Can you think of something from Primary Schooling that stuck with you until Today?

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

So, I was thinking about who I am as a person, and trying to discern why I am the way I am. I have thoughts like this all the time. For instance, Would I be interested in the rights of all if I wasn't born in a culture that is historically and continually marginalized? Or would I have loved Sports if my dad took me out to games or had the time to play some games outside? In the end, I love British Media just like my dad does, so there's always something to that.

I, as some of you might know, have a fear of women. Not like a phobia. I just feel helpless around them. I'm constantly paranoid around them. A lot of it is the size and the race. I'm 6'2, which is somewhat tall. I get that a woman alone would be afraid of me. But what people don't get is that I'm equally terrified of her. If she gets it in her mind to say something happened... it happened. It's that cut and dry.

And that made me wonder why I think like that. And I remember the first day I actually got that in my head. It was in sixth grade.

I went to a private Christian school. Small classes. Who you had in Kindergarten would be the people you graduated with if you stuck in the class. No changes unless someone moved. So while I wouldn't call these guys friends, I knew them for literally five years.

One day, during recess, a girl we'll name 'L' came to the teacher crying. I wasn't there, so I don't know what actually happened, but the story was that these five guys grouped around her and apparently pulled a button off of her uniform while laughing. Nothing happened because she said she got away, but my teacher had none of it. I remember the rage on her face to this day. I was super glad I didn't go over to play with them that day.

They didn't come back to class. They weren't in class the next day. And since that day was friday, the weekend passed... with them still not back. We didn't see them back until Thursday. And that's when we got the whole story.

We all learned about what L said what happened and the Five swore up and down that it didn't happen. They were suspended. They were interviewed by cops (remember, we were eleven). Since they didn't have anything but their statement, they couldn't charge the kids with anything. Which several parents were enraged with and I think talked to the precinct about it. I don't really remember what happened, but I know the parents were upset of the inaction and the fact that the five were allowed back in the classroom.

But they had punishment. Extra work they had to get done or they would be held back, no recesses, barred from every school trip, added 4 demerits to their record (if I remember correctly, if you get 5 demerits you would be called into the office, and given their current suspension, it would have been enough to get them expelled)... and that's just the stuff the school did. According to them, they WANTED to go to school because they were getting it worse in home.

And that's how life was for them for... I think around three weeks. When our teacher overheard L laughing to her friend that she made the whole thing up to get them in trouble.

One more time. Our teacher was there to hear L state plainly that the whole thing was made up.

I remember L standing in front of Mrs. West's desk with her head hung down. And I remember... not the same fury, but Mrs. West wasn't pleased at all. She called the parents, L confessed. and L got two demerits.

And that was it. Mrs. West apologized to the boys. I think the cops were called and told what happened. But that was it. L wasn't demonized but our teacher didn't really like her much afterwards. I don't remember parents looking at L as they looked at the five. There was nothing in recompense for the punishment the Five received other than removing the suspension and the demerits off their record.

It was like being beat down by a group of people, and someone coming out of the woods like "Yo, that's not the dude"... and those guys going "Yo, my bad. We straight?".

And that made me terrified of women to this day. Not only can they say anything and you are guilty until you got some damn good evidence proving your innocence (and even then, people will still say "Isn't that the guy...?"), but there seemed to be no real downside if the woman is caught. Just a ceremonial tap on the wrist and that's that.

I don't like to be in dark places with women. If there's an elevator where I'm in it an a woman enters or I enter it with just a single woman there, I stand to the opposite corner and pull out my phone and pretend there's nothing more interesting to me than that. And back when I still thought dating was a possibility, I would only progress with the physical act of things if it was traceable that consent was issued. Like texts or if it was overheard that physical romance was allowed.

I'm somewhat calmed down now. Especially with the date-less life I lead now. But the idea of being accused by a woman brings dread like you wouldn't believe.

