Picking up someone's phone, installing software without telling them, and running it without their permission? I consider that, at BEST, virus-like behavior.
But to take your argument at face value? If a spouse has to SECURE their phone against another spouse doing things like this, and it is EXPECTED that the another spouse will, then the trust is gone and the marriage is pretty much over anyway.
"I got my wife a new 4S and loaded up find my friends without her knowing. She told me she was at her friends house in the east village. I've had suspicions about her meeting this guy who live uptown. Lo and behold, Find my Friends has her right there."
I'm not saying he should be a crying wreck when learning about his spouse's infidelity, but when you suspect cheating, give her a phone and install what's basically a tracking device on her, and then do a public victory dance when your suspicions pay off, I... don't think they were a particularly happy couple to begin with.
The first part is questionable, but I think normally cheating on your spouse is a worse violation of trust. But doing a dance of joy online to celebrate you'll be able to divorce her with a generous settlement makes me see why his wife wasn't too happy with this guy.
Its going to be hilarious when she turns around and sues him for doing this. Between personal privacy and tampering with property, you just know there's a broken law there somehwere.
There is a term for this.... can't remember it now but basically since she was unfaithful he will win as long a he gets a competent lawyer and judge. She can't sue for invasion of privacy because she was doing something that was "illegal" by cheating on him.... Marriage is like a binding contract. There for she broke that by cheating meaning that the guy was in the clear
Second Tort law does not deal with this as no one was injured. Third yes there is leverage... for the guy not the woman
The part everyone forgets is that its not her phone. Its his phone that she is using. When it comes to court it will be that argument. He won't get nailed for anything. She is dumb for not checking the status of her previously used Iphone4 when receiving it. So no privacy to invade when you are searching for the location of your own phone.
Well..... he bought her an iPhone 4S a brand new iPhone 4S though she was openly transiting so he wont get busted for that either.... just correcting you
Now suppose the man had been an abusive spouse, possibly under a restraining order and that he had used the app to track his ex and kill her. Still cool?
No. But that's not what we're talking about here is it?
OT: Fair play to him. Can't believe so many people here are saying that this is as bad as his wife cheating on him. He had his suspicions and they turned out to be right. I'm not even sure that this would be unusable in court. Like someone else said earlier, if he'd hired a private detective then nobody would have a problem with that, but it's the same principle.
Though his wife was definitely in the wrong more than he was, if I caught my girlfriend cheating after as long as they must've been together, I'd be far too hurt, humiliated and furious to consider it a victory. This guy obviously just needed an excuse to end it if he was so happy about it.
I do hope she nails his ass for invasion of privacy.
Still, I do hope they both enjoy their divorce. **sigh** This is why people shouldn't get married unless they set ground rules they can both live with.
I don't think she's free of wrongdoing, mind, but most of THAT wrongdoing goes down to stupidity and shortsightedness. She probably shouldn't have married him in the first place.
However, using an electronic device to spy on someone? That's illegal. Stupidity isn't.
I sure as hell hope not, because there's not much he can do against his wife and getting into trouble because he found out his wife is cheating on him would be kind of difficult to read (due to the sheer stupidity of it). Sure, the invasion of piracy is illegal and he did mistrust his wife, but the wife is much, much more guilty than he is in this one.
Do you want him to get into trouble because you find him more guilty than the woman or do you simply hate invasion of privacy to a great extent that you would not want anyone to get away with it, regardless of the issue? If it's the latter, that's completely understandable, but if it's the former, then I really don't know what to say to you.
As noted above, invasion of privacy is illegal. Stupidity is not. Yes, the wife sucks, but she didn't break any laws. Should she get divorced and have to rethink her life? Sure.
But the husband broke actual laws.
[sub]*Note: I believe marriage laws differ in different locations. My opinions hold true for the law where I live - didn't check the location in the article, so can't be sure they're the same.[/sub]
You have to love the Escapist sometimes thinking they are morally superior to both parties and thinking he should just drop her on suspicion instead of you know checking it out first. Also as already said I wonder how many would be saying that if it was a PI and not an app.
Also you have to wonder how many people here would hold that opinion if this were in the reverse. Even at that nothing is black and white and I don't see why people are trying to defend either party.
I don't see how he's in the wrong in any way. I've been wantonly cheated on, so I admit incredible bias here, but I still have no sympathy for cheaters.
If you're in an exclusive relationship, and you want to be with someone outside that relationship, own up to it! Tell your significant other, "Hey, I want to be with someone else" and then surrender the privilege of your relationship.
The way that cheaters think that they can reap the benefits of their relationship AND their affair without consequence is spineless, low, and disgusting.
If a cheater has violated the integrity of the relationship there is nothing wrong with the other person doing whatever they need to do (within the bounds of the law) to catch them. The first person threw trust out of the window when they cheated. Why should the person they cheated on expected to uphold their trust in the cheater?
