Cartoon Court

[SkullCap]

Yes, your honor. Please bear with me a moment as I make a case against...

Pale imitators to an already good and decent series, which we will call a case of "Batman" VS "The Batman". That is, Batman: The Animated Series is a dark and well-built classic and The Batman is not even a palpable spinoff of Batman Begins or The Dark Knight.

Cartoons use to be funny or adventurous or thrilling back in the day, but I noticed that as we progressed further and further towards the present day, they were degenerating into crap. 80s were a good time for toons and the 90s weren't ALL bad. But now the quality of the cartoon, in all ways, is starting to resemble a bucket of sick. You just don't see that much effort in what cartoonists do anymore, or at all. What're they paying you shlubs for? As punishment, I ask that every one of these lazy cartoonists be given Jon Arbuckle's Disease, to become ineffectual losers who can't do anything right. (You know, like how they were BEFORE.)

I'll use that to segue into my Batman rant. Batman has been darkly awesome for a while now, but we hit a bump when this obscenely broody copy fell into our laps, called "The Batman" like the word 'The' can't be removed without killing the patient. (Trust me, it should die.) Let's see... The villains aren't as good anymore, Bats looks alot less imposing now, and it just overall doesn't look as cool as before. I'd like this phony locked up in Arkham Asylum for pretending to be the real thing. (The GRANT MORRISON Arkham Asylum, for good measure.)

Batman: The Animated Series, in my opinion, is the greatest animated cartoon of all time. Why? Because it didn't feel like any other cartoon at the time. The characters were fleshed out, the stories were complex, and the design was superb. If you watch any other superhero cartoon series y'know your watching an interpretation of the hero like Spiderman and Superman. Batman? No. When you watched the show you were watching the definitive story of Batman. It didn't talk down to us or played it safe, it pushed the envelope and created a golden series. Those are just a few of the reasons that Batman is the greatest animated show of all-time. Thank God for that series.

I order all parents who have children interested in superheroes to go and purchase the box sets to this series. I am vengeance, I am the Night, I AM SKULLCAP! Case Dismissed! *slams gavel*

Next Case, Bailiff!

 

[Blatherscythe]

I would like to accuse Disney of sexism, poor artwork and sterotype characters. Many Disney shows show idiot males having their problems solved by extreamly smart females. And the artistic standards have been drastically lowered as well.I would like them to make both equal and put Ducktales back on and fire their artists to be replaced with talented ones as their punishment. That is all. For evidence you just need to look at one of their cartoons and see for yourself.

 

[Composer]

flapjack, why are u so ugly
that is all

 

[Space Spoons]

Your honor, I'd like to call Toonami to the stand.

Let's go back in time, shall we? It's late in February of 2003. Toonami, the action/sci-fi block of programming that introduced many of us to the genre of anime, as well as many other classic American shows of similar nature, began an event known as Giant Robot Week, a whole week of shows and movies centering around one of the most famous (and justifiably so) tropes of the action/sci-fi genre, giant robots. In theory, this was a fantastic idea.

In theory.

In practice, someone at Toonami thought it would be a great idea to run the first episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Now, before my points of objected to, I'd like to say that I'm no fan of censorship. When Toonami chose to cease its butchering of such classic anime shows as Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon and Gundam Wing, I was cheering right along with the others.

However. Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon and Gundam Wing could be shown to pre-teens without much damage being done. Certainly, they're programs that adults can enjoy as well, but when edited for excessive violence and the occasional swear word, they're perfect stepping stones into the world of pure, uncut anime.

Neon Genesis Evangelion, on the other hand, is not.

Granted, the episode was heavily edited for the extreme violence and gore that the show is known for, but even with these cuts being made, the show was still absolutely traumatic for a kid not used to anything more violent than Power Rangers.

The sight of Shinji, howling in pain because he's just experienced the sensation of having his arm ripped off, followed by the pain of having his face repeatedly stabbed by a javelin, is not something a 12/13 year old boy should see.

For years, I couldn't even think about seeking out uncut anime without getting the chills. Say what you will about censorship, but Toonami was never supposed to be Adult Swim. It was supposed to be an introduction to the more mature themes and violence of anime. Running Evangelion between DBZ and Sailor Moon is the equivalent of showing Saw between episodes of Arthur.

Toonami no longer exists, and thus cannot be held accountable. The punishment falls squarely at the feet of CN, which may be guilty of more heinous crimes depending on your point of view. Suggested verdict would be "The WB Treatment"; Death by cancellation of the channel. The prosecution rests.

 

[Blatherscythe]

I would like to accuse Disney of sexism, poor artwork and sterotype characters. Many Disney shows show idiot males having their problems solved by extreamly smart females. And the artistic standards have been drastically lowered as well.I would like them to make both equal and put Ducktales back on and fire their artists to be replaced with talented ones as their punishment. That is all. For evidence you just need to look at one of their cartoons and see for yourself.

