An evil magic baby suddenly births out of you; what would you do with it and what would you name it?

Headdrivehardscrew

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Aug 22, 2011
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Cool.

Since none of that magical mumpitz actually exists, I would check myself into the next best loony bin post-haste.
 

Zombie Sodomy

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Feb 14, 2013
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I'd have it use its powers to fix my torn asshole. There's no way in hell I'd hand my Satan baby over to the government, that would be seriously fucked up. I'm not going to try to make it my minion or anything, that would just be asking it to kill me. I guess I'd just raise it the best I could and hope for the best.
 

FalloutJack

Bah weep grah nah neep ninny bom
Nov 20, 2008
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SckizoBoy said:
Yeah, what they all said, Dionysus. Freaky shit happening with them gods.

BUT I WILL NOT ABIDE A DEVIL CHILD PLOPPING OUT OF MAH BODY!! OUT, OUT, SATAAAN!!!
 

Vegosiux

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May 18, 2011
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George.

And I would hug him and pet him and squeeze him and pat him and...


Yep, the reference had to be made.

I'd also make it fix whatever mess it made because any way of it coming out would be rather painful and messy. And then I'd quietly dump it into some wizard's backpack. They're both magic folks, and birds of a feather gotta flock together.
 

Imperioratorex Caprae

Henchgoat Emperor
May 15, 2010
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Since its evil and obviously magic, and I'm a guy... after recovering from the trauma I'd attempt to destroy it. Of course thats supposing it doesn't destroy me with its evil magic powers before that. Also I'd name it something that would convey weakness going by tribal system ideas that a name takes away from the power of something. We're dealing with magic here, so bust out all superstition possible to combat that evil thing.
 

thewatergamer

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Aug 4, 2012
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Ummm I would probably attempt to convert it to be good, after recovering from the trauma of giving birth, and name it Trevor IDK just first name of the top of my head, maybe train it to be a superhero, but if that doesn't work I guess kill it with fire
 

Mr.Mattress

Level 2 Lumberjack
Jul 17, 2009
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First I'd call a Doctor, for I am a man and I just peed out a baby. Then I would call an exorsist, because I am a man and I just peed out an Evil baby.

Hopefully those two things will be all that I need to fix the problem.
 

Alcamonic

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Jan 6, 2010
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Would raise the little bastard in my own image. Why are people so quick with hating on poor little Damion?
 

DudeistBelieve

TellEmSteveDave.com
Sep 9, 2010
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Leave it as a hospital emergency room.

I am *NOT* going to jail for killing a newborn.

With a little luck, hopefully something will kill it. I mean growing up, If the kid is an asshole, eventually someone will stab him. Someone with a knife.
 

Remus

Reprogrammed Spambot
Nov 24, 2012
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I would name it Sharon and raise it far away from where it spawned. Evil is only evil if it is allowed to become that way.
 

Atrocious Joystick

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May 5, 2011
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I´d dedicate my life to getting a powerful political position and then apply some good old fashioned nepotism to get my evil spawn into a good position for him to conquer the world from. I figure I would go down in history as the male and evil version of mother Mary in the religion based around the world´s new god-king.
 

LadyLightning

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Jul 11, 2013
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I would name it Emergency Rations and pickle it in a vat of brine so that I won't starve when the zombie apocalypse dawns.
 

twaddle

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Nov 17, 2009
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Take it to a small canyon, drop it on it's head, and proceed to name it Goku and teach it martial arts
 

Terramax

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Jan 11, 2008
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I'd name him/her the funniest name I could think of, so no-one would take him/ her seriously.

Like 'Corky'. I imagine Corky would have too many self-esteem problems, when growing up, to bring out the destruction of all humanity... and would settle to being an accountant instead.
 

Mastemat

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Jul 18, 2010
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"Schmooples"
All will Fear Schmooples.
And I, as it's mother-father...
Shall command who Schmooples will be smiting.
 

EyeReaper

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Aug 17, 2011
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Hopefully it knows some sort of healing magic, because I can only assume he'd burst out of me the same way a normal baby does, and considering I'm a male.... well, ouch.

If I do survive, I'll give it a nice name for an overlord, like Dorcas. Supreme Ruler Dorcas, Emperor of all