Aversion to Children

FoxKitsune

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I'm twenty five and I work with children in a nursery setting, so, 3-5 year olds. You can guess where I stand on it, as if I didn't love kids I couldn't do what I do. That said there's no rule that everyone in society has to like them, or even ever be parents, but I think it needs stressing that the children in question (for the most part) aren't intentionally flipping on some kind of `annoy` switch, as you put it. Children mimic what they see, and the thing they care most about it bonding with their carers (generalising here, of course)

Sure, sometimes they know exactly what they're doing, but children are just little people, and it's not okay to take a person and judge that person by all of the peers they have that share a quality (in this case age)

I think the rule of thumb that should be followed is if you really want to distance yourself from having anything to do with children, by all means, do it. Never do it to the individual child that cares about you in some way though, be it through family or friends, because that will make a difference.
 

Neuromancer

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I have never minded children. I find their energy and innocence to be refreshing. And though there definately are what some would consider...bad apples in the mix, one should always remember that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

It is the duty of the parents to help the child shape its own personality by teaching it right from wrong, to give it motivation, to teach it priorities and, as the child grows up into a teenager, that one's actions always have consequences, not only to them but also the people involved.
 

Lieju

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I'm not in any hurry to have kids, but maybe one day.
It's not terribly likely due to health issues and such, but who knows.
And I would not get pregnant myself, the thought of it is just so wrong. So my girlfriend/wife would have to probably go through it, or adopt.
Or just get a lot of cats.

I do have problems with other people's kids. Or rather I have problems with their parents. I feel awkward with other people's kids, especially if the parents are around, because I have no idea what kind of things they consider appropriate, and what I should do if the kid misbehaves.

LadyLightning said:
The problem I have is with those disgusting excuses for human beings that have the gall to think it's okay to take their small children out in public with them, and ruin everyone else's day. If you've ever been sitting in a restaurant and trying to enjoy your date, but there's some shitsack couple with their three-year-old at the table next to yours bawling his friggin' eyes out because his mommy wouldn't buy him an ice cream, you'll understand.
None of that is really the child's fault, but the parents.
 

snekadid

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T0ad 0f Truth said:
I get how people can not want children, I get how people can have phobias about pregnancy, and I can get how you would rather hang out with people more your age.

What I don't get and it bothers me quite a bit despite rarely speaking up about it is things like this

I don't mean to pick on either of you so much as your phrasing.

To take an entire group of people and judge them not based on individual merit, but by their membership in a group they aren't harming anyone by being in, is wrong.

Not particularly malicious in this case I'd assume, but faulty none the less.

There are plenty of kids I dislike, but to do anything other then judge them individually just sucks as a way of thinking.
That's not quite true. Its the same as judging sociopaths or psychopaths. It may not be fair, but based of the facts of their condition, you would do best to treat them differently than normal people, at the very least with awareness.

It is the same with children, because as any psychologist will tell you, a child is a Sociopath, incapable of possessing a developed moral center that only can be achieved with time and experience. Without constant adult supervision, children do horrible things to each other, including killing.

Your argument applies to people, and a child is not a person as they lack a necessary sense of self to be defined thus. They are human, yes, but not yet people.
 

FoxKitsune

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snekadid said:
T0ad 0f Truth said:
I get how people can not want children, I get how people can have phobias about pregnancy, and I can get how you would rather hang out with people more your age.

What I don't get and it bothers me quite a bit despite rarely speaking up about it is things like this

I don't mean to pick on either of you so much as your phrasing.

To take an entire group of people and judge them not based on individual merit, but by their membership in a group they aren't harming anyone by being in, is wrong.

Not particularly malicious in this case I'd assume, but faulty none the less.

There are plenty of kids I dislike, but to do anything other then judge them individually just sucks as a way of thinking.
That's not quite true. Its the same as judging sociopaths or psychopaths. It may not be fair, but based of the facts of their condition, you would do best to treat them differently than normal people, at the very least with awareness.

It is the same with children, because as any psychologist will tell you, a child is a Sociopath, incapable of possessing a developed moral center that only can be achieved with time and experience. Without constant adult supervision, children do horrible things to each other, including killing.

Your argument applies to people, and a child is not a person as they lack a necessary sense of self to be defined thus. They are human, yes, but not yet people.
I can't disagree with this enough. Rather than getting into a long back and forth though I'd remind you that children need to acquire that `necessary sense of self` through interaction with the adults in their life. Unfairly judging sociopaths or psychopaths is an entirely different thing as you could argue there's potential danger there: That's not the case with children.