That's my thing. And these don't have to be as sad as what I shared. If you got happy things that shape who you are, I'm sure we'd love to read those as well.

 

[Baffle]

I guess I remember how to count and spell. And that teachers can be, and often are, bullies who couldn't cut bullying in the real world so they have to do it to kids instead. Kids they avoid eye contact with when those kids are 18. (Seriously, do they think kids just don't grow up?! Kids are massive these days!)

I sometimes hear teachers complaining that it's not the respected profession it once was. I don't think that's 100% something they can put on other people (except, I guess, the people who let people who absolutely shouldn't be teachers be teachers).

 

[EvilRoy]

That's some shit dude. I wish I could claim I've seen different, but I watched the same kind of thing happen a dozen times at my school. The consequences for the falsely accused was never as extreme as what you talked about, but starting in middle school and going to early high school there was an unspoken rule that girls were not allowed to hang out with the skaters and the rockers. Those guys had been accused of stuff enough times, with it proven to be false at least half the time, that they basically hung a no girls allowed sign at the skate park and never left. I'm not going to claim that they were secretly saints (I hung out with some of them and I saw fucking 200 dollars of blow on a mirror in one of their rooms in a share house after we all finished highschool), but damn if there was a way to make people not trust you.

Thinking back I don't have very many memories that particularly stand out. I do remember a nasty friend break-up that pushed me right out of nerd-dom for a couple years, culminating in seeing the guy in university like six years later and being wholly uninterested in speaking to them. Not out of malice or anger or anything, just kind of "oh they still exist, weird." They messaged me on FB sometime after I noticed them and I think I offered to sell them my old textbooks. They never responded. Not much ever came of that in terms of my lifelong development though.

I guess I do remember a gym teacher I had in school. One of those people the size and shape of a barrel, volume compensating for content. I always just did what he said and watched him treat his own son like shit. We were in the same year and the same class under this guy. Turns out the son had sent a letter to the principal imploring him to not put the son in his dads class. Apparently the principal showed it to the dad, and then they put the son in his dads class. The gym teacher made his sons life hell in exchange and first change he got gym was dropped from his class calendar. I think the dudes an accountant now. I already had questions about how authority figures worked - I was a teenager after all - but this event really cemented in the realization that a title alone doesn't make someone trustworthy, and it absolutely doesn't make someone competent. That gym teacher was a friggin idiot, didn't know the proper rules to most of the sports he taught (my friends thought I was fucking dense the first time I went to play tennis), and was a horrible coach. Ever since then I've gone into most work relationships by immediately distrusting the other people and sniffing out incompetence as quickly as I could. I still got fucked plenty of times, but at least I saw it coming.

 

[Squilookle]

I remember most of it, to be honest. Primary school was the bomb for me.

 

[Drathnoxis]

I'm sure. That's what, 7 years of early developmental life? How could that not impact a person?

As to specifics, off the top of my head nothing is coming to mind, but I remember a couple of months ago I was thinking about something that my teacher had told the class that I always thought of as a fact, but then I started wondering if it was actually a hard fact or if it had just been something they had gotten in one of those chain emails that everybody used to send out about "interesting facts" or whatever. I can't remember what it was at the moment, but it just made me think about how much influence a teacher can have.

 

[Chimpzy_v1legacy]

I only remember a few things from that time. Most of it not that great.

The biggest is about my first teacher, Miss Lieve. I remember her as a pretty blond woman in her late 20's or early 30's, a sweet and motherly type who was stern when she needed to be, but never lost her temper or raised her voice. Everyone basically loved her. Then one monday morning she didn't show up to take us to class and about an hour later the principal came to tell she wouldn't because she had passed away. They didn't tell us how, but that was when I first really learned about death. Wasn't till about a decade later that I heard what had happened. She'd been found dead by the side of the road. Hit & run from a car while cycling home from a party on new year's night. From what I know, they never found the culprit.

