Advice for guys who don't know how to approach women.
- Thread starter siomasm
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Just be friends with us. That's how I met my boyfriend. He saw we had a common interest and just brought that up to me in a conversation, and it went on from there C:
Well now I'm confused. That seems like some pretty good advice, but considering the source...:-/thaluikhain said:
I know plenty about women, thank you. I make sure to wear my crucifix at all times, I always have a stake in my bag, avoid going out at night when possible and eat plenty of garlic.krazykidd said:
That's women, right?
Remember, women are just people, with senses honed over millenia to detect predators. Where possible, approach from behind. Remain in cover for as long as possible before revealing yourself. Stay downwind - if she catches a whiff of you, she may bolt. If you have the chance, a tranquiliser dart can be an excellent strategic move, but if money is a worry it may be better to stick with a lasso or even a large, weighted net. Above all, always approach women with caution; when startled, they can kick like a mule.Rednog said:
You would think it would be that simple, but the problem is some guys have become scared shitless of being friends first because the "friend zone" has convinced them that once you are friends with a girl it is impossible for her to see you as anything else.Sarah Kerrigan said:
Heaven forbid it just be a situation where you happen to like her and she happens to not like you. Nope, clearly it's because friendship is an immovable point in a relationship. An inescapable island you get stranded on that totally dashes all your chances of being anything else with her.
The OP seems to know what he is talking about, but doesn't seem to know why.
Teasing a girl does work, but not because it deflates her self-esteem.
Think of who you usually tease. Friends. Family. Those who you feel comfortable teasing, cause you know that they won't take it to heart. So when you tease a girl, you are putting her at the same level as your friends and family.
Example: I make fun of my girlfriend's neediness by calling her a pest, but I always say it with a smile on my face and usually follow it with a kiss.
The key to getting a girlfriend is the same as getting any friend. Talk to them. Be fun and friendly. Laughter goes a long way. Take your time. And if you know how, be flirty but subtle. If she thinks you might like her, it will put you in her thoughts. That uncertainty is key.
And remember to just move on if she isn't interested. Persistency is so often not the best solution.
captcha: puppy love
<3
Teasing a girl does work, but not because it deflates her self-esteem.
Think of who you usually tease. Friends. Family. Those who you feel comfortable teasing, cause you know that they won't take it to heart. So when you tease a girl, you are putting her at the same level as your friends and family.
Example: I make fun of my girlfriend's neediness by calling her a pest, but I always say it with a smile on my face and usually follow it with a kiss.
The key to getting a girlfriend is the same as getting any friend. Talk to them. Be fun and friendly. Laughter goes a long way. Take your time. And if you know how, be flirty but subtle. If she thinks you might like her, it will put you in her thoughts. That uncertainty is key.
And remember to just move on if she isn't interested. Persistency is so often not the best solution.
captcha: puppy love
<3
Great advice, it certainly worked for me:
Just now, I saw a cute girl at the bus stop, so I remembered your post and started an easy-going and generally relaxed conversation with her as we waited for the bus.
Then she poked a bit of fun at my shoes, so I figured I'd save her from getting an inflated opinion of herself by punching her in the face.
SINCE THEN SHE CAN'T SEEM TO STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND LIKE A PUPPY!
Why, right now she's standing underneath my window and yelling "I'll fucking kill your sorry ass!" but in a sexy-angry kinda way you know?
THANK YOU OP!
Just now, I saw a cute girl at the bus stop, so I remembered your post and started an easy-going and generally relaxed conversation with her as we waited for the bus.
Then she poked a bit of fun at my shoes, so I figured I'd save her from getting an inflated opinion of herself by punching her in the face.
SINCE THEN SHE CAN'T SEEM TO STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND LIKE A PUPPY!
Why, right now she's standing underneath my window and yelling "I'll fucking kill your sorry ass!" but in a sexy-angry kinda way you know?
THANK YOU OP!
You're honestly better off.lRookiel said:I'll stick to being a shy person with no hope whatsoever.
The advice is not really all that good and in some places awful.
Also, pretending to be more confident than you are leads you to attract people that want to be with someone more confident than you actually are.
Like I said, better off being shy and attracting people who want that. (That said, waiting for someone to approach you is an AWFUL way for finding romantic partners.)
problem i have is im not shy looking. I look like the complete opposite as in i look like i will kill you in your sleep...but im not like that. Im just a big softie, i can't help having these big shoulders and arms!
Kinda suck on first moves though but after five minutes of talking with someone my nerves tend to ease up alot. But that is just with people in general.
