Choo choo! All aboard the Complain Train!

Xprimentyl

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How come my brain is never happy?

I'm 31. I have a good job making pretty decent money, I have a college degree, my own house, my own car. I get 6 weeks of vacation a year (in the US), I've traveled the world. I'm reasonably good looking, healthy, in pretty good shape. By basically all metrics I've been decently successful in life.

Despite all this I'm always anxious, I'm always feeling like I'm missing out on something, like life is supposed to be a big adventure that I've never had. Like I'm supposed to make accomplishments for other people to be impressed by. Our society has hard wired my brain to only be interested in outside recognition, but all of the pats on the back and gold stars don't really cut it.

Why can't I just be happy with what I have? Is this all there is to existence? I keep telling myself that all I need is more money so that I can retire early. I keep telling myself that I'll be happy with more freedom and free time, when I can stop working and dedicate myself to hobbies, but I'm pretty sure I'm just lying to myself to get through existence.

Fuck, is this what a mid-life crisis is? Is this the part where I buy a motorcycle? I kinda really want a motorcycle.

Elden Ring will be out in a month, that will dull the existential dread for a while.
Being ten years your senior, let me tell you, you need to be grateful for what you have achieved. I know anxiety doesn't check your resume or bank account before moving in, but know that there are millions of people out here whose goal is to attain what you already have. You're winning this rat race.

Not taking away from how you feel, not at all. I know this world is perceived subjectively by each of us, but as you can make a laundry list of all the reasons you should be satisfied, re-read that list and realize the countless people for whom good money, a degree, and home ownership are each or collectively the finish line.

I know anxiety. I deal with it every day. But were I in as secure a position as you seem to be, I'd be a lot less anxious given where I am now. I'd offer you should challenge yourself. If you're not content where you are, put yourself in a position to aim for something beyond. Clearly, you've not met your own expectations, so define those expectations and shoot for them.
 

Dirty Hipsters

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Not taking away from how you feel, not at all. I know this world is perceived subjectively by each of us, but as you can make a laundry list of all the reasons you should be satisfied, re-read that list and realize the countless people for whom good money, a degree, and home ownership are each or collectively the finish line.
Fundamentally I understand this. Even when I was struggling financially I was still better off than most people because I never actually had to live paycheck to paycheck. Now I'm probably in the top 10% worldwide. And I really did think that this was the finish line, and that I could just rest on my laurels at this point and be happy.

I know anxiety. I deal with it every day. But were I in as secure a position as you seem to be, I'd be a lot less anxious given where I am now. I'd offer you should challenge yourself. If you're not content where you are, put yourself in a position to aim for something beyond. Clearly, you've not met your own expectations, so define those expectations and shoot for them.
That's the thing, I don't think that my anxiety is founded, I don't even think it's internal. Like my boss asks me about what I want to do next and how I want to advance my career and I have anxiety because I'm supposed to want those things and I don't. I don't want to aim for something beyond, I don't want to challenge myself. Challenging myself has literally never made me happy and has only ever made me stressed.

I feel like the reason I'm not content with what I have is because society has conditioned me not to be. You're always supposed to want more stuff, buy more stuff, spend spend spend. Got a house? Well now you're supposed to want a bigger house, or a second house. That house you have that's a "starter house." There's so much societal pressure to achieve simply for the purpose of greed, but then you're also not supposed to be greedy.

It all just leads me to feeling burned out and unhappy, and I'm only 31. How the hell do people keep it up?
 
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Bob_McMillan

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So some fucking degenerate decided that for videos on Google Drive, the right arrow key forwards the video by 5 seconds while the left arrow key SELECTS THE FILE BEFORE THE VIDEO YOU'RE WATCHING. Why?!?!?!
 

Gordon_4

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Fundamentally I understand this. Even when I was struggling financially I was still better off than most people because I never actually had to live paycheck to paycheck. Now I'm probably in the top 10% worldwide. And I really did think that this was the finish line, and that I could just rest on my laurels at this point and be happy.