No, children don't get morality right off the bat the same as they don't get engineering right off of the bat. It's the job of the grown up world to teach them it, and I don't think that just applies to parents, but society as a whole (which of course opens up a whole host of other problems)
 

persephone

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LadyLightning said:
I wholeheartedly believe that you should only conceive a child if you plan on eating it. The world has enough mistakes in it already. If you really want one, adopt someone else's instead of making a new one.
Please, please tell me you're joking. Or at least exaggerating for effect.

We actually had a thread recently about adoption: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.846666-I-hate-it-when-people-choose-to-have-kids-instead-of-adopt?page=1

I won't reiterate all of the points that thread made, but I will say this: Your premise seems to be that all children are mistakes.

......

............

Please tell me that you don't believe that all children are mistakes. After all, all the best figures in human history were once children. Who were created by breeding and pregnancy and all of that.
 

Teriver

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I personally like children but only from the third person. I really hate high pitched noises (to the point of them causing actual physical pain) and I like sleep, which children seem to like interrupting.

That said I am often around the children of the few of my relatives and friends that have them and I don't find them that annoying. It's a bit like annoying traits of people you like, you look past them and see the part you like (that they regularly smack my friends).
 

elvor0

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novem said:
I disliked children even when I was one. I was that weird kid that hung out with the adults.
Oh well I'm glad I'm not the only one. Granted I adjusted once I was about 7, but kindergarden and early primary school (3 1/2 - 6)were pretty awkward for me. I remember my mother asking me to bring a friend home from kindergarden once, when she came to pick me up, I'd asked the Teacher, on the basis that I could "actually talk to her".

It likely didn't help that by age 5 I was reading Tolkein, in my head, in a corner of the room during "reading time" while the other children were still struggling with "The cat sat on the mat", all shouting to hear themselves over one another. I think I actually took to going elsewhere during reading time, as the noise infuriated me. As a 5 year old I couldn't understand why no one else could read or count properly nor why they were being so loud.
 

Something Amyss

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Paragon Fury said:
"Oh, how can you not like children? You were a child once you know!"
Yes, but by the same virtue, you used to soil yourself. Would they still be okay with that?

Hell, when I was a kid, I liked kids less than I like them now.

Anyway, we're biologically predisposed to want kids. It's how the species propagates. That's why people think it's weird.
 

SinisterGehe

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I think the whole "You were a child argument..." is horribly stupid. It is like saying a recovering alcoholic "You can't hate booze, you used to drink".

To OP I say. Children are not for everyone. I don't like the idea of getting a child. (Even though I don't mind the idea of being a father, but to be a loving father doesn't mean you have to be biologically a father. So many uncared children in the world alone.)

I used to hate children for most parts till around the age of 13-14+ when you could talk to them and receive a semi-coherent answer. Of course subject of topics are limited. But it is possible. But then I got a job working as a assistant conductor and a curator in 2 junior orchestras. And quite fast I learned to appreciate and even like the kids there. (8-12 and 13-15+ were the players ages on them). Now days my Wednesdays are boring and hollow if without those rehearsals. Also it is great fun to see them develop during the year.

But I think it is that children are not for everyone. And not everyone needs to get them. There are lot of men and women who just want to live together or alone.

You don't need to get kids. But remember it doesn't mean you can't be a parent, someday - if you want.
 

Riff Moonraker

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michael87cn said:
Kids are all different. There are quiet, good natured children. How good the parents are at raising them factors into things. But, they do have a will of their own that ultimately will change how they behave. But, it's wrong to say that all children are annoying, or loud, or basically bad. That's simply not true.

It is true that babies cry, when that young they have literally no other means of communication.

Honestly, though, if you feel like you couldn't handle a crying baby I think that you have some personal growing to do. It doesn't really take much effort to love and nurture something. Especially when you know the payoff will be a new life form that can think for itself, act for itself, and achieve things all for itself and for others (eventually). Also, -usually- when you become a Dad or a Mom... you can split the responsibility of taking care of the child with your better half, so that you don't have to take the burden on alone.

I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to pay money for something, but that's petty.
I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to hear annoying sounds, but that's really not that bad.
I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to butt heads with a childs attitude, but that's the duty of a parent (and also not that difficult, within your lifetime you will likely correct many people you don't even care about -- how easy then would it be to correct and teach your own child right from wrong?)

I can see these things, but I reserve my right to think they seem selfish. You know what? Good for you. I'm sure its perfectly healthy to be selfish. You might be ... pretty lonely acting like that... you might also... appear to others like the children you loathe so much.
I would also like to commend your post.

A few points...

One. If a child is misbehaving, having a tantrum, etc. You can thank the parent for that, but hating the child for said actions is wrong.