I agree with hooblabla6262 about slight teasing. I did the same with my EX when we were together (break up completely unrelated to slight tease topic me and her are also good friends still)
What i used to do occasionally was poke her little tum a bit, she would whine at me with the most adorable puppy dog eyes you could ever imagine, so i gave her a massive hug and let her poke my big old belly cos it is alot bigger then hers (hell she isn't even fat!) and it makes her feel happy about herself again
Kinda suck on first moves though but after five minutes of talking with someone my nerves tend to ease up alot. But that is just with people in general.
I agree with hooblabla6262 about slight teasing. I did the same with my EX when we were together (break up completely unrelated to slight tease topic me and her are also good friends still)
What i used to do occasionally was poke her little tum a bit, she would whine at me with the most adorable puppy dog eyes you could ever imagine, so i gave her a massive hug and let her poke my big old belly cos it is alot bigger then hers (hell she isn't even fat!) and it makes her feel happy about herself again
According to this guide I am possibly the most repulsive being on the face of the planet . im surprised women not all immediately vomit, exorcist style, the moment they catch even a glimpse of me .
I walk around like shaggy from scooby doo , I am unable to maintain eye contact for long periods of time ( admittedly I don?t stare at boobs , but that?s mostly because I don?t care about them) ,Im unbelievably introverted and I usually spend most of my time at a party talking to one or two people.
and yet somehow women can still tolerate my presence.
I walk around like shaggy from scooby doo , I am unable to maintain eye contact for long periods of time ( admittedly I don?t stare at boobs , but that?s mostly because I don?t care about them) ,Im unbelievably introverted and I usually spend most of my time at a party talking to one or two people.
and yet somehow women can still tolerate my presence.
In addition to what was already written in response to this, not only do we get treated like a hive mind we get treated inferior as well because well hey we're women. And the more skin that's showing the more like objects we get treated. Yeah sometimes I do wear stuff purposely so that people stare. But when I'm out in one of my shirts that I cut the collar out of and it's hanging off my shoulder(as shirts like that tend to do) and you are blatantly just staring at my chest that starts becoming very creepy.generals3 said:
Women have enough confidence issues especially with PUA and their "negging" technique. And society telling us that we're not already pretty because we aren't skeletons who have breast implants and ass implants and shit like that. And then you get the people(mostly men from what I've heard around here but occasionally other women too) who tell you that if you are overweight according to BMI (which is complete crap) that you are therefore unattractive, well that does another number on your self esteem. (and my reasoning for saying it's complete crap is according to mine I've been overweight since I was 16 and I looked anorexic even though I ate as much as the football team I just did a lot of outdoor physical activity so I burned off everything I ate. I am mostly overweight because heaven forbid I have muscle and muscle weighs more than fat and BMI doesn't take that into consideration. It goes off of your weight) Then you get the assholes who basically tell you that if you don't wear makeup or don't conform you're ugly. Because heaven forbid any of us have any sense of self identity and do what we want. Plus I came across a post on tumblr the other day telling women that short hair means that they are fickle whereas long hair means we are committed and can make up our minds which is again, complete horseshit. I intentionally chopped off my excessively long hair to short because I'm lazy and don't like dealing with long hair and all the maintenance that goes with it. We have society telling us that we're sluts if we dress this way but if we don't men don't want to acknowledge us. And the media telling us that women on their periods are irrational all the time. Sure I might have a moment of irrationality but I get those whether on my period or not. 90% of the time it's caused, with me at least, because I'm hungry or thirsty and irritated that I have no food or drink. And we get men telling us that our cramps can't be "THAT" bad. We get called sluts for going on birth control even if the birth control is just to help control our menstrual cycles and tone down the cramping because heaven forbid we have any bodily autonomy. So, anyone who says that we need to be insulted to be kept down is obviously insecure enough about themselves and quite possibly an abuser. In the OP I saw a LOT of things that reminded me of past abusive relationships.
I cannot stress this one enough. WE ARE NOT THAT HARD TO APPROACH. Approach us like you would another guy. Come up, say hi, start conversation. Very very simple.
WE ARE ALSO NOT NICENESS DISPENSERS IN WHICH YOU INSERT A CERTAIN NUMBER OF NICENESS COINS AND SEX COMES OUT. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. IF WE ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU, WE AREN'T ATTRACTED TO YOU AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE IT AT THAT RATHER THAN TRY AND COERCE US INTO SOMETHING WE DON'T WANT
ALSO, "No", "Don't touch me", "Leave me alone", etc are NOT negotiations. I had to literally threaten a guy the other day with the removal of his balls via the chains on my wallet if he touched me again because me telling him for over a year(well kind of since I only see him sept-oct and then a day in march) Don't touch me seemed to mean to him "please keep touching me". Also, if we are in a closed off stance(arms crossed not making eye contact reading listening to music etc)leave us alone. Just because we are in public does not mean we always want to be approached. I can't tell you how many men have thought it is alright to interrupt my book reading(on like buses) just so they can corner me and be creepy to me. Some of us are fine if you want to ask us about the book we are reading because it looks like it might interest you but once we go back to our books, leave us the hell alone.
AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE DON'T FUCKING CORNER US. I know the media tells you it's cool and all but you try feeling like you're an animal in a cage because someone has you trapped in a corner with no chance for escape and being claustrophobic on top of it.
/end rant [sub][sub][sub][sub][sub]I should really just stay away from topics like this. They cause me to rant and get stressed. And make me seem like I have a lot of hostility towards men...well moreso than I actually do.[/sub][/sub][/sub][/sub][/sub]
Only advice that was 'good' is to stop staring at their boobs. Yes, you may think you're getting away with a small peek when they turn their eyes for a split second but trust me, THEY KNOW.
That goes for women you're not even talking to. I notice A LOT of things going on around me at any one time and that means a female can too. She may not be looking at you but if in her peripheral she sees a dudes head facing towards her what do you think he's doing?
That goes for women you're not even talking to. I notice A LOT of things going on around me at any one time and that means a female can too. She may not be looking at you but if in her peripheral she sees a dudes head facing towards her what do you think he's doing?
I've actually always thought that as a society (I live in America so that's what I'm referring too) we concentrate too much on accepting and adapting to how someone is, we should concentrate more on peoples flaws, especially in a relationship. If I was dating a girl and she never told me about "my flaws" or things that she doesn't like about me, how could I decide if we are really meant to be? When someone shares a flaw with you, you get the chance to decide whether that trait really is a flaw or not, if it is, you get to work on it and better yourself. (This, in my opinion, is the point of life, be the best you can be.) If you decide it's not a flaw, you have to explain that to the person who came to you, this is a true test of your relationship with them. And that will either strengthen the relationship, or end it, whichever happens is for the best.funkzillabot said:
I see this as a much better solution than never talking or sharing, and always pretending everyone is perfect. At least that's how I choose to live my life.
Of course this only applies to people you already have some sort of relationship with, not people you're trying to "pick up" so maybe I missed the point.
Except addressing each other's faults is not what the OP was talking about. Yes people in a relationship need to understand each other's flaws and be able to address them, nobody is trying to say otherwise.Nemesis729 said:
But here is what the OP is proposing: Use carefully calculated banter and teasings in order to "balance out" the girl in question. If you don't insult her enough, she'll feel too confident around you and stop trying to impress you. Really, those were his exact words.
And that is what we mean by emotional abuse. Making carefully calculated measures to manipulate the girl into behaving a certain way. Every couple has their own kind of banter and ways of teasing each other, but what the OP is suggesting is just vile. Not only is he suggesting securing the relationship by emotional manipulation, but he is also trying to say that women need this manipulation so that they don't "go off the deep end."
Okay, seriously. Women are not aliens.
If you act fake, you'll catch fake girls.
If you act nice, honest and intelligent, you'll find nice, honest and intelligent girls.
The reason you might think it's easier to catch ANY girl by acting fake rather than honest is because there are generally more fake people than there are honest ones. You might have to wait a while before you come across a good one. And when you do find a good one, don't go hiding behind an act. Women are human. We might look a bit different and communicate a bit strangely at times, but all we want is honesty and respect, just like you do.
Bottom line: If you want a quality girl, be a quality guy.
If you act fake, you'll catch fake girls.
If you act nice, honest and intelligent, you'll find nice, honest and intelligent girls.
The reason you might think it's easier to catch ANY girl by acting fake rather than honest is because there are generally more fake people than there are honest ones. You might have to wait a while before you come across a good one. And when you do find a good one, don't go hiding behind an act. Women are human. We might look a bit different and communicate a bit strangely at times, but all we want is honesty and respect, just like you do.
Bottom line: If you want a quality girl, be a quality guy.
My advice to guys who don't know how to approach women is: don't. I have never been able to talk to women, have relationships, etc. and until a few years ago i was becoming downright misserable because of this. Then i kind of just said "screw it" and stopped carring about stuff like that. I just went on with my life and spent my time on something else rather than just obsessing about it. Now that i'm focused and working on other things i feel much better even though i have as little "action" as before. (and by little i mean none)
I'm terrible at approaching girls, but I get dates fairly regularly. You know what works for me? Being someone they want to approach, rather than approaching them. I keep myself presentable (shower regularly, wear nice clothes, use deodorant- basic grooming stuff), smile when I make eye contact and try not to say anything stupid.