Objection! [http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=3812487]

Oh my apologies. I meant by look at one of their cartoons I meant the recent ones, like the last 3 years.

 

[ThatTallGuy]

Your Honor, if it pleases the court, I'd like to take a slight deviation. The show I'm defending is not a cartoon, but it was still one of the seminal shows of the early '90s and thus, my childhood. I would like to bring charges against the Disney company for their re-editing and subsequent rape of the original Power Rangers series. I stumbled across this abomination one Saturday morning, rather excited that the original Power Rangers was on. What I saw shook me to my core and made me want to drive forks through my eyes, ears, and the memory center of my brain. Disney chose to add 1960s-esque Batman giant text Onomatopoeia and shoddy quality video wipes, thus removing almost all of the story elements and leaving nothing but power suit moments and Zord battles.

I request that as punishment, the person in charge of this decision be taken out onto Disneyland's Main Street USA and be slapped by everyone who grew up with the show, and for this whole experience to be aired on live, network television. As a subsequent punishment, I ask that the original show be aired as it was, unchanged by any hand.

They re-dubbed Zordon and Alpha, for Pete's Sake!

 

[busterkeatonrules]

Seriously guys, could we have some heroic cats now? Like in good old soviet animation?

I must ask, are you familiar with the 1997 movie "Cats Don't Dance"? Danny the Cat goes to Hollywood in pursuit of his dreams, but finds that the entire movie industry is controlled by obnoxious child star Darla Dimple, who hates animals with a passion. Danny and the other animal would-be stars must then try and convince the public that animals can also be talented. Darla, meanwhile, will stop at absolutely nothing to sabotage their efforts.

The movie presents some of the finest hand-drawn animation of its time, complete with swinging 1930s - style musical numbers and a well-told, often hilarious story which also manages to be genuinely touching. Here, have a look at the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KwFSRkwLdA

Should be readily available on Amazon. OK, you can actually find the whole thing on YouTube, but this masterpiece of a movie is criminally underrated and I strongly recommend that supporting the company that takes the trouble of making it available on DVD. (Also, the YouTube version is a bit distorted.)

 

[SkullCap]

flapjack, why are u so ugly
that is all

http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Shows/M_R/Ma_Mh/MarvelousMisadventures_OfFlapjack/crops/Marvelous-Misadventures-Flapjack1.jpg

Verdict: Guilty for resembling a future pedophile.
Sentence: Firing Squad

*slams gavel*

Next Case, Bailiff!

 

[SkullCap]

Your Honor, if it pleases the court, I'd like to take a slight deviation. The show I'm defending is not a cartoon, but it was still one of the seminal shows of the early '90s and thus, my childhood. I would like to bring charges against the Disney company for their re-editing and subsequent rape of the original Power Rangers series. I stumbled across this abomination one Saturday morning, rather excited that the original Power Rangers was on. What I saw shook me to my core and made me want to drive forks through my eyes, ears, and the memory center of my brain. Disney chose to add 1960s-esque Batman giant text Onomatopoeia and shoddy quality video wipes, thus removing almost all of the story elements and leaving nothing but power suit moments and Zord battles.

I request that as punishment, the person in charge of this decision be taken out onto Disneyland's Main Street USA and be slapped by everyone who grew up with the show, and for this whole experience to be aired on live, network television. As a subsequent punishment, I ask that the original show be aired as it was, unchanged by any hand.

They re-dubbed Zordon and Alpha, for Pete's Sake!

I rule in favor of ThatTallGuy and order that Disney burn all copies of the changed version from the original Power Rangers. I also order whichever Disney executive, who allowed this to go past the idea room to be sealed away in a dimensional prison for Ten Thousand Years.

Case dismissed!
*slams gavel*

Next Case, Bailiff!

 

[SkullCap]

I would like to accuse Disney of sexism, poor artwork and sterotype characters. Many Disney shows show idiot males having their problems solved by extreamly smart females. And the artistic standards have been drastically lowered as well.I would like them to make both equal and put Ducktales back on and fire their artists to be replaced with talented ones as their punishment. That is all. For evidence you just need to look at one of their cartoons and see for yourself.

Objection! [http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=3812487]

Sustained, but watch yourself Mr.Wright.

 

[TheGameXXVII]

Your Honour, i would like to accuse Nickelodeon of ruining the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon with the movie they made. Yes, i agree that including The Hoff made the film average, but the story was terrible and i'm sure that everyone can agree with me that the episodes of Spongebob before the movie were better than the ones after the movie.

i would like to see all the copies of the movie erased from existence (any way you want, use your imagination) and a legal document (in writing, IN WRITING I SAY) that disallows all new episodes of Spongebob, IE post movies, from being aired.

i rest my case.

