Can men and women be just friends? - proof within

[DarkRyter]

Gay people don't count.

Man, I could so rip this quote out of context. I won't. But I could.

Also, the op didn't specify hetero v hetero relationships. It was implied, but not explicitly stated, so it might as well have never been implied.

The argument still falls out on LONG HARD VEINY LOGIC.

Men(even the heterosexual ones) are not attracted to 100% of women.

The same can be said of women.

Thus it is entirely within possibility that a man and a woman who are not sexually attracted to one another to meet.

Conversely, it is also within possibility that a man and a woman who are not sexually attracted to one another can be friends.

 

[TheDooD]

So far I would say no because I don't see the point of it. I really want to just hang out, I will pick guys every time. I think guys are more laid back and are easier to get along with. Think its kind of bullshit that she puts you in the friend zone but doesn't consider you attractive enough to do anything with. You know thats why I laugh when a women says this line and she is your friend. "Know there are plenty of fish in the sea, you will find someone." You and me have alot of things in common, why not us, oh thats right, I get to be the guy in your life that gets to listen to all your problems while the other dude gets all the perks.

Are you honestly saying that a women is not allowed to be friends with you unless she wants to fuck you? Do you realise how fucked in the head is that?

Are you upset that I don't think the same way that you do. I want a friend and someone I can share my life with. my friends already fill the need that I have when it comes to wanting to hang out, I don't need another girl doing the same. Need a relationship, not a girl who just wants to talk and shit, have plenty of that already.

Inserting myself into a conversation:

So you're basically saying you don't want any more friends regardless of gender? You've only given the reason that you have enough people to hang out with as it is and don't want to have to talk to any additional people unless it comes with a relationship. If that's what you're saying, that sounds acceptable (not that you need the approval of random internet people anyway), if a little anti-social.

If that' not all you're saying, though, you haven't given any reasonable reason why guys and girls can't be just friends.

I can pretty agree with Shark I'm overall I nice guy that's quite adapt at getting a long with people. It's just overall I'm the silent guy in the group that doesn't want to be bothered with pointless bullshit.

You may think this is a bit selfish yet I only really deal with people I can relate and share opinions with. If to me you can't really fit this I don't want to waste yours or my time.

Edit

Woot 777th post

 

[Catrixa]

This thread is actually kind of interesting. I, a girl, personally had the misfortune of picking the worst possible interests and career paths for acquiring other female friends. Being one who plays an obsessive amount of video games (like, more than my fiance; to the point where he tells me he doesn't want to play games, he just wants to snuggle), tries to play competitive Magic the Gathering, and took a Computer Science major (I had classes where I was *the only girl there*), I tended to run into less women to befriend than men. In my mind, 90% of the women I meet won't have anything in common with me (and thus won't have much to talk about with me), so I tend to favor platonic relationships with men (you know, so I don't have to pretend to be completely into no-geeky things).

NO, we can't be ''just'' friends, it's always going to be in that wierd place where it generally shouldn't be, those feelings will be too strong and rather inappropriate for a ''friendship'' between men and women. That is precisely the reason why, as a Boyfriend, you have to make those male ''friends'' fuck right off

And, because of where I am in life right now (just left college and am trying to piece together some kind of career), were I dating you, I would have 0 friends outside a small number I know over the internet (i.e. no one to hang out with, because none of them live in the same area). Hell, I'm having trouble trying to come up with a list of just a few women to be my bridesmaids, and my 'maid of honor' is actually a man of honor. I personally cannot physically imagine not having male friends. Even if I found a good group of only female friends with similar interests, I imagine some of their friends would be male. And people usually like hanging out in large groups.

As for sexual thoughts? Anyone can have sexual thoughts. Women can have sexual thoughts (really, it's not that uncommon). Hell, people have violent and masochistic thoughts (those aren't uncommon either), we just don't talk about them. The question is: would you ever act on those thoughts?

 

[FaceFaceFace]

So far I would say no because I don't see the point of it. I really want to just hang out, I will pick guys every time. I think guys are more laid back and are easier to get along with. Think its kind of bullshit that she puts you in the friend zone but doesn't consider you attractive enough to do anything with. You know thats why I laugh when a women says this line and she is your friend. "Know there are plenty of fish in the sea, you will find someone." You and me have alot of things in common, why not us, oh thats right, I get to be the guy in your life that gets to listen to all your problems while the other dude gets all the perks.

