Am I wrong to give my friend money for drugs?

[thenumberthirteen]

Hi folks. I'm in a bit of a moral quandary. My friend has a bit of a problem with Cannabis. She's been going through some troubles and she's been smoking more and more. The problem is she has no money. No job, and the government owes her about 2 months in benefits. This doesnt make her stop smoking of course, and it's make it worse actually.

So I've been lending her money to buy herself Cannabis. I'm not well off myself, I live with my parents and make minimum wage. I haven't been giving her much as I can't afford to. I give £20 here and £10 there which she'll easily go through in a day. She says she'll pay me back, but I know it's not likely in the foreseeable future.

I do it because not having money doesn't mean she'll stop. It just means she'll borrow it from someone else, steal things to sell or exchange, or provide sexual favours for people in exchange for cash or drugs (BTW this isn't speculation on my part she does these things, and has done so in the past).

I want her to stop. She obviously has a problem. I've tried to get her counselling, but she stopped going (though she says she'll start going again now).

Am I wrong for doing this? Am I stopping her from being hurt, or am I just feeding her addiction?

Any advice or information on where to get advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[TonyVonTonyus]

Well, living my the theory "if it's not me it'll just be someone else" what your doing is actually quite morally sound. You're sacrificing a bit of your money to fuel the results of a problem but you're making the means in which the problem unfolds less bad. You probably can't fix it yourself but the least you can do is make sure she doesn't descend into being a person who:

It just means she'll borrow it from someone else, steal things to sell or exchange, or provide sexual favours for people in exchange for cash or drugs (BTW this isn't speculation on my part she does these things, and has done so in the past).

So yeah, you tried what you could to stop the problem now all you can really do is stop it from getting to the above point.

 

[Antagonist86]

You're an enabler. You hide behind the premise that if you don't someone else will / she will steal / provide sexual favours. Despite it being logical and true, you still are not a part of the solution, and as such are part of the problem.

If it has come to the point your friend will steal or sell her body for drugs then it's a full blown addiction.

If she is truly your friend it will come to a point where radical action is required. Whether it be an intervention, a lock up or a direct conflict. Continuing on this path will only insure her and possibly your destruction.

I have been in a similar situation and.. it did not end well. On that note; do not make the mistake of forcing her to choose between you and the drugs, it will always be the latter if she is addicted.


Edit: for clarity, English isn't my primary language + slightly personal issue = Gibberish.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

You're an enabler. You hide behind the premise that if you don't someone else will / she will steal / provide sexual favours. Despite it being logical and true, you still are not a part of the solution, and as such are part of the problem.

If it has come to the point your friend will steal or sell her body for drugs then it's a full blown addiction.

If she is truly your friend it will come to a point where radical action is required. Whether it be an intervention, a lock up or a direct conflict. Continuing on this path will only insure her and possibly your destruction.

I have been in a similar situation and.. it did not end well. On that note; do not make the mistake of forcing her to choose between you and the drugs, it will always be the latter if she is addicted.


Edit: for clarity, English isn't my primary language + slightly personal issue = Gibberish.

I see where you're coming from, and advice from someone who has been in a similar situation is what I was after.

Of course giving her money isn't any solution as it only tangentially addresses the underlying issue. I'm going to take more direct action in getting her help. Particularly now as today she has admitted her problem and wants to help herself (how long this lasts remains to be seen however).

When your best friend calls you at 2am in tears telling you she wants to kill herself because she slept with someone for £20 of weed then giving her some money doesn't seem so bad in comparison. It's not part of the solution, but at least it's not part of the problem. Her stealing and sleeping about is part of the problem.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

Without sounding harsh but you need to crack down on her to help her stop. As long as you keep giving her money for it, she knows she can just come to you for it.

 

[burningdragoon]

When your best friend calls you at 2am in tears telling you she wants to kill herself because she slept with someone for £20 of weed then giving her some money doesn't seem so bad in comparison. It's not part of the solution, but at least it's not part of the problem. Her stealing and sleeping about is part of the problem.

Look, if that's the measure she's going, then the main problem is that she has an addiction, not what she's doing to feed it. You just giving her money is also a part of the problem.

Is it "better" then having her do whatever it takes to get some weed? Yes. If all you want to do is the "better" thing then fine, but if you want to actually help her you should at least try to take some steps to help her stop needing the weed in the first place. That's going to be difficult no question, but that is the "best" thing to do.