museofdoom said:
Since this is a predominantly male community, I figured talking about this here would result in the most interesting feedback. And I suppose I'm in the mood for a little controversy.
So you become friends with a female, and you really like her in that way. You spend time with her, you're kind to her, and you're always doing her favors. Eventually you pluck up the courage to confess your attraction and then GASP! she doesn't like you that way, and wants to stay friends! So now you go to all your buddies and cry that you were "friend zoned". Oh my goodness how dare that biotch not have any romantic feelings towards you!! You weren't a jerk to her so you were entitled to a relationship with her! And since your plans to get a little action were in vain, you cease being friends with the girl. And now the girl is left without a friend, and the knowledge that you were only friends with her in hopes of getting in her pants.
Do you realize how ridiculous whining about being "friend zoned" is? And that if you really wanna be a nice guy, that you should be nice to girls even if you don't want in their pants?
Also, when a girl says "I wish I could find a guy like you" but they don't want you, think of it this way: (stealing the metaphor from a friend of mine) Say you are out shopping and you want to buy a red pair of shoes. You get to the shoe store and find a nice pair of red shoes, but that particular pair of shoes isn't exactly suited to your taste so you continue looking and maybe you end up getting a pair of shoes completely different to what you were originally looking for. So when a girl says, "I wish I could find a guy like you" it means she likes your qualities, but isn't attracted to you. This does not make her a hypocrite, or a *****. So please stop whining and making yourselves out to be a victim of some heinous crime because the girl you like doesn't like you.
Sorry for the little rant, I've just seen too many "friend zone" related memes and rage comics recently. 0___0
It's true that women shouldn't just feel they have to 'put out' just because somebody is nice to them. I completely agree with that.
What I have problem with is two things.
One, if somebody confesses their love to you, and if you get pissed off and treat them like shit about it, it does sort of make you an asshole. And that's the focus of many of the 'friend zone' memes.
Again, I'm not saying you should or have to drop your pants to them that instant. Nothing like that.
But you can be a bit considerate of their feelings for you, especially if they're very genuine and stem from something more than just wanting sex. To imply otherwise would be to imply that men can't develop feelings for somebody other than wanting sex, which is insulting, and it also implies that men can't develop loving feelings and sexual ones at the same time, which sort of flies in the face of many women's desires that more men would couple romantic feelings and sexual ones together.
If somebody confesses such feelings and then the other person flips out about how all they are is a chauvinistic pig that wants to get laid, then yeah, I could see not wanting to be around that person very much.
Second, if you say that you want somebody for their brains and personality and how sweet they are, then you end up dating or having sex with somebody for their appearance, yeah that does sort of make a person out to be a shallow *****.
You're saying, basically, that no matter what qualities somebody has, the only thing that matters is whether or not they're attractive. That's like, the definition of shallow.
It'd be exactly the same as if a guy had a female friend that was super nice or sweet and smart and funny and all that, but that guy ended up dating and having sex some super hot blond air headed type girl, because the first girl was too fat or dumpy or whatever.
We'd call him a pig, and a bastard, and everybody would lament "Why don't men want women for their personality? Why don't men fall in love to have sex, rather than the other way around?"
When, again, it's really the same
exact thing.
Then you're telling said fat dumpy girl "If you were REALLY a nice girl, you'd just accept the fact that men only want attractive figures. And if you ever stop being that guy's friend and dealing with that, then you're the horrible person for moving on."
I mean, yeah, you're right, that shallow guy in that situation, shouldn't be forced to stop dating really hot girls because somebody happens to like him, and that her kindness doesn't mean he should have to give up on his pursuits to date her. But his actions still makes him a bit of an asshole.
With your shoe metaphor, these aren't shoes, but real live people. Should said red shoes sit around and watch you wear the new pair of shoes when they love you, knowing how hard and painful that would be?
Moving on and not being forced to deal with watching their love affection with another person makes them an automatic bastard?
Should said pair of red shoes have you come crying to them and complaining about how the new pair of shoes hurt you or only wants you for your body, because that's what a 'good' pair of shoes does, but you still refuse to wear the red shoes no matter how comfortable because they're not as attractive?
Is it fair to say that seeing people as interchangeable accessories that have match your ensemble no matter how well they fit or how much pain you put yourself into (again, in front of somebody that genuinely loves you), doesn't make said person at least the tiniest bit shallow?
Now, by all means, I'm not saying all women do this. Or all men do the reverse. But the idea that it never happens? That's pretty funny to me.