Are you honestly saying that a women is not allowed to be friends with you unless she wants to fuck you? Do you realise how fucked in the head is that?

Are you upset that I don't think the same way that you do. I want a friend and someone I can share my life with. my friends already fill the need that I have when it comes to wanting to hang out, I don't need another girl doing the same. Need a relationship, not a girl who just wants to talk and shit, have plenty of that already.

Inserting myself into a conversation:

So you're basically saying you don't want any more friends regardless of gender? You've only given the reason that you have enough people to hang out with as it is and don't want to have to talk to any additional people unless it comes with a relationship. If that's what you're saying, that sounds acceptable (not that you need the approval of random internet people anyway), if a little anti-social.

If that' not all you're saying, though, you haven't given any reasonable reason why guys and girls can't be just friends.

I can pretty agree with Shark I'm overall I nice guy that's quite adapt at getting a long with people. It's just overall I'm the silent guy in the group that doesn't want to be bothered with pointless bullshit.

You may think this is a bit selfish yet I only really deal with people I can relate and share opinions with. If to me you can't really fit this I don't want to waste yours or my time.

I'm quiet and don't go out of my way to interact with people I don't enjoy interacting with, either. If I think I would enjoy interacting with them, though, I will go out of my way to do so, whether they're a girl or a boy.

 

[lord.jeff]

I have several physically attractive friends that'd I say no to if asked because I only like them as friends. Also the video is probably edited to suit this guys opinion.

 

[AngloDoom]

Maybe I'm just a horrible person, but I've had female friends who are just plain ugly. I mean, I genuinely do not find them attractive in any way. I'm not exactly Brad Pitt, but she wasn't at all what I want in a woman.

Why would I find her suddenly sexually attractive because we sit and talk about Dexter's Laboratory?

 

[Cyfu]

Will the male have sexual thoughts about his friend? Hell yes.

That isn't true at all. Do try not to pretend you speak for everyone else.

dude, seriously the majority of men will have sexual thoughts about their female friends, at least me and all my friends and every guy at that college. and BTW you are also kind of talking for someone else.

 

[Lilani]

I love how pretty much all the people who said they couldn't be friends were guys. Just goes to show how differently wired men and women are. I am a female, and like the others I say yes. And I say yes because I have plenty of guy friends. And, as far as I can tell, we are content to stay that way. One or two have tried flirting, but I wasn't really into them, told them, and it all calmed down.

Now, feelings can change of course. I recently went out with a guy who had been my friend. Then it didn't work out, and now we're back to being just friends again. So I believe the whole "friend zone" thing is a piece of crap.

 

[Marcus Kehoe]

I'm usually friends with girls that are physically unattractive(to me) or lesbian. My good friend who was a lesbian girl was someone who i'd never have a relationship with and their was no sexual tension, and we'd openly talk about religion.
But I can see why most friends of the opposite sex end up dating.

 

[tobi the good boy]

I just love the denial of the women in the video and the people in this Thread.

NO, we can't be ''just'' friends, it's always going to be in that wierd place where it generally shouldn't be, those feelings will be too strong and rather inappropriate for a ''friendship'' between men and women. That is precisely the reason why, as a Boyfriend, you have to make those male ''friends'' fuck right off

But honestly, if your girlfriend wants male friends then you apparently aren't giving her something and she's looking for it somewhere else.

The funniest part about this thread however is, and I would be willing to bet that I'm spot on about this, that most of the people denying this are guys that are trying to downplay feelings they have for one of their ''friends'' and to generally appeal more to the female forum users.

You sound like a pretty awful abusive boyfriend that drives off all his gf's friends to feel secure.

And you sound like someone who is trying suspiciously hard to convey their position. There isn't perhaps another User here on the Forums who you would rather not have seeing you claim otherwise?

See how that works?

Wait a sec ... So if someone disagrees on your stance on how 'Men can never be friends with woman'. It must be because they're trying to impress people online. Not because they're stable enough human beings to think with their heads instead of their dick. I'm not really seeing "How that works"

OT: Yes, blokes can be friends with chicks without the urge to boink each other.

 

[savandicus]

Lets see, Are they in a relationship? Are you in a relationship? Are they too old or young? Are they excluded by relation or circumstance? If the answer is yes to any of the above then its incredibly easy for men and women to have a friendship that involves no romantic element.