 

[CaitSeith]

I was second place on the honor student list for three consecutive years, until the girl at the first place was transferred to another school. Afterwards I never made it to the list ever again.

It was like being beat down by a group of people, and someone coming out of the woods like "Yo, that's not the dude"... and those guys going "Yo, my bad. We straight?"

Doesn't the Bible say "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor"?

Spoiler: So much for Christian education...

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

I remember desperately trying to fit it. It was the 90s and all the boys had gelled slick hair from a boyband, loose close, plaid shit, boxers, etc...And I had none of that. And I was made fun of relentless for it. And the few times I did try to fit in, I was made fun of even more for changing to look like them.

So since then I have a knee-jerk negative reaction to pop culture and trends, and I actively try to avoid people who do the 'popular' things at the time. Probably one of the reasons I shun social media, as well as the privacy violations and Russians.

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

Wow that women thing sounds kinda nutty. Why would women be afraid of you if you're alone? You have to actually do something first lol.

Sounds like a clear case of paranoia to me. Normal people aren't fearful of other people without a good reason. (and no your physical dimensions or appearance doesn't count, unless you're in a sinking boat or something and the fear is you'll make it sink faster)

There's always a chance of a crazy person making insane accusations but living in fear of it will at the very least make you see it everywhere and at the worst even summon it because you'll end up acting more nervous than you need to be and through your body language that can be picked up by other people and make them nervous in turn.


Anyhow, as for primary schooling stuff, I dunno, there's lots of little stories but nothing that I attribute anything of my current self to directly. I do remember this fart version of tag we played, because I had the tendency to fart a lot for some reason back in the day (not sure what it was but it eventually stopped happening lol) so in that game we'd play tag and I'd always chase people and if I caught them I'd fart on them and turn them into "fart zombies" and they'd help me catch the rest. Then if by the end of recess everyone was zombified we won or if someone escaped we lost.

It was this sort of thing where you can either be embarrassed by something and have it traumatize you for the rest of your life or you can turn it into a strength and be empowered by your magical fart powers. Making lemonade out of lemons and all that. (this was like 4th grade-ish I believe btw)

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Wow that women thing sounds kinda nutty. Why would women be afraid of you if you're alone? You have to actually do something first lol.

Sounds like a clear case of paranoia to me. Normal people aren't fearful of other people without a good reason. (and no your physical dimensions or appearance doesn't count, unless you're in a sinking boat or something and the fear is you'll make it sink faster)

There's always a chance of a crazy person making insane accusations but living in fear of it will at the very least make you see it everywhere and at the worst even summon it because you'll end up acting more nervous than you need to be and through your body language that can be picked up by other people and make them nervous in turn.

I know our communication history, but even this is a stretch.

However, I'll just say read this [https://www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/6f8tqk/how_many_of_you_are_afraid_of_men/], this [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFeminists/comments/a47wa7/is_anyone_afraid_of_most_men/], maybe this [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/b9tfjd/why_are_women_scared_of_men/] or just talk to a woman.

No, you don't have to do anything to create fear in someone if they think they can't fight back against you. Sometimes, you just have to be.

 

[Dansen]

I didn't really like primary school. It wasn't terrible but there wasn't much that stood out to me aside from my 4th/5th grade teachers. They were amazing and most of their students got into exam schools or arts academies.

I went to a Spanish bilingual school and it was pretty diverse at first because of some language laws the demographics changed a lot. Before we had a decent mix of white black and latino students but after the law it turned into like 80% Dominican 15% Puerto Rican and 5% other. I was in the other camp, I am half Canadian half Chilean so I sort of stood out along with the other non Dominican kids. Add to that my family was middle class and was raised with very little Chilean culture so I was just a white nerdy kid I wasn't really latino in their eyes. I wasn't really bullied since everyone knew each other so we all got along for the most part. I just didn't have many friends early in my life.

Recess was always weird to me. Most of the guys would play kickball but it usually devolved in to arguing for most of the break since there was no ref. I gravitated towards playing tag with the girls and the few guys who didn't feel the need to conform, it was just more fun than standing around and yelling.

