Being Asexual In A Sexual Society

[siddif]

I would say ive become asexual by circumstance. Too many bad relationships have caused me to give up on relationships and sex. Beforehand though i was all about relationships and i feel that sex and sexual activity has ruined a lot of relationships for me and sometimes even platonic ones as human needs try to outweigh my mental desires/capabilities to the point where close friend and potential partner are blurred.

Also i was never one for one night stands and prefer the companionship and reassurance over sexual activities.

I can honestly say i was far happier before sex became relevant to me though despite wanting a family and kids in the future it would be much easier to me if i could just wake up in that situation rather than trying to make it become a reality.

EDIT: after thought i would change the label to unsexual as opposed to asexual (reproducing by cloning eg amoebae or cuttings of plants)

 

[mekashiyu]

I'll keep it short and simple. I've always said my entire life, "It's just that I'm not interested." Never had a real boyfriend or anything beyond close friendships where I joke about sexual things with the person ("are you holding that guitar to make IT look more sexy?"). I prefer to invest my time in my oh-so-meaningful procrastination on drawing, writing, and of course video games. I WAS voted most likely to marry my Xbox in my high school yearbook, after all. XD

 

[Honeyfish]

Someone can be asexual and still recognize the attractiveness of another person.

I know just how you feel. I'm asexual myself. I'm 19 and I've never had a crush on anybody, peer or otherwise. It saddens me to see that there are people here who doubt asexuality even exists, even though I personally know lots of other people who feel the same way. Some people just are not interested in sex. It's as legitimate a sexuality as being heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or anything else someone might choose to identify as.

For the record, I don't masturbate either. Never have. Never felt the need to.

 

[siddif]

I never got other sexualitys. Like I'm perfectly fine with gay people and bi-people and tranny peoples...as people. But I still never got how or what good an organism that doesnt sustain its own race is. If every dog was gay...what would happen, there would be no more dogs.

Would anybody care to explain?

Animals dont subscribe to sexuality as far as i have seen, and very few have relationships as most are polygamous or in the case of fish and amphibians fertilise already laid eggs and have no sex per se. Relationships and sexuality are largely human inventions and exist only within the mind and if the sexual urge for release is too high anything will do be it inanimate, self relief, same sex, married or even taboo.

 

[Of-the-Lion]

I am asexual. When my classmates talk about who likes who, i can honestly say i like no one in the school. In an ideal world, this would let me have more deeper and more intimate(not the sexual intimate). Unfortunately, with the way things are today, girls asume that you're trying to get with them just by talking to them unless your an outspoken homosexual.

 

[Riku'sTwilight]

I never got other sexualitys. Like I'm perfectly fine with gay people and bi-people and tranny peoples...as people. But I still never got how or what good an organism that doesnt sustain its own race is. If every dog was gay...what would happen, there would be no more dogs.

Would anybody care to explain?

I don't really know about homosexuality in the animal kingdom, but in humans I believe homosexuality (and bisexuality, and asexuality, and whateversexuality) is caused by a combination of biological and sociological factors. I figure that some people are more likely to act in a certain way and in certain cultures those actions are consider "X" (X being a sexuality other than hetero-), thus these people begin to relate themselves with that certain sexuality. This causes them to act even more like that sexuality thus strengthening the association in their mind. Like the OP for instance, he says that he "discovered" that he was asexual, but I believe that he became asexual. I guess he has a low sex drive or the way that he grew up made him less interested in sex, so when he didn't feel sexually aroused in a while he figured that he was asexual and when nothing contradicted this, the association built in his mind to the point that he was asexual.

Please, people who hold other views, don't get all angry at me. I'm not saying that your sexuality is a conscious choice, that you can just choose to be gay or bi- or a- or whatever. I just know that the mind has some incredible powers over the body and I've created this theory because it makes sense as to why homosexuality can be so wide-spread.

OT: I'm heterosexual so I don't really know exactly how you feel but I imagine that it is somewhat similar to living in a consumerist society as someone who doesn't by into it, or as an atheist in a very religious society. Your priorities on certain subjects are very different than the society at large and thus you feel somewhat out of place.

