Almost 30 and still no real relationship experience. I find it hard to connect with anyone emotionally

[Worgen]

A great relationship is fantastic, a bad one will pull you down and strangle you. As has been said before, don't be with someone just to be with someone. If you do decide to go for just someone to be with, then know what you want out of it, if you want practice or just some temporary enjoyment, make sure they know what you are in for and that they are of similar mind. But, really if you want to avoid the whole thing, just make sure you have some IRL friends that you hang out with and have fun with. Oddly enough, good friendships are harder for men as we get older, so if you have good friends then those are a bit more important to hang onto then a relationship, especially if the relationship isn't with someone who can be your best friend.

 

[Drathnoxis]

You are never going to find someone who is exactly like you and who you never clash or have any conflicts with, and if you did you'd eventually get bored of them.

My feeling is that if you want a sense of who your ideal partner would be, don't imagine someone who is exactly like you. Imagine someone who you admire and wish you were more like. Imagine someone who would be worth going out of your comfort zone for.

Why would I wish I was more like someone else? I'm perfectly satisfied with who I am. But even if I could imagine that, what good would it do? Imagination is easy, but finding a person that matches your imagination would be pretty much impossible.

I've been blissfully single for nearly two decades now and the one thing I notice people never asking themselves is "Do I want to be in a relationship?"

I ask myself that all the time and mostly the answer has been 'not really'. That's why I've been happily single for 13 years. But more and more I'm thinking that if I don't give it another try I'll regret it when I'm 60.

 

[Baffle]

You are never going to find someone who is exactly like you and who you never clash or have any conflicts with, and if you did you'd eventually get bored of them.

I would find me deeply annoying, very quickly.

 

[McElroy]

I could write something close to that title as well. I somewhat disagree with some of the comments and instead say that being a little bit selfish is fine. Being too polite, honest and goody two shoes won't do you much good if the other party is more selfish and expects selfishness too. Like, imagine entering a relationship and honestly thinking everything is in place and you know everything you need about the other person and they know the same about you. For example the situation in the last paragraph of the OP: I would try to make myself sound more interesting that I really am just to see if any progress is ever going to come from that.

Not that one should take my advice. My relationship history is miserable. Little success objectively and lots of grief subjectively.

Why would I wish I was more like someone else? I'm perfectly satisfied with who I am. But even if I could imagine that, what good would it do? Imagination is easy, but finding a person that matches your imagination would be pretty much impossible.

You can imagine somebody positively surprising you, right? Anyway, I get what you mean. Like, I can imagine my dream relationship and the dream girlfriend in it, but it's not realistic.

Yet the thing is that there exist and I've met girls who fit the bill so to say. Some were taken, of course, but I tried to start something with the single ones many times, and the "best" I got wasn't even the famous friendzone but indifference. And that was all outside my comfort zone. Well, whatever, I still haven't tried using my passport for help, but the general futility of everything feels pretty bad sometimes.

 

[Terminal Blue]

Why would I wish I was more like someone else?

Because other people are interesting, and probably have skills you don't have.

The point, and I'll concede it was maybe not well expressed, is that it's better to look for someone who compliments you by being different rather than someone who fits perfectly into your existing life. Because if someone is going to hold your interest for years and years there needs to be some tension, they need to be different enough that learning to understand them is a challenge.

You're very unlikely to meet someone who is perfectly admirable, but you're also not going to meet someone who is the same as you and whom you never have to compromise with. My point really is that I think, even as an ideal, the latter is setting yourself up for failure. Don't judge people's suitability on how similar to you they are, judge them on whether you like the differences.

I could write something close to that title as well. I somewhat disagree with some of the comments and instead say that being a little bit selfish is fine. Being too polite, honest and goody two shoes won't do you much good if the other party is more selfish and expects selfishness too.

I would actually agree.

I think a degree of self-interest is actually a very healthy basis for a relationship provided the boundaries are always clear to everyone. You don't owe anyone all of you just because you've agreed to date them. There's stuff they have to earn, and that's what helps keep it interesting.

 

[Elvis Starburst]

The point, and I'll concede it was maybe not well expressed, is that it's better to look for someone who compliments you by being different rather than someone who fits perfectly into your existing life. Because if someone is going to hold your interest for years and years there needs to be some tension, they need to be different enough that learning to understand them is a challenge.

You're very unlikely to meet someone who is perfectly admirable, but you're also not going to meet someone who is the same as you and whom you never have to compromise with. My point really is that I think, even as an ideal, the latter is setting yourself up for failure. Don't judge people's suitability on how similar to you they are, judge them on whether you like the differences.

This is pretty good advice. Regardless of how my last relationship turned out, me and her were similar in a lot of ways and had similar interests. But, she had some different interests and things she wanted to do that helped get me out of my comfort zone, and helped me get out more often. It was good for me in that regard