Anti-suggestion thread: Movies

santaandy

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'kay, let's go for another round of suggesting what *not* to do. This time, for watching movies.

The other thread on books seems to be going well despite mentions of both Twilight and the Bible, so I will simply ask y'all not to derail the thread. I can't think of any movies that would, but maybe you can. Just be polite (to us, not the movie). Feel free to tear the movie to shreds. :)

My first suggestion is Good Luck Chuck. I thought it would be a knowingly raunchy yet pleasing sex comedy with a few boobie shots and a happy ending. Instead, it was obscenely, offensively vulgar, the boobie shots all made me feel like a filthy creep for even being in the theater, and instead of a happy ending, we get to watch Chuck gradually emotionally destabilize into a stalker. Whose behavior actually seems to be rewarded (by the plot). This movie was not only bad, it was offensive.

BTW - I heard someone mention in the book thread that Wanted (the comic book) was pretty offensive too. I was thinking about picking up the movie. Can anyone suggest why I should not do that? I wouldn't want to waste my time and money on offensive crap. Again.

Thanks :)
 

Larenxis

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Don't see Wanted if you like good acting and writing. Do see it if you like superficially deep conclusions and spinny bullets.

I would suggest nobody see The Love Guru. Nobody deserves that fate. I thought "Hey, Colbert is in it, it can't be that bad." I was wrong. So terribly wrong. Also, don't see Date Movie or Eragon.
 

PumpItUp

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I liked Good Luck Chuck. Sure it's a bit juvenile and a bit too obsessive with getting girls naked. But, it's a solid Dane Cook movie. The psychotic stalker parts are possibly the best because that's when Cook's stage persona really shines through, by which I mean, takes a trip to the loony bin and back.

If you have to dumb yourself down a bit to enjoy Good Luck Chuck, then you're watching the wrong movie.

On that note, The Ten. It's loosely based on the Ten Commandments. By which I mean, has almost nothing to do with. Each commandment is followed by a short story that is, at some points, strange and at others, "completely off its tits".

A part that showed just how bad the movie really is, is the last commandment "Thou shalt attend Church on the Sabbath" or something. It follows a man who stays home sick on Sunday, then walks around his house naked. The next Sunday he deliberately stays home just so he can dance around his house to gay-ish music, NAKED! The next week, he invites other men to do the exact same thing, NAKED!!!

And the movie ends with a song and dance number, having absolutely nothing to do with the story, except that all the characters are in it, which many should not have been. Even being agnostic, I found the movie offensive to anything and everything related to the Ten Commandments. Do not watch this movie unless you want to be confused and creeped out.
There is no cult attraction, no "so bad it's good" factor, no "so bad it's bad" factor either. It's. Just. BAD.

And when I think about it, Disaster Movie. It's requires no explanation, only that it was made by the assholes who made Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie, and a couple other Shit Movies.

Filmmakers Who Must Die
Uwe Boll
Jason Friedburg
Aaron Seltzer
 

Ace of Spades

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MaxTheReaper said:
Larenxis said:
Don't see Wanted if you like good acting and writing. Do see it if you like superficially deep conclusions and spinny bullets.

I would suggest nobody see The Love Guru. Nobody deserves that fate. I thought "Hey, Colbert is in it, it can't be that bad." I was wrong. So terribly wrong. Also, don't see Date Movie or Eragon.
*****, you beat me to it. Eragon is awful. Twilight is awful as well, I hear, from my friend who is actually a fan (but not a crazy one.)
Honestly, I don't think most movies are very good.
Doom is supposed to be awful, though. (I do not watch many movies.)
Is Eragon really that bad? I never saw it.
 

Evilbunny

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santaandy said:
BTW - I heard someone mention in the book thread that Wanted (the comic book) was pretty offensive too. I was thinking about picking up the movie. Can anyone suggest why I should not do that? I wouldn't want to waste my time and money on offensive crap. Again.

Thanks :)
Eh, I thought wanted was ok I guess. The ending kind of sucked but it was entertaining enough. I certainly wouldn't call it a great movie by any stretch of the imagination but not horrible.

If you want horrible, oh man do I have a movie for you. There is a travesty out there called "The hottie and the nottie" which redefines what a bad movie is. It stars Paris Hilton and that alone should tell you something about what a fucking train wreck this is going to be. It's about some guy who gets dumped by his girlfriend so he decides to find this girl he had a crush on in first grade. he finds her and it's none other than Paris Hilton who is apparently so gorgeous that she makes guys stare when she just walks by. She has this ridiculously ugly friend who I guess is supposed to be the nottie, whom the main character has to find a date for in order to get Paris Hilton to date him. Of course, he can't so Paris tries to fix her up with makeup and shit and eventually makes her prettier, and the main character falls in love with her at this point. This is the most disgusting part of the movie because he didn't fall for her personality or anything, it's purely superficial. And what the fuck is up with him trying to find his first grade crush? It's like he's a pedophile. Anyway, this movie is bad. The acting is bad, the direction is bad, the story is bad, it's all bad and I can find no redeeming qualities. STAY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE!
 