That's the thing, I don't think that my anxiety is founded, I don't even think it's internal. Like my boss asks me about what I want to do next and how I want to advance my career and I have anxiety because I'm supposed to want those things and I don't. I don't want to aim for something beyond, I don't want to challenge myself. Challenging myself has literally never made me happy and has only ever made me stressed.

I feel like the reason I'm not content with what I have is because society has conditioned me not to be. You're always supposed to want more stuff, buy more stuff, spend spend spend. Got a house? Well now you're supposed to want a bigger house, or a second house. That house you have that's a "starter house." There's so much societal pressure to achieve simply for the purpose of greed, but then you're also not supposed to be greedy.

It all just leads me to feeling burned out and unhappy, and I'm only 31. How the hell do people keep it up?
Alcohol helps. And sometimes the starter house thing is true but not in the way you think. Australia’s property market is an absolute shit show of biblical proportions and to buy a new house suitable to my family - 4 or 5 bedroom - I’d need to spend in excess of $1million.

So the other half and I have decided to explore the idea of extending upwards instead. Gotta be cheaper than a whole new place and we don’t have to move.

So some fucking degenerate decided that for videos on Google Drive, the right arrow key forwards the video by 5 seconds while the left arrow key SELECTS THE FILE BEFORE THE VIDEO YOU'RE WATCHING. Why?!?!?!
Because some men just want to watch the world burn.
 

Dirty Hipsters

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Alcohol helps. And sometimes the starter house thing is true but not in the way you think. Australia’s property market is an absolute shit show of biblical proportions and to buy a new house suitable to my family - 4 or 5 bedroom - I’d need to spend in excess of $1million.

So the other half and I have decided to explore the idea of extending upwards instead. Gotta be cheaper than a whole new place and we don’t have to move.
Alcohol does help, but to prevent myself from becoming an alcoholic I've become accustomed to drinking really nice whiskey that I can't actually afford all the time. So far the most expensive I've had was the Yamazaki 35 year and well...


Yikes, it was not nearly that expensive when I had it. Fucking scalpers gotta ruin everything.

To be frank though, I actually preferred the Yamazaki 18 year, which goes for about $750-$900 (which is still stupidly overpriced).

Also, I live in California, so I'm not sure you want to compare how much of a shit show our housing markets are.
 
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RhombusHatesYou

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Alcohol helps. And sometimes the starter house thing is true but not in the way you think. Australia’s property market is an absolute shit show of biblical proportions and to buy a new house suitable to my family - 4 or 5 bedroom - I’d need to spend in excess of $1million.
Yeah the real estate pricing in the capitals and regional centres is distorted all to fuck, as well as anywhere within smelling distance of the coast or a sizeable river... which is to say the places where 90-95% of Australians live.


So the other half and I have decided to explore the idea of extending upwards instead. Gotta be cheaper than a whole new place and we don’t have to move.
With the massively inflated prices for land alone, extending your currently place has to be an early consideration for most home owning families looking for more space. Although you might want to look into what sort of timeframes are currently being offered for construction seeing as there's a severe, ongoing supply shortage of construction timber nationally and spot shortages of metal frameworksas well. Yes, part of that has to do with one of the Fed Govt's NounVerber policies... can't remember which one.
 
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Gordon_4

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Alcohol does help, but to prevent myself from becoming an alcoholic I've become accustomed to drinking really nice whiskey that I can't actually afford all the time. So far the most expensive I've had was the Yamazaki 35 year and well...


Yikes, it was not nearly that expensive when I had it. Fucking scalpers gotta ruin everything.

To be frank you, I actually preferred the Yamazaki 18 year, which goes for about $750-$900 (which is still stupidly overpriced).

Also, I live in California, so I'm not sure you want to compare how much of a shit show our housing markets are.
Fair, and I don’t mean to be blasé about boozing because it’s a dark, dark rabbit hole to go down if you allow yourself to fall too far. And I’m very glad you haven’t.

