Can There Be Exceptions to your Sexual Orientation?

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
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Two of my guy friends have been in a relationship for three years (let's call them Ben* and John*). At first they kept their relationship hidden because we're from quite a small town but eventually word spread and now they don't flaunt it but won't deny it if they're asked.

Now, Ben struggled with his sexuality for a while but eventually came out and now openly admits to being gay. John, however, claims that not only is he not gay, he's not bisexual either. He regularly comments on the appearance of girls and flirts with them but I've never seen him seem even remotely interested in other guys. To this day, after three years, he claims that he's straight but Ben is the exception.


So, the question is, do you think that there can be exceptions to your sexual orientation? Can you be homosexual but still be sexually attracted to certain women or vice versa? Or, conversely, do you think that John is just in denial about his sexuality and tries to convince other people (and himself) that he's straight?

[sub]*Obviously not their real names[/sub]
 

Aetera

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Jan 19, 2011
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I think that sexuality is a spectrum rather than black and white compartments. "Ben" might be all the way over on the gay end of the spectrum, while "John" might be juuuuuuust enough of a smidge away from the straight end to be attracted to a man once in a (very long) while.
 

demonstarfox

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May 27, 2010
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Well, I'm bisexual, so there's no real need for exceptions.

Sexual orientation is a fairly variable thing, so I'm not really sure about John's situation. In theory, Ben could be the exception to John's sexuality, but he could still be in denial.
 

Handbag1992

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Apr 20, 2009
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I have no idea, I've written about three responses in this damned box and deleted them because they weren't good enough and I'm constantly distracted by your dancing angels.
Human sexuality is a complex thing.
 

sage42

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Mar 20, 2009
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Hmmm I suppose so, I mean why the not. I'm straight, but I'm not closed to the fact there might be a man out there I could be attracted to.
 

Stall

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Apr 16, 2011
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Sexuality isn't clear black-and-white categorization. It's a spectrum, with most people falling in the shades of grey than black or white (very, VERY few people are "completely straight" or "completely gay"). You can't really have an "exception" to sexuality, since an "exception" would just be another kind of grey.
 

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
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To be honest I believe most people are bisexual; they just aren't interested enough to try both sexes.

Human sexuality is a mysterious thing.
 

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
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Technically I suppose its possible. For example I may not like black chicks but could come across one that I like enough as a person to ignore her flaw.[footnote]For lack of a better term. Its 2am, fuck you![/footnote]

Buuuut most people who say that are probably just bullshitting themselves since they lack the courage to admit they differ from the norm.
 

BonsaiK

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Colour-Scientist said:
Two of my guy friends have been in a relationship for three years (let's call them Ben* and John*). At first they kept their relationship hidden because we're from quite a small town but eventually word spread and now they don't flaunt it but won't deny it if they're asked.

Now, Ben struggled with his sexuality for a while but eventually came out and now openly admits to being gay. John, however, claims that not only is he not gay, he's not bisexual either. He regularly comments on the appearance of girls and flirts with them but I've never seen him seem even remotely interested in other guys. To this day, after three years, he claims that he's straight but Ben is the exception.


So, the question is, do you think that there can be exceptions to your sexual orientation? Can you be homosexual but still be sexually attracted to certain women or vice versa? Or, conversely, do you think that John is just in denial about his sexuality and tries to convince other people (and himself) that he's straight?

[sub]*Obviously not their real names[/sub]
I think sexuality is more of a sliding spectrum than a strict either/or proposition, with actually very, very few people existing at the extreme ends of either side of the spectrum and most people somewhere in between, but more toward one side than the other.

A previous girlfriend who was with me for a long time but also had a previous long-term relationship before that with another woman said to me once "I don't care that much about male or female, I just fall in love with the person". I think that's true in a lot of cases. Besides, I've seen enough variations that I wouldn't presume or judge about anybody's sexuality, and besides it's their business anyway, so it's not like I care.
 

Thaluikhain

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Not really...I mean, I'd say that sort of thing isn't "my orientation is hetero, except for person X", rather it's "my orientation is hetero+X", if you see what I mean.
 

