Ancient Male Spider Frozen "Stiff" in Amber for 100 Million Years

PatrickJS

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Jun 8, 2015
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Ancient Male Spider Frozen "Stiff" in Amber for 100 Million Years

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An ancient arachnid was caught in amber just at the verge of procreation, and preserved perfectly for a hundred million years.

Death comes for us all; all we can do is hope that we aren't caught with our pants down when it does. Isn't that right, Halitherses grimaldii? Oh, dear...

Yes, it seems the ancient spider offshoot was moments away from consummating with a lucky female of the species when it was suddenly overcome with sticky, deadly, and sturdy tree resin. The poor little guy was trapped and perfectly preserved over 99 million years ago - all with its erection on full display.

Modern spiders and scorpions actually use a modified leg appendage to deliver itsy bitsy sperm packets to females. Harvestmen, also known as daddy long legs, are arachnid cousins to spiders and have real, fully-formed penises. Frankly, grimaldii had nothing to be ashamed of: his own member stretched over half of his body length.

Harvestmen throughout evolutionary history are somewhat hard to tell apart. To laymen and scientists alike, they really do all just look like long-legged spider-y things. Jason Dunlop, who led the study [http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00114-016-1337-4] and is with the Berlin Museum of Natural History, knows how to tell them apart.

"Different families, and even species, can have a characteristic penis shape," he says. "In fact, they [penises] are often even more important than the shape of the body and legs."

I am ever-so-grateful for people like Jason in the world.

Source: NatGeo [http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/02/160201-arachnids-harvestman-penis-amber-fossil-animals-science/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_content=link_fb20160202news-spiderfossil&utm_campaign=Content&sf20196370=1]









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lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
19,316
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inb4 porn parodies

That said, there's some little part of me that's incredibly gleeful that there's a picture of a penis here with "0.2mm" put next to it.
 

Neurotic Void Melody

Bound to escape
Legacy
Jul 15, 2013
4,953
6
13
Well, shit. That ain't a picture that is easily scrubbed from the memory without at least two years of strategic drug abuse, bleach snorting, solvent abuse and chronic alcoholic dependence. *Shivvvers* Must. Binge. On. Disney. Must. Not. Think. Spider. Penis!
 

Metadigital

New member
May 5, 2014
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"Let's see what's new in the gaming world."

...

"Oh, a preserved 100 million old 1 millimeter spider penis. Thanks, Escapist."
 

-Dragmire-

King over my mind
Mar 29, 2011
2,821
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Nah, procreation had nothing to do with it. This spider is histories most enthusiastic exhibitionist.
 
Sep 14, 2009
9,073
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god I'd be fucking pissed, you just got done with foreplay and are about to explode, when *WOOSHHH* a fucking avalanche of concrete comes in and fossilizes you.

I feel you spider, I do, bad luck brian to the max.
 

CrazyCapnMorgan

Is not insane, just crazy >:)
Jan 5, 2011
2,742
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The Rogue Wolf said:
Jeez, and you're supposed to call the doctor after four hours.
Apparently, after a hundred million years, you call an anthropologist. And then a doctor.

Sixcess said:
lacktheknack said:
inb4 porn parodies
Jurassic Prick
The Bone Before Time 2: The Great Amber Adventure

OT: Hope it was worth it for the little guy. That's gonna be one hell of a story the scientists are having about him.
 

zombiejoe

New member
Sep 2, 2009
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The Rogue Wolf said:
Jeez, and you're supposed to call the doctor after four hours.
I came into this thread for crude jokes. Yours was my favorite. Congratulations.
 

Dying_Jester

New member
Jul 17, 2014
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Y'know, you'd think that there couldn't ever be anything original added to the list of "I wasn't expecting to see that first thing in the morning" but this just topped it.
Thank you nature, escapist, and science for making my day.
 

LostCrusader

Lurker in the shadows
Feb 3, 2011
498
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I love that the thread listed above this one in the recent posts list is titles "Is this how we should handle Dick Picks". Poor spider was trying to sext some spider ladies, and got shamed with his pic on the internet.
 

ffronw

I am a meat popsicle
Oct 24, 2013
2,804
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Poetic Nova said:
Guess you could say that he got boned.

No?
I'll leave then.... *grabs coat*
I read this in David Caruso's voice, and it was glorious.
 

Ten Foot Bunny

I'm more of a dishwasher girl
Mar 19, 2014
807
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Prehistoric priapism... that's one for the medical books! Or the Guinness books. Take your pick.
 

IamLEAM1983

Neloth's got swag.
Aug 22, 2011
2,581
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Objectable said:
Well that lasted more than four hours
I'd say poor Spidey needs to see his GP or get himself to the ER, buuuuut... chances are I'd be too late.