Thankyou for your comment, I just wanted to punch in here and state where I am in your argument. I have a high sex drive (higher than most of my friends incidentally) but your second point, "the way that he grew up made him less interested in sex" is pretty correct.

I cant really pinpoint any particular moment in my upbringing that made me less interested in sex, I guess I would say its years of conditioning to make me this way.
I was and have been sexually aroused many times, its just that I dont desire a sexual relations with anyone.
I will agree with you on your mind theory, the mind is a powerful thing and can make your body believe a number of things (arousal for certain things for an on-topic instance)

 

[L33tsauce_Marty]

This post is about me, being asexual in a world/society which seems to be overly sexualised these days. Just to be clear, i'm heterosexual, but I'm also asexual which means that I like women, I can find them attractive, both in personality and in physical form but I do not want to sleep with any woman (and before people say it, no i'm not gay so don't even bother suggesting that I like men).

Are you a virgin? Not trying to be a prick or anything I'm just wondering if you experienced it before.

 

[olendvcook]

Doesn't Asexual mean something can reproduces by itself?

 

[Antitonic]

For the most part anyone who says "I'm asexual" basically means "I deep down would like to have sex but can't find a partner willing to comply."

...I'm very glad you qualified that...

Let me make something very clear...there is a difference between asexuality and the disinterest in sex. As long as you engage in relationships (as in "love") (it doesn't matter whether they're sexual or not), you're not asexual.

-Snip-

Therefore, most people who call themselves "asexual" simply have no interest in sexual relationships, but still engage in chaste relationships and are therefore not asexual.

There are myriad ways for asexuals to form close bonds and relationships with others. Some asexuals keep close friendships, some enjoy 'traditional' (but not sexual) romantic couplings. Others form completely different, perhaps unique, relationships.

Asexuals can be 'more than friends' or even consider their relationships 'closer than lovers'. Asexuals can be part of traditional couplings, be a non-sexual loving partner of a polyamorous (loving many) person or perhaps part of a group marriage or some other non-conventional relationship.

Asexual relationships are a 'blank slate'. There are no rules dictating how non-sexual love is expressed. Many asexuals consider their relationships to be outside the experience of our culture. It's up to us to make up words to describe our bonds with other people.

The possibilities for non-sexual intimacy are vast. Some asexuals enjoy physical closeness, perhaps cuddling or stroking, with their partner. Some asexuals express intimacy through talking, maybe sharing their innermost fears and secrets or by making each other laugh. Some asexuals feel intimacy with their partners by sharing common interests and activities or by working together toward common goals. Others experience intimacy in other deeply personal ways or by a combination of some, all or none of the above.

Some asexuals, instead of establishing one-on-one romantic relationships, prefer to connect with the people around them in a community-based intimacy framework, establishing emotional intimacy with other people (including sexuals) without forming expectations of sexual or emotional exclusivity. For asexuals who are comfortable with this setup, it can alleviate the biggest source of tension in a standard mixed relationship (because the sexual person can have their sexual needs met elsewhere).

If you find a woman/man attrative in any way, then your not asexual.

You're not asexual if you find females attractive

This is a point I'd like to raise. You can find people attractive and still be considered "asexual". If, given the chance, you would act upon the attraction then no, that's not asexual.

But, if you would still have no interest if the person/people you're attracted to is/are offering, you would be asexual.

 

[Mcupobob]

If you find a woman/man attractive in any way, then your not asexual.

True that, as long as you have a working libido and find someone or something attractive in the sexual sense then your not asexual. You might not be comfortable about sex or not ready for it yet, but that doesn't mean your asexual.

 

[Nayr]

Don't want to sound rude, but I am pretty sure asexual only refers to being able to carry on your own genes to the next generation. From parent cell to daughter cell, and this is really only common for cells; of course there are exceptions but I am pretty sure people are not asexual. Maybe non- sexual is proper, but asexual refers to passing of only your genetic information to the next generation. Feel free to argue with me, I have never heard of referring to a person as asexual though; just curious really. I am a biology major though, so kind of only exposed to cellular stuff and those terms.

 

[Honeyfish]

If you find a woman/man attractive in any way, then your not asexual.

True that, as long as you have a working libido and find someone or something attractive in the sexual sense then your not asexual. You might not be comfortable about sex or not ready for it yet, but that doesn't mean your asexual.

