Asexuality

[Eclipse Dragon]

Asexuality awareness week is October 26th through November 1st and I've noticed I've never actually seen a thread about Asexuality anywhere on this site outside of the Advice forum[footnote]Though I could be wrong, I'm not going to say a thread like this has never been made before.[/footnote], so I'm making a thread to hopefully help people understand it a little better and may even help a few figure themselves out.



[HEADING=3]What is Asexuality?[/HEADING]
"Ace" for short and sometimes also called nonsexuality is a sexual orientation, or lack thereof[footnote]However you prefer to look at it[/footnote] characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to anyone. Aces are not celibate, they do not have hormone issues, they just don't have a desire for sex and are in most cases, perfectly happy going their entire lives without having it.

The flag looks like this.

A lack of sexual attraction however doesn't mean an ace experiences no attraction at all. A lot of asexual people want a relationship and crave companionship just as much as anyone else. There are a few different types of attraction to help categorize things.

---

[HEADING=3]Types of Attraction[/HEADING]
Sexual Attraction:
The desire for sexual contact with a specific other person. This is not connected to libido since another person is not necessary to help satisfy that.

Aesthetic Attraction:
The appreciation that something (or someone) looks good, but with no desire to sleep with it/them.
For example, this snow leopard is a beautiful cat.

Do you want to sleep with the snow leopard? I hope not.

Sensual Attraction:
The desire for non-sexual touch (ex: hugging, cuddling, kissing). In some cases this can also be grouped in with romantic attraction.


Romantic Attraction:
Attraction specifically to the romance aspect of a relationship. (ex: long moonlit walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, watching the sunset together, ext). An ace may use a romantic orientation to describe themself, which is similar to a sexual orientation, but without the sex.

Romantic Orientations:

-Aromantic (Aro for short): lack of romantic attraction towards anyone
-Biromantic; as opposed to Bisexual
-Heteroromantic; as opposed to Heterosexual
-Homoromantic; as opposed to Homosexual
-Panromantic; as opposed to Pansexual

-Crush: Romantic attraction to someone, sometimes temporary.

-Squish: The Aromantic version of a crush, a desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone, usually more intimate than friendship.

---

[HEADING=3]Demisexual[/HEADING]
Demisexuals (Demi for short), are people who are for the most part asexual, but will experience sexual attraction only toward a person with whom they have a significantly strong bond. This person does not have to be an S.O, they can also be a best friend, colleague or anyone else.

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[HEADING=3]Grey-A[/HEADING]
These people do not feel the asexual label fits them completely. They are asexual with exceptions.

Examples:

-May not experience sexual attraction for long periods of time, but only every so often.

-Sexually attracted to someone but with no desire to act on it[footnote]Outside of reasons like "they're married"[/footnote]

-Asexual but fantasize about sleeping with people who are typically unavailable (celebrities, video game characters, ext)

---
[HEADING=3]Further Reading[/HEADING]
AVEN: Asexual Visibility and Education Network [http://www.asexuality.org/home/]

AVEN Wiki [http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Main_Page]

The Asexuality Blog [http://theasexualityblog.com/]

Under the Ace Umbrella: Demisexuality and Gray-asexuality [http://www.asexualityarchive.com/under-the-ace-umbrella/]


Disclaimer: This topic is only the tip of the iceberg and I apologize in advance if I have left out some crucial details. I can't promise I will be able to answer all questions, but I'll do my best should someone have one, I'm also open to answering questions through PM as well.

 

[InsanityRequiem]

While I'm good with the discussion and exposure of us Asexuals, just be wary about such a thread. There's a few folks around that will demean us as just "trying to explain our virginity/lack of contact/etc". Anyway, asexual here and proud of it.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

While I'm good with the discussion and exposure of us Asexuals, just be wary about such a thread. There's a few folks around that will demean us as just "trying to explain our virginity/lack of contact/etc". Anyway, asexual here and proud of it.

I was very reluctant to make this thread[footnote]In general, although I love this site and it's community, I'm reluctant to make any threads on the Escapist.[/footnote] (just ask the Lady Bits group), but awareness isn't awareness if it's kept hidden.

