Best Joke
- Thread starter poptart123
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Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
Ah, Rorschach....
Ah, Rorschach....
When Arthur Davidson -inventor of the Harley Davidson- died, he went to heaven. One day he said to God 'You invented women right?' 'Yes that's right' God replied. 'Well I think your invention has some major flaws'. God looked irritated but kept quiet so Arthur continued, 'One there's too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion, two it chatters at high speed, three most of the rear end wobbles too much and four the maintenance costs are outrageous'. God thought about this and said 'You're right you know'. Arthur smiled smugly until god added 'But more men are riding my invention than yours'.
A robot walks into a bar orders a drink, lays down a bill. Bartender says "hey, we don't serve robots." robot says, "yeah, but someday you will."
A man walks to the top floor of a ten story bar, he orders 5 beers, drinks them all then jumps out the window.
10 Minutes later the same man comes back, he orders 5 more beers, drinks them and jumps out the window again.
10 Minutes later he comes back, orders 5 beers, drinks them, then, as he has his foot on the sill, another man stops him. ?Hey! I have seen you jump out that window twice now, how come you are still alive??
?Well? replies the first man, ?you see if you drink enough, the bubbles carry you softly so you flout to the ground?
The second man decides to give this a go so he buys 5 beers, drinks them then jumps out the window. He quickly falls to his death.
The barwoman turns to the first man and says: ?you know, you can be a real arse when you?re drunk superman.?
10 Minutes later the same man comes back, he orders 5 more beers, drinks them and jumps out the window again.
10 Minutes later he comes back, orders 5 beers, drinks them, then, as he has his foot on the sill, another man stops him. ?Hey! I have seen you jump out that window twice now, how come you are still alive??
?Well? replies the first man, ?you see if you drink enough, the bubbles carry you softly so you flout to the ground?
The second man decides to give this a go so he buys 5 beers, drinks them then jumps out the window. He quickly falls to his death.
The barwoman turns to the first man and says: ?you know, you can be a real arse when you?re drunk superman.?
/threadMaxTheReaper said:Wanna hear the best joke ever?
Women's Rights.
(Ps if you can't tell I'm kidding, you're probably not smart enough to be breathing air that could go to someone more deserving.)
but anyway.
3 terrorists are in a plane. The first drops an apple. A little boy is walking down the street when an apple hits him over the head. He runs home and goes "Mommy, Mommy! An apple fell on my head!". The mother replies "That's nice dear".
The second terrorist drops a banana. The same little boy is walking down the street when a banana hits him over the head. He runs home and goes "Mommy, Mommy! A banana fell on my head!". The mother replies "That's nice dear".
The third terrorist drops a bomb. The same little boy runs to his mum and says "Mum! Dad farted and the house exploded!"
What do you can a piano when you throw it down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What's red and tastes like blue paint?
Red paint.
How did Luke Skywalker get through the forest?
E-walked.
How do you fit fifteen Bulbasaurs and twenty-two Charizards on a bus?
You poke 'em on.
Did you hear about the red ship that crashed into the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Etc., etc., puns win.
A flat minor.
What's red and tastes like blue paint?
Red paint.
How did Luke Skywalker get through the forest?
E-walked.
How do you fit fifteen Bulbasaurs and twenty-two Charizards on a bus?
You poke 'em on.
Did you hear about the red ship that crashed into the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Etc., etc., puns win.
There once was an old man living in (insert name of village here). This old man was almost deaf, but he owned a parrot that he liked to keep by the front door. One morning, when the old man was still asleep, a knock came on the door. It was the milkman.
The parrot said, "Who is it?" And the man said, "It's the milkman."
And the parrot said, "Who is it?" And he said, "It's the milkman."
And the parrot said, "Who is it?!" And he said, "It's the milkman!"
And the parrot said, "Who is it?" And he said, "...it's the milkman."
And the parrot said, "...who is it?" And he said, "It's the milkman!."
This went on for four hours, until finally the milkman keeled over in exhaustion. At this point, the old man had woken up and, thinking he'd heard a noise, charged downstairs and cried out, "WHO IS IT?!" And the parrot said, "It's the milkman."
The parrot said, "Who is it?" And the man said, "It's the milkman."
And the parrot said, "Who is it?" And he said, "It's the milkman."
And the parrot said, "Who is it?!" And he said, "It's the milkman!"
And the parrot said, "Who is it?" And he said, "...it's the milkman."
And the parrot said, "...who is it?" And he said, "It's the milkman!."
This went on for four hours, until finally the milkman keeled over in exhaustion. At this point, the old man had woken up and, thinking he'd heard a noise, charged downstairs and cried out, "WHO IS IT?!" And the parrot said, "It's the milkman."