Uncompetative

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Weird. The more people go on about how awful Eragon is the more I want to see it. I saw Dungeons & Dragons (Jeremy Irons) and that was ok:



Surely, it can't be any worse than Beowulf?
 

plastic_window

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Y'know the guys who made Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie and just about every other Movie Movie? I just found out they made a movie that wasn't a Movie Movie.

It was News Movie.

Seriously? That doesn't even make sense. Why would they make a movie out of news? Make it a TV special, stop giving these idiots money, take the pens and paper away from them and put them out to pasture. Stop torturing the medium by degrading it.

My advice is:
Don't watch a movie that has the word "movie" in it.
 

TwistedEllipses

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Alone in the Dark - Awful. Tara Reid plays a scientist, directed by Uwe Boll need I say more.
Ghosts of Mars - Just plain stupid
White Chicks - Just plain stupid
HSM, HSM2, HSM3 - Just plain painful
Love Guru - Just plain stupid and not funny

AVOID ADAM SANDLER AT ALL COSTS.
 

cleverlymadeup

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Uncompetative said:
Weird. The more people go on about how awful Eragon is the more I want to see it. I saw Dungeons & Dragons (Jeremy Irons) and that was ok:
yeah just think of the D&D movie but make it written and directed by uwe boll and you got eargon


Surely, it can't be any worse than Beowulf?
which version? the cgi one wasn't that bad

ok as for bad movies

doomsday is pretty bad, it's a mad max wanna be with nothing that made mad max good
there's a vampire movie with lucy liu that is pretty horrendous too
 

Corven

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Don't watch Quarantine, a terrible movie, I heard the the original version called REC was waaay better.

Well actually if your looking for a laugh I recommend watching quarentine since the acting in that movie is terrible and most of the characters are just plain stupid
here's an example: "oh, the little girl who just bit her mother on the neck is growling in a closet, I'll just approach slowly with no weapon.", guess what happened next.
 

santaandy

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As for a bad non-American film, I would have to go with Hong Kong 1941 (I believe that's the title). It was supposed to be a movie about the tragedy of life under Imperial Japan in WWII, but it turned out, as Yahtzee so eloquently put it, to be "lovingly rendered in every color of the dirt spectrum." I realize the movie was supposed to be sad and depressing, but gosh the Japanese didn't put out the sun for crying out loud. The entire movie was flat too. No emotion, no action, just flat. And everyone smoked. EVERYONE. Constantly and unendingly (maybe that's where the dirt-wash came from). I swear to god it looked like *kids* were smoking in some scenes. It was two hours of emotionless people smoking in the dark. *That's it.*

The sad thing is, to me Chinese people usually make really awesome movies. Sure, there were a few less awesome ones, but City Hunter, Stephen Chow (I think that's his name, the Chinese 007 spoof), Iron Monkey, there are so many good Chinese movies. And I am SO PISSED that Red Cliffs is being cut for international release! I want to see this movie so bad it's making my balls tingle, and then it gets cut. What the fuck, China! This is supposed to be China's film, the one that represents Chinese filmmaking to the world, and for the rest of us you cut it?!?!? Why?!
 

Larenxis

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Ace of Spades said:
Is Eragon really that bad? I never saw it.
Yes. Yes it is. The dragon is adorable when it's a baby and the elf chick is hot, but other than that it's a few good actors doing the worst acting of their careers, and a bunch of other shmucks.
 

Berethond

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Larenxis said:
Ace of Spades said:
Is Eragon really that bad? I never saw it.
Yes. Yes it is. The dragon is adorable when it's a baby and the elf chick is hot, but other than that it's a few good actors doing the worst acting of their careers, and a bunch of other shmucks.
Umm....

I'm sorry, but I thought you were straight and had a boyfriend?
 

Larenxis

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berethond said:
Larenxis said:
Yes. Yes it is. The dragon is adorable when it's a baby and the elf chick is hot, but other than that it's a few good actors doing the worst acting of their careers, and a bunch of other shmucks.
Umm....

I'm sorry, but I thought you were straight and had a boyfriend?
You don't have to be sexually attracted to a landscape to find it pleasant to look at. And she was practically a landscape with that acting, god.
 

Berethond

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Larenxis said:
berethond said:
Larenxis said:
Yes. Yes it is. The dragon is adorable when it's a baby and the elf chick is hot, but other than that it's a few good actors doing the worst acting of their careers, and a bunch of other shmucks.
Umm....

I'm sorry, but I thought you were straight and had a boyfriend?
You don't have to be sexually attracted to a landscape to find it pleasant to look at. And she was practically a landscape with that acting, god.
Okay.

And yeah, she was just there for eye candy....
 

Pseudonym2

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All the Mornings in the World.

It's too slow paced, smug, pretentious, and blatantly hypocritical. The actors show no emotion and the cinematography is awful. The first 8 minutes are a close up on someones face.

Funny Games (remake). Also too slow paced, smug, pretentious and blatantly hypocritical. Who's to blame for a torture porn movie, the audience? the producer? or the writer/director who made the movie TWICE!?