Anyone else think that the way we ask people out is incredibly messed up?

[Lt._nefarious]

Well here's my guide to dating. With these 3 simple steps you can have any gal you desire.

1: Be Tom Cruise.

2: Failing that, save them from some sort of Alien Bio Terrorist Cthulhu

3: Hookers!

OT: Yeah, I agree... Although bearing in mind I have never asked a gal out and have depressingly low self esteem and borderline anxiety disorder... I've got no fucking clue what I'm talking about...

 

[Kecunk]

See the thing with asking out random people you barely know is its not like your asking for some kind of huge commitment right out of the gate. Its more like "you seem intersting (based on this encounter) how would you like to hang out again sometime so we can get to know each other better."

If its a good fit then cool run with it, if it doesn't work then who cares it was just a casual thing, you can part ways no hard feelings and then get on with your life.

Chances are most of these attempst wont amount to anything but whatever, you can't win if you don't play.

 

[ImBigBob]

There are so many "dating guides" out there that tell you to just "be confident"... ...Yet that still fails for many guys because they're nervous about approaching complete strangers.

If they are nervous then they aren't being confident, now are they? Confidence works, you just have to actually be it.

Confidence isn't some magic force that you can just will into existence. I can say I'm far more confident than I was years ago. Is it because I just decided to be more confident? No! It's because I found a better job, which gave me more money to travel and make new friends, including meeting people who have inspired me to do more with my life. But in all that time that I've bettered my life, my perception of dating has stayed almost exactly the same.

That's how I've come to the conclusions that I have. People act like having a partner is the most important thing in the world, but I've witnessed so many relationships crash and burn, and the few I've seen that are successful happened exactly in the manner I described in the opening post. I just get sick of people acting like relationships and dating is easy, when they're not. If they were, I wouldn't have a batting average of 0.0 when it comes to asking a stranger out.

 

[Mycroft Holmes]

Confidence isn't some magic force that you can just will into existence.

Of course it is. Why do you think alcohol is so popular?

Also tbqh it's pretty easy without alcohol. You just work yourself up to it, and I'm pretty naturally unconfident. Just convince yourself that you're fucking amazing, realize you have absolutely nothing to lose by failing, and you will do just fine.

I just get sick of people acting like relationships and dating is easy, when they're not. If they were, I wouldn't have a batting average of 0.0 when it comes to asking a stranger out.

So really this thread is mostly about you trying to psychologically rationalize your getting shot down.

 

[MorganL4]

Best way to ask someone out is just say, "Hey, we could both do worse", it works trust me.

That really made me chuckle. Thank you for that, if I ever have the lady balls to ask a guy out then that line is getting plucked.

The whole dating thing is weird though, you never know if someone is talking to you because they want to or because they want to play a game of hide the sausage. When I was in Scotland most of my mates were guys and in general I was just one of the dudes. Since I came back to Ireland, its been very much "oh you don't want to have sex, its cool you can just blow me" Um, no. Shockingly enough I would rather have a conversation or hang out instead of stripping on your dashboard mr man.

grumble grumble.

Are you saying that all Irish guys are douches?

There have to be 1 or 2 good ones.... The most time I ever spent in Ireland was 5 days but I remember meeting some rather decent fellows.

 

[bastardofmelbourne]

the whole process would be a hell of a lot easier if I was psychic

 

[Khada]

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Actually it's a result of evolution. Men have always been better able to propagate their genes by having as many mates as possible and not being too selective. They are able to do this because they don't have to bare and raise the children that carry their genes (biologically speaking). The female cannot do this due to being the one to bare her offspring; it is to her advantage to not only be more selective in her mating, but to also make the male go through a courtship process before having children. This helps to even out the energy-cost to both male and female; it means that the male is better off helping raise the child and simply having more offspring with the same partner if it is wanted/possible.

Obviously that's a huge simplification and clearly we have complicated matters with social procedures and other considerations, but I'm rather sure that's the reason for our selective disparity.