 

[ThatTallGuy]

Your honor, I have a second case to bring up. I would like to lay charges against Warner Brothers television department. There have been many, many errors on their part, but the most glaring would be the cancellations of Freakazoid and Pinky & The Brain. After Animaniacs, they were the greatest shows on the WB, as far as cartoons are concerned. Sadly, Freakazoid was canceled after only two brilliant seasons. Granted, they did give it a fitting ending, but it was much, much too soon. Both shows provided unending amounts of enjoyment and quotability. I defy you to admit that when you hear someone say "We must prepare for tomorrow night," you don't immediately say in your mind "Gee Brain, what are we gonna do tomorrow night?"

As punishment, I request that the now defunct Warner Brothers animation studios be reinstated and the shows be continued, in the style and humor that both were originally operated at, if not more humor.

 

[Kollega]

snip

Thanks for telling me that, but i've already read about it on TV Tropes. I may consider getting it - sounds good.

 

[Lullabye]

Spoiler: Speaking of old cartoons and cat heroes, guess what I'm watching right now?

Your Honor, I would like to call Teletoon to the stand.
the cartoon in Question? Boondocks.
Need I elaborate?

 

[SkullCap]

Your honor, I have a second case to bring up. I would like to lay charges against Warner Brothers television department. There have been many, many errors on their part, but the most glaring would be the cancellations of Freakazoid and Pinky & The Brain. After Animaniacs, they were the greatest shows on the WB, as far as cartoons are concerned. Sadly, Freakazoid was canceled after only two brilliant seasons. Granted, they did give it a fitting ending, but it was much, much too soon. Both shows provided unending amounts of enjoyment and quotability. I defy you to admit that when you hear someone say "We must prepare for tomorrow night," you don't immediately say in your mind "Gee Brain, what are we gonna do tomorrow night?"

As punishment, I request that the now defunct Warner Brothers animation studios be reinstated and the shows be continued, in the style and humor that both were originally operated at, if not more humor.

"The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world!"

After reviewing the evidence at hand coupled with your defense of two great animated series I have reached my verdict.

I rule in favor of ThatTallGuy. I order Warner Brothers television department to reinstate both offended parties, Pink & The Brain and Freakazoid, under the condition of Spielberg being the Executive Producer and the original writers brought back for both series.

Furthermore I require the FCC to allow the same rights to allow the writers more freedom from today's politically correct society.

Case Dismissed!
*slams gavel*

Next case, bailiff.

 

[SkullCap]

Honorable judge, I would like to take to court the 4Kids network for the crime of most idiotic censorship known to man, absolute absence of foresight, and lame translation. As evidence I submit... well... any anime bastardized by 4Kids. I would urge the judge and jury to disregard the fact that 90% of the material is outright atrocious to begin with (case and point - Yu-Gi-Oh and One Piece), but instead concentrate on the crimes committed by the network. For there are poor sobs out there who actually enjoy that kind of drivel and someone has to defend their right to get maximum enjoyment out of their shows.

Evidence: Erasing the guns and cigarettes, replacing real guns with super-soakers, replacing rice balls with poorly drawn sandwiches, replacing adult oriented jokes and cultural references with lame puns (in defense of cultural references - they have to be kept so that children may learn about other cultures).

http://catnamedcat.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/lollipopandcigerettes.png

One Piece happens to be my favorite anime. A sea-faring adventure with great jokes, lessons, and compelling storyline. However I was first exposed to this by Toonami, who aired the 4Kids episodes. I was hooked and then I wanted to watch more episodes so I went online and made a shocking discovery. 4Kids removed 95% of what makes the series great and replaced it with pure garbage. Sanji's cigarette is a Dum Dum sucker, the English voices are terrible, and the charming dialogue is gone. Now I only watch anime in the original Japanese with English subtitles.

Why even bother showing an anime about a pirates in their late teens & early twenties if you remove all the mature action, lines, and humor that that makes them 3-Dimensional characters?

I rule in favor of RedMenace and find 4Kids guilty for their innumerable amount of crimes against fans of anime and especially fans of series that stink of 4Kids terrible stench.

Punishment: I hand over 4Kids censors to the fans of the offended anime series. Enjoy.

Case Dismissed!
*slams gavel*

Next case, bailiff!

"I will be the Pirate King"

 

[AlchemistMayCry]

Your Honor, I would like to bring Adult Swim to the stand. Yes, I'm going that far. I accuse Adult Swim of pandering to the idiot demographic and leaving its anime fans out in the dust. Yes, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Evangelion and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex are fine and good, but when that's ALL the network has, then we have a problem. Sure, we got Code Geass and eventually some newer stuff, but when the network is dominated by shows such as Tim and Eric's Awesome Show and Metalocalypse, it's disappointing that even it could far so low.

I request that as punishment, that Adult Swim make anime more of a key player on their block, and bring back some of the anime they had in the beginning, such as YuYu Hakusho, and s-CRY-ed.

The prosecution rests.