Anja Bech said:
Since joining my local BDSM community I've come to realize something I find quite interesting; almost all of the people I've met and connected with, meaning I've had more than an idle chat or two with them, have turned out to be some kind of geek. Games, music, movies, photography, role-playing, both live and pen and paper. Some are awkwardly stereotype-y, but most are just like anyone else (sorry, I know that sounds kinda shitty but I couldn't think of any other way to word it).
So here's my question; do you think this could be a general trend, that openly kinky people tend to be more nerdy? Why/why not?
In this context I'm just taking people in the BDSM community into account, but you can obviously be kinky without being affiliated with any kind of BDSM or kink group.
Well this depends on what you mean by "kinky". To be honest with you just about everyone is "kinky" when you get down to it, anyone who has had sex has probably played around with handcuffs, spanking, and different positions. Non-kinky straight missionary position sex is something I think it's unusual to stick with in an ongoing relationship, not to say that it hasn't happened. Of course nearly everyone maintains that they are entirely "normal" when it comes to sex.
Sex also tends to be a fairly private thing, and can oftentimes get away from one's public persona and the face they show the world, which can cause problems. For example if some dude who happens to be powerful, likes to be weak, dominated, and hurt in the bedroom, showing a real side of himself there, this can affect public image if it comes out (to use a stereotypical example).
As far as kink in geekdom goes your generally dealing with a lot of people who are pretty imaginative, and that tends to come out in ways beyond simply the games and such they play. What's more you'll notice there is a LOT of fetish material, leather and lace, BDSM, etc.. all through sword and sorcery and fantasy artwork, implied if not shown, and some of it is spelled out pretty well at times. The two things have gone together quite a bit for a long time, though one thing I have noticed when it comes to geekdom is people involved in the community tend to be too nervous to see it come out full tilt in anything that is produced.
That said it should also be noted that I think a lot of it comes from sexual frustration, geeks, especially guys, tend to not be traditionally attractive, and frankly the "adorkable" geek girl is pretty rare. After a while normal porn stops doing the trick so to speak (I mean you can only watch sex so many ways). I also believe this is why you see a lot of geek guys trying to play perverted characters in RPGs and such at times, especially if they can do so anonymously, a sort of vicarious wish fulfillment. Of course embarrassment usually prevents this from going anywhere.
Geeks are becoming more of a social force in the media and entertainment world than ever before, up to the point where you see a lot of "faux geeks" who like the same stuff and claim geekdom, without the obsession or social pariah status (either by choice, the genetic lottery, or social pressures). I don't think it's a mistake this is also happening around the time of a sexual revolution of sorts where kink and such is becoming more open at least in the US than it has been before, though it's hardly commonplace display nowadays.
Understand also, having geeky interests or claiming the status today does not make someone a geek. Like it or not things like Star Wars, Star Trek, comic books, and similar things have been popular enough to endure for decades and be a big business. What makes a geek is not so much that they like these things, but the extent to which they involve themselves with them. Basically your probably not a geek if you stop by the news stand a couple times a week and regularly buy a couple of comic titles which you follow. You can say have read a few hundred issues of Batman over your lifetime without being a nerd. On the other hand if you follow tons of different comics AND happen to be an obsessive expert on Star Wars and Star Trek, AND also play PnP RPGs, to the point where this form of escapism represents a lifestyle and the time invested in it comes in lieu of more practical skills and such... then yes, your a geek. Given that many geeky things are now in the mainstream you see a lot more casual knowledge of things that used to be highly specialized as well.
Also remember that "Gor" which is a massive fantasy series, alongside things like "Marketplace" have contributed heavily to the BDSM subculture, to the point where people even lead "Gorean lifestyles" and you see women being branded with the symbol(s) from the book, enduring ear notching (more rare), and similar things as signs of submission. So even going back decades now you can find connections between geekdom and kink communities.
