Anyone here have any particularly vain friends?

[GonzoGamer]

Because I never really did; textbook vain sure, but not obsessively. However, recently an old buddy of mine has been slowly becoming intolerably vain and I need the opinion of other intelligent people who have had to deal with this.
I suppose it probably has something to do with the drought he had through his 20s. There was a long span where he wasn't dating anybody. Then when he started dating again he started becoming a bit more shallow at first. Finding "hot chicks" that will tolerate him and still complaining that they have "large calves" or something weird like that. Just so we know that he doesn't "tolerate fatties"...anymore. The girl he was dating when I first met him was quite large.

So now he's gotten into online dating and my conversations with him are getting increasingly tedious. As I've been married for quite a few years, I find the anecdotes about the actual dates entertaining as well as the online dating process; as it's a bit after my time. However I've had to also listen to him talk about his workout, his clothes, and worst of all the glasses.

Now don't get me wrong, as a martial arts practitioner, I find discussions about workouts very interesting. But sometimes it's just the same discussion about how well yoga works, yes I know, that's why people have been doing it for thousands of years. I like talking about clothes and fashion but he will find one thing that he thinks is really working and go on and on about it in every conversation I have with him.

The one that's been getting on my nerves lately are the glasses. He got the 50s style dorky hipster glasses which have apparently made him much more attractive to the opposite sex. And (quite literally) every single conversation I've had with him for the past couple of months has included a 5min (at the minimum) discussion about these glasses and how well "they work"...and he's not talking about how well he sees.

Now before these it was the hipster jeans which we had a few interesting conversations about before it got boring but he eventually stopped talking about them. And I am a glasses enthusiast so I did find the glasses conversations interesting the first few times as well. But I don't know how long he can go on saying the same things about these glasses over and over again.
Maybe the annoying thing is that he is also a very talented artist and craftsman but he has never gone on about any piece he's worked on for this long. I would much prefer that.
Maybe the annoying thing about it is how much he hates and complains about hipsters on one hand but wants to dress like them on the other.

I want to be the Vince Vaughn (from Swingers) character for him and tell him how "money" he is and give him the validation he's obviously craving if only because it might make him stop ... or it could make him worse. At the same time I want to tell him that while the shallow vain douche thing works on the kind of girls he's trying to hook up with, to other guys, it's very tedious.

It's getting to the point where I think I have to say something to him. At this point, I just want to know what to say that will make him shut up about the glasses. Any suggestions?

 

[Heronblade]

"goodbye"

Seriously, let him know that you're about to blow your top over this behavior. Either that will shock him enough to get him seriously talking about the issue (and with a little luck moving towards changing his attitude). Or he's become self centered enough that your opinion doesn't matter to him, in which case, I'm sorry, but you're probably better off just leaving him be and moving on.

 

[GonzoGamer]

That is a bit drastic but at this point, not entirely unreasonable.

My wife thinks its funny because she knows how much I actually like glasses. She says I should imitate Tywin Lannister: cut him off with a wave of my hand and say "I will hear no more of this." in a very calm yet stern voice. I can get the stare down but I don't know if I can pull it off without the accent.

 

[Legion]

You could just point out that such conversations are getting a little tedious? "You have said all of this before" said a couple of times may be enough for him to get the hint. Or you could try changing the subject when he brings it up.

If the person is a good friend apart from this behaviour then dropping them seems a little over the top, he may just not realise how much he is talking about it, some people can easily talk about themselves for hours and others are more than happy to have the same conversations over and over.

You clearly don't want to hurt his feelings, but you don't have to call him a "shallow vain douche" to get the point across, just point out that you don't really want to hear about it yet again.

 

[KOMega]

I don't know about my friends. I'm not particularly "vain in public, but I do like my reflection in the mirror a lot ;P

Perhaps your friend realized he needed a self-confidence boost but hasn't quite gotten the hang of moderation yet and is overplaying it a bit. Just speculation.

You could just point out that such conversations are getting a little tedious? "You have said all of this before" said a couple of times may be enough for him to get the hint. Or you could try changing the subject when he brings it up.

Ya try to nudge him away from the things he always talks about. If he won't bring something new up, try changing the subject with an open ended question.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I used to. And then I didn't. And my quality of life improved.

 

[Angie7F]

My best friend A said that she will attend Best friend B's wedding so that best friend B will look higher class.
That was when i decided to drop her from my best friend status.

 

[sextus the crazy]

I used to. And then I didn't. And my quality of life improved.

Haha, yes.

OT: I'm a guy who puts minimal effort into his appearance and I tend to have friends who are low maintenance because I'm generally introverted. As such, I haven't had any vain friends because I would have not interest in becoming friends.

 

[Miyenne]

My best friend is a beautiful woman who buys tonnes of shoes (pink leopard print, ugh) and has her nails done in hot pink once a week or so. She always has super high heels on, short skirts (even though we're 30, she still looks great) and fake eyelashes and all that.

She is a hair stylist at an upscale salon, so it's kind of expected.

I kind of roll my eyes at all of it, because she's not a shallow person. She's kind and warm and a wonderful mother. But it does kinda bug me how beautiful she is, and how I feel like a lumbering ugly hulk beside her. But all she does is tell me how beautiful I am.

I've had friends who became self obsessed and shallow like the OPs. I just stopped talking to them straight out. Wasn't worth it.

 

[CriticalMiss]

In my second year at University one of my friends/housemates was fairly vain. She would spend at least an hour getting ready to leave the house even if she was just going to a lecture or to buy food. It got to the point that she would miss any lecture earlier than 10-11am and would ask people to get her the lecture notes and to sign her name on the attendance register, which most people did once or twice then refused when they realised she was just missing them to do her hair and make-up.

She would also refuse to do any cooking or cleaning but expect everyone else to do it for her because she didn't want to ruin here hair/nails/makeup/skin in the process. The rest of us in the house got sick of her attitude and gave her the ultimatum that if she didn't change her ways we would kick her out of the house and she would have to do everything for herself on top of having to find somewhere else to live. That gave her a reality check and she really turned things around, although she would still spend ages getting ready to go out at night she at least started going to morning lectures and did stuff around the house.

It's not quite in the same vein as your problem, but maybe it will be good to just let him know how irritating he can be and rather than cutting all ties with him just tell him that he's kind of boring when he talks about the same old crap. If he keeps doing it then don't talk to him as much or change the subject if he bring up his precious glasses. Also, if the glasses work so well why isn't he in a long term relationship?

 

[GonzoGamer]

Sorry I haven't given this much of an update but he hasn't brought it up since I posted this thread. So either he does come to this site (but I think he would mention it if he did; he knows I like this site) or you guys helped me jinx it.
Maybe it was a reoccurring glitch in the matrix.

Either way, thanks for the advise.