As for comparing markets….I dunno man, California and Australia seem like they’re cousins in a lot of respects what with insane property prices, upward mobility being a total joke, wildfires straight out of hell itself. I think we could look at each other’s markets and cost of living and average wage and agree we’re both in a cursed timeline.
 
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hanselthecaretaker

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I fucking HATE the way iPhone handles volume. Like, can’t use it when screen’s locked because of design limits I guess, and there’s no differentiation between the “ringer” and “media” that I know of, because if I have it so I can hear my alarm and then forget to turn it down, then youtube will be blaring at the most inappropriate times later on. And vice versa, which as you could surmise, and also suck.

Also, the inconsistency of how the stupid web text highlighting works. Sometimes for instance when editing something here I can actually, like, use it as intended and be able to finely adjust the blue area down to each character. But others (usually), just the slightest touch causes the whole fucking screen to spaz out and scroll upwards at warp speed.
 

Bartholen

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I went out of my way to buy good skiing clothes because it's been a great, snowy winter here, but only a few days after purchasing them the temperatures climbed to barely above zero, meaning I've been waiting to get to ski for the past week and a half.

I hate the 9th edition of Warhammer 40k, but it's basically the only tabletop game I get to play right now besides DnD, so I'll take what I can get. It has gone the exact wrong route from everything that was good in 8th edition: stratagems are an absolute tumor on gameplay, there's way way way too much stuff to keep track of, the game has turned into Yugioh where you're constantly second guessing your every move because the opponent has some uber-1337 combination of stratagems you couldn't possibly know about beforehand. It feels like a game made on the terms of tournament players, which is completely ass-backwards. Trying to make 40k a serious competitive game is trying to squeeze a diamond out of a cow pat.
 

Chimpzy

Professor of Monkey Business
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Today I had the pleasure of getting a gastroscopy. 10/10, would have tube jammed up my throat again.
 
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Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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I hate Skyrim and Fallout 4, yet I find the idea of them too temping not to try another playthrough with a certain build and hope that THIS TIME it'll finally make good on this idea. Only for me to spend 8 to 10 hours not enjoying myself, until I find myself reaching 20 hours and suddenly thinking 'Why the fuck am I still playing this mind numbing game?'

Also, I'm more and more coming to the realization that I'm gonna end up completely alone and die in a forgotten corner somewhere.
 
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Xprimentyl

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Today I had the pleasure of getting a gastroscopy. 10/10, would have tube jammed up my throat again.
I fear one of those is in my future. That, or a colonoscopy, neither of which is a violation I'm looking forward to. Were you sedated? Hope all comes out well, my friend.

Years ago, I made a pledge that in lieu of the 40-year prostate exam, I've rig myself with dynamite and parachute into a Klan rally, but with 42 just a couple months in front of me, I'm having to start seriously considering the medical procedure.
 

Xprimentyl

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I hate Skyrim and Fallout 4, yet I find the idea of them too temping not to try another playthrough with a certain build and hope that THIS TIME it'll finally make good on this idea. Only for me to spend 8 to 10 hours not enjoying myself, until I find myself reaching 20 hours and suddenly thinking 'Why the fuck am I still playing this mind numbing game?'
I've found that a game that isn't enjoyed as a novice rarely turns out to be one enjoyed as a veteran and with better understanding of the game. I mean, unless you're playing it completely wrong, I don't think there's much to be said for playing "correctly." I know how to play chess, but I don't enjoy it enough to invest the time to actually play it well.

Also, I'm more and more coming to the realization that I'm gonna end up completely alone and die in a forgotten corner somewhere.
And we took a turn there. If it makes you feel any better, there are a lot of lonely corners I'd preferred to have died alone in versus some of the shit relationships I suffered through. I've come to appreciate my own skin over how someone else might appreciate said skin. "Lonely" and "alone" have two entirely different meanings with the right perspective.
 