 

[Xprimentyl]

From kindergarten through 5th grade, I went to a very liberal alternative school; we didn?t have desks (we sat on the floor, often in a circle, and worked at community tables,) we called many teachers by their first name, we did a lot of reading and group projects, etc. But come 6th grade, I was moved to catholic school which was very alien to me in its rigidity: assigned desks, uniforms, teachers were ?Mrs.? And ?Mr.?, and I had homework for the first time, so adjusting took some time.

The biggest adjustment was my homeroom and English teacher, Mrs. Ciccone. This woman was a archetypal mean teacher, like, to a comical extent; she was in her 60s, slender with wrinkled elastic skin, teeth yellowed by years of smoking (I guessed,) she dressed very conservatively preferring ankle-length skirts and blouses that buttoned up to her chin, and she was VERY strict, never afraid to raise her voice to command the room. If you?ve ever seen a movie with a ?mean old lady teacher,? you?ve seen her.

I knew where I stood with her on my second day when I arrived late; I walked into the classroom and quietly took my seat as class had already started. I followed along for a good 10 minutes before she posed a question to the class; I knew the answer and raised hand, Mrs. Ciccone called on me, and I delivered the answer to which she responded ?that?s correct, but you?re in the WRONG class.? She said the words slowly and clearly, standing in front of the class with her hands clasped behind her back, looking down her nose. The entire room simmered with the hushed giggling of my new schoolmates as I hung my head and packed up my things to leave the room. She humiliated me for no other reason than to be mean.

For the next 3 years, she continued to be what I felt was extra critical of me and my work despite my making straight A?s in her class the whole time. On the day of my 8th grade graduation, my parents asked if I was going to miss the school; I told them I would, but NOT Mrs. Ciccone, and my dad told me that it was strange I felt that way because she?d told him I was her favorite student.

? what?

Apparently, she?d thought I was very bright and she?d enjoyed teaching me; she had high expectations of me, that?s why she?d been so strict. She even went on to ask my father how I was doing in school whenever they saw each other in church for the next four years. And here I just knew she hated me?

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

Wow that women thing sounds kinda nutty. Why would women be afraid of you if you're alone? You have to actually do something first lol.

Sounds like a clear case of paranoia to me. Normal people aren't fearful of other people without a good reason. (and no your physical dimensions or appearance doesn't count, unless you're in a sinking boat or something and the fear is you'll make it sink faster)

There's always a chance of a crazy person making insane accusations but living in fear of it will at the very least make you see it everywhere and at the worst even summon it because you'll end up acting more nervous than you need to be and through your body language that can be picked up by other people and make them nervous in turn.

I know our communication history, but even this is a stretch.

However, I'll just say read this [https://www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/6f8tqk/how_many_of_you_are_afraid_of_men/], this [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFeminists/comments/a47wa7/is_anyone_afraid_of_most_men/], maybe this [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/b9tfjd/why_are_women_scared_of_men/] or just talk to a woman.

No, you don't have to do anything to create fear in someone if they think they can't fight back against you. Sometimes, you just have to be.

Ok so, this thing you're talking about isn't fear, it's irrational phobic behavior that's actually the person being afraid being absurd. A form of mental illness basically. It's akin to someone freaking out to the point of crying or having heart palpitations when a spider gets on them (hell, I remember people saying they couldn't play skyrim cause it had spider enemies at some point lol, arachnophobia is real but clearly the digital spider won't harm you in the real world). It's not the normal, average reaction one has when that happens.

I'm not saying there's not some psychologically damaged women out there who'd fear you. I'm just saying that that's highly abnormal and not something you need to take for granted as you go about your life.


Trying to paint a picture where everyone shares your mental issues in order to make whatever troubles you into a group-based issue and not just your personal circumstances that lead you to be this way is not rational either.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I'm just saying that that's highly abnormal

It really, really isn't.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

My take away from primary school is that people are shit as kids, and by and large continue on that vector for life.

