Celebrate X-Mas With An Official Plush Portal Turret

Earnest Cavalli

New member
Jun 19, 2008
5,352
0
0
Celebrate X-Mas With An Official Plush Portal Turret



Just in time for the holidays, Thinkgeek is rolling out a line of official Portal 2 plush turrets that do everything except gun people down.

Set to debut on December 18, the $30 plush is a little over a foot tall, has a glowing red eye on the front of its fuzzy carapace and reacts to external stimuli with the sort of Portal-appropriate quotes a fan might expect.

Notice that I said "reacts to external stimuli," instead of "says." This isn't one of those dolls that you squeeze to hear a litany of pre-recorded pabulum. Instead, the plush turret responds to things much as its virtual analogue would. Knock it over and it might say, "I don't hate you." Move your hand in front of its motion sensor and the plush will reply with, "There you are." Ignore it and the clingy machine would sadly quip, "Target lost."

Being a heterosexual male stereotype, I was raised to shun things like plush dolls and outward displays of emotion in favor of wrestling bears and punching commies, but this turret has just the right combination of fan service and adorable functionality to break through my hardened shell of Viking-esque masculinity. I want one. Actually, scratch that; I want to fill my room with dozens so I can take a Scrooge McDuckian dive into the middle of a plush ocean.

As I lie there, squealing with glee (and brain trauma because I smashed my head against the ground), my plush pals will serenade me with friendly words that would otherwise precede a hail of gunfire. When the bullets fail to arrive, we snuggle.

Despite its appearance as some kind of Dadaist attempt at official endorsement, the above is not at all a for-profit attempt at pushing your cash toward these things. I just really like them is all. So, with that disclosure out of the way, you ought to nab one of these turrets before they sell out. A full rundown of the plush's capabilities can be found on the Thinkgeek website [http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plush/e71c/#tabs], and if any of you would would like to send me one or fourteen of these fuzzy lil' dudes, I won't complain.

Permalink
 

Tharwen

Ep. VI: Return of the turret
May 7, 2009
9,145
0
0
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

I need one. I need one right now.
 

Quaxar

New member
Sep 21, 2009
3,949
0
0
Just look at the thing! How could you NOT love it!

I must have it!
I am going to treat you well, turret. No cube throwing, I promise.
 

Shoggoth2588

New member
Aug 31, 2009
10,250
0
0
Should not have shown the GF that...granted she'll still be surprised when she gets hers in the mail a week or two after X-Mas...
 

GeorgW

ALL GLORY TO ME!
Aug 27, 2010
4,806
0
0
I MUST HAS!!!
I want hundreds of them!
I've been pining after all the fan made ones trying to figure out how to make one for myself, and Valve comes along and just gives me one? And all they ask is for my money? Hellz yeah!
 

Dfskelleton

New member
Apr 6, 2010
2,851
0
0
I'LL TAKE 20.
That guy's face in the picture accurately displays the reaction to such a thing that I can imagine many would have.
 

Chrono212

Fluttershy has a mean K:DR
May 19, 2009
1,846
0
0
DO WANT.
And it's exactly like that fan one! :D

[HEADING=1]WHERE DO I BUY ONE?![/HEADING]
Srsly, can someone tell me?
 

Cpu46

Gloria ex machina
Sep 21, 2009
1,604
0
41
OT: {Insert Hererosexual male squee here}

I wants it, it has so many uses. It will act as a sentry for my room, it is soft and snuggleable, it can entertain my younger relatives.
 

ckam

Make America Great For Who?
Oct 8, 2008
1,618
0
0
Yay! I could add this to my plushie collection consisting of: Miku Hatsune, Hitagi Senjougahara, Reimu Hakurei, Black★Rock Shooter, Yuri Lowell, Kamina, Kuusano, Mikan Yuuki, Luka Megurine, Mai Kawasumi, Konata Izumi, and I can't seem to see the rest...
 

FaceFaceFace

New member
Nov 18, 2009
441
0
0
I need one. Do they come in animal king colors?

(Also, the news article itself was hilarious. Kudos)
 

Viral_Lola

New member
Jul 13, 2009
544
0
0
So adorable! I want it. Get five of them. Feed one of them tons of bullets so it?ll get fat and teach them how to sing. Can somebody say turret opera?
 

KeyMaster45

Gone Gonzo
Jun 16, 2008
2,846
0
0
They could sell them four at a time if when you stuck em close to each other they'd play the turret serenade from that secret room in one of the test chambers. I would pay that obscene amount of money to.

 

The Dutchess

New member
Feb 24, 2011
158
0
0
So yeah ... when they come back in stock I'm getting one. Hopefully by then they'll have cheap shipping to the UK. No other game has even got me close to considering buying merchandise. Not even a Bioware hoodie has tempted me but this ... I need all the Portal things!