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Chimpzy

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I fear one of those is in my future. That, or a colonoscopy, neither of which is a violation I'm looking forward to. Were you sedated? Hope all comes out well, my friend.

Years ago, I made a pledge that in lieu of the 40-year prostate exam, I've rig myself with dynamite and parachute into a Klan rally, but with 42 just a couple months in front of me, I'm having to start seriously considering the medical procedure.
Sort of. They made me drink some liquid they told me tastes like banana (it doesn't) which numbed my mouth, throat and I assume also everything further down, but not so much I didn't still feel the tube, or prevent my gag reflex. Good news is my stomach is perfectly fine. As are my blood vessels, lungs, teeth and eyes. Presumably also my heart, skin and whatever else they still want to test.

Kidneys tho? Not so good. They're the reason for all the other tests. Checking for any possible issues so I can be put on the transplant waiting list.
 
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Casual Shinji

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I've found that a game that isn't enjoyed as a novice rarely turns out to be one enjoyed as a veteran and with better understanding of the game. I mean, unless you're playing it completely wrong, I don't think there's much to be said for playing "correctly." I know how to play chess, but I don't enjoy it enough to invest the time to actually play it well.
To make an analogy: If playing a good game is like eating a bag of chips while watching a great movie, Skyrim and Fallout 4 is like just eating the bag of chips in silence. It's still good, and it's still something I might want to revisit, but it really doesn't hold much meaning besides the taste. But every so often I'll get that craving.

And we took a turn there. If it makes you feel any better, there are a lot of lonely corners I'd preferred to have died alone in versus some of the shit relationships I suffered through. I've come to appreciate my own skin over how someone else might appreciate said skin. "Lonely" and "alone" have two entirely different meanings with the right perspective.
Yeah, I know. I mean, I feel more comfortable with myself now than I've ever felt. Certainly more than when I was still in school and had plenty of friends. But then I also kinda feel like my need to generally be by myself has stopped me from growing beyond my early twenties. And recently I've kinda felt those walls closing in a tad.
 
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Xprimentyl

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Sort of. They made me drink some liquid they told me tastes like banana (it doesn't) which numbed my mouth, throat and I assume also everything further down, but not so much I didn't still feel the tube, or prevent my gag reflex. Good news is my stomach is perfectly fine. As are my blood vessels, lungs, teeth and eyes. Presumably also my heart, skin and whatever else they still want to test.

Kidneys tho? Not so good. They're the reason for all the other tests. Checking for any possible issues so I can be put on the transplant waiting list.
Christ. Best wishes with that! "Transplant" isn't a word to be thrown around lightly. I hope this isn't dire.

To make an analogy: If playing a good game is like eating a bag of chips while watching a great movie, Skyrim and Fallout 4 is like just eating the bag of chips in silence. It's still good, and it's still something I might want to revisit, but it really doesn't hold much meaning besides the taste. But every so often I'll get that craving.
Yeah, I guess I can understand, but oftentimes, a substantive meal is more rewarding than sating a craving for a snack. If you can't find yourself enjoying what you're snacking on, then... find a different snack or a more rewarding meal?

Yeah, I know. I mean, I feel more comfortable with myself now than I've ever felt. Certainly more than when I was still in school and had plenty of friends. But then I also kinda feel like my need to generally be by myself has stopped me from growing beyond my early twenties. And recently I've kinda felt those walls closing in a tad.
Trust me; I know what you're saying. As we age, there's more of life to look back on than forward to. But as our remaining days diminish, we should cherish those we have left. Ask me 20 years ago where I'd be, and I'd have spun you a tale about having children in a home I owned holding down a job I love, and none of those things are my reality. But, I'm enjoying my life, the stones I've stepped on leading to this moment but instances in a life that wasn't my ideal, but of my life well lived. I've not hurt anyone; I've not made any huge mistakes that I regret to the point that I can't face tomorrow without that regret. It is so much easier finding happiness and companionship when we care more about our own contentedness versus trying to live the life we feel will bring us companionship and acceptance of outside parties. Just saying, don't fret about being alone; focus on being yourself, and someone who likes your "self" will come wanting. Or they won't, and you'll enjoy being yourself until you point all tens toes to the heavens, and go out doing it your way.
 