 

[Nuuu]

Elementary school, as we call it in America, I don't remember being as dramatic as the later grades. I was fairly innocent compared to some other kids at the time.
Aside from the obvious taught stuff, I learned not to be brutally honest to your superiors. Telling my second grade teacher to her face that "I wasn't paying attention because i'm thinking a lot about going home and playing video games" didn't grant favorable results. When the lights went dim and the projector was up on the desk, you knew it was about to get reeeaally boring.

Also to trust the internet more than your friends. No, you're 5th grade friend does NOT know some super hidden secret in Kirby Air Ride that the internet doesn't know about.

The other big thing I remember is less of a lesson and more a weird occurrence (that i've probably said on the forum at least once already). From kindergarten to second grade there were these two Asian twins (I was too young to know any details) that I remember considering as school-friends, not full friends, but you'd eat lunch with them. Then in Second Grade, i only remember something about the teacher, the principle, a HUGE bag of multicolored pills, and that it was related to the twins. Never saw the twins again after that day. Still curious about what happened.

Middle school on the other hand is a huge bag of problems that'd require its own thread to get into, so I won't.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

So, I was thinking about who I am as a person, and trying to discern why I am the way I am. I have thoughts like this all the time. For instance, Would I be interested in the rights of all if I wasn't born in a culture that is historically and continually marginalized? Or would I have loved Sports if my dad took me out to games or had the time to play some games outside? In the end, I love British Media just like my dad does, so there's always something to that.

I, as some of you might know, have a fear of women. Not like a phobia. I just feel helpless around them. I'm constantly paranoid around them. A lot of it is the size and the race. I'm 6'2, which is somewhat tall. I get that a woman alone would be afraid of me. But what people don't get is that I'm equally terrified of her. If she gets it in her mind to say something happened... it happened. It's that cut and dry.

And that made me wonder why I think like that. And I remember the first day I actually got that in my head. It was in sixth grade.

I went to a private Christian school. Small classes. Who you had in Kindergarten would be the people you graduated with if you stuck in the class. No changes unless someone moved. So while I wouldn't call these guys friends, I knew them for literally five years.

One day, during recess, a girl we'll name 'L' came to the teacher crying. I wasn't there, so I don't know what actually happened, but the story was that these five guys grouped around her and apparently pulled a button off of her uniform while laughing. Nothing happened because she said she got away, but my teacher had none of it. I remember the rage on her face to this day. I was super glad I didn't go over to play with them that day.

They didn't come back to class. They weren't in class the next day. And since that day was friday, the weekend passed... with them still not back. We didn't see them back until Thursday. And that's when we got the whole story.

We all learned about what L said what happened and the Five swore up and down that it didn't happen. They were suspended. They were interviewed by cops (remember, we were eleven). Since they didn't have anything but their statement, they couldn't charge the kids with anything. Which several parents were enraged with and I think talked to the precinct about it. I don't really remember what happened, but I know the parents were upset of the inaction and the fact that the five were allowed back in the classroom.

But they had punishment. Extra work they had to get done or they would be held back, no recesses, barred from every school trip, added 4 demerits to their record (if I remember correctly, if you get 5 demerits you would be called into the office, and given their current suspension, it would have been enough to get them expelled)... and that's just the stuff the school did. According to them, they WANTED to go to school because they were getting it worse in home.

And that's how life was for them for... I think around three weeks. When our teacher overheard L laughing to her friend that she made the whole thing up to get them in trouble.

One more time. Our teacher was there to hear L state plainly that the whole thing was made up.

I remember L standing in front of Mrs. West's desk with her head hung down. And I remember... not the same fury, but Mrs. West wasn't pleased at all. She called the parents, L confessed. and L got two demerits.