Mischa87

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Jun 28, 2011
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To quote myself on a previous thread "Homosexuality: Nature or Nurture?" from awhile back

Mischa87 said:
Now, there's also another theory (I say theory, because I've yet to see proof, but it does hold water) And that's that we're all actually pansexual to start with, yep, that's right, you're attracted to everyone, regardless of gender, or sex, BUT the attraction may be SO small, it never comes up. Let's take our hypothetical forum-goer from earlier, he identifies as being straight, alright, with this theory, he actually does like men, women, intersexed people, transsexual people, the whole nine-yards of humanity. BUT the attraction to every one but females is SO little, that it may never, ever come up (Ie, he may never become attracted to anyone other than women) But, maybe he's got a man-crush on Jason Statham (Yeah, I watched Death Race last night, so shoot me) He may find something particularly attractive about Mr Statham there that it actually overpowers the lack of interest in men, and appear as like I said, a "man-crush" You actually can see this all the time on Youtube, but I'm willing to bet most of those "I'd go gay/lesbian for him/her" Are just for attention, some are probably real.

Also, another thing to note, is that sexual orientation is NOT trinary, it's not just hetero/bi/homosexual, it's a continuum, a sliding scale if you wish
 

MGlBlaze

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Yes, and in fact it is uncommon for anyone to be completely homo- or hetero- sexual.

It's commonly seen (read: admitted) in women because they tend to be more open about it due to gender-role bollocks. Both sexes can find members of the same sex attractive, though human sexuality is a pretty complicated thing and it doesn't necessarily mean that they'd want a relationship with someone from the same sex.
 

lolcatize

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Oct 6, 2009
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demonstarfox said:
Well, I'm bisexual, so there's no real need for exceptions.

Sexual orientation is a fairly variable thing, so I'm not really sure about John's situation. In theory, Ben could be the exception to John's sexuality, but he could still be in denial.
im gonna say the same as demonstarfox, cause me to me it dosent realy matter
 

GenericPCUser

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Dec 22, 2010
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All is fair in love and war.

I've often thought of this idea of having sexual exceptions, but figured it would be easier to identify with being pansexual. Just because I can be attracted to everyone doesn't mean I have no standards. I think that most people are most likely this and, depending on their upbringing, pigeonhole themselves into one side or the other over time.
 

Cabisco

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May 7, 2009
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Jamie Bamber, so I suppose it is possible to have exceptions. It's quite an interesting thing when I think about it, everyone must have the capacity to some extent to like someone despite their sexual orientation.
 

DrgoFx

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Aug 30, 2011
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I am what is considered "straight." I've dated nothing but girls, I've had sex with nothing but girls. But even though I'm not physically attracted to guys [In other words: no boners.] I have experimented and in all honesty, I'm not disgusted by them either. I have a man crush on my friend David we'll call him, who is homosexual and it's actually border lining if I should give it a shot or not. Have I kissed a guy? Once or twice. Did I enjoy it? It was fun. Was I turned on by it? Not in the slightest. I like David for his personality and how well we bounce off each other in conversations, but a relationship is difficult if you're not physically attracted to your partner in some way.
 

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
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Aetera said:
I think that sexuality is a spectrum rather than black and white compartments. "Ben" might be all the way over on the gay end of the spectrum, while "John" might be juuuuuuust enough of a smidge away from the straight end to be attracted to a man once in a (very long) while.
Yup, that's how I see it as well, it's not black and white, its a variable scale. I'm bi, but its generally women I find attractive. All of my relationships have been with woman and most of my sex partners were women. I do however enjoy sexuality with other men and I suppose its possible I could fall in love with a man who I was also sexually interested in.
 

ImperialSunlight

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Nov 18, 2009
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I think John is either in denial, liking the girls aesthetically or emotionally rather than physically or, as others have said, closer to the straight side of the spectrum but gets attracted to men once in a while.

I personally am gay (probably, I don't remember ever being attracted to a woman in a sexual way before). While I don't get attracted to women sexually, I can still tell if a woman looks good aesthetically or if they have a good personality. I would consider a platonic relationship with a woman if they were a good enough person.
 

Blow_Pop

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Jan 21, 2009
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Mackheath said:
To be honest I believe most people are bisexual; they just aren't interested enough to try both sexes.

Human sexuality is a mysterious thing.
I agree


I will add this. As an openly bisexual female I do have my list of men I would go straight for AND my list of women I would go lesbian for. And know quite a few straight men and women who have lists regarding their same sex.