 

[Keoul]

I find the whole idea of Asexuality extremely stupid, but for the sake of not being a total asshole I'll approach this with reasons.
First off though, just a personal opinion, I find that asexuality shouldn't even exist because that's what normal people are. Not everyone wants to have sex with everyone and not every relationship is built around sex. Just because you don't have a sex drive doesn't mean you have a whole new sexual orientation.

Okay on to some reasoning.
- It's contradictory

[HEADING=3]What is Asexuality?[/HEADING]
"Ace" for short and sometimes also called nonsexuality is a sexual orientation, or lack thereof[footnote]However you prefer to look at it[/footnote] characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to anyone.

[HEADING=3]Demisexual[/HEADING]
Demisexuals (Demi for short), are people who are for the most part asexual, but will experience sexual attraction only toward a person with whom they have a significantly strong bond. This person does not have to be an S.O, they can also be a best friend, colleague or anyone else.

This contradicts the whole idea of Asexuality.
I don't even need to get into it, Demisexual is just a regular person, the current social construct of what a 'normal' relationship is, is this. Two people in love that experience sexual attraction for each other.

-It's unclear
As the previous point showed, Asexuality is vague as heck and has too many sub-categories. 'Grey-A' and 'Demisexuals' make no sense at all as they directly contradict the core principals of Asexuality. It's like having a female lesbian who is only into dudes, she aint a lesbian. Point is, what is Asexuality when there are sub-catagories that directly contradict what being Asexual is? Why is it still considered Asexual?

-It does not feel like a genuine sexual orientation.
I see sexual orientations as who or what you prefer to have sex with. Straight, Gay, Bi, Lesbian, it's very clear and simple, you want to have sex with either a male, female or both. The problem I see with Asexuality is that the normal sexual orientations still apply to you so the whole point of Asexuality seems redundant.

-It seems to me to be just a false diagnosis to feel like part of a special club
Admittedly this is not really a logical reason so much as it is opinion but your inclusion of a FLAG for a SEXUALITY indicates to me that this isn't just a sexual orientation that you just say and forget about but something that you want to be a part of. Like a country.

If you could just explain to me why this is even a thing and tell me why I'm wrong I'd gladly change my mind but right now I see Asexuality as some sort of cool kids club for kids that can't fit in.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I find that asexuality shouldn't even exist because that's what normal people are. Not everyone wants to have sex with everyone and not every relationship is built around sex. Just because you don't have a sex drive doesn't mean you have a whole new sexual orientation.

Asexual people don't want to have sex at all. They never have, some may to satisfy a partner or to have a child, but they typically don't solicit it. If the person of your innermost fantasy were to offer to sleep with you, would you say no?
Asexual people will (say no)

Also asexuality is not related to sex drive. It's purely about attraction. Asexual people may have libido, but when it acts up, they won't look for another person to help them take the edge off.

Okay on to some reasoning.

This contradicts the whole idea of Asexuality.
I don't even need to get into it, Demisexual is just a regular person, the current social construct of what a 'normal' relationship is, is this. Two people in love that experience sexual attraction for each other.

-It's unclear
As the previous point showed, Asexuality is vague as heck and has too many sub-categories. 'Grey-A' and 'Demisexuals' make no sense at all as they directly contradict the core principals of Asexuality. It's like having a female lesbian who is only into dudes, she aint a lesbian. Point is, what is Asexuality when there are sub-catagories that directly contradict what being Asexual is? Why is it still considered Asexual?

Demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after a significant bond has been formed. They don't feel "lust at first sight" they don't look at someone attractive and go "I'd tap that."

The two categories of Demi and Grey are purposefully vague, because not everything about sexuality is black and white and showing it as a spectrum. Asexual on one side, Allosexual on the opposite, leaves room for people who identify as somewhere in between. Same as people who are neither straight, nor gay/lesbian.

-It does not feel like a genuine sexual orientation.
I see sexual orientations as who or what you prefer to have sex with. Straight, Gay, Bi, Lesbian, it's very clear and simple, you want to have sex with either a male, female or both. The problem I see with Asexuality is that the normal sexual orientations still apply to you so the whole point of Asexuality seems redundant.

You've answered your own question. Sexual orientation is who or what you prefer to have sex with, straight people prefer the opposite gender, gay and lesbian prefer the same, bi prefer both, Asexual prefer none.