And that was it. Mrs. West apologized to the boys. I think the cops were called and told what happened. But that was it. L wasn't demonized but our teacher didn't really like her much afterwards. I don't remember parents looking at L as they looked at the five. There was nothing in recompense for the punishment the Five received other than removing the suspension and the demerits off their record.

It was like being beat down by a group of people, and someone coming out of the woods like "Yo, that's not the dude"... and those guys going "Yo, my bad. We straight?".

And that made me terrified of women to this day. Not only can they say anything and you are guilty until you got some damn good evidence proving your innocence (and even then, people will still say "Isn't that the guy...?"), but there seemed to be no real downside if the woman is caught. Just a ceremonial tap on the wrist and that's that.

I don't like to be in dark places with women. If there's an elevator where I'm in it an a woman enters or I enter it with just a single woman there, I stand to the opposite corner and pull out my phone and pretend there's nothing more interesting to me than that. And back when I still thought dating was a possibility, I would only progress with the physical act of things if it was traceable that consent was issued. Like texts or if it was overheard that physical romance was allowed.

I'm somewhat calmed down now. Especially with the date-less life I lead now. But the idea of being accused by a woman brings dread like you wouldn't believe.

That's my thing. And these don't have to be as sad as what I shared. If you got happy things that shape who you are, I'm sure we'd love to read those as well.

Everytime i read your posts like this, I feel you could summarise your frustration with this

 

[Baffle]

My take away from primary school is that people are shit as kids, and by and large continue on that vector for life.

Do they become primary school teachers?

 

[Saint of M]

OP, sorry this messed you up.

THe biggest thing for me was my Dad's cancer. Essentialy he developed a rare cancer call Synovial cell sarcoma. It started as a muscle in the groin area that tore and didn't heal right, then grew back cancerous. He had his first cancer surgery when I was five or six. His leg would be amputated from the cancer returning when I was 10 and in the 4th grade. It moved to the lungs when I was 13 and in 7th.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Ok so, this thing you're talking about isn't fear, it's irrational phobic behavior that's actually the person being afraid being absurd. A form of mental illness basically. It's akin to someone freaking out to the point of crying or having heart palpitations when a spider gets on them (hell, I remember people saying they couldn't play skyrim cause it had spider enemies at some point lol, arachnophobia is real but clearly the digital spider won't harm you in the real world). It's not the normal, average reaction one has when that happens.

I'm not saying there's not some psychologically damaged women out there who'd fear you. I'm just saying that that's highly abnormal and not something you need to take for granted as you go about your life.


Trying to paint a picture where everyone shares your mental issues in order to make whatever troubles you into a group-based issue and not just your personal circumstances that lead you to be this way is not rational either.

You tend to look at my experiences that you freely admit you've never truly experienced yourself, but try to convince me that my history is somehow wrong or that I took the wrong lesson from this.

I think you're doing this out of kindness, and I can appreciate that. But you have to understand as I just picked a minute fraction of similar feelings here on the internet, and as others on this very forum have expressed similar experiences (one in this very thread)... do you think it's about time you might do some self reflection and understand that you might not have the same similar experiences of people in your living complex, or your neighborhood, or your town or city, your county, your state, and your country? What's "abnormal" for you and yours is other people's 24/7.

And to constantly judge other people's realities to your own short changes everyone, especially yourself.

Everytime i read your posts like this, I feel you could summarise your frustration with this

All I want to do is laugh because I have had that happened to me.

OP, sorry this messed you up.

THe biggest thing for me was my Dad's cancer. Essentialy he developed a rare cancer call Synovial cell sarcoma. It started as a muscle in the groin area that tore and didn't heal right, then grew back cancerous. He had his first cancer surgery when I was five or six. His leg would be amputated from the cancer returning when I was 10 and in the 4th grade. It moved to the lungs when I was 13 and in 7th.

Of course my experience pales to what you've gone through. My honest condolences to you and your family for going through such a devastating time. Did your fellow classmates help you out, or did you keep that information to yourself?