When the answer to all of the above is no then it makes it difficult but certainly not impossible to be friends where neither party has any romantic attraction. Depends heavily on the people involved and the nature of their friendship.

 

[Savryc]

Men are always going to have an issue of physical attraction. "Just friends" is possible, but either the male or female are going to harbor some feelings of attraction, it's natural, it's how we are wired.

Okay, cite a scientific study saying that's how we're wired. You can't? Then you're just another person babbling the pseudoscience that constitutes his personal beliefs.

However, I'd say more than half the time that there are men and women present here that have had friends that at one time or another wish they could've had something more with that person.

Alright, then cite that statistic. If not then you're just yet another of those obnoxious people who make up statistics based on nothing but their personal feelings because those are oh so special.

Normally I'd avoid a little spat between Escapists but you haven't exactly provided much evidence to prove that you're right either except your own personal feelings and thinly veiled insults. Not taking sides or anything, just thought I'd point it out.

*insert unfounded claims*
"Prove your claims"
"Hey, you're not proving him wrong!"

Do you see the problem with that response?

I'd say it was more along the lines of.
Person A: *insert unfounded claims*
Person B: *insert unfounded claims*
Me: "Pot meet kettle"

But it's not just this guy you're debating with in the current quote train, you've been calling people out (rather aggressively I might add, sore subject?) throughout the whole thread yet for all your cries of "prove your claims" you've yet to present any evidence of your own that these people are wrong beyond your own personal feelings, you know the thing you just said was obnoxious to do on the previous page? So again, pot meet kettle.

EDIT: I suppose I should actually throw my two pence into this debate. Both answers are wrong in my opinion, a quick glance through this thread alone shows there are people who can and people who can't be friends with the opposite gender. A sweeping YES or NO answer doesn't fit this question.

 

[General BrEeZy]

hmm...
Idk...it might be the whole "best friends" that usually end up having feelings for each other.
if you are ok with being their "friend", but dont particularly want to always hang out with; they're the ones that tend to be "just friends". Does that sound about right to anyone else?
...
While the "Best Friends" usually grow so fond of each other that it usually leads to Love and other drugs lol. I understand both perspectives on both sides of the question though...

 

[Kilyle]

Can women and men be just friends? Of course. Will the male have sexual thoughts about his friend? Hell yes. Does this somehow invalidate the friendship? No.

Girls: Every damn male friend you've had that aren't gay have had sexual thoughts about you. Does this change anything? Are they any less friends of yours?

I'd like to point out, from personal experience, that the opposite can be true as well. I've had sexual thoughts and even entertained daydreams about having sex with male friends; I've got mixed feelings about "using" my friends in this manner and honestly I'm not sure if it's something I ought to be ashamed of or not. (That's probably not the way guys would analyze this sort of thing, but there you go.) But it happens.

My best friend is a guy I met in college, and I've known him about 13 years. I go to his house twice a week to play games with a group of friends. A year and a half ago, he asked me out, which came as a shock (to put it mildly). When he sat me down for "we need to talk," I thought he was throwing me out of the group - telling me I didn't belong anymore, which had been my secret fear for a while. The reassurance of knowing that he liked me enough to ask me out, that was maybe the best present I've ever gotten, even though it sent me on an "emotional rollercoaster" for a few weeks as I tried to sort out unfamiliar feelings.

I said no for personal reasons, which I explained to him; we discussed the topic over a few days. For some weeks, I felt a bit awkward being around him; I wondered extensively where his thought process was, and whether he could accept my refusal. By now we're back to being good friends, and I'm a lot more comfortable being around him than I was right after he asked me.

And I realize it wasn't pleasant for him to ask and then get shot down, though I tried to lessen the blow as best as I could. He still means a lot to me - he is my best friend, my closest relationship to anyone outside my family - and I did not like having to hurt him even a little. But it's opened up some lines of discussion that were closed before, and I think we've grown a little closer than we had been.

So yeah, men and women can definitely be friends. And it can survive even that sort of awkwardness. It'll survive if the friendship is worth keeping. And I'm so glad that mine is.

 

[Dogstile]

I just love the denial of the women in the video and the people in this Thread.

Out of curiosity, even if I were to deny it with an argument, would you just chalk it up to denial or would you actually consider my point? Because starting out with a statement like that say's that you've already made your mind up, so I thought you'd ask.

Anyway OP: Sexual thoughts does not mean that you can't just be friends, so long as you don't act on them.