Nevermind, misread the post.

 

[Necrofudge]

But if you were really asexual, then by that same definition, all the sexual references flying around you would probably be automatically ignored since you wouldn't care.
I apologize if this is offensive, but in my opinion, if it makes you that uncomfortable, you aren't sounding like an asexual... More like a teenage girl who hit puberty.

 

[nofear220]

Just to be clear, i'm heterosexual, but I'm also asexual which means that I like women, I can find them attractive, both in personality and in physical form but I do not want to sleep with any woman.

Wait, so have you ever done it at all or even "done it" to yourself? :S I know that is a bit personal but Im curious, if you've never had sex before who knows if you'll actually like it enough to not be asexual anymore. Sometimes I wish I was asexual though, but only because of the loads of attractive girls Ill never get a shot at. For guys who aren't asexual, it really is never enough Im pretty sure thats speaking for 99.9% of men.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

It gives me an advantage: one less thing to be preoccupied with. It allows me to make decisions from a more objective outlook, rather than making decisions based on how they would effect my social standing (which has everything to do with it, since status is often associated with what could be loosely described as "breeding rights"; assuming you're heterosexual, you wouldn't want to be famous to impress other guys, would you?). Simply put, it goes a long way towards increasing my indifference to the way I'm perceived by others.

 

[Nurb]

Might not want to set yourself as Asexual for sure until after your late 20's. For a lot of people it's really just a phase who are in their teens to mid 20's.

 

[The_Graff]

OP; join the club, we have jackets.

 

[Honeyfish]

And why not, Nurb?

People can call themselves asexual if they want to, and if it changes, well, so what? That's how the OP feels right now, and they're looking for understanding.

 

[CrazyMedic]

um I just pry you guys don't have sex as being a asexual while not morally wrong is genetically wrong one of the core things to being human is lust if we didn't have lust we wouldn't screw and if didn't screw the human race would die out so no offense to a Asexual people unless you are lieing to seem cool I really just think that if your girlfriend begs you to have kids DON'T DO IT it would be like having a section of the population whose hearts exploded the second the turned 25 or something it a genetic defect. Just to clear I have no problem with it morally it is just a more of a improving the human race thing, yes my eugenics side is showing. Also honestly a think a lot of the people who say are Asexual aren't they just wanna sound and or be able to nuzzle up to that cute girl at highschool without her thinking you are gonna grab her tit same thing as a gay best friend without being complete rejected by alot of people.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

If you find a woman/man attrative in any way, then your not asexual.

Barring the misspelling, this poster is exactly right. It sounds like the people on this board claiming to be asexual are actually individuals who have not had a meaningful romantic relationship or have successfully engaged in intercourse at all. To an asexual, any gender should be about as sexually attractive to you as an old boot. If not, you're kidding yourself. I'm speaking from personal experience, since I definitely fall under the criteria I mentioned at the beginning. Just because you never get laid, doesn't mean that you don't want to get laid.

Let me put it this way. (And I'm referring to males in this case because that's the only side of the issue with which I have any expertise.) Societal norms mean that it's men that have to pursue women. Sure, it doesn't always work that way, but men have to go out of their way to show some special interest in a woman before she'll engage them on that level. After that, it's completely in her hands. On the contrary, women can't pursue men most of the time because it might make them look needy, desperate, or (pardon the use of the expression) slutty.

So either a man has a completely flawed approach with women or (more likely) has no approach at all. This is often caused by a simple, straight-up shyness. Saying that because you've never "been with a woman" is because you don't want to even though you find them sexually attractive, is a form of denial. It's a painful truth, since there's no real getting out of your situation (that I know of), but it's one you'll have to accept. You just call yourself asexual because you want to identify with some group, have an excuse, and not feel ashamed.

All I want to say is don't knock it unless you've tried it. It sounds like you actually have friends, so quit being ashamed of yourself and tell them you want a girlfriend. Have them ask around and try to set you up, as embarrassing and miserable a prospect as that may be. One day you won't have these friends around anymore, due to marriage and girlfriends and life. And as you get into your late 20s, it will get harder and harder to find dates. It's not too late.