However I will add in that saying the only sexual orientations are straight, gay, lesbian and bi, alienates a lot of people including pansexuals.

-It seems to me to be just a false diagnosis to feel like part of a special club
Admittedly this is not really a logical reason so much as it is opinion but your inclusion of a FLAG for a SEXUALITY indicates to me that this isn't just a sexual orientation that you just say and forget about but something that you want to be a part of. Like a country.

Spoiler: flags

Flags are part of LGBT self identification as well as symbols.

This one if for gay and lesbian

This one is for bi

Genderqueer

Genderfluid

Pansexual

If you could just explain to me why this is even a thing and tell me why I'm wrong I'd gladly change my mind but right now I see Asexuality as some sort of cool kids club for kids that can't fit in.

I will also add that asexuality was factored by Alfred Kinsey (who came up with the Kinsey scale [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale])

Asexuality is not a new aspect of human sexuality, but it is relatively new to public discourse.[35] SE Smith of The Guardian is not sure asexuality has actually increased, rather leaning towards the belief that it is simply more visible.[35] In the mid-twentieth century, Alfred Kinsey rated individuals from 0 to 6 according to their sexual orientation from heterosexual to homosexual, known as the Kinsey scale. He also included a category he called "X" for individuals with "no socio-sexual contacts or reactions";[36][37] in modern times, this is categorized as representing asexuality.

 

[DC_78]

Congratulations on your month. Enjoy yourself how ever you see fit.

And thank you for the education on this.

Not to be rude, but I do have a question. Is this a self diagnosis that came about recently for an asexual person or have you never desired a typical sexual relationship? ie: You learned about the birds and the bees and went eewwww or just had a few tumbles in the sheets and decided nope not for me.

 

[Keoul]

Asexual people don't want to have sex at all. They never have, some may to satisfy a partner or to have a child, but they typically don't solicit it. If the object of your innermost fantasy were to offer to sleep with you, would you say no?
Asexual people will, but they may offer to bake them a cake instead.

But they do and you've said so multiple with their sub catagories. Unless Demisexual and Grey-A sexual are not part of Asexuality in which case why include them?

Demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after a significant bond has been formed. They don't feel "lust at first sight" they don't look at someone attractive and go "I'd tap that."

The two categories of Demi and Grey are purposefully vague, because not everything about sexuality is black and white and showing it as a spectrum. Asexual on one side, Allosexual on the opposite, leaves room for people who identify as somewhere in between. Same as people who are neither straight, nor gay/lesbian.

So what? people fall in love over time as well, for some it's instant, others it takes a while. This isn't anything special.

If they are purposefully vague why are they there at all? Why identify as something that is meaningless. There is no point to any of this if it isn't concrete enough to stop contradicting itself.

You've answered your own question. Sexual orientation is who or what you prefer to have sex with, straight people prefer the opposite gender, gay and lesbian prefer the same, bi prefer both, Asexual prefer none.

However I will add in that saying the only sexual orientations are straight, gay, lesbian and bi, alienates a lot of people including pansexuals.

Not really. Pansexuals would just be bi sexual since they don't care what sex their partner is.
I don't see how this would alienate people, if anything this would make things more inclusive as they are now part of a bigger group of people. They're alienating themselves by calling themselves pansexual.

Spoiler: for peeps that don't want to load all the images

Flags are part of LGBT self identification as well as symbols.

This one if for gay and lesbian

This one is for bi

Genderqueer

genderfluid

Pansexual

Oh my god, none of this makes sense to me, why do you even need flags for your sexual orientation of all things. Not to mention you haven't addressed the issue in that these flags are unnecessary. Sexual orientations are things that you are and not something you need to make a big deal out of so why do you need a flag?

I will also add that asexuality was factored by Alfred Kinsey (who came up with the Kinsey scale [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale])

Asexuality is not a new aspect of human sexuality, but it is relatively new to public discourse.[35] SE Smith of The Guardian is not sure asexuality has actually increased, rather leaning towards the belief that it is simply more visible.[35] In the mid-twentieth century, Alfred Kinsey rated individuals from 0 to 6 according to their sexual orientation from heterosexual to homosexual, known as the Kinsey scale. He also included a category he called "X" for individuals with "no socio-sexual contacts or reactions";[36][37] in modern times, this is categorized as representing asexuality.

