Blatant Lies

[QuietCupOfTea]

Do your worst. Also, randomly speak several foreign languages while answering the questions- it'll make you appear more intelligent!

That's a great idea! Maybe I could try inventing some new ones as well, to impress them even more.

Spend at least twenty minutes loitering in the restrooms at the start of your interview. When they complain about your lateness, complement them on their lavish and sparkling toilet facilities. They'll love that.

Maybe I could ask them what cleaning products they use, to show my interest in the company.

It's also very important to immediately take the interviewer's seat. That lets them know who's boss. If they call security on you, consider shouting out the highlights of your resume so that they stick with the interviewer before you're ejected from the building. That shows how calm you are under pressure.

This is gold. I'll be the first one they call, for sure.

 

[dalek sec]

I don't like this track at all:

 

[Barbas]

I'm not sniping everything dead in Morrowind.

 

[Dalek Caan]

I am not watching Torchwood back to back over and over again.

 

[Barbas]

I am the queen of the flamingos.

 

[EilaliE]

I speak Elephantese fluently.

 

[FPLOON]

I still don't laugh after hearing someone say "Ask me about my wiener!" unexpectedly and/or ironically...

 

[Barbas]

I still don't laugh after hearing someone say "Ask me about my wiener!" unexpectedly and/or ironically...

You know what doesn't make it funnier? When they extend the word in a high-pitched, squeaky voice: "wieeeeeeeeeeeeener!"

 

[Malbourne]

I still don't laugh after hearing someone say "Ask me about my wiener!" unexpectedly and/or ironically...

That type of comedy will never in a million years be high art.

 

[Evil Smurf]

That said, who wants a dick pic?

 

[Barbas]

That said, who wants a dick pic?

That sounds decidedly hot.

 

[Malbourne]

That said, who wants a dick pic?

I am in no way interested in your offer and will now leave my computer because I'm not going to wait for a promising reply.

 

[Evil Smurf]

<spoiler=my dick>https://www.pm.gov.au/sites/default/files/your-pm/tony-abbott-official.jpg

 

[Barbas]

(Snip).

Perfectly normal eyes, yup. Nothing soul-stealing 'bout those at all.

 

[EilaliE]

The last person I spoke with was Jesus.

 

[Evil Smurf]

The last person I spoke with was Jesus.

Do you live in Mexico?

 

[Malbourne]

My grandfather hasn't talked to me in years. He's still alive, after all, and lives in a house, not in my head. He didn't recently tell me to open up an ice cream shoppe to lure in unsuspecting tourists and try to steal their souls with thirty delicious flavors.

 

[Barbas]

My grandfather hasn't talked to me in years. He's still alive, after all, and lives in a house, not in my head. He didn't recently tell me to open up an ice cream shoppe to lure in unsuspecting tourists and try to steal their souls with thirty delicious flavors.

Pistachio. All unsuspecting tourists love pistachio.

 

[EilaliE]

The last person I spoke with was Jesus.

Do you live in Mexico?

Yes. Have you been stalking me..? Seems like I'll have to move.

 

[Malbourne]

The last person I spoke with was Jesus.

Do you live in Mexico?

Yes. Have you been stalking me..? Seems like I'll have to move.

Nobody's stalking you. You're just being paranoid. There's nothing behind you, so don't bother turning around.