retarded pick-up merchant?
(in my defence initially I thought she was seeing someone else and was just being nice)
Apparently she was giving me signals like crazy and all the time I was just thinking 'Oh what a lovely person, what a great girlfriend she would make someone.That other guy is so lucky. Oh well...'
So my advice is...do nothing?
And possibly concentrate on becoming a fairly interesting/decent/well-rounded person for yourself rather than some kind of retarded pick-up merchant?
No, there's no one way to treat people. And that's the bloody point.generals3 said:
Do you know how many people I've met who believe women are pretty much a hive mind, who all want the same thing? Who won't listen to actual women saying they want different things because they are sure that `deep down` all women want the same thing, no matter what anyone says?
Waaay too many.
I think the best way to approach women is not give a shit, and then, when you get a girlfriend, you'll be like, "Oh, we were friends, but now I like her and she likes me, so...cool!"
At least, that's what I've learned from my observations of my friends' relationships.
At least, that's what I've learned from my observations of my friends' relationships.
This, this is but one of the many reasons why I hate people. If society or the individuals within it didn't suck, this kind of bull-shit manipulative ass-hattery wouldn't be tolerated, it would be attacked as the malicious jerk-wadism it is.
This basically describes how I got into my current 2+ year relationship. I basically stopped caring about trying to impress/pick up a girl and went to just being myself at a party and having a nice time talking with people. She deviously drew me into her trap and things have been working out well ever since. Took me a while to figure out her signals mind you.grey_space said:
So really, my advice is stop thinking so much about it and just relax, it might take longer but someone will be attracted to you and come looking for you.
The pick up "artists" always tell you to ignore the girl, if you want to impress her. Whilst the last thing I would like to do is agree with what those misogynistic pricks are saying, there is some truth to the fact that if you don't seem overly interested in a girl, she is going to be more likely to take an interest in you. Like the OP said, its less to do with neglecting them, and more to do with the fact that you aren't putting them off by being way too attentive.
It works for me - usually by accident. That is to say, I get interest from girls I genuinely wasn't paying any attention to. One of the benefits of living in the 21st century is that women are feeling less like they should be the passive one in social situations, and that it is safe for them to ask guys out.
It works for me - usually by accident. That is to say, I get interest from girls I genuinely wasn't paying any attention to. One of the benefits of living in the 21st century is that women are feeling less like they should be the passive one in social situations, and that it is safe for them to ask guys out.
This is good advice if you're interested in one night stands.
However, a relationship based on deception and mindgames won't last for very long.
If you genuinely like someone, put effort into actually getting to know that person, spend time together to find out how good your chemistry is, be with the person and not just the body.
However, a relationship based on deception and mindgames won't last for very long.
If you genuinely like someone, put effort into actually getting to know that person, spend time together to find out how good your chemistry is, be with the person and not just the body.
*No hope whatsoever high five*lRookiel said:I'll stick to being a shy person with no hope whatsoever.
You know what's strange? I act the way OP wrote. I don't mind talking to girls, I'm open, I smile, don't look at her tits, talk with them because I want to hear their story and not because I want to get in their pants, etc. All the good stuff. Yet I have never had a girlfriend. It's like I'm invisible to them
I've almost stopped giving a fuck anymore.The best advice about talking to a girl you are interested in I ever heard was from my dad. He just said 'The worst thing she can say is yes.' Basically there is no need to be nervous. If you get shot down then everything is done and you are just moving forward with your normal world. If they say yes, that is when things are complicated and you have to deal with stuff like planning for a date and all the headaches(-all- the headaches) those damn females bring. If you are already hoping for the most difficult possible outcome there is no need to be stressed over having an easier result.
Sigh... I am not a pick up artist. I know that what is generally considered the "hot girl" is not within my reach, regardless of whether I use the stupid mind games described in your post or not, and furthermore I don't want one. I will freely admit to being a virgin, not for lack of attempting to lose it, I've never had a serious girlfriend, I've never held a girls hand in fact.
I am lonely.
But if I must alter the way my personality functions to find a mate, then it's simply dishonest. If and when I find a girl who I want to form a relationship with based on affection, than I shouldn't really need to do this as we will like each other enough to be with one another. If I want to trick a 10 into fucking a 5, I'm a liar and a manipulator, depriving the 10 of all the un-manipulation ridden relationships she can be having with other 10's.
Just my two cents.
I am lonely.
But if I must alter the way my personality functions to find a mate, then it's simply dishonest. If and when I find a girl who I want to form a relationship with based on affection, than I shouldn't really need to do this as we will like each other enough to be with one another. If I want to trick a 10 into fucking a 5, I'm a liar and a manipulator, depriving the 10 of all the un-manipulation ridden relationships she can be having with other 10's.
Just my two cents.
Well at least you make an effort to talk to women.Pinkamena said:*No hope whatsoever high five*
You know what's strange? I act the way OP wrote. I don't mind talking to girls, I'm open, I smile, don't look at her tits, talk with them because I want to hear their story and not because I want to get in their pants, etc. All the good stuff. Yet I have never had a girlfriend. It's like I'm invisible to them
I can't do anything past small talk (I will literally freeze and avoid eye contact)
:*3