Alfred Kinsey is an Biologist, specifically Entomologist (insects). Despite being a professor for sexuality I find it incredibly strange that from studying animals and insects of all things, he believes he can explain socially constructed sexual orientations and have them taken in as facts.

Also the creation of the Kinsey scale is meaningless to your argument, he made a graph that contains a spectrum between gay and straight. Why is that news? we have that already with gay/bi/straight. Granted he factored it in but so what? you've already illustrated that Asexuality is so vague that almost anyone can be some form of Asexual, in fact you've even stated that it's purposefully vague to be inclusive.

 

[TakerFoxx]

I'm in the sort of awkward position where I'm pretty disinterested in romance altogether, so I guess I would fall under being aromantic. But I'm not asexual, so the body is usually going "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" while my mind is more like, "Not happening, so stop bothering me." Honestly, sometimes I wish I didn't have a sex drive, as I imagine it would be less distracting.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

Whenever I see a thread like this one thing pops into my head... Do we as people have such an obsession with labelling things that it detracts from what we are: human? Everyone is different. Everyone will relate to one of those definitions in the OP, be it within a limited timescale or within their own value construct. You may identify with one almost entirely, but because you consider yourself that and nothing else you may dismiss your own feelings of desire or pass on a situation that could make you happy because it doesn't fit with the label you gave. This happens with many different ways of labelling, such as personality types and political views all the way to things like nationality and even horoscopes! It's absurd.

If I were to read those definitions I would catagorise myself on average as Sensual-Biromantic. But why should I care about this? I know myself, and I understand how I work. Do I need a label? Do I want a label? Am I meant to wear a namebadge so that everyone else similar to me can identify and we can have lengthy conversations about our similar way of thinking? Err... no thanks.

I will probably forget the term I associated myself with within a day or 2, and just get on with my life with the one label I associate myself with the most. My own name.

Now I know that sounds really negative... and I don't want to detract from the overall sentiment. People like to be understood, and sometimes prejudice is linked to mass missunderstanding, but there is a danger of trying to create groups where they are not needed... and flying flags as symbolism goes is the fastest way to try and seperate yourself from communities as a whole. In that case, is it others that think you are different, or is it you?

Countries have flags to identify them as separate. Counties and States have flags within them for further granulation. Non state actors and movements have flags to identify, and rally people, as well as a way of creating association like products do with logos. I disagree with the idea of standing behind a flag for personality and preference issues as that detracts from the sentiment flags bring in the first place.

 

[DarkRawen]

*Sigh* Why is it the norm to label everything these days? Are we back in 1800 England? Do we need to put everyone in a box again?

Don't misunderstand, I do know that being asexual is a thing, and that's perfectly fine, it's a term I consider as legit as heterosexual and homosexual and bisexual and such. And in that way, I understand why you'd want to refer to yourself as asexual. It's a pretty common thing, from what I've seen. But what's with all the flags and labels and names and so on? Can't people just... I dunno, be themselves? Sexuality is supposed to be a pretty private thing too, at least that's what I was taught, why are everyone carrying it on their sleeve and identifying themselves by it?

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I'm going to start of by saying that I'm sure-as-shit not asexual, so I may be way off the mark here.

There are quite a few people asking 'do you need to label yourself/have a flag etc.?' and that's fair enough. On the other hand, people like to feel part of a community, to feel kinship with others that share similar experiences and feelings. This is why the metal or gaming communities are what they are- lots of them were social outcasts in school and love the opportunity to socialize with people that understand. I can imagine that need is doubly so with something like asexuality that might leave you lacking in intimacy and wouldn't be perceived as normal, especially during puberty when guys are supposed to be randy bags of mansauce. Increasing awareness and all that jazz is going to be helpful for confused kids coming through puberty and wondering why the hell they just don't feel those feelings that they're expected to. Hell, it's not like puberty isn't confusing enough as it is.

That said, I do find some of the classifications a little pointless. I can't remember the name of it, but there was some scale of sexuality being bandied about a while back. One end was 100% homosexual and the other was 100% heterosexual, and people were trying to classify these grey areas inbetween. That strikes me as an utter waste of time- if you're mostly straight but have a slight attraction to the same sex, does it really matter if that attraction isn't enough to act upon? To all intents and purposes, you are straight.

