Best conspiracy theory.....

[WhiteWolfe]

Korra/Asami are straight.

Damn, beat me to it.

Uh, that Jon punched/slept with/yelled at Suzy leading to him leaving Game Grumps? It's clearly a situation where creative differences, money, or some other set of issues caused a split but there's no way any of those things happened.

Flat Earth Society. Just, dear god. Reading some of their forum posts makes me laugh, not because they're dumb (they are) but because of the ludicrous amounts of effort that someone had to go through to come up with such a theory. I mean, they have explanations for everything (but they're all founded on pseudoscience so it's garbage).

 

[Kyrian007]

snip

My wife actually believes this, Drives me nuts, despite me proving ( with real science, we even did experiments and stuff ) that contrails are a natural phenomena

The guy that goes on about chemtrails the most around me... works at a shop that builds airplane parts. Parts that wind up in Boeing and Airbus jets all over the world.

There's just a little part of me that finds that terrifying.

But I work overnights in a newsroom, I get calls from all the crazies... a lot of them. It's probably why I don't buy into ANY type of conspiracy theory. I hear the proponents of the theories at their most crazy and rabid (and generally lonely and bored.)

That's why I prefer the "fun" conspiracy theories. The ones that aren't of any "dire global consequence." Like the "28if/Paul is Dead" stuff with Paul McCartney. Or bigfoot/Elvis/Loch Ness stuff.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

For this, i shall delve into the mind of Bill Bailey temporarily.

1. Countries are actually closer together than we think. The airline companies lie to us and fly around a couple of times for each journey to fool us!

2. Fairy liquid is actually liquidised fairy. Elves get melted down for ELF petrol too.

I shall return after a 5 day coke and THc binge in a solitary darkened room, to gift you guys n gals with the greatest conspiracy not yet known to humankind!...

 

[Daverson]

The Thule Society. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thule_Society]

Long story short, basically the entire leadership of the SS was in a cult that believed in a magical hidden Aryan version of Atlantis at the north pole. There was even a well documented archaeological division [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahnenerbe] of the SS that went all around the world to try and prove that everything older than a few hundred years was actually built by Germans.

No, that's not the conspiracy theory. That actually happened. The conspiracy theory is that they were right. And used Thule technology to conquer the world. Then pretended to lose the war because... reasons?

This one's great because it spills into other conspiracy theories. UFOs are actually Nazi spacecraft, the moon landed had to be a hoax, because the Nazis are on the moon, the Nazis killed JFK, Greys are actually hyper-evolved super-nazis, the Nazis travelled back in time and built the pyramids, and so on and so forth.

 

[Prince of Ales]

I still think the Moon Landing conspiracy is the best one ever devised. No other conspiracy has so many supporters, and has lasted so long, despite the overwhelming and complete evidence in opposition to it.

Gotta love this one. Have you seen Mitchell and Webb's sketch on it?

Spoiler

They did a great video on Diana's death too:

Spoiler

I think my favourite theory ever though, for pure stupidity value, has to be "Paul is dead". I mean, ummm, there he is *points*. See that guy there? The one called Paul? Yeah, that's Paul.

 

[MiskWisk]

I've got two. First is that the Moon is a hologram. It isn't funny in the actual concept of it, but more along the lines of that I take one look at it and burst out laughing. Now if they thought that the Moon was a disguised ancient human warship set up too wipe us out when we reach an arbitrary population level then I might give them some respect.

The other is that the captcha is sentient/gaining sentience. It is just completely silly and there definitely is no proof to this one at all.

01001111 01100010 01100101 01111001 00100001 00100000 01001111 01100010 01100101 01111001 00100001 00100000 01001111 01100010 01100101 01111001 00100001

 

[Parasondox]

"Ebola was created by the US government to wipe out Black people" - More at 10 *cue news title theme*

 

[spartan231490]

Truthism.com. The annunaki. There is nothing as funny as the annunaki. So many pages of hilarious. I recommend it with alcohol, just stop drinking if it starts to make sense.