Two. Yep, there are people that dont want kids. There are people that dont care for kids. Thats your choice, and opinion, and you are entitled to that. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids, at all. Its ok to want to live your life without having a child, and while some of the reasons some folks have posted for not wanting to have them is honestly selfish, that too is ok. That is your choice, irregardless of whether or not its self-centered, or selfish, or for whatever other reasons. Its YOUR CHOICE, and thats perfectly ok.

HOWEVER... some of the comments in here toward children, and the amount of loathing towards children I am seeing in here is both disturbing, and disgusting. While alot of the attitude one could chalk up to immaturity and youth, some comments go waaaaay beyond the line of my tolerance. Rest assured that if a person like some of the more extreme in here ever were standing around my children (who are very well behaved, intelligent, wonderful human beings, so I can promise they would not be disturbing anyone else out in public anyway) and made the comments they are making in here to me, you would be having to contend with me. I have zero tolerance for that horseshit, and if someone is near my children and I perceive them to be a threat, I WOULD end you. Seriously, the extreme comments in here have me so angry right now, my hands are shaking as I type.
 

Loonyyy

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T0ad 0f Truth said:
I get how people can not want children, I get how people can have phobias about pregnancy, and I can get how you would rather hang out with people more your age.

What I don't get and it bothers me quite a bit despite rarely speaking up about it is things like this

lee1287 said:
They're loud and annoying
Paragon Fury said:
"Oh, how can you not like children? You were a child once you know!"

Yes, and I apologize for that. But is it really that odd?
I don't mean to pick on either of you so much as your phrasing.

To take an entire group of people and judge them not based on individual merit, but by their membership in a group they aren't harming anyone by being in, is wrong.

Not particularly malicious in this case I'd assume, but faulty none the less.

There are plenty of kids I dislike, but to do anything other then judge them individually just sucks as a way of thinking.
This entire post sucks as a way of thinking. There's just so much wrong with every step of reasoning there that it can't be expressed, and I'm actually suprised that the thread didn't devolve into everyone pointing out the inanity.
 

Comocat

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Kids are annoying until you have your own. When it's your kid you dont mind the noise or the smells or the messes. For me the best part of having a kid is he thinks everything is awesome. Jar of buttons, fucking amazing! Window, incredible! Water bottle, revolutionary! It's really joyful to see my son lose is damn mind every time he experiences something new.
 

Collegeboy21

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Thought I'd add a father's perspective in here. I have 2 kids. I have always disliked handling other people's kids, even nieces and nephews. Wouldn't hold them, wouldn't interact, nothing. Then I had my first kid myself and it was a LOT different from what I was expecting. Sure, he pooped himself and was kinda demanding when he was so small that he literally couldn't do anything for himself (the nerve, right?), but as soon as he got old enough to walk and talk, it was a whole new ball game. Now he waits for me on the steps of our garage when I get home from work and then runs out to me to give me a hug and tell me about his day. After a long day at work, it's the greatest thing in the world.
Now, I still don't really care for other kids, particularly when their parents are content to let them run around and scream and cry and push and pass it off with "Oh, they're kids. What can you do?" I do my very best to teach my kids manners and respect, and if my kids ever started to cause a scene in a public place like a restaurant, I was quick to remove them until they calmed down because I didn't want them disturbing everyone else. If everyone did that, then maybe so many people wouldn't dislike kids. These days, my kids are very well behaved in public. It took some work to get them there sure, but it was worth it.
As far as the body deformation that occurs to the mother, my wife has always been able to exercise away all of that baby weight and she looks just as good now as she always has.

TLDR:
I don't care for the kids of other people so much, but I love mine and wouldn't trade them for anything.
 

Michael Legault

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lee1287 said:
it's not strange to dislike children at all. They're loud and annoying, though I would like a child of my own one day, I'm hoping if it's my child I won't get annoyed by the screaming or annoyance as much, if that makes sense.
I used to not really like kids, but my mind slowly changed throughout my 20's my wife and I have one now. The screaming seems specially designed to make your ears bleed which makes perfect sense, forces you to take action and fix what's needed. What makes up for it are the giggles, there is no greater joy than making a small child giggle and laugh till they pee themselves. Joking with friends and making them laugh just falls utterly short in comparison, they very rarely literally fall over laughing. Then again I've been told by many that my kid is the happiest most chilled out baby they've ever seen, so maybe I've just lucked out. I can't wait till he's old enough to play video games ^_^
 

Marik2

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My family gives me a bit of flak for not wanting to have kids.

Kids are decent, but I don't see myself wanting to have one.
 

Daverson

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No one really likes kids. It's actually physically impossible. The only reason parents are so keen on them is the sunk cost fallacy.
 

Abomination

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I'm great with kids.

I also hate them.

I hate them for the same reason I hate irrational people.

I have no plans of having children.

I am 28 years old.

In fact, until someone has had to support themselves financially independently I still consider them a child - and I hate them.