I mean, a 'squish'? Really? That's called being really good friends. Or, y'know, best friends.

 

[Thaluikhain]

But what's with all the flags and labels and names and so on? Can't people just... I dunno, be themselves?

If they are allowed to be themselves, yes. Currently, this is far from being a given.

Once people get over others being different from themselves, I imagine the flags will disappear into the history books. In the meantime, they are still neccesary.

 

[DeaDRabbiT]

Whenever I see a thread like this one thing pops into my head... Do we as people have such an obsession with labelling things that it detracts from what we are: human? Everyone is different. Everyone will relate to one of those definitions in the OP, be it within a limited timescale or within their own value construct. You may identify with one almost entirely, but because you consider yourself that and nothing else you may dismiss your own feelings of desire or pass on a situation that could make you happy because it doesn't fit with the label you gave. This happens with many different ways of labelling, such as personality types and political views all the way to things like nationality and even horoscopes! It's absurd.

If I were to read those definitions I would catagorise myself on average as Sensual-Biromantic. But why should I care about this? I know myself, and I understand how I work. Do I need a label? Do I want a label? Am I meant to wear a namebadge so that everyone else similar to me can identify and we can have lengthy conversations about our similar way of thinking? Err... no thanks.

I will probably forget the term I associated myself with within a day or 2, and just get on with my life with the one label I associate myself with the most. My own name.

Now I know that sounds really negative... and I don't want to detract from the overall sentiment. People like to be understood, and sometimes prejudice is linked to mass missunderstanding, but there is a danger of trying to create groups where they are not needed... and flying flags as symbolism goes is the fastest way to try and seperate yourself from communities as a whole. In that case, is it others that think you are different, or is it you?

Countries have flags to identify them as separate. Counties and States have flags within them for further granulation. Non state actors and movements have flags to identify, and rally people, as well as a way of creating association like products do with logos. I disagree with the idea of standing behind a flag for personality and preference issues as that detracts from the sentiment flags bring in the first place.

1. This post is the /thread if there ever was a /thread

2. Yes, people indeed need to find "labels" for themselves so they can cordon themselves into their little social group, and then have a support system/backup for when it's time to be offended which is their favorite pass time.

We are all humans with our own special proclivities. I guess the problem with some people is that strength in numbers (such as the gay rights crowd) needed to band together to try and obtain equality.

Somebody using Asexual as their identifier just screams "confused kid" to me. It honestly seems like internet/social media/smartphone generation and all the social awkwardness they never learned to deal with just makes being in a clique just that much more necessary.

It's a pity really.

 

[Lieju]

Yeah, to people who are asking why people need labels, because it's important to people.

Imagine you don't fit into what is considered the 'norm'.
The society is telling you you should be attracted to the opposite sex, BUT YOU JUST AREN'T.

Maybe you think you're gay then?

But that doesn't feel right either.

Many asexual people will then think there is something wrong with them, and if they don't have a label for it they can't even find other people who feel the same, or are similar they just feel more alone.

Why is this so difficult to understand?

That not everyone is attracted to anyone or anything?

Asexuality isn't even difficult to understand, and given the society's obsession with sex, I'd say it needs to be talked way more.

Even if you aren't asexual your whole life, or if you're 'just a confused kid', doesn't it say something about our society if kids feel the need to make the distinction they aren't interested in sex?

EDIT: Asexual people might fall through the cracks so to speak and not be as easily persecuted as homosexuals for example (since they won't get caught as easily, and straight people won't feel they are a threat)
But they are still pressured by the society to have sex, in numerous ways, and even if they aren't, why wouldn't they want to be able to know people with similar life-experiences?

And considering what kind of hissy-fit the gaming community just threw over the label 'gamer' and how important that identity is to them I'd hope they'd then understand the importance of an identity.

I'm personally not much for labels myself, but they are practical because even if you don't care, the society does.
When people ask you why you aren't married yet for example you can just tell them to google asexuality and that it's a thing.
And that there are other people like you.

I mean, homosexuality is more 'main-stream' but I still have to explain to people I didn't choose to not be attracted to men to spite them, and that I'm not mentally ill person who just needs to fuck 'the right' guy.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

Congratulations on your month. Enjoy yourself how ever you see fit.

And thank you for the education on this.

