An evil magic baby suddenly births out of you; what would you do with it and what would you name it?

[Full]

I'd probably keep it because it's just a baby, even if it's evil satan spawn it probably wouldn't know how to do much, and I could teach it to use it's evil magic powers for good. I may also give it to the government for science, though, but I'd have no idea how to contact them and what they would do with it. I guess it's a toss up, but maybe now that I think about I'd give it over to science.

I would name it "Leonard," because I knew this guy named Leonard and he was a dick.

What about you guys?

 

[FalloutJack]

What about you guys?

Well, that's the thing, innit? I'M A GUY! WTF is this baby doing, coming outta' my ass?!

(The lifespan of this child would be measurable in seconds.)

 

[Esotera]

I call it Test Subject #1 and get my Nobel prize for demonstrating that men can in fact give birth to demon spawn. I'd probably then study its behaviour, sequence its genome, take a few tissue samples, etc...

 

[schrodinger]

Chain it to the basement wall, teach it how to use its evilness for my benefit and rule the world with an iron fist! I will make the people of the world stop being genocidal assholes to each others!

Then I will question what the fuck I slept with to spawn this demon baby.

My priorities are in order.

 

[Full]

What about you guys?

Well, that's the thing, innit? I'M A GUY! WTF is this baby doing, coming outta' my ass?!

(The lifespan of this child would be measurable in seconds.)

No one said anything about the baby coming out of there.

 

[Thaluikhain]

How do you know it's evil? Like, if it's just a baby, it's not able to know what right and wrong is. Any baby is potentially evil, in that they could grow up to being an evil person.

Anyhoo, I'm thinking sitcom antics..the sort of show that gets cancelled after one series, the episodes are shown in the wrong order, and probably late at night when nobody is going to watch it anyway.

 

[Varrdy]

I'd follow the example of Billy Butcher and beat it to death with a heavy object!

 

[Angelblaze]

Time to grow my own Dexter baby.










And explain to my parents why and how I spawned an evil demon baby while remaining a complete virgin. Oh joy.

 

[McElroy]

And explain to my parents why and how I spawned an evil demon baby while remaining a complete virgin.

"Oh God, you lost your virginity without telling us!" probably wouldn't be the first thing they'd say.

Myself, I'd raise it to become the world's first supervillain, "McElroy's Fist".

 

[FalloutJack]

What about you guys?

Well, that's the thing, innit? I'M A GUY! WTF is this baby doing, coming outta' my ass?!

(The lifespan of this child would be measurable in seconds.)

No one said anything about the baby coming out of there.

So like...what? Some other orifice? Chest-burster? From the calf of my leg like Aphrodite from Zeus? What? Still freaky.

 

[kommando367]

Drink its blood to gain its soul and power.

 

[UniversalRonin]

Call me a good old fashioned sentimentalist, but I'd probably raise it as my own and love him as my son.... Right after I sacrifice it to see if I could harvest its magical powers. What would I name it? Bob.

Capcha: Love is blind
Not in this case sunshine.

 

[monkey_man]

How would you know it's evil? it's a baby, babies don't know anything, hell they don't even have an understanding of "I". the entire world is on big samey thing.

But in all honestly I would name it something regular. Then you'd have the demonic overlord "Tim" or something

and just raise it like my child? My girlfriend is gonna be surprised though.

 

[norashepard]

I would either keep it and raise it to be my minion, or if that isn't possible, just try to be as nice as possible so that I'm put in a high position when it inevitably takes over the world. Gotta plan ahead, right?

As for names, if it's a girl, I'd pick something intense like Natasha or something, and if it's a boy? Well that's easy. There is only one name that can strike enough fear into the hearts of men.

Jimmy.

 

[Saltyk]

I'll just ignore the obvious question of how I had a baby as a male and skip on to the next question.

How do I know it's Evil? Did God or the Flying Spaghetti Monster come down and say, "Yo, dawg, that thing be evil. It's trippin'. If it grows to adultery, it'll, like, blow up the world and shit."
[sub]Don't ask why God/FSM talks like that. Just go with it.[/sub]

Because I might have to kill it in that case. Otherwise, I doubt I'd even know until it's far too late. In which case, I hope evil magic baby loves me. If so, I'll take Europe as my Father's (or Mother's in this case) Day gift.

Drink its blood to gain its soul and power.

Don't you know anything? You gotta eat it's heart to gain those. Kids these days.

 

[stormeris]

I hate Family guy, but this seemed... to hit the point.
I'm a man, if i somehow give birth to any sort of creature. It goes into a dumpster >:I

 

[kommando367]

I'll just ignore the obvious question of how I had a baby as a male and skip on to the next question.

How do I know it's Evil? Did God or the Flying Spaghetti Monster come down and say, "Yo, dawg, that thing be evil. It's trippin'. If it grows to adultery, it'll, like, blow up the world and shit."
[sub]Don't ask why God/FSM talks like that. Just go with it.[/sub]

Because I might have to kill it in that case. Otherwise, I doubt I'd even know until it's far too late. In which case, I hope evil magic baby loves me. If so, I'll take Europe as my Father's (or Mother's in this case) Day gift.

Drink its blood to gain its soul and power.

Don't you know anything? You gotta eat it's heart to gain those. Kids these days.

Naw, the heart is just just protein. The REAL power is always in the blood. I'd probably eat the heart anyway though just to get the last few drops.

 

[RJ 17]

Well seeing as how I'm a guy and therefor incapable of giving birth, I'd probably name it "KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!" and then proceed to...well...kill it with fire...