Now, if a person suspected that their significant other was cheating and used sneaky tricks to spy on them, and then it turned out that there was no affair, THAT would be a violation of trust. But if suspicions are confirmed? Completely justified.
The fact of the matter is, there was cheating involved. That's not cool. She deserves to have her ass busted. NOBODY, (man or woman) should cheat on their partner.
If it's not working out for you, man (or woman) up and either work it out or end it. Don't try to two-time your partner and try to have your cake and eat it too. It only leads to problems.
On one hand, having your privacy invaded sucks.
On the other hand, getting cheated on sucks.
I can't side with either of them, nor can I condemn the both of them. Relationships are a nebulous thing, you can't know the reasoning or circumstance behind every last little factor and feeling that caused them to act the way they did. It's a classic case of "do the ends justify the means?", where unethical measures were taken to prove one's wrongdoing and now nobody can truly claim the moral highground; when that's all I have to go by, I couldn't tell you who is more deserving of scorn. Moral character is not the kind of thing that can simply be inferred by looking at actions without context or motive.
This story really just serves as a depressing reminder that sometimes you're gonna put your trust in people that can justify hurting you, and not much else.
In terms of if this proof of cheating, I'd say possibly, only if of course the husband has reason to believe and possible evidence to support that she was cheating on him prior to the app being installed. After all, he did say he believed she was going to see a guy he knew of, meaning it's possible he had suspicions and possible clues that the photos in this case only to nail down that the wife is at least hiding something, whether or not she's cheating something else entirely. They should probably get a divorce though, seeing as how the don't seem to even have a basic trust of each other (at this point the husband has more reason arguably to not trust the wife).
Also, in regards to is this illegal, I think that if the phone was bought in his name then it wouldn't violate any laws, as the app is a common app for the phone and not a hack, as well as the fact that his ownership of it means that he could do what we will with it, seeing as it was technically his phone before. Obviously if it was in her name or it was her own phone then it would be illegal, but this doesn't seem to be the case. Furthermore, if this is illegal, then are all those child-monitoring devices for phones (which depending on age are either good or unnecessary in my opinion) that are sold in stores and often advertised by phone-carriers illegal as well then?
What if he installed that without notifying her, checked her location, and she was actually in the East Village? Then she finds out he had been spying on her?
Ends don't justify means.
I mean, why don't we have the government install cameras in our homes? So long as we aren't doing anything illegal there should be nothing to worry about, right?
In this case the ends do justify the means. His wife was obviously untrustworthy, he had a strong suspicion, hell he even already knew the location! This was the last in the line of inquiry, a confirmation of what he already knew.
The marriage was doomed, but it was the cheating whore-wife's fault.
Probable cause is all well and good for the justice system, but if you need to pull it in a marriage, that's a problem.
To this guy, it was a foregone conclusion. He didn't know for sure (why else would he feel a need to 'confirm' it?), but he had decided it anyway. That's not a noble pursuit of reconciliation or justice, that's looking for an out.
Plenty of partners have the same "suspicions" on the same or more "evidence" that this guy had on his wife before the phone hack, and they have turned out wrong. Had this been the case here, he would never have told anyone, even her, because regardless of what she was or wasn't doing, he had violated her trust.
Maybe she hadn't earned his trust, maybe she had earned distrust, maybe he just didn't trust her ever. The fact of the matter is, the marriage was doomed when he stopped trusting her, justified or not.
That doesn't justify her cheating, that isn't a defense for her actions; the marriage was doomed when she decided to cheat, no doubt, but it was also over from his end when he stopped trusting her.
Divorce is a mess, cheating is a mess, but it is generally a symptom of bigger problems. We'll never know the whole story, and quite frankly who gives a crap, we only care because an iPhone was involved; but it takes two to tango, as they say. From what I see of this story, both sides were just out to end their marriage, not reconcile it. Instead of just admitting that and parting amicably, they both decided to take completely inappropriate steps to make it a bigger mess than it had to be.
Speaking as someone who has been cheated on I'd say not many people can honestly blame him for violating trust. He was trying to find out if she was lying and not only was she violating his trust by lying but also by screwing some other guy.
It's her. The one having sex with a third party. That is the person more in the wrong here. Cheating on your spouse is a worse thing than installing an app on someone's phone. This is not debatable.
seriously, you are married and you aren't staying faithful, that is much worse than putting an app on the phone just to check to see if she is lying or not.
and obviously this had been building up for a while to give him motive to do as such, he didn't just do it out of the blue because he was that big of a security freak, she obviously had been doing it for a while to give him reason to do that.
the two "wrongs" are no where near comparable
*will have to remember this app for next time i'm dating a lying ******
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