Not to be rude, but I do have a question. Is this a self diagnosis that came about recently for an asexual person or have you never desired a typical sexual relationship? ie: You learned about the birds and the bees and went eewwww or just had a few tumbles in the sheets and decided nope not for me.

Situation is different for everyone, but typically that's how it's always been. A person doesn't wake up and suddenly decide to be gay, it's just always been that way and the word it's self only helps to explain it.

---------------------------------------

But they do and you've said so multiple with their sub catagories. Unless Demisexual and Grey-A sexual are not part of Asexuality in which case why include them?

So what? people fall in love over time as well, for some it's instant, others it takes a while. This isn't anything special.

If they are purposefully vague why are they there at all? Why identify as something that is meaningless. There is no point to any of this if it isn't concrete enough to stop contradicting itself.

Love =/= attraction, you can be in love with someone and not be sexually attracted to them.
They're there because they help some people explain themselves, if you feel they're meaningless, that's how you feel, but other people may find meaning in it where you do not.

Not really. Pansexuals would just be bi sexual since they don't care what sex their partner is.
I don't see how this would alienate people, if anything this would make things more inclusive as they are now part of a bigger group of people. They're alienating themselves by calling themselves pansexual.

Pansexual includes gender identity [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.842541-Tacos-Unofficial-Guide-to-All-Things-Gender-Sex-Sexuality] or more, they don't care about how you identify at all.

Oh my god, none of this makes sense to me, why do you even need flags for your sexual orientation of all things. Not to mention you haven't addressed the issue in that these flags are unnecessary. Sexual orientations are things that you are and not something you need to make a big deal out of so why do you need a flag?

It's a pride thing, straight people also have flags, several different versions.

---
I've done my best to try to explain it to you, and if you're still not convinced, that's fine! People will think what they think and you didn't come in being a complete and total dismissive asshole and for that, cool. Thank you.

---------------------------------------

I'm in the sort of awkward position where I'm pretty disinterested in romance altogether, so I guess I would fall under being aromantic. But I'm not asexual, so the body is usually going "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" while my mind is more like, "Not happening, so stop bothering me." Honestly, sometimes I wish I didn't have a sex drive, as I imagine it would be less distracting.

If you want to call yourself aromantic, go for it. They're descriptors, you can be an aromantic *insert orientation here* if you feel that describes you.

---------------------------------------

Whenever I see a thread like this one thing pops into my head... Do we as people have such an obsession with labelling things that it detracts from what we are: human? Everyone is different. Everyone will relate to one of those definitions in the OP, be it within a limited timescale or within their own value construct. You may identify with one almost entirely, but because you consider yourself that and nothing else you may dismiss your own feelings of desire or pass on a situation that could make you happy because it doesn't fit with the label you gave. This happens with many different ways of labelling, such as personality types and political views all the way to things like nationality and even horoscopes! It's absurd.

If people want to limit themselves to labels to the point where they are actually excluding people. That's their loss.

If I were to read those definitions I would catagorise myself on average as Sensual-Biromantic. But why should I care about this? I know myself, and I understand how I work. Do I need a label? Do I want a label? Am I meant to wear a namebadge so that everyone else similar to me can identify and we can have lengthy conversations about our similar way of thinking? Err... no thanks.

You know yourself well and that's awesome, some people are not as sure and may find descriptors useful. Some people literally feel they're broken because society tells them they should be doing this thing and they should to be happy, but they aren't and they don't know why and not knowing is making them miserable.

Now I know that sounds really negative... and I don't want to detract from the overall sentiment. People like to be understood, and sometimes prejudice is linked to mass missunderstanding, but there is a danger of trying to create groups where they are not needed... and flying flags as symbolism goes is the fastest way to try and seperate yourself from communities as a whole. In that case, is it others that think you are different, or is it you?

Countries have flags to identify them as separate. Counties and States have flags within them for further granulation. Non state actors and movements have flags to identify, and rally people, as well as a way of creating association like products do with logos. I disagree with the idea of standing behind a flag for personality and preference issues as that detracts from the sentiment flags bring in the first place.

Not negative at all, I'll say to you the same as I did to Keoul. You did not come in with the intent to be an asshole. The point of this thread is for awareness and you didn't immediately disregard everything with a rude paragraph. That's great, if it's not your cup of tea, fine. I didn't make this thread to argue with people online.