Chimpzy

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Christ. Best wishes with that! "Transplant" isn't a word to be thrown around lightly. I hope this isn't dire.
Yeah well, ain't got much choice in the matter. I'm still fine rn, but that won't last. Sooner or later my kidney function will get so low I'll need hemodialysis, probably within the year, and eventually a transplant. If not, well, there's better ways to go than poisoned by your own blood.
 
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Gordon_4

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Yeah well, ain't got much choice in the matter. I'm still fine rn, but that won't last. Sooner or later my kidney function will get so low I'll need hemodialysis, probably within the year, and eventually a transplant. If not, well, there's better ways to go than poisoned by your own blood.
I must say you’re taking your now starkly exposed mortality very well. I had some bloods taken recently for fatigue and I cannot help but wonder if they haven’t called me back because the doctor has not yet formulated the most professional way to tell me that I’m totally fucked.
 
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gorfias

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I must say you’re taking your now starkly exposed mortality very well. I had some bloods taken recently for fatigue and I cannot help but wonder if they haven’t called me back because the doctor has not yet formulated the most professional way to tell me that I’m totally fucked.
So sorry to hear of you and @Chimpzy 's troubles. Scary. My boy was born with only one kidney. The docs say he can lead a normal life anyway but it is a thing for me. I'm ready to give up one of mine if it helps but I'm old so, who knows what kind of shape mine (are/is.. who knows. Maybe I only have 1. Never asked!).

ITMT: My daughter seems to be like that joke. Women goes into department store for husbands. 1st Floor: makes a good living. 2nd: and reasonably good looking. 3rd: and good with kids. 4th: and attentive, listens well. She keeps going up stairs looking for more and more until finally she is on the roof with a stairway leading back to the street. There is a sign that reads, "Obviously, you are impossible to please. Go home."

Guy likes her, reasonably tall, dark, good looking. Makes a good income. Only 27ish and already owns his own home. Kind enough even in this day and age to come to her home and pick her up for a date. And she decided he just isn't "fun" enough... kinda stiff. At least that is what she tells us. Oy. Someone has to tell this kid the facts of life.
 

Chimpzy

Professor of Monkey Business
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I must say you’re taking your now starkly exposed mortality very well. I had some bloods taken recently for fatigue and I cannot help but wonder if they haven’t called me back because the doctor has not yet formulated the most professional way to tell me that I’m totally fucked.
I suppose? Helps that I've known the day would come for about 5-6 years, so I've had time to come to terms. Also, my dad has been in the same boat, since our condition is genetic, except he found out the hard way. So I already have a good idea of what to expect on the road ahead, and to sand off the rough edges a bit. Silver lining is that I'm quite young for a chronic kidney disease patient and have no other medical issues, so I'll get relatively high priority for a transplant, tho that is of course still dependant on availability.

In short, it's no death sentence. Next few years are gonna suck tho, but I should pull through. Also, you know, live in EU, so isn't gonna bankrupt me.

Anyway, I hope your thing turns out a nothingburger.
So sorry to hear of you and @Chimpzy 's troubles. Scary. My boy was born with only one kidney. The docs say he can lead a normal life anyway but it is a thing for me. I'm ready to give up one of mine if it helps but I'm old so, who knows what kind of shape mine (are/is.. who knows. Maybe I only have 1. Never asked!).
So long as his (and possibly your) single kidney is healthy, it should be perfectly fine. You can get by with a little as 10% kidney function (20% if you only have one). I'm at 12-13% and have no pressing health problems aside from my blood pressure being a bit too high, which I can keep more or less under control with meds.
 
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