Holy shit. Poe's Law is in full force with this page. I still think the Annunaki stuff sounds like a fantastic premise for a movie. But really, whoever wrote that page is completely unhinged. Have you read the part where he talk about women? And the part about half of humanity being soulless puppets?

Spoiler: Spoilered for absolute lunacy.

Women are ultra-impressionable beings and therefore are easily controlled by aliens and the elite. The main purpose of women on Earth (that is, what aliens have programmed them to do) is to enslave men via relationships. Women are obsessed with relationships and love (due to alien programming), and don't care about anything else in life. They would have men believe that being in a relationship is one of the most important things in existence, not realizing that men couldn't care less about being in a relationship--and rightly so. Furthermore, women force men to waste their precious time and resources on them. This demonic charade (i.e., relationships) has gone on for far too long and obviously has no end in sight. Thus, you can blame women for the downfall and utter hopelessness of humanity.

Make no mistake: It is indeed tragic that a man cannot satisfy his sexual needs without also getting trapped in a relationship at the same time (otherwise, he will be accused of rape, since non-relationship consensual sex does not exist on Earth, due to the aforementioned programming of women). Demonic enslavement traps such as this are the standard modus operandi of the Reptilians and Darkness. Now, just imagine if you had to buy an entire pizza restaurant just to order a pizza--an evil absurdity indeed.

Another thing that makes women insufferable is the fact that they are, essentially, babies. That is, they possess the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old boy. Women cry, throw fits, and need men to take care of them. Um, adults shouldn't need other people to take care of them.

All in all, women promote the enslavement, rather than the liberation, of humanity. It's bad enough that aliens and the elite already control us. Now, throw women into the equation and you have absolute misery. They are like sheep dogs helping out a shepherd (hence the term "*****," in case you didn't know).

And to think, women are actually proud of their controlling ways. What a disgrace.

Oh yeah, I read the whole thing one bottle of wine, I mean one day. I laughed for like 4 straight hours. It was great.

Also, they are 100% serious, I met a believer in real life. it's terrifying.

 

[Hochmeister]

Michelle Obama is actually a transvestite man.

Boggles the mind that people can be so stupid.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

American Illuminati conspiracy theories are the funniest to me, it's just a "so close but so far" scenario. They see that our government is largely dominated by the interests of the very rich, but cannot bring themselves to accept that such is a natural result of our economic structure, as we're taught over here pretty heavily that capitalism is basically always good. Accordingly, people make up an "Illuminati" which practices "crony capitalism" so they can continue to ignore the link between economic power and political power within capitalism.

Other than that, people who think LBJ killed Kennedy are pretty hilarious. No long rant for that one, I just think its silly

 

[Popido]

"Jetfuel can't melt steel beams" is pretty good.

Oh yes, "The Patriarchy" is a gift that keeps on giving. The secret cabal of mariachis all named "Pat" are to blame that we all feel oppressed.

 

[Breakdown]

The Flat Earth Society Conspiracy Theory. There's a few different variations on this depending on which Flat Earth theorist you ask but my favourite is this one.

NASA are assuming the Earth is a globe when it's really flat. Due to this misunderstanding and the scientific implications of a flat Earth they have been unable to send anything into orbit, let alone reach the moon. To cover for their failures NASA have instead spent all of their budget on developing the technology needed to fake all space exploration.

Damn you. You beat me too it.
But you have left out some of the best parts, like how Antarctica doesn't actually exist, it's actually a wall of ice around the outside of the Earth (almost like The Wall). And did i mention that teams of American secret agents patrol it on snowmobiles? Because teams of American secret agents patrol it on snowmobiles.

Or the explanation for why there are different timezones when the world is disk shaped; apparently the sun operates like a spot light not the omni light that it should, only illuminating certain parts at a time. And this just so happens to work out exactly as if the Earth were round ... but it's not, its flat.