---------------------------------------

*Sigh* Why is it the norm to label everything these days? Are we back in 1800 England? Do we need to put everyone in a box again?

Don't misunderstand, I do know that being asexual is a thing, and that's perfectly fine, it's a term I consider as legit as heterosexual and homosexual and bisexual and such. And in that way, I understand why you'd want to refer to yourself as asexual. It's a pretty common thing, from what I've seen. But what's with all the flags and labels and names and so on? Can't people just... I dunno, be themselves? Sexuality is supposed to be a pretty private thing too, at least that's what I was taught, why are everyone carrying it on their sleeve and identifying themselves by it?

Flags and labels are for awareness, it would be great if everyone accepted everyone else as they are, but at least right now, that's an issue.

---------------------------------------

That said, I do find some of the classifications a little pointless. I can't remember the name of it, but there was some scale of sexuality being bandied about a while back. One end was 100% homosexual and the other was 100% heterosexual, and people were trying to classify these grey areas inbetween. That strikes me as an utter waste of time- if you're mostly straight but have a slight attraction to the same sex, does it really matter if that attraction isn't enough to act upon? To all intents and purposes, you are straight.

That's probably the Kinsey scale you're talking about.

 

[DarkRawen]

But what's with all the flags and labels and names and so on? Can't people just... I dunno, be themselves?

If they are allowed to be themselves, yes. Currently, this is far from being a given.

Once people get over others being different from themselves, I imagine the flags will disappear into the history books. In the meantime, they are still neccesary.

Perhaps it'd be more of a given if people didn't focus so much on that one aspect of themselves? It's possible to be yourself privately, you know. :/ Sure, I'm only talking for myself, and that's of course the point of view I'm representing, but I simply don't get the deal with it. We're all different, and sure, people need to get over it, but is distancing people further really the answer? Why not just accept that no one is alike? Putting up a flag sure as hell ain't going to help with that.

 

[chiggerwood]

As to why there is a desire to proclaim pride about being an Ace, well ya see , people just get fucking irritating. Conservatives treat aces like they treat gays; the LGBT crowd treat aces like conservatives treat gays; doctors act like you just said that you like to jerk off on sleeping grandmothers, and most everyone else thinks you're lying, AND if you say you get shit like the LGBT crowd does, you get dismissed and treated like shit some more, and that doesn't even get into the virgin shaming that happens on a wide scale in society.

There truly is nothing quite like being told that you're a liar/sick/damaged/gay but don't want to admit it/mentally ill/can be fixed like you're a fucking car, all because when questions about sexual orientation come up yours isn't in the approved list.

Admittedly all of this is getting better, but reading the first few responses really does remind me just why I bought my Asexual pride flag. Sorry if I got a little aggressive. I just get tired of the shit. I got it from family, I got it from friends, from classmates, (seriously, one girl in college threatened to rape me so she could "fix me") and it's tiring it really fucking is. We start groups and wave flags because we get othered, we get ostracized and treated like garbage, and eventually you get tired of it, really fucking tired and we need to know that we're not alone.

 

[Twintix]

Hm. That's interesting. Thank you for sharing.

I don't actually know what category I fall under. I've never really felt attracted to anyone. Sure, I thought a boy was cute when I was in elementary school, but at the age of 7 you're really too young to understand love in most cases, I find. This doesn't necessarily make me asexual or aromantic, though. I've just never actively sought it out, I guess. I've had other things to do, like pratice taekwondo, study and make music. I'm perfectly fine being on my own.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I'll might attract ire from people, but is this reall necessary? Groups like homosexuals or transexuals face prosecution from society, and therefor have a need for communities that will fight for acceptance and react to discrimination.

Asexuals don't really need that, it might be good for youth who have trouble with sexual identity, but besides that, I doubt there's any discrimination that's targeted solely on them.

They do not face prosecution as badly as homosexuals and transexuals, but they do have their fair share of societal issues. Asexual men for example have it particularly difficult. Society pushes growing boys to sleep with people, because it's expected and even in some places encouraged (boys will be boys), and if they aren't interested, well they must be gay, but that doesn't work either. These kids don't fit in with any groups. People will tell them there's something "wrong" with them, that they're "broken", to the point where they start believing it.