Or the explanation for why you can see the mast of a ship on the horizon before the hull; because light actually bends upwards at a rate that it just so happens to make the Earth seem round. Even though a large amount of their reasons for believing are based on a botched version of the bedford level experiment, and the conclusions reached within it are dependent upon light not bending upward.

Or the explanation of why flight times seem to be consistent with the distances give for a round Earth when the flat Earth map makes traveling around the planet at lower latitudes seem as if it would take much longer. The explanation, time moves faster around the outside so that it just so happens to make the Earth seem round ... but it's not, its flat.

I occasionally post on the FES forum and one of the crazier Flat Earthers believed that there was a massive Satanic conspiracy including all international airline companies which could be uncovered by examining their logos, which generally featured known Satanic symbols such as stars and crosses.

 

[renegade7]

1.) George W Bush is secretly a die-hard liberal atheist. This is because his bumbling idiocy did so much to advance progressive causes in the US, far more than any liberal President could ever do. Basically, he was trolling, with a deliberate agenda to embarrass the Republican party and ultimately doom them by centering that party around the religious right. As the religious right takes up more and more of the party, it creates a divide between the party's strong conservatives and its moderates and classical liberal members. Eventually, these two groups split into separate parties, weakening the Republican vote while the Democratic party remains intact.

Okay, I know that's not true, but it makes for great political snark.

2.) Harrassers, doxxers, and trolls online are actually plants by anti-net neutrality Republicans so that they can say "This is why we must control the Internet". Sweeten the deal and appeal even to liberals by making the victims of harassment progressives.

2b.) Alternatively, the "progressives" being harassed are plants by the aforementioned Republicans to pretend to be victims of doxxing (or to deliberately attract it) and harassment for the same purposes.

3.) [And my personal favorite] The existence of any conspiracy theory is itself due to a conspiracy.

For example, the Moon landing hoax myth was created by the USSR to undermine NASA.

Or the anti-vaccination movement was created as a population control scheme so that more kids will die of communicable diseases, or even as eugenics so that it would be the disease-prone and stupid (dumb enough to believe vaccines cause autism) that would die.

I believe none of this, but it's still fun.

 

[Methodia Chicken]

The Phantom Time Hypothesis

Do you measure that with a phantom hourglass?

My favorite is lost golden age civilizations that spread all technology to mankind at the dawn of time. mainly because the central one always tends to be Atlantis and their theory always tends to follow the plot of your average tomb raider game.

capcha: garden of Eden

yes that's a good one too!

If you want an absolutely crazy version of the whole Atlantis story, look up the Spirit """""""Science"""""""" (nope, still not enough air-quotes...) version. According to it Jews are from space, ancient Egyptians were giants because they lived on a higher dimensional level of consciousness, philosophy made humanity dumb and the Illuminati are Martians who destroyed Atlantis with an instrumentality experiment, just to name a few of the juicier bits.

Or better yet, here's a link to a deconstruction of it sampling the best bits. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMHos7BcG0g]

oh my, just, wow, haahaah. this is brilliant. the original version is just this treasure trove of little misunderstandings being turned into full blown madness, it's very sweet (and great Indiana Jones fan fiction) but the sarcastic fellow talking over it makes the thing a bit mean-spirited as it draws attention to the fact that some people think it's ... real, and he really get's into tearing them down.

moved your quotes. the spirit's fine it's science where they patently prevaricate.

 

[angryscotsman93]

The "Moon Landing was a Hoax" idiots, just because it's incredibly satisfying to see Buzz Aldrin punch them in the face.

 

[Dalisclock]

My favorite conspiracy is the whole Knights Templar world conquest thing, but the craziest I've heard? That'd have to be that the world is in fact... a torus.

To go along with that, the freemasons. Per the devils dictionary:

FREEMASONS, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Cæsar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids ? always by a Freemason.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

There was the one floating around that Frozen had a secret agenda to turn girls